* update quotes

[lib.git] / signature_stuff / offensive_quotes.txt

diff --git a/signature_stuff/offensive_quotes.txt b/signature_stuff/offensive_quotes.txt
index 0ba87088161b1620561cbc8fbb48d3f3ce8a7207..2c8dffe55fc41d304df222d366ccc129e7d483a5 100644 (file)
--- a/signature_stuff/offensive_quotes.txt
+++ b/signature_stuff/offensive_quotes.txt
@@ -7,12 +7,6 @@
 <HoserHead> I saw a squirrel the other day which was the size of a small cat
 <HoserHead> I think I'll contract it out as a mercenary
 %
-* Omnic saw a group of 7-8 men gathered around the back of a van, and
-inside was a matress, and a duvet with a woman under it...  sick men. SICK MEN
-<aph> street orgy
-<Omnic> gang bang, really
-<Omnic> aph: yeah, I pondedred going and asking to join in
-%
 "Impotent?" the radio said. "Unable to achieve an orgasm? Hardovax
 will turn disappointment into joy." Another voice, then, that of a
 miserable male. "Gosh, Sally, I don't know what's been the matter with
@@ -72,3 +66,57 @@ programs. Republicans believe that the answer to a problem is to
 declare war on it and waste money on specific contractors in the
 military industrial complex.
  -- Adapted from Anonymous Coward on /. CID: #13639761
+%
+Who Would Jesus Do?
+%
+Channel 9 had on the Dead Baby Hour. That's what I call it. I'ts an
+infomercialthat shows pictures of dead babies in buckets while the
+narrator talks about liberal homosexual baby killers. It's so gross
+but you keep watching it because you can't believe how disgusting it
+is.
+  -- Lola Hart in Jack Womak's _Random Acts of Senseless Violence_
+%
+squid make poor wives
+all those arms are good for cuddling
+but no one wants
+a beak job
+ -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_may19_2006.htm
+%
+the best time to skinny dip alone is dusk
+your breasts and hips lolling in the water, waiting
+to be the next Loch Ness monster sighting
+ -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_may12_2006.htm
+%
+when my mother died
+we flew her home
+where there's no law
+against animatronic
+taxidermy
+ -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_aug26_2005.htm
+%
+when we kiss I can hear your thoughts
+so I would rather we didn't
+ -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_jul22_2005.htm
+%
+We bet him five dolars that he would drown.
+A bittersweet victory.
+ -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_jul9_2004.htm
+%
+I told everyone I built my robot wife for sex
+but late at night when we're alone
+we mostly play battleship.
+ -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_may21_2004.htm
+%
+"...Yet terrible as UNIX addiction is, there are worse fates. If UNIX
+is the heroin of operating systems, then VMS is barbiturate addiction, the
+Mac is MDMA, and MS-DOS is sniffing glue. (Windows is filling your sinuses
+with lucite and letting it set.) You owe the Oracle a twelve-step program."
+ --The Usenet Oracle
+%
+I wish seeing you naked
+was as good
+as wishing I could see you naked
+ -- a softer world #502
+    http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=502
+
+