do you know how to solve a fucking error with fam and gnome2? fucking error, hey? Have you tried viagra? % gelileo: read the fucking exim docs * dondelelcaro didn't know that exim's docs contained the kamasutra as well... % I saw a squirrel the other day which was the size of a small cat I think I'll contract it out as a mercenary % * Omnic saw a group of 7-8 men gathered around the back of a van, and inside was a matress, and a duvet with a woman under it... sick men. SICK MEN street orgy gang bang, really aph: yeah, I pondedred going and asking to join in % "Impotent?" the radio said. "Unable to achieve an orgasm? Hardovax will turn disappointment into joy." Another voice, then, that of a miserable male. "Gosh, Sally, I don't know what's been the matter with me. I know you've notied that I'm completely flaccid of late. Gosh everyone's noticed." A female voice, then. "Henry, what you need is a simple pill called hardovax. And in days you'll be a real man." "Hardovax?" Henry echoed. "Gosh, maybe I should try it." -- Phillip K. Dick _Intergalactic Pot-Healer_ % [As] a fun trick [He] might instantly create the world with trillions of fossils and fill outer space with countless photons all hinting that the universe is old and higher life evolved from lower life, then reserve the actual truth to a 20th-generation copy of one particular enigmatic book out of a selection of dozens of similar but false enigmatic books. If that's the case, then reality is so bizarre that there's no use arguing; clearly the world would be a minefield of false evidence and logical traps. -- Anonymous Coward /. CID: #10686935 % "Bus signs stopped me from fucking children" From http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,65772,00.html The panelists all agreed that the government should fund health campaigns to educate the public about the dangers of pornography. The campaign should combat the messages of pornography by putting signs on buses saying sex with children is not OK, said Layden. "I was gonna go fuck the neighbor boy, but the bus sign reminded me not to," testified recovering child fucker N. Curable Sicko. "Until now, nothing had been able to stop me from having my way with them, not even the prospect of being sent to prison where I'd be raped constantly. Now, with the bus signs, I'm able to control my urges." -- Alter Relationship /. CID: #10872139 % "This serenely beautiful young lady [...] was scented with some perfume which may have been named Spring Breezes but should have been called Justifiable Rape and sold only under doctor's prescription." -- Robert Heinlein _Time Enough for Love_ p 214 % When the strain becomes TOO MUCH it's because Hitrip of California bred it to have less stalk per ounce, more clean-queen leaf. Ask "The Man who's Married to Mary Jane"! -- John Brunner _Stand on Zanzibar_ p. 3 % Do your slax sufficiently convey your natural power--at a glance? If you're wearing MasQ-Lines, the answer's yes. Tired of half measures, we at MasQ-Line Crop. have put the codpiece back where it belongs, to say to the shiggies not kidder but codder. -- John Brunner _Stand on Zanzibar_ p. 4 % This is the fundamental difference between Democrats and Republicans: Democrats believe that the answer to a problem is to decry it as a social wrong and then waste money on easily exploited governmental programs. Republicans believe that the answer to a problem is to declare war on it and waste money on specific contractors in the military industrial complex. -- Adapted from Anonymous Coward on /. CID: #13639761 % Who Would Jesus Do? % Channel 9 had on the Dead Baby Hour. That's what I call it. I'ts an infomercialthat shows pictures of dead babies in buckets while the narrator talks about liberal homosexual baby killers. It's so gross but you keep watching it because you can't believe how disgusting it is. -- Lola Hart in Jack Womak's _Random Acts of Senseless Violence_ % squid make poor wives all those arms are good for cuddling but no one wants a beak job -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_may19_2006.htm % the best time to skinny dip alone is dusk your breasts and hips lolling in the water, waiting to be the next Loch Ness monster sighting -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_may12_2006.htm % when my mother died we flew her home where there's no law against animatronic taxidermy -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_aug26_2005.htm % when we kiss I can hear your thoughts so I would rather we didn't -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_jul22_2005.htm % We bet him five dolars that he would drown. A bittersweet victory. -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_jul9_2004.htm % I told everyone I built my robot wife for sex but late at night when we're alone we mostly play battleship. -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_may21_2004.htm % "...Yet terrible as UNIX addiction is, there are worse fates. If UNIX is the heroin of operating systems, then VMS is barbiturate addiction, the Mac is MDMA, and MS-DOS is sniffing glue. (Windows is filling your sinuses with lucite and letting it set.) You owe the Oracle a twelve-step program." --The Usenet Oracle %