From: Don Armstrong Date: Sun, 2 Oct 2005 21:53:58 +0000 (+0000) Subject: added signatures X-Git-Url: https://git.donarmstrong.com/?p=lib.git;a=commitdiff_plain;h=10fff37659bbe10892765c6db10f948fbe7888a3 added signatures --- diff --git a/signature_stuff/debian_quotes.txt b/signature_stuff/debian_quotes.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..224a653 --- /dev/null +++ b/signature_stuff/debian_quotes.txt @@ -0,0 +1,6 @@ + how long have you (manoj and Overfiend) been married? + uhh, not to each other though you fight like you are + I am NOT married to overfiend + bwa ha ha ha ha ha + Manoj: IT'S A SUPERSET! + #debian-devel [Tuesday, April 27, 2004 23:10 PDT] diff --git a/signature_stuff/offensive_quotes.txt b/signature_stuff/offensive_quotes.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0ba8708 --- /dev/null +++ b/signature_stuff/offensive_quotes.txt @@ -0,0 +1,74 @@ + do you know how to solve a fucking error with fam and gnome2? + fucking error, hey? Have you tried viagra? +% + gelileo: read the fucking exim docs +* dondelelcaro didn't know that exim's docs contained the kamasutra as well... +% + I saw a squirrel the other day which was the size of a small cat + I think I'll contract it out as a mercenary +% +* Omnic saw a group of 7-8 men gathered around the back of a van, and +inside was a matress, and a duvet with a woman under it... sick men. SICK MEN + street orgy + gang bang, really + aph: yeah, I pondedred going and asking to join in +% +"Impotent?" the radio said. "Unable to achieve an orgasm? Hardovax +will turn disappointment into joy." Another voice, then, that of a +miserable male. "Gosh, Sally, I don't know what's been the matter with +me. I know you've notied that I'm completely flaccid of late. Gosh +everyone's noticed." A female voice, then. "Henry, what you need is a +simple pill called hardovax. And in days you'll be a real man." +"Hardovax?" Henry echoed. "Gosh, maybe I should try it." + -- Phillip K. Dick _Intergalactic Pot-Healer_ +% +[As] a fun trick [He] might instantly create the world with trillions of +fossils and fill outer space with countless photons all hinting that the +universe is old and higher life evolved from lower life, then reserve the +actual truth to a 20th-generation copy of one particular enigmatic book out +of a selection of dozens of similar but false enigmatic books. If that's the +case, then reality is so bizarre that there's no use arguing; clearly the +world would be a minefield of false evidence and logical traps. + -- Anonymous Coward /. CID: #10686935 +% +"Bus signs stopped me from fucking children" + +From http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,65772,00.html + + The panelists all agreed that the government should fund health + campaigns to educate the public about the dangers of + pornography. The campaign should combat the messages of pornography + by putting signs on buses saying sex with children is not OK, said + Layden. + +"I was gonna go fuck the neighbor boy, but the bus sign reminded me +not to," testified recovering child fucker N. Curable Sicko. "Until +now, nothing had been able to stop me from having my way with them, +not even the prospect of being sent to prison where I'd be raped +constantly. Now, with the bus signs, I'm able to control my urges." + + -- Alter Relationship /. CID: #10872139 +% +"This serenely beautiful young lady [...] was scented with some +perfume which may have been named Spring Breezes but should have been +called Justifiable Rape and sold only under doctor's prescription." + -- Robert Heinlein _Time Enough for Love_ p 214 +% +When the strain becomes TOO MUCH it's because Hitrip of California +bred it to have less stalk per ounce, more clean-queen leaf. Ask "The +Man who's Married to Mary Jane"! + -- John Brunner _Stand on Zanzibar_ p. 3 +% +Do your slax sufficiently convey your natural power--at a glance? If +you're wearing MasQ-Lines, the answer's yes. Tired of half measures, +we at MasQ-Line Crop. have put the codpiece back where it belongs, to +say to the shiggies not kidder but codder. + -- John Brunner _Stand on Zanzibar_ p. 4 +% +This is the fundamental difference between Democrats and Republicans: +Democrats believe that the answer to a problem is to decry it as a +social wrong and then waste money on easily exploited governmental +programs. Republicans believe that the answer to a problem is to +declare war on it and waste money on specific contractors in the +military industrial complex. + -- Adapted from Anonymous Coward on /. CID: #13639761 diff --git a/signature_stuff/pick_a_quote.pl b/signature_stuff/pick_a_quote.pl new file mode 100755 index 0000000..1f1ab09 --- /dev/null +++ b/signature_stuff/pick_a_quote.pl @@ -0,0 +1,37 @@ +#! /usr/bin/perl + +use warnings; +use strict; + +use IO::File; + +my $sigfile = new IO::File "> /home/don/.signature"; +my $templatefile = new IO::File "/home/don/signature_stuff/sigtemplate.txt"; +my $quotesfile = new IO::File "/home/don/signature_stuff/quote.txt"; + +my $template = ''; + +while (<$templatefile>) { + $template.=$_; +} + +undef $templatefile; + +my $quotes = ''; + +while (<$quotesfile>) { + $quotes.=$_; +} + +undef $quotesfile; + +my @quotes = split /\n*\%\n*/s, $quotes; +undef $quotes; + +my $quote = $quotes[rand($#quotes+1)]; + +$template =~ s/\[\%\s*quote\s*\%\]/$quote/; + +print {$sigfile} $template; + +undef $sigfile; diff --git a/signature_stuff/quote.txt b/signature_stuff/quote.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..952fe8f --- /dev/null +++ b/signature_stuff/quote.txt @@ -0,0 +1,478 @@ +What I can't stand is the feeling that my brain is leaving me for +someone more interesting. +% +I leave the show floor, but not before a pack of caffeinated Jolt gum +is thrust at me by a hyperactive girl screaming, "Chew more! Do more!" +The American will to consume more and produce more personified in a +stick of gum. I grab it. + -- Chad Dickerson +% +I never until now realized that the primary job of any emoticon is to +say "excuse me, that didn't make any sense." ;-P + -- Cory Doctorow +% +Il semble que la perfection soit atteinte non quand il n'y a plus rien +a ajouter, mais quand il n'y a plus rien a retrancher. +(Perfection is apparently not achieved when nothing more can be added, +but when nothing else can be removed.) + -- Antoine de Saint-Exupe'ry, Terres des Hommes +% +I'd sign up in a hot second for any cellular company whose motto was: +"We're less horrible than a root canal with a cold chisel." + -- Cory Doctorow +% +She was alot like starbucks. +IE, generic and expensive. + -- hugh macleod http://www.gapingvoid.com/batch3.htm +% +Tell me something interesting about yourself. +Lie if you have to. + -- hugh macleod http://www.gapingvoid.com/archives/batch20.php +% +We were at a chinese resturant. +He was yelling at the waitress because there was a typo in his fortune +cookie. + -- hugh macleod http://www.gapingvoid.com/batch31.php +% +Three little words. (In decending order of importance.) +I +love +you + -- hugh macleod http://www.gapingvoid.com/graphics/batch35.php +% +N: Why should I believe that?" +B: Because it's a fact." +N: Fact?" +B: F, A, C, T... fact" +N: So you're saying that I should believe it because it's true. + That's your argument? +B: It IS true. +-- "Ploy" http://www.mediacampaign.org/multimedia/Ploy.MPG +% +UF: What's your favourite coffee blend? +PD: Dark Crude with heavy water. You are understandink? "If geiger + counter does not click, the coffee, she is just not thick." +% +"There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the +right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself." + -- Bach +% +Quite the contrary; they *love* collateral damage. If they can make +you miserable enough, maybe you'll stop using email entirely. Once +enough people do that, then there'll be no legitimate reason left for +anyone to run an SMTP server, and the spam problem will be solved. + -- Craig Dickson in <20020909231134.GA18917@linux700.localnet> +% +It seems intuitively obvious to me, which means that it might be wrong + -- Chris Torek +% +Filing a bug is probably not going to get it fixed any faster. + -- Anthony Towns +% +Build a fire for a man, an he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on +fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. + -- Jules Bean +% +"...Yet terrible as UNIX addiction is, there are worse fates. If UNIX +is the heroin of operating systems, then VMS is barbiturate addiction, the +Mac is MDMA, and MS-DOS is sniffing glue. (Windows is filling your sinuses +with lucite and letting it set.) You owe the Oracle a twelve-step program." + --The Usenet Oracle +% +Dropping non-free would set us back at least, what, 300 packages? It'd +take MONTHS to make up the difference, and meanwhile Debian users will +be fleeing to SLACKWARE. + +And what about SHAREHOLDER VALUE? + -- Matt Zimmerman in +% +She was alot like starbucks. +IE, generic and expensive. + -- hugh macleod http://www.gapingvoid.com/batch3.htm +% +You could say she lived on the edge... Well, maybe not exactly on the edge, +just close enough to watch other people fall off. + -- hugh macleod http://www.gapingvoid.com/batch8.htm +% +Guns Don't Kill People. +*I* Kill People. +% +DIE! + -- Maritza Campos http://www.crfh.net/d/20020601.html +% +"One disk to rule them all, One disk to find them. One disk to bring +them all and in the darkness grind them. In the Land of Redmond +where the shadows lie." -- The Silicon Valley Tarot +% +Miracles had become relative common-places since the advent of +entheogens; it now took very unusual circumstances to attract public +attention to sightings of supernatural entities. The latest miracle +had raised the ante on the supernatural: the Virgin Mary had +manifested herself to two children, a dog, and a Public Telepresence +Point. + -- Bruce Sterling, _Holy Fire_ p228 +% +Junkies were all knitted together in a loose global macrame, the +intercontinental freemasonry of narcotics. + -- Bruce Sterling, _Holy Fire_ p257 +% +America was far better suited to be the World's Movie Star. The +world's tequila-addled pro-league bowler. The world's acerbic bi-polar +stand-up comedian. Anything but a somber and tedious nation of +socially responsible centurions. + -- Bruce Sterling, _Distraction_ p122 +% +The attackers hadn't simply robbed the bank. They had carried off +everything portable, including the security cameras, the carpets, the +chairs, and the light and plumbing fixtures. The conspirators had +deliberately punished the bank, for reasons best known to themselves, +or to their unknown controllers. They had superglued doors and +shattered windows, severed power and communications cables, poured +stinking toxins into the wallspaces, and concreted all of the sinks +and drains. In eight minutes, sixty people had ruined the building so +thouroughly that it had to be condemed and later demolished. + -- Bruce Sterling, _Distraction_ p4 +% +Of course Pacman didn't influence us as kids. If it did, we'd be +running around in darkened rooms, popping pills and listening to +repetitive music. +% +"It's not Hollywood. War is real, war is primarily not about defeat or +victory, it is about death. I've seen thousands and thousands of dead +bodies. Do you think I want to have an academic debate on this +subject?" + -- Robert Fisk +% +THERE IS NO GRAVITY THE WORLD SUCKS + -- Vietnam War Penquin Lighter +http://gallery.donarmstrong.com/clippings/vietnam_there_is_no_gravity.jpg +% +Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. + -- Robert Heinlein +% +If you have the slightest bit of intellectual integrity you cannot +support the government. -- anonymous +% +Debian's not really about the users or the software at all. It's a +large flame-generating engine that the cabal uses to heat their coffee + -- Andrew Suffield (#debian-devel Fri, 14 Feb 2003 14:34 -0500) +% +"I was thinking seven figures," he said, "but I would have taken a +hundred grand. I'm not a greedy person." [All for a moldy bottle of +tropicana.] + -- Sammi Hadzovic [in Andy Newman's 2003/02/14 NYT article.] + http://www.nytimes.com/2003/02/14/nyregion/14EYEB.html +% +"The question of whether computers can think is like the question of +whether submarines can swim." + -- Edsgar Dijkstra +% +"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. +We don't believe this to be a coincidence." + -- Jeremy S. Anderson +% +"A one-question geek test. If you get the joke, you're a geek: Seen on +a California license plate on a VW Beetle: 'FEATURE'..." + -- Joshua D. Wachs - Natural Intelligence, Inc. +% +"Ban cryptography! Yes. Let's also ban pencils, pens and paper, since +criminals can use them to draw plans of the joint they are casing or +even, god forbid, create one time pads to pass uncrackable codes to +each other. Ban open spaces since criminals could use them to converse +with each other out of earshot of the police. Let's ban flags since +they could be used to pass secret messages in semaphore. In fact let's +just ban all forms of verbal and non-verbal communication -- let's see +those criminals make plans now!" +% +"There's no problem so large it can't be solved by killing the user +off, deleting their files, closing their account and reporting their +REAL earnings to the IRS." + -- The B.O.F.H.. +% +When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I +realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked +Him to forgive me. + -- Emo Philips. +% +"People selling drug paraphernalia ... are as much a part of drug +trafficking as silencers are a part of criminal homicide." + -- John Brown, DEA Chief +% +Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on +society. + -- Mark Twain +% +If you wish to strive for peace of soul, then believe; if you wish to +be a devotee of truth, then inquire. + -- Friedrich Nietzsche +% +My spelling ability, or rather the lack thereof, is one of the wonders +of the modern world. +% +Personally, I think my choice in the mostest-superlative-computer wars +has to be the HP-48 series of calculators. They'll run almost +anything. And if they can't, while I'll just plug a Linux box into +the serial port and load up the HP-48 VT-100 emulator. + -- Jeff Dege, jdege@winternet.com +% +Unix, MS-DOS, and Windows NT (also known as the Good, the Bad, and +the Ugly). + -- Matt Welsh +% +CNN/Reuters: News reports have filtered out early this morning that US +forces have swooped on an Iraqi Primary School and detained 6th Grade +teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar. Sources indicate that, when arrested, +Al-Hazar was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and +a calculator. US President George W Bush argued that this was clear +and overwhelming evidence that Iraq indeed possessed weapons of maths +instruction. +% +I'd never hurt another living thing. +But if I did... +It would be you. + -- Chris Bishop http://www.chrisbishop.com/her/archives/her69.html +% +Our days are precious, but we gladly see them going +If in their place we find a thing more precious growing +A rare, exotic plant, our gardener's heart delighting +A child whom we are teaching, a booklet we are writing + -- Frederick Rükert _Wisdom of the Brahmans_ + [Hermann Hesse _Glass Bead Game_] +% +Of course, there are ceases where only a rare individual will have the +vision to perceive a system which governs many people's lives; a +system which had never before even been recognized as a system; then +such people often devote their lives to convincing other people that +the system really is there and that it aught to be exited from. + -- Douglas R. Hofstadter _Gödel Escher Bach. Eternal Golden Braid_ +% +Fate and Temperament are two words for one and the same concept. + -- Novalis [Hermann Hesse _Demian_] +% +[Panama, 1989. The U.S. government called it "Operation Just Cause".] +I think they misspelled this. Shouldn't it be "Operation Just 'Cause"? + -- TekPolitik http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=59669&cid=5664907 +% +Grimble left his mother in the food store and went to the launderette +and watched the clothes go round. It was a bit like colour television +only with less plot. + -- Clement Freud _Grimble_ +% +There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good +sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. + -- Woody Allen +% +Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired +signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are +not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is +not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, +the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a +way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is +humanity hanging on a cross of iron. + -- Dwight Eisenhower, April 16, 1953 +% +A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but +won't cross the street to vote in a national election. + -- Bill Vaughan +% +A people living under the perpetual menace of war and invasion is very +easy to govern. It demands no social reforms. It does not haggle over +expenditures on armaments and military equipment. It pays without +discussion, it ruins itself, and that is an excellent thing for the +syndicates of financiers and manufacturers for whom patriotic terrors +are an abundant source of gain. + -- Anatole France +% +All bad precedents began as justifiable measures. + -- Gaius Julius Caesar in "The Conspiracy of Catiline" by Sallust +% +Any excuse will serve a tyrant. + -- Aesop +% +Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for +the people. + -- Oscar Wilde +% +I don't care how poor and inefficient a little country is; they like +to run their own business. I know men that would make my wife a +better husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to +'em. + -- The Best of Will Rogers +% +If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its +freedom; and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it +values more, it will lose that, too. + -- W. Somerset Maugham +% +Sentenced to two years hard labor (for sodomy), Oscar Wilde stood +handcuffed in driving rain waiting for transport to prison. "If this +is the way Queen Victoria treats her prisoners," he remarked, "she +doesn't deserve to have any." +% +The sheer ponderousness of the panel's opinion ... refutes its thesis +far more convincingly than anything I might say. The panel's labored +effort to smother the Second Amendment by sheer body weight has all +the grace of a sumo wrestler trying to kill a rattlesnake by sitting +on it--and is just as likely to succeed. + -- Alex Kozinski in Silveira V Lockyer +% + EQUAL RIGHTS FOR WOMEN +Don't be teased or humiliated. See their look of surprise when you +step right up to a urinal and use it with a smile. Get Dr. Mary Evers' +EQUAL-NOW Adapter (pat. appld. for) -- purse size, fool proof, +sanitary -- comes in nine lovely, feminine, psychadelic patterns -- +requires no fitting, no prescriptions. + -- Robert A Heinlein _I Will Fear No Evil_ p470. +% +It has always been Debian's philosophy in the past to stick to what +makes sense, regardless of what crack the rest of the universe is +smoking. + -- Andrew Suffield in 20030403211305.GD29698@doc.ic.ac.uk +% +If I had a letter, sealed it in a locked vault and hid the vault +somewhere in New York. Then told you to read the letter, thats not +security, thats obscurity. If I made a letter, sealed it in a vault, +gave you the blueprints of the vault, the combinations of 1000 other +vaults, access to the best lock smiths in the world, then told you to +read the letter, and you still can't, thats security. + -- Bruce Schneier +% +Q: What Can a Thoughtful Man Hope for Mankind on Earth, Given the +Experience of the Past Million Years? +A: Nothing. + -- Bokonon _The Fourteenth Book of Bokonon_ (Vonnegut _Cats Cradle_) +% +This can't be happening to me. I've got tenure. + -- James Hynes _Publish and Perish_ +% +I now know how retro SCOs OSes are. Riotous, riotous stuff. How they +had the ya-yas to declare Linux an infant OS in need of their IP is +beyond me. Upcoming features? PAM. files larger than 2 gigs. NFS over +TCP. The 80's called, they want their features back. + -- Compactable Dave http://www3.sympatico.ca/dcarpeneto/sco.html +% +This message brought to you by weapons of mass destruction related +program activities, and the letter G. +% +Identical parts aren't. + -- Beach's Law +% +Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come. + -- Tussman's Law +% +If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. + -- Lowery's Law +% +The solution to a problem changes the problem. + -- Peer's Law +% +There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved +by brute strength and ignorance. + -- William's Law +% +More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. +One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. +The other, to total extinction. +Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. + -- Woody Allen +% +For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing +continued to happen. + -- Douglas Adams +% +The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing +that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot +possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to +get at or repair. + -- Douglas Adams _Mostly Harmless_ +% + why the hell does kernel-source-2.6.3 depend on xfree86-common? + It... Doesn't? + good point +% +"For those who understand, no explanation is necessary. + For those who do not, none is possible." +% +Frankly, if ignoring inane opinions and noisy people and not flaming +them to crisp is bad behaviour, I have not yet achieved a state of +nirvana. + -- Manoj Srivastava in 87n04pzhmh.fsf@glaurung.internal.golden-gryphon.com +% +"Because," Fee-5 explained patiently, "I was born in the fifth row. +Any fool would understand that, but against stupidity the very Gods +themselves contend in vain." + -- Alfred Bester _The Computer Connection_ p19 +% +Those who begin coercive elimination of dissent soon find themselves +exterminating dissenters. Compulsory unification of opinion achieves +only the unanimity of the graveyard. + -- Justice Roberts in 319 U.S. 624 (1943) +% +The beauty of the DRUNKENNESS subprogram was that you could move your +intoxication level up and down at will, instead of being caught on a +relentless down escalator to bargain basement philosophy and the +parking garage. + -- Rudy von Bitter _Software_ p124 +% +The game of science is, in principle, without end. He who decides one +day that scientific statements do not call for any further test, and +that they can be regarded as finally verified, retires from the game. + -- Sir Karl Popper _The Logic of Scientific Discovery_ §11 +% +[A] theory is falsifiable [(and therefore scientific) only] if the +class of its potential falsifiers is not empty. + -- Sir Karl Popper _The Logic of Scientific Discovery_ §21 +% +I shall require that [a scientific system's] logical form shall be +such that it can be singled out, by means of emperical tests, in a +negative sense: it must be possible for an emperical scientific system +to be refuted by experience. + -- Sir Karl Popper _Logic of Scientific Discovery_ §6 +% +It was said that life was cheap in Ankh-Morpork. This was, of course, +completely wrong. Life was often very expensive; you could get death +for free. + -- Terry Pratchet _Pyramids_ p25 +% +"The trouble with you, Ibid" he said, "is that you think you're the +biggest bloody authority on everything" + -- Terry Pratchet _Pyramids_ p146 +% +He was wrong. Nature abhors dimensional abnormalities, and seals them +neatly away so that they don't upset people. Nature, in fact, abhors a +lot of things, including vacuums, ships called the Marie Celeste, and +the chuck keys for electric drills. + -- Terry Pratchet _Pyramids_ p166 +% +Physics is like sex. Sure, it may give some practical results, but +that's not why we do it. + -- Richard Feynman +% +Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you. If you don't +bet, you can't win. + -- Robert Heinlein _Time Enough For Love_ p240 +% +Cheop's Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. + -- Robert Heinlein _Time Enough For Love_ p242 +% +An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications. + -- Robert Heinlein _Time Enough For Love_ p244 +% +Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed. + -- Robert Heinlein _Time Enough For Love_ p250 +% +There is no such thing as "social gambling." Either you are there to +cut the other bloke's heart out and eat it--or you're a sucker. If you +don't like this choice--don't gamble. + -- Robert Heinlein _Time Enough For Love_ p250 +% +Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy. + -- Robert Heinlein _Time Enough For Love_ p251 +% +In all matters of government, the correct answer is usually: "Do +nothing" + -- Robert Heinlein _Time Enough For Love_ p428 +% +No amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free +[...] You can't conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him. + -- Robert Heinlein _Revolt in 2010_ p54 diff --git a/signature_stuff/sigtemplate.txt b/signature_stuff/sigtemplate.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c6efdd5 --- /dev/null +++ b/signature_stuff/sigtemplate.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +-- +[% quote %] + +http://www.donarmstrong.com http://rzlab.ucr.edu