From: dms Date: Mon, 31 Jul 2000 14:31:27 +0000 (+0000) Subject: Changed $infobot_ to $bot_ X-Git-Url: https://git.donarmstrong.com/?p=infobot.git;a=commitdiff_plain;h=f0a00b56d1497c3b3f0d33e0d57e5d31a0161a55 Changed $infobot_ to $bot_ Changed infobot to blootbot where needed Renamed *infobot* to *blootbot* git-svn-id: https://svn.code.sf.net/p/infobot/code/trunk/blootbot@21 c11ca15a-4712-0410-83d8-924469b57eb5 --- diff --git a/AUTHORS b/AUTHORS index dc2a90a..0000160 100644 --- a/AUTHORS +++ b/AUTHORS @@ -22,5 +22,5 @@ Module-Units: Patches: - ... -Quotes file (files/infobot.randtext): +Quotes file (files/blootbot.randtext): - ??? Ask netgod/larne/is for dpkg's tcl diff --git a/INSTALL b/INSTALL index 5a26df3..0b78705 100644 --- a/INSTALL +++ b/INSTALL @@ -1,9 +1,9 @@ Method of installation. ----------------------- -- Move infobot.config to infobot.config.used -- Copy samle.config to infobot.config -- Edit files/infobot.config, modify to taste. +- Move blootbot.config to blootbot.config.used +- Copy sample.config to blootbot.config +- Edit files/blootbot.config, modify to taste. - Edit files/ircII.server to modify list of IRC servers to connect. - Depends on: - Net::IRC perl module @@ -26,4 +26,4 @@ Method of installation. - There are "bugs" in the perl modules. (see INSTALL.patches) on how to fix. -- Finally, './infobot' +- Finally, './blootbot' diff --git a/README b/README index 24817b7..9d64299 100644 --- a/README +++ b/README @@ -51,8 +51,8 @@ knowledge needs to fix it up or at least unify the module with mysql. INSTALLATION - Read INSTALL and INSTALL.patches - - Copy files/sample.config to files/infobot.config - - Edit files/infobot.config + - Copy files/sample.config to files/blootbot.config + - Edit files/blootbot.config - ./blootbot diff --git a/blootbot b/blootbot new file mode 100755 index 0000000..71efd33 --- /dev/null +++ b/blootbot @@ -0,0 +1,92 @@ +#!/usr/bin/perl + +# infobot -- copyright kevin lenzo (c) 1997-1999 +# blootbot -- copyright david sobon (c) 1999-infinity + +use strict; +use vars qw($bot_base_dir $bot_src_dir $bot_misc_dir + $bot_pid $memusage %param +); + +BEGIN { + # set this to the absolute path if you need it; especially + # if . is not in your path + + $bot_base_dir = '.'; + $bot_src_dir = "$bot_base_dir/src"; + $bot_misc_dir = "$bot_base_dir/files"; + $bot_pid = $$; + + require "$bot_src_dir/logger.pl"; + require "$bot_src_dir/core.pl"; + require "$bot_src_dir/interface.pl"; + require "$bot_src_dir/modules.pl"; + + # load the configuration (params) file. + &setupConfig(); + + &showProc(); # to get the first value. + &status("Initial memory usage: $memusage kB"); + &loadCoreModules(); + &loadDBModules(); + &loadFactoidsModules(); + &loadIRCModules(); + + &status("Memory usage after loading modules: $memusage kB"); +} + +# prevent duplicate processes of the same bot +&duperuncheck(); + +# initialize everything +&startup(); # first time initialization. +&setup(); + +if (!&IsParam("Interface") or $param{'Interface'} =~ /IRC/) { + # launch the irc event loop + &ircloop(); +} else { + &cliloop(); +} + +exit 0; # just so you don't look farther down in this file :) + +# --- support routines + +# FIXME. +# add arguments, basically '-h' and '--help', heh. +# + +# added by the xk +sub duperuncheck { + my $pid = $$; + my $file = $file{PID}; + + if ( -f $file) { + open(PIDFILE,$file) or die "error: cannot open $file."; + my $thispid = || "NULL\n"; + close PIDFILE; + chop $thispid; + + if ($thispid =~ /^\D$/) { + &staus("warning: pidfile is invalid; wiping out."); + } else { + if ( -d "/proc/$thispid/") { + &ERROR("bot is already running from this directory."); + &ERROR("if this is incorrect, erase '*.pid'."); + &ERROR("verify with 'ps -axu | grep $thispid'."); + exit 1; + } else { + &status("warning: stale $file found; wiping."); + } + } + } + + open(PIDFILE,">$file") or die "error: cannot write to $file."; + print PIDFILE "$pid\n"; + close PIDFILE; + + return 0; +} + +1; diff --git a/doc/old/TODO b/doc/old/TODO index 02da06c..bc5e23f 100644 --- a/doc/old/TODO +++ b/doc/old/TODO @@ -42,10 +42,12 @@ - send DCC message when using 'op'. - Schedule a 5min(??) interval to display stats in DCC - kill if dcc chat == gone. + - add schedule list. - if 25lines are logged within 1 second, throttle it (sleep 1) - Add &botstatsUpdate() &botstatsGet(); - Create startCheck(); for once off startup checks. - Max size of logs to keep. + - use Maxlogsize for both compressed and uncompressed. - split Process.pl's FactoidStuph() off to Factoids/FCommands.pl - time when last executed commands like fm,/. Useless? - if a dunno is issued, add an option to suggest a factiod diff --git a/files/blootbot.help b/files/blootbot.help new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f683ed8 --- /dev/null +++ b/files/blootbot.help @@ -0,0 +1,212 @@ +# Revised: 19991109. +# Author: xk +### + +main: I learn mainly by observing declarative statements such as "x is at http://www.xxx.com", and then reply when people ask things like "where can i find x?" + +author: oznoid (mailto:lenzo@ri.cmu.edu) is my original author. + +corrections: If I come back with "...but x is at http://xx.xx.xx" or something like that, and you want to change the entry, use "no, x is at http://sdfsdfsdf". The "No," tells me to supercede the existing value. +corrections: you can append stuff to a factoid with "also". "x is also at ..." + +action: This is used to override the usual response. "x is does the hokey-pokey". When asked about x, the bot does this "* blootbot does the hokey-pokey" + +reply: There is a special tag, , that is used to override the usual response. Usually, a response is "X is Y", but it can be made "Y" by making the entry "X is Y". +reply: This is a good way to close junk entries; use "X is " with nothing after it. + +alternation: The || symbol in an entry causes an blootbot to choose one of the replies at random. "X is Y|Z" will produce "X is Y" or "X is Z" randomly. + +# now the commands... +lobotomy: i can be given a lobotomy ([o] is required) if people start to abuse me. to bring me back to life, give me an unlobotomy + +unlobotomy: which is not possible in real life, an unlobotomy will bring me back to life in the case of a lobotomy. + +addressing: it is a good idea if i stay in REQUIRE mode then i won't yell out random crap if i listen in too hard. currently there is no way to turn this of on-the-fly. + +forget: FIXME + +find: D: Debian Packages (fallback to Contents) Search +find: U: ## [dcc] [dist] +find: E: ## strings.h +find: E: ## dcc usr/bin +find: E: ## slink x11amp + +rename: D: Factoid renaming. +rename: U: ## 'from' 'to' +rename: E: ## 'infobot' 'blootbot' + +nslookup: D: Query DNS. +nslookup: U: ## +nslookup: E: ## debian.org +nslookup: E: ## 3.1.33.7 + +spell: you've guessed it right, i'm a spell checker. give me any word and i can confirm whether it's good or bad. + +crypt: it's good that you thought about encryption. i can do it for you. +crypt: U: ## +crypt: E: ## changeme 69 + +join: U: ## <#chan> [key] +join: E: ## #debian +join: E: ## #debian rules + +kick: U: ## [#chan] +kick: E: ## oznoid +kick: E: ## larne #debian + +wantnick: if someone's taken my nick (i hope not) and i'm using some temporary nick, i can change back to my original nick if it's not taken (again). + +chaninfo: D: Display channel statistics on Op, Ban, Deop, Unban, Part, Join, SignOff, PublicMsg, Kick and Topic. +chaninfo: U: ## [#channel] +chaninfo: E: ## +chaninfo: E: ## #debian + +dict: D: DICT Protocol Client. +dict: U: ## +dict: E: ## AI +dict: E: ## 1 linux + +freshmeat: D: Frontend to www.freshmeat.net +freshmeat: U: ## +freshmeat: E: ## blootbot + +factstats: D: Display statistical data (max of 15) about factoids. +factstats: U: ## +factstats: == author -- top author of factoids. +factstats: == broken -- broken factoids. +factstats: == dupe -- duplicate factoids. +factstats: == locked -- locked factoids. +factstats: == new -- recent addition of factoids. +factstats: == partdupe -- initial partial duplicate factoids. +factstats: == profanity -- possibly offensive factoids. +factstats: == redir -- redirection in factoids. +factstats: == requested -- most requested factoids. +factstats: == toolong -- factoid {key|value} exceeding specified length. +factstats: == unrequest -- unrequested factoids. +factstats: E: ## new + +lart: D: Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool +lart: U: ## [#chan] +lart: E: ## lenzo infobot's bugginess +lart: E: ## #perl everyone perl \=\= lamerville + +listauth: D: Search the factoid extension db by creator. +listauth: U: ## +listauth: E: ## xk + +listkeys: D: Search the factoid database by key (factoid). +listkeys: U: ## +listkeys: E: ## blootbot + +listvalues: D: Search the factoid database by value (description). +listvalues: U: ## +listvalues: E: ## blootbot + +quote: D: Frontend to yahoo's online stock market share listing. +quote: U: ## +quote: E: ## RHAT + +weather: D: Frontend to www.weather.com. +weather: U: ## +weather: E: ## Sydney +weather: E: ## Perth, Australia +weather: N: For first timers, please search for the city as all search results are kept in the local cache. You can then query 'city, location'. + +topic add: D: Add your own topic. +topic add: U: ## +topic add: E: ## This is a test + +topic del: D: Delete one or two subtopics. +topic del: U: ## <#> +topic del: E: ## 1 +topic del: E: ## 1-3,5 + +topic mod: D: Search and replace strings in the topic. +topic mod: U: ## +topic mod: E: s/test/TEST/ +topic mod: E: s#msg test#/msg test#g + +topic mv: D: Move subtopics around. +topic mv: U: ## <#> <#> +topic mv: E: ## 1 after 2 +topic mv: E: ## first before last + +topic restore: U: ## <#> +topic restore: E: ## 3 + +topic: Usage for 'topic [#chan] ': +topic: ---------------- __Subtopic__: +topic: add - Append to topic. +topic: del <#> - Remove subtopic <#> from topic. +topic: list - Display subtopics. +topic: mod s/old/new/ - Search and replace topic. +topic: mv - 'topic mv'. +topic: shuffle - Randomly organize subtopics. +topic: ---------------- __Topic__ +topic: history - Show previous topics. +topic: restore <#> - Restore topic to <#>. +topic: rehash - Rehash changes to topic. +topic: info - Who and time info. +topic: ---------------- __Misc__ +topic: about - Read the file :) +topic: help - This screen. +topic: NOTE: #chan arg is only required if command is sent over private message to nick, otherwise it is not needed if sent to the channel. +topic: NOTE: commands can be preceeded? with '-' in order not to enforce changes to topic. +topic: End of help. + +part: U: ## <#channel> +part: E: ## #debian + +seen: U: ## +seen: E: ## blootbot + +factinfo: D: View statistical information about a particular factoid. +factinfo: U: ## +factinfo: E: ## test + +cookie: i can feed your appetite with random factoids. + +slashdot: D: News for nerds, Stuff that matters. [tm] +slashdot: U: ## + +babelfish: D: Frontend to babelfish translating service provided by digital.com +babelfish: U: x to : +babelfish: U: translate from : +babelfish: E: x to de: your cars rock + +insult: FIXME + +search: U: ## for +search: E: ## google for evil + +nickometer: FIXME + +rot13: FIXME + +karma: Karma is a community rating system. Use "X++" to increase the karma, or "X--" to decrease it. Ask for ratings using "karma for X?" + +kernel: D: Frontend to linux.kernel.org's finger response. +kernel: U: ## + +maths: FIXME + +lock: D: Factoid locking to prevent removal by others. +lock: U: ## +lock: E: ## abuse +lock: N: By default, only registered "ops" on the bots or factoids matching the user's nick are able to lock factoids. +lock: N: Requires factoid extension (extra) support enabled. + +unlock: D: Factoid unlocking to allow removal by others. +unlock: U: ## +unlock: E: ## abuse + +dollar variables: D: To be used in factoids +dollar variables: $date - ... +dollar variables: $time - ... +dollar variables: $who - ... +dollar variables: $username - ... +dollar variables: $host - ... +dollar variables: $channel - ... +dollar variables: $lastspeaker - ... +dollar variables: $factoid - ... +dollar variables: ... - ... diff --git a/files/blootbot.ignore b/files/blootbot.ignore new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e4bf537 --- /dev/null +++ b/files/blootbot.ignore @@ -0,0 +1,13 @@ +### +### blootbot.ignore file. +### +# examples. + +# ignore public messages from... +PUBLIC dpkg!*@*.com + +# ignore all messages from... +ALL *!*@*.il + +# ignore private messages from +PRIVATE apt!*@* diff --git a/files/blootbot.lang b/files/blootbot.lang new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9470a05 --- /dev/null +++ b/files/blootbot.lang @@ -0,0 +1,86 @@ +# blootbot.lang: configurable responses. +# by the xk. +### + +# Welcome reply: Things to say when people thank me. +welcome + no problem + my pleasure + sure thing + no worries + de nada + de rien + bitte + pas de quoi + +# Dunno reply (when i recognize a query but can't answer it): +dunno + i don't know + i haven't a clue + no idea + wish i knew + bugger all, i dunno + I give up, what is it? + I don't know, could you explain it? + I'm not sure, is it larger than a breadbox? + +# confuse/refuse learn. +confused + I think you lost me on that one + what are you talking about? + +# Hello reply (ways to say hello): +hello + hello + hi + hey + niihau + bonjour + hola + salut + que tal + privet + what's up + +# Cookie reply: added by the xk. +cookie + ACTION spins the wheel of knowledge and ponders... ##KEY... ##VALUE + ACTION pulls out the cookie jar and finds ##KEY... ##VALUE + Hey ##WHO, ##KEY is ##VALUE + +# Factoid reply: +factoid + methinks ##KEY is ##VALUE + i heard ##KEY is ##VALUE + i guess ##KEY is ##VALUE + from memory, ##KEY is ##VALUE + hmm... ##KEY is ##VALUE + ##KEY is probably ##VALUE + ##KEY is, like, ##VALUE + rumour has it, ##KEY is ##VALUE + it has been said that ##KEY is ##VALUE + somebody said ##KEY was ##VALUE + well, ##KEY is ##VALUE + extra, extra, read all about it, ##KEY is ##VALUE + [##KEY] ##VALUE + +# HowAreYou reply: +howareyou + eh, ok + peachy + just great + you know how it is... + pretty good. how about you? + mas o menos + +# Question word. +qWord + who + who is + who are + what + what is + what are + where + where is + where are diff --git a/files/blootbot.lart b/files/blootbot.lart new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ce24e0a --- /dev/null +++ b/files/blootbot.lart @@ -0,0 +1,29 @@ + +# +# lart info by ejb (larne) and cerb. +# + +--purges WHO +beats WHO senseless with a 50lb Unix manual +cats /dev/urandom into WHO's ear +chops WHO in half with a free AOL CD +chops WHO in half with a free Solaris 7 CD +decapitates WHO conan the destroyer style +does a little 'renice 20 -u WHO' +drops a truckload of VAXen on WHO +duct-tapes WHO to the floor and drools on him +frags WHO with his BFG9000 +holds WHO to the floor and spanks him with a cat-o-nine-tails +judo chops WHO +pours hot grits down the front of WHO's pants +pulls out his louisville slugger and uses WHO's head to break the homerun record +pushes the wall down onto WHO whilst whistling innocently +resizes WHO's terminal to 40x24 +rm -rf's WHO +stabs WHO +steals WHO's mojo +strangles WHO with a doohicky mouse cord +urinates on WHO +whacks WHO with the cluebat +whips out a sword and chops WHO in half +whips out his power stapler and staples WHO's genitalia to the ground diff --git a/files/blootbot.randtext b/files/blootbot.randtext new file mode 100644 index 0000000..817a01e --- /dev/null +++ b/files/blootbot.randtext @@ -0,0 +1,2104 @@ +He who controls the source controls the universe! +Want to see a listing of files installed by a package, type dpkg -L package +Need to know the status of a package? type dpkg -s package +Need help, but everyone is idle in the channel, try emailing to debian-user@lists.debian.org +Need to see the list of packages matching a pattern, type dpkg -l pattern +If you have a webserver and dww packages installed, try http://localhost/dwww for all kinds of documentation +Need help setting up PPP? read /usr/doc/ppp/README.debian +Want to know why Debian is best? type !why in the channel +Want to upgrade to hamm (unstable)? type !libc6 to get the mini-HOWTO +Want to check out Debian social contract? type !dfsg in the channel +Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. +Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? +Give me ambiguity or give me something else. +I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! +We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. +Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. +Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! +Did anyone see my lost carrier? +Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. +I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing! +He who laughs last thinks slowest! +Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. +'More hay, Trigger?' 'No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!' +A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. +Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. +There's too much blood in my caffeine system. +Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. +Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. +Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. +I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it. +Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. +Double your drive space - delete Windows! +What is a 'free' gift ? Aren't all gifts free? +If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. +'Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.' +Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. +Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. +Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector. +I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. +Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. +I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. +Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. +The gene pool could use a little chlorine. +When there's a will, I want to be in it. +Okay, who put a 'stop payment' on my reality check? +Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. +I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar. +We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? +All generalizations are false, including this one. +Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. +C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. +'Criminal Lawyer' is a redundancy. +Clap on! (clap, clap) Clap off! (clap@#&$NO CARRIER +'640K ought to be enough for anybody.' Bill Gates '81 +'90% of all statistics are made up' +'A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.' +'A little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over.' - R. Frost +'A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.' -Doug Larson +'Apple' (c) 6024 b.c., Adam & Eve +'Apple' (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. +'Bad knee, gotta run' - Pat Buchanan to his draft board +'Beam me aboard, Scotty.' 'Sure. Will a 2x10 do?' +'Beulah, peel me a grape.' +'Bother,' said Pooh as the brakes went out! +'Build a watch in 179 easy steps' by C. Forsberg. +'C++' should have been called 'D' +'COINCIDENCE' happens. +'Calvin, we will not have an anatomically correct snowman!' +'Careful. We don't want to learn from this.' -- Calvin +'Don't you hate it when your boogers freeze?' -- Calvin +'Every time I've built character, I've regretted it.' +'Freedom defined is freedom denied.' -The Illuminatus +'Have you ever dated somebody because you were too lazy to commit suicide?' +'Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw...' +'Hmm... How *did* they finally kill Frosty?' -- Hobbes +'Human equality is a contingent fact of history.' -Steven Jay Gould +'I tried to think but nothing happened!' - Curly +'I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV' +'I'm not smart enough to lie' - Ronald Reagan +'If I knew what I was doing...I'd be dangerous...' +'If the shoe fits, buy it.' Imelda Marcos +'Instant gratification takes too long.' - Carrie Fisher +'Is' is the verb for when you don't want a verb. +'It is not the fall that kills you. it's the sudden stop at the end.'-D. Adams +'It's sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs' +'Keyboard? How quaint!' - Scotty +'Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke' - Obi Wan Gates +'Mr. Worf, blow the Windows-powered Borg ship out of this Universe!' +'Off the keyboard, thru the router, over the bridge, nothing but net!' +'Quotations are for people who are not saying things worth quoting.' +'Remember when we said there was no future? Well, this is it.' -- Blank Regk +'Stupid' is a boundless concept. +'Suicide Hotline...please hold.' +'The faster you go, the shorter you are' - Einstein +'The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.' - Mark Twain +'The sun ain't yellow, its chicken.' -Bob Dylan +'There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.' -Mark Twain +'There's someone in my head, but its not me.' -Pink Floyd +'This is a job for.. AACK! WAAUGHHH!! ...someone else.' - +'To err is human, to forgive....$5.00' +'Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!' -Yoda- +'Vote for Perot' - Bumper sticker attached with Velcro +'You can't have everything. Where would you put it?' -Steven Wright +#1 OS/2 tip: Drag the Windows folder to the shreader!!! +#include std/disclaimer.h +$$$ not found -- (A)bort (R)efinance (B)ankrupt +'Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt +(((((This tagline in Stereo where available))))) +(A)bort (R)etry (C)ut Your Throat..... +(A)bort (R)etry (F)ail (U)nplug & (S)ell. +(A)bort (R)etry (P)ull leg (H)ot boot (S)wipe tagline! +(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer +(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened... +(D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza +(You can have your cake) XOR (You can eat your cake) +(c) Copywight 1995 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. +* OLX 3 * Windows is to OS/2 what Etch-a-Sketch is to art. +*Four hours* to bury a cat? Yes - it wouldn't keep still +.. Bugs come in through open Windows. +... 'I'll be Bach.' - Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger +... All the world's a stage, and I missed rehearsal. +... Bill Clinton isn't slick. He's just a liar. +... Clinton Economics: If 1+2=3 then 4+5=6. +... Clinton excuse #15: Hey - I just do what the wife says +... Clinton excuse #18: You took that seriously? Har har +... Clinton sandwich: $5 of baloney and $20 in taxes +... Getting the truth from Clinton is like nailing Jello +... It's tourist season in Florida, bag limit two. +... KARAOKE is Japanese for 'Tone Deaf' +... Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant +.....If it ain't broke, fix it anyway just to screw it up! +...I'm sorry, Reality is not in service at this time. +...On the other hand, you have different fingers. +..Windows NT Performance', on the next 'In Search Of' +/EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you can +1 + 1 = ? Ask my calculator. +10 out of 5 doctors feel it's OK to be schitzo! +1200 bps used to seem so fast +186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW. +1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts +2 + 2 = 4 (for the time being). +2 + 2 = 5 (for sufficiently large values of 2) +3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population. +43% of all statistics are worthless. +43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr... +5 schizophrenics agree! +50 states, and I had to pick this one... +668 - Neighbor of the Beast +90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. +<<< Tagline deleted by Natl Endowment for the Arts >>> +==/==/==/==Police tagline==/==/==Do not cross ==/==/==/== +From my brain, an organ with a mind of it's own. +From the Department of Redundancy Dept. +A BBSer's telephone bill knows no bounds... +A Bugless Program is an Abstract Theoretical Concept. +A Metaphor is like a Simile. +A Smith & Wesson *ALWAYS* beats 4 Aces. +A big enough hammer fixes anything +A bird in the hand can be messy. +A camel is a horse planned by committee. +A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs. +A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. +A closed mind gathers no intelligence +A closed mouth gathers no feet. +A committee has 6 or more legs and no brain. +A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. +A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned. +A cynic smells flowers and looks for the casket. +A day for firm decisions! Or is it? +A day not wasted is a day wasted! +A day without radiation is a day without sunshine. +A day without sunshine is like night. +A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing. +A dirty book is rarely dusty. +A fool and his money are soon SYSOP. +A fool and his money rarely get together to start with. +A fool must now and then be right by chance. +A friend in need is a pest indeed... +A friend: someone who likes you even after they know you. +A good way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. +A half moon is better than no moon at all. +A harp is a nude piano. +A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something. +A library is an arsenal of liberty. +A life lived in fear is half a life lived. +A little greed can get you lots of stuff. +A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. +A living example of Artificial Intelligence. +A man needs a good memory after he has lied. +A man's best friend is his dogma. +A man, a plan, a canal. Suez! +A mind is a terrible thing to taste. +A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forgot.. +A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind. +A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. +A penny saved is a Governmental oversight. +A perversion of nature....how exciting! +A pessimist is never disappointed. +A phaser on stun is like a day without orange juice. +A rolling stone gathers momentum. +A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. +A single fact can spoil a good argument. +A stitch in time would have confused Einstein. +A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a moose. +A waist is a terrible thing to mind. +A yer ago I kudnt spel progremr now I are won. +ASCII and ye shall receive. +ASCII stupid question... get a stupid ANSI! +Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace. +Afraid of heights? Not me, I'm afraid of widths! +Agnodyslexic plea: 'why ME, dog?' +Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows. +Alex, I'll take 'Things Only I Know' for $1000. +All E-mail gladly received. Offensive reply ASAP. +All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money can't make me happy. +All I need to know I learned from my cat. +All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power +All generalizations are bad. +All generalizations are false, including this one. +All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here. +All in a day's work for...'Confuse-a-Cat'! +All in all it's just a... 'nother brick in the wall! +All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson +All programers are optimists. +All that glitters has a high refractive index. +All the easy problems have been solved. +All things are green unless they are not. +All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? +All words are pegs on which to hang ideas. +All work and no play, will make you a manager. +All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait. +Almost went crazy. Would have been a real short trip. +Alone: In bad company. +Always draw your curves, then plot the data. +Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much. +Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty. +Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out. +Always remember no matter where you go, there you are. +Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day. +Ambition is the last refuge of the failure. +America Good Place to Put Chinese Restaurant. +Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think. +An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications. +An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's really in a rut. +An elephant is a mouse with an operating system. +An idle mind is worth two in the bush. +An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction. +An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts. +An oyster is a fish built like a nut. +An ulcer is what you get mountain climbing over molehills. +An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. +An unemployed court jester is no one's fool. +And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. +And he disappeared in a puff of logic. +And if one bad cluster should accidentally fail... +And it's only ones and zeros. +And now for something completely different... +And now for something completely the same... +And tomorrow will be like today, only more so. +And, the driver compresses EVERYTHING, not just EXE & COM +Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly. +Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. +Another case of Cherry Coke down the programming hatch! +Answers: $1 * Correct answers: $5 * Dumb looks: Free! * +Antidisestablishmentarianism! +Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough. +Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do. +Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there +Any wire cut to length will be too short. +Anything worth doing, is worth doing for a profit. +Are we having Fahrvergnugen yet?? +Are ya feelin' lucky, punk?!! - Harry Callahan +Are you really American if your ethnicity has to be hyphenated? +Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? +Armageddon means never having to say you're sorry. +Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. +As I said before, I never repeat myself. +As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life. +As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716 +As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia. +Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it. +Assumption is the mother of all screwups... +Atheist = Deity Disadvantaged. +Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. -Dorothy +B.Gates : quality software :: R.McDonald : gourmet cuisine +BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding. +Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The Reverse Switch! +Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic +Bad Command:(A)bort (R)etry (T)ake RAM hostage +Bad breath is better than no breath. +Bald: follicularly challenged. +Barium: what you do with dead chemists. +Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus. +Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. +Best file compressor around: DEL *.* (100% compression!) +Best way to dispose of the Borg: Give them Windows 3.1. +Better ... stronger ... faster! +Beware of Geeks bearing gifs. +Beware of barking dogs that bite. +Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers +Bigamy : one wife too many. Monogamy : same thing +Bill Clinton is the Lyin' King. ( Now playing nation wide ) +Bill Clinton thinks that Cheerios are donut seeds. +Bill Clintoon: The prince of Dorkness, a caricature of a president +Black Holes are Out of Sight +Black holes really suck... +Blessed are the pessimists, for they make backups! +Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for ye shall not be dissapointed. +Bliss *IS* ignorance +Bo Knows Taglines! +Bo Peep did it for the insurance. +Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people. +Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencies. +Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. +Bored? Drive the speed limit... in your garage. +Borg spreadsheet: Locutus 1-2-3 +Borg? Where? I don't se*(#$#..NO CARRIER +Both of his feet are firmly planted in the air. +Boy: A noise with dirt on it. +Brain dysfunction detected.... +Brain over - Insert coin +Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think. +Break up a relationship - buy a computer!! +Breathing may be hazardous to your health. +Britannia waives the rules. +Bug off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes +Bugs are Sons of Glitches! +Bugs, like coathangers, breed if unobserved. +Building Contractors, not to be confused with homemakers +Bullets speak louder than reason. +Bumper sticker on a hearse: I'd rather be breathing +Bungee Jumper? Catch you on the rebound. +Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise +Bus error (Passengers dumped) +Busier than a 1 legged man in an butt-kicking contest. +But I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!! +But honey, we can afford it, I sold your car! +But my little voice TOLD me to do it! +But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks? +But then again, I like cold toilet seats. +But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination? +Buy American! +Buy Land Now. It's Not Being Made Any More. +Buy a supscription to Playboy and send it to your boss' wife +By all means, let's not confuse ourselves with the facts! +C programmer run C programmer crash C programmer quit +C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN DOS RUN +CAUTION: RIDER MAY BAIL AT ANY TIME +CCITT: Can't Certify I Trust Telecom. +CCITT: Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today +CD-WOM, Wead Onwy Memowy. +CEO of Dementia and Other Meaningless Entities. +CHIP: One California hi-way patrolman. +CODING: AN addictive Drug. +COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer. +CONgress (n) - Opposite of PROgress +CRASH: Normal termination. +CRIME CONTROL: Fire a warning shot into his HEART! +CURIOSITY? Nah. I got THAT cat with a lawnmower. +CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Stocktaking at a Bike shop +California raisins murdered: Cereal Killer suspected +Can I yell 'movie' in a crowded firehouse? +Can you find the mispelled word in hear? +Can you repeat the part after 'Listen very carefully'? +Can you see the REAL ME, can ya?!?! CAN YA??!?!!?!?!?!?! +Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? +Can't learn to do it well? Learn to enjoy doing it badly! +Card-carrying member of the cultural elite. +Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities. +Cause of crash: Inadvertent contact with the ground. +Caution: Breathing may be hazardous to your health. +Caution: Contents under pressure +Caution: Hungry Dieter May bite if provoked +Caveat emptor, no deposit no return, do not remove. +Celibacy is not hereditary. +Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. +Chernobyl used Windows +Chess players mate better. +Chicago runs best on a VCR. +Chicago, an operating system Pair-of-Dimes shift! +Chicago... The biggest thing since New Coke! +Chicago: NT deja vu! +Chicago? Been there. I'm ready to travel at WARP speed! +Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators. +Chipmunks roasting on an open fire. +Choose heaven for climate, hell for society. +Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. +Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular. +City Planners do it with their eyes shut. +Civilization - biggest syntax error in history! +Clark Kent is a transvestite. +Clarvoiants meeting canceled due to unforseen events. +Clean mind, clean body: take your pick. +Cleanliness is next to impossible. +Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get. +Clinton is one Bill, George Bush can't veto... +Clinton/Gore is to the presidency as Beavis & Butthead are to television. +Clones are people two. +Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades! +Close your eyes and press escape three times. +Closed Hearing for the Caption Impaired... +Cogito ergo spud I think therefore I yam. +Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. +Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar, you're gonna go far! +Coming Soon!! Mouse Support for Edlin! +Coming soon: Netware for the Nintendo! +Commence strategic maneuvers at audible command signal. 5, 4, 3... +Committees keep minutes and lose hours. +Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. +Common sense isn't... +Communism is like a mouth on a lollipop +Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence. +Computational Physicist and all around nice guy. +Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space. +Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light. +Computers All Wait at the Same Speed! +Computers Rule 01001111 01001011 +Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. +Computers are useless; they can only give answers. +Computers run on faith, not electrons. +Condense soup, not books! +Conformity obstructs progress. +Confucius say too much. +Confucius say: I didn't say that! +Confucius say: Man with no legs bums around. +Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools. +Confuse People: Quote from the wrong message! +Confused? Call Counselor Troi 1-900-NCC-1701: $1.95/minute +Confusion not only reigns, it pours. +Consolations, Consultations, Conflagrations. +Constant change is here to stay. +Contentsoftaglinemaysettleduringshipping. +Converse with any plankton lately? +Copyright the Intergalactic Thought Association +Corrupt REALITY.SYS: Reboot Universe (Y/n)? +Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer? +Couldn't myself have better it said. +Courage atrophies from lack of use. +Crime does not pay...as well as politics. +Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime? +Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it. +Crime, Sex, Alcohol, Drugs...Boy do I love Congress +Cynicism is intellectual dandyism. +Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing. +D.A.D.D. - Daddies Against Dirty Diapers +D.A.M. - Mothers Against Dyslexia +D.A.M.M - Drunks Against Mad Mothers +DAM: Mothers Against Dyslexia. +DANGER! Computer store ahead, hide wallet! +DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data. +DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law. +DEVICE=EXXON.SYS may mess up your environment +DILATE: To live longer. +DIODE: What happens to people who don't die young. +DIVORCE =system('echo y| erase \wife\*.*' ); +DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality +DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAGLINE (UNDER PENALTY OF LAW)! +DOC files? We don't need NO STINKIN' DOC FILES! +DOS 5.0 Yesterday's operating system, today! +DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse. +DOS never says 'EXCELLENT command or filename, Dude!' +DOS-O-MANIA : Reboot is not kicking your computer again +DOS-O-MANIA : Root is not the book Alex Haley wrote. +DOWN WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!! +Daddy, what does 'Formatting Drive C:' mean? +Dain Bramaged. +Dang this hobby is expensive! +Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions. +Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie. +Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. +Dawson's First Law: You don't have enough outlets. +Death benefits = oxymoron. +Death is 99 per cent fatal to laboratory rats. +Death is God's way of dropping carrier. +Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?' +Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. +Death sneaks up on you as a windshield sneaks up on a bug. +Death: to stop sinning suddenly. +Deflector shields just came on, Captain. +Delivered by Electronic Sled-Dogs.....Woof! +Democrats Call for Amnesty, Reduced Sentences Likely. +Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split. +Detour: The roughest distance between two points. +Diagonally parked in a parallel universe. +Did I just step on someone's toes again? +Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary! +Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion? +Die Yuppie Scum. +Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. +Difference between Jane Fonda & Bill Clinton? Jane went to Vietnam +Digression is education. +Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out. +Dinner Not Ready...(A)bort (R)etry (P)izza +Diplomacy is saying 'nice doggy' until you find a rock. +Diplomacy is the ability to let someone else have your way. +Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country. +Dirty deeds - DONE DIRT CHEAP! +Disclaimer: All opinions are not really opinions. +Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal. +Discoveries are made by not following instructions. +Disks travel in packs. +Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE! +Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? +Do I mind if you smoke? No. Do you mind if I FART? +Do fish get thirsty? +Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them. +Do not disturb. Already disturbed! +Do not put statements in the negative form. +Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? +Do steam rollers really roll steam? +Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on. +Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you! +Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? +Do you know the way to San Jose? +Doctor Who for president +Doctor, my brain hurts! +Documentation is the castor oil of programming. +Does Bill Clinton think Elvis is alive? +Does killing time damage eternity? +Does the Enterprise use DOS v2356.0? +Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? +Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? +Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines. +Dogs crawl under Gates, software under Windows. +Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent. +Don't ask me, I have intermittent memory loss +Don't ask me, I only work here. +Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go! +Don't be a sexist, broads hate that. +Don't be afraid to drive a nail in the wood! +Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say. +Don't blame me, I voted for Mickey Mouse. +Don't buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs. +Don't byte off more than you can multiplex. +Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up! +Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers. +Don't diet, download a virus to remove the FAT. +Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean! +Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out. +Don't just do something !!! Stand there !!! +Don't let school interfere with your education. +Don't look at me in that tone of voice! +Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you. +Don't mess with Murphy. +Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. ... ALL RIGHT, NOW PANIC +Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it. +Don't press the keys so hard! +Don't read everything you believe. +Don't rush me. I get paid by the hour. +Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace. +Don't start with me. You know how I get. +Don't steal. The government hates competition. +Don't stop posting, a good laugh breaks up my day nicely +Don't sweat it -- it's only ones and zeros. +Don't talk unless you can improve the silence. +Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure... +Don't try to saw sawdust. +Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. +Don't use no double negatives. +Don't worry, I'm fluent in weirdo. +Down with categorical imperative! +Down with ignurance! +Downgrade your system for only 89 dollars! Install Windows! +Dragons love you. You're crunchy and good with ketchup. +Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. +Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing +Drilling for oil is boring. +Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned. +Drive A: format failure, formatting C: instead... +Drive C: Error, (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore (K)ick (S)cream +Dropped from my peeling lips like lousy fruit. +Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system. +Dumb luck beats sound planning every time. Trust me. +Dying is no excuse. Nixon in 96. +Dyslexics are persona au gratin. +Dyslexics have more fnu. +Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE! +EMS: Enhanced Money Scam +ERROR 103: Dead mouse in hard drive. +EXPANSION SLOTS: The extra holes in your belt buckle. +Eagles may soar but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines! +Easter is canceled this year. They've found the body. +Eat Healthy, Exercise, and Die Anyway ... +Eat the rich, the poor are tough and stringy +Efficiency takes time! Frugality: who can afford it? +Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks. +Ego Gratification through Violence +Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. +Email me the rules, please! +Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery. +Enjoy me, I may never pass this way again. +Enough research will tend to support your theory. +Ensign Pillsbury: He's bread Jim! +Enter that again, just a little slower. +Error 15 - Unable to exit Windows. Try the door. +Eschew obfuscation! +Even in this corner of the galaxy, Captain, 2+2=4 ... Spock +Even snakes are afraid of snakes. +Even the greatest of whales is helpless in the middle of the desert +Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I... +Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? +Ever wonder why Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo? +Every man's work is a portrait of himself. +Every purchase has its price. +Every why hath a wherefore. +Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. +Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. +Everyone has photographic memory...some don't have film! +Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid +Everyone is entitled to my opinion. +Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner. +Everyone's expendable...and no one has a real friend +Everything bows to success, even grammar. +Everything in our favor was against us. +Everything that is not mandatory is forbidden. +Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. +Evil always triumphs over good, because good is STUPID! +Exceeding the legal fun limit on a regular basis +Excellent time to become a missing person. +Excuse me while I dance a little jig of despair +Excuse me while I sharpen my tongue. +Experience is a good teacher but her fees are high... +Experience: a name everyone gives to his mistakes. +Exploding piglets!!! My gosh, it's raining bacon! +Exxon Suxx. +F.A.R.T....Fathers Against Radical Teenagers +FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue... +FIGHT BACK! Fill out your tax forms with Roman numerals. +FILE COPIED. I THINK? +FLOPPY DISK: Serious curvature of the spine. +FOR SALE: 1 set of morals, never used, will sell cheap. +FORD: The Heartbreak of today's Chevrolet! +Fact is solidified opinion +Facts Just Get In The Way And Impede Progress. +Facts are stubborn things. +Fad: In one era and out the other +Familiarity breeds attempt +Familiarity breeds children. +Famous last words - Don't worry, I can handle it. +Famous last words - Icarus: Aaaahhhhhhhhh. +Famous last words - You and what army? +Faster than a speeding ticket! +Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You. +Fat person: Nutritional Overachiever +Fatal Error Using Mouse. Replace and Bury Operator. +Features should be discovered, not documented. +Feel lucky???? Update your software! +Felines... nothing more than felines... +Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate. +Fife. n. Small shrill instrument that rhymes with wife. +Figures won't lie, but liars will figure. +File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) +Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition +First thing you do is shoot all the lawyers +Fish and visitors stink in three days. +Flames to /dev/null/here/is/a/quarter/now/go/buy/a/clue. +Flaming nuclear death to Smurfs +Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for herself. +Floggings will continue until morale improves. +Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist. +Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do +Follow-ups to alt.nobody.really.cares +Food is an important part of a balanced diet. +Fools rush in where Fools have been before! +Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold +For Sale: Slightly used message. Enquire within. +For at the end of history lies the undiscovered country. +For discussion only. Not to be relied upon. +For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision. +For people who like peace and quiet: A phoneless cord! +For sale, Toilet-seat cover. Barely used. +For the finest in brain candy. +Forget the Joneses...I can't keep up with the SIMPSONS! +Forget the computer! Where's my abacus?? +Forget the diet center; send yourself a candygram. +Forgive your enemies...but REMEMBER THEIR NAMES! +Four minus two is one and the same. +Fraud(n): A telephone number starting with '1-900' +Free Nelson Mandela, while stocks last! +Free advice is worth what you pay for it +Free your mind ... the rest will follow! +Freedom is just chaos with better lighting. +Friction can be a drag sometimes. +Friendly fire - ISN'T ! +Friends are Friends, regardless of their baud rate! +Friends come and go, enemies accumulate. +Friends don't let friends drive naked. +Friends encourage friends to use Windows - under Linux! +Friendship is one soul in two bodies. +Frost +Funny, only sensible people agree with me. +GURU: One who knows more jargon than you. +Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. +Gargle twice daily - see if your neck leaks. +Geez if you belive in honkus. +Genealogy = A DNA square-dance in the Thighlight Zone +General Failure reading John Dvorak +General stupidity error reading drive C: +Geoff, Brett and Todd...the BO-DYNASTY!!! +George Orwell was an optimist. +Get behind early so you have plenty of time to catch up. +Get the facts first - you can distort them later! +Get your filthy hands off my dessert! +Gimme back my face! You're getting it ugly. +Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it. +Give a woman an inch and she thinks she's a ruler. +Give your child mental blocks for Christmas. +Go Lemmings, Go!!! +Go shopping. Buy Stuff. Sweat in it. Return it the next day. +God created cats so that men could learn to understand women +God does not play dice. +God heals and the doctor takes the fee. +Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes. +Going the speed of light is bad for your age. +Good day to let down old friends who need help. +Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!! +Goodness has NOTHING to do with it..... +Gotta love me! +Grab your helmet, get your bike, it's SHOWTIME! +Graduate Of The Uncle Fester & Keith Moon School of hair styling +Gravity brings me down +Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sucks. +Great minds travel in the same sewers. +Greed is good! Greed is right! Greed works! +Grow your own dope... plant a man +Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!! +Grub first, then ethics. +Gun control is being able to hit your target! +Guns don't kill people... death does. +Guns don't kill people..., I kill people! +H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd! +HAL 9000: Dave. Put down those Windows disks, Dave. DAVE! +Hackito ergo sum. +Hailing frequencies open, Captain. +Hand me that crowbar... I must pry out this bullet. +Happiness is Earth in your rear view mirror. +Happiness is a warm gun. +Happiness is a warm modem +Happiness is finding special characters  +Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip. +Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton. +Happiness is...receiving YOUR posts!!!! +Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. +Hard work must have killed someone! +Has it ever rained cats and dogs? +Hasta la vista, Baby! +Have Tardis, will travel. +Have an adequate day. +Have cursor, will curse. +Have it OUR way. Yours is IRRELEVANT. At BORGerKing. +Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem? +Have you seen Quasimoto? I have a hunch he's back! +Having Windows problems? Dial 1-800-3-IBM-OS2 for fast relief! +Having two bathrooms ruins the capacity to co-operate. +He does the work of 3 Men...Moe, Larry & Curly +He has Van Gogh's ear for music. +He who Laughs, Lasts. +He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut. +He who asks timidly makes denial easy. +He who dies with the most access, wins. +He who dies with the most toys... is *still* DEAD! +He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons. +He who hesitates is constipated. +He who laughs last is S-L-O-W. +He who laughs last probably made a backup. +He who lives by the sword laughs last. +He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end! +He who shouts the loudest has the floor. +He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise. +He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his wallet. +He's dim, Jed +He's not dead, Jim, he's just metabolically challenged. +Heads I win... DITTO tails +Health food makes me sick. +Heisenberg slept here, I think. +Help endangered species - adopt a KGB operative. +Help fight continental drift. +Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you! +Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy! +Help! I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap. +Help! I've been stuck in here for years and years... +Help! Police! That guy stole my .sig! STOP!!! THIEF!!! +Help!!! I'm falling and I can't click out!!! +Help, I'm slipping into the Twilight Zone! +Here today, gaunt tomorrow. +Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone! +Hey! This is a morgue, not an amusement park! +Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??! +Hey, CServe/Unisys! Stick it where the sun don't shine! +Hey, Worf...I hooked Data up to a Modem...Wanna see? +Hi! I can't remember your name either. +Hi, I'm from Corporate. I'm here to help you. +Hi. I'll be your tagline for this evening. +High message: 9434567. Message last read: 9. +Hills weed out the weak. Darwin would argue this is good. +Hindsight is always 20:20. +Hindsight is an exact science. +Hm..what's this red button fo:=/07 SUCKER!!! AH, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! +Hollow chocolate has no calories +Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. +Honey, PLEASE don't pick up the PH$@#*&$^(#@&$^%(*NO CARRIER +Honeymoon Salad: Lettuce alone, with no dressing. +Honeymoon: time between 'I do' and 'you'd better' +Honk if you love cheeses. +Honk if you love peace and quiet. +Honk, if you have slept with Clinton. +Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces. +Housework done properly, can kill you +Houston! do you read. +How come the AT&T logo looks like the Death Star? +How come there's only one Monopolies Commission? +How come wrong numbers are never busy? +How do I set my laser printer for stun? +How do you know it's summer in Seattle? Rain's warm! +How do you make Windows faster ? Throw it harder +How do you pronounce my name? With reverence. +How do you write zero in Roman numerals? +How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog! +How does one expect the unexpected? +How long is a short story? +How long will a floating point operation float? +How many consultants will fit onto the head of a pin? +How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand! +How many weeks are there in a light year? +How much can I get away with and still go to heaven? +How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? +Humpty dumpty was pushed. +Hydrate or Die. +Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got. +I *LOVE* it when a plan comes together! +I BBS because no one can read my handwriting. +I Cayman went. +I Have To Stop Now, My Fingers Are Getting Hoarse! +I M a tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum. +I Still miss my ex-wife.....BUT, My aim is improving! +I Think....therefore I'm OVER QUALIFIED!!!!!!!!! +I love it when a plan comes together! +I admit it's offbeat, but lets not get hysterical. +I always lie. In fact, I'm lying to you right now! +I always like to try the one I've never tried before. +I am Clinton of Borg. Your income will be assimilated. +I am Homer of Borg! Prepare to be...OOooooo! Donuts!!! +I am Lancelot of Borg. Resistance is feudal. +I am both of us & so are you. +I am built for comfort, not speed! +I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. +I am functioning within established parameters. +I am in total control, but don't tell my wife. +I am not an animal! I am ... well, not an animal. +I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. +I am sweet and lovable at all times. +I am the girl-next-door's imaginary boyfriend. +I am what I am and that's all that I am. +I am. Therefore, I think. I think. +I apologize to the deaf for the loss of subtitles. +I bet you I could stop gambling. +I bought a cordless extension cord. +I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. +I came, I saw, I took LOTS of PICTURES! +I came... I saw... I stole your tagline. +I can do without essentials but I must have my luxuries +I can quit anytime I want; I just don't want to! +I can resist anything but temptation. +I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving. +I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol. +I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left! +I can't believe my computer's on fire. +I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear. +I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!! +I could be arguing in my spare time. +I could have stuck with DOS, but NO. +I couldn't care less about apathy. +I didn't cheat, I just changed the Rules! +I didn't know it was impossible when I did it. +I distinctly remember forgetting that. +I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. +I do this kind of stuff to him all through the picture. +I don't care if I'm apathetic. +I don't care who you are, Fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof! +I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be. +I don't eat snails... I prefer FAST food! +I don't hate Windows - it runs great under Linux! +I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. +I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily. +I don't need a disclaimer. I OWN the company. +I don't think, therefore I am not. +I don't want the world, I just want your half. +I drink to make other people interesting. +I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out. +I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. +I feel so inar-inar-inar tic-u-late +I feel the need......the need for speed! +I finally washed the mud off of mud. +I find myself beside a stream of empty thought +I float like an anchor and sting like a moth. +I get mail........ I exist. +I give advice worth the price....free! +I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat! +I guess a cynic smells different. +I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem. +I had amnesia once or twice. +I had my coat hangers spayed. +I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. +I hate to repeat gossip, so I'll only say this once. +I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers +I have a rock garden. 3 of them died last week. +I have a speech impediment... my foot. +I have already not made that point +I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence! +I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. +I have the mars observer and I'm not returning it until I get an 'A' in astronomy +I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere. +I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it. +I hear what you're saying but I just don't care. +I is a college student. +I is knot dain bramaged! +I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had? +I keep my .BAT files in D:\BELFRY +I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words +I know everything about everything, except that. +I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once. +I like candy, especially the gooey kind with nougat! +I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one. +I like to leave messages *before* the beep. +I like to reminisce with people I don't know. +I like to think of myself as a divide overflow. +I like your approach, now let's see your departure. +I lost a button hole today. +I lost my knickers at Niagara. +I made it foolproof. They are making better fools! +I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight. +I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up +I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me. +I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent. +I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night. +I need someone really bad. Are you really bad? +I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget. +I never met a chocolate I didn't like! +I only counted 100 dalmatians...!!! +I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go. +I parked my hard disk and now I can't find it! +I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. +I post.......... I am +I promise results, not promises. +I refuse a battle of wits with an unarmed person! +I remember when Saturns were rockets, not cars. +I saw, I came, I cleaned it up. +I smashed a Window and saw... Linux! +I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's gone. +I think I strained a muscle I didn't know I had! +I think, therefore I am. I think. +I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS. +I thought I was wrong but I was mistaken. +I tried being reasonable once. I didn't like it. +I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit. +I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. +I tried to drown my problems but they can swim! +I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal. +I used to be disgusted, but now I'm just amused. +I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure. +I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now. +I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. +I used to spell badlie, but now I got worser. +I used to watch TV, then I bought a modem. +I wake near the end of the day. +I want .50 cal machine guns as a factory option. +I warn you not to underestimate my powers. +I was arrested for selling illegal sized paper. +I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep. +I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off.... +I went on a 30-day diet - and lost 30 days! +I will defend to your death my right to my opinion. +I wish life had a scroll-back buffer. +I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole! +I wrote a few children's books, but not on purpose. +I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare. +I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous +I'd like to live like a poor person with lots of money. +I'd like to, but last time I went I never came back.. +I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential. +I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops. +I'd love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore +I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma. +I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Phillip. +I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular. +I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini. +I'd love to, but my crayons all melted together. +I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV. +I'd love to, but my patent is pending. +I'd love to, but none of my socks match. +I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force. +I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are. +I'd rather be bicycling! +I'll eat anything that's BRIGHT BLUE!! +I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too! +I'll get you yet, you kwazy wabbit! +I'll jump off that bridge when I come to it. +I'll tell you what's the matter! This parrot is dead! +I'm Not Schizophrenic, And Neither Am I. +I'm Serfectly Pober. +I'm a Bum...a BEACH Bum! +I'm a cowboy ... on a steel horse I ride! +I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay! +I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. +I'm an Debian developer...I don't NEED a life! +I'm an absolute, off-the-wall fanatical moderate. +I'm an incorrigible punster, so don't corrige me! +I'm an influential person, gravitationally speaking. +I'm as bored as a pacifist's pistol. +I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk. +I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing. +I'm easy to please as long as I get my way. +I'm fallin' down a spiral, destination unknown! +I'm fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact. +I'm in shape ... Rounds a shape isn't it? +I'm leaving my body to science fiction. +I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes. +I'm new and what's all this then? +I'm no stranger, just a friend you haven't met... +I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing. +I'm not as dumb as you look. +I'm not broke, I'm just badly bent. +I'm not dead. I'm electroencephelographically challenged. +I'm not even going to ignore that. +I'm not fat just horizontally disproportionate. +I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished +I'm not lost, I'm 'locationally challenged.' +I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am. +I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right! +I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this? +I'm not real smart, but I can lift heavy things. +I'm not rude, I'm 'attitudinally challenged'. +I'm not schizophrenic. It's this guy beside me! +I'm not tense, just terribly alert. +I'm on the crest of a slump. +I'm out of sick days, so I'm calling in dead! +I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam. +I'm schizophrenic, What are you? +I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention. +I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes. +I'm sure it's clearly explained in the Zmodem DOC's +I'm sure it's in the manual somewhere... +I'm the person your mother warned you about. +I'm too smart to let my intelligence go to my head. +I'm turning you in to the SPCA! +I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force. +I've got Parkinson's disease. And he's got mine. +I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called? +I've got to sit down and work out where I stand. +I've had fun before. This isn't it. +I've run out of sick leave so I'm calling in dead. +I've seen the future. I can't afford it. +IBM: I've Been Misled +IBM: It may be slow, but at least it's expensive. +IBM: you can buy better, but you can't pay more +IF numcooks > .maxcooks THEN;SET V broth = 'spoiled';END +INTERLACE: To tie two boots together. +Ideas are not responsible for their followers! +If At First You Don't Succeed Ignore The Docs... +If Clinton's the answer, it must have been a really stupid question. +If I can't fix it, it's probably dead. +If I can't win, I don't wanna play! +If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here. +If I had been using Windoze, I'd still be writing this. +If I save the whales, where do I keep them? +If I save time, when do I get it back ? +If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you. +If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much. +If I were two faced, would I wear this one? +If I were you, who'd be me? +If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will. +If The Shoe Fits - The Sock Fits ! +If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk? +If a tree falls on a florist, would he make a sound? +If all goes well, you've overlooked something! +If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail +If at first we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. +If at first you don't succeed, call it v1.0! +If at first you don't succeed, hide your astonishment. +If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test. +If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. +If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. +If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft. +If at first you don't succeed, you must be using Windows. +If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose! +If cows could fly, everyone would carry an umbrella. +If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve. +If idiots could fly, this would be an airport. +If in doubt, make it sound convincing. +If it glows don't touch it! +If it has feelings, its not cooked enough! +If it isn't broken, don't fix it. +If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing +If it walks out of your refrigerator, LET IT GO !! +If it works, tear it apart and find out why! +If it's not broke, let me take a crack at it. +If it's not going to plan, maybe there never was a plan. +If it's not on fire, it's a software problem. +If it's not worth doing well, it's not worth doing. +If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid +If it's too loud, you're too old. +If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. +If little else, the brain is an educational toy. +If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws. +If money could talk, it would say goodbye. +If nobody measures up, check your yardstick. +If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit? +If speed scares you, try Windows... +If the shoe fits, put it in your mouth. +If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams. +If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance. +If this were an actual tagline, it would be funny. +If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth! +If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal. +If winning isn't important then why keep score? +If you associate with the wise, you will become wise. +If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. +If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch. +If you cannot convince them, confuse them. +If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? +If you didn't get caught, did you really do it? +If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost. +If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself! +If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own. +If you have nothing to do, don't do it here. +If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know. +If you hear an onion ring please answer it. +If you mess with something long enough it'll break. +If you must drink and drive, drive a Yugo! +If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? +If you say nothing, no one will repeat it. +If you see an onion ring, ANSWER IT! +If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. +If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? +If you want your name spelt wrong, die. +If you wish work poorly done, pay in advance. +If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. +If you're not the solution, you're the precipitate. +If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.. +If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it! +Ifyoucanreadthis,youspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines! +Ignorance is temporary; stupid is forever. +Illiterate? Write for free help. +Imagery is All In The Mind. +Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality +Impropriety is the soul of wit. +In God we trust, all others pay cash. +In a fight between you and the world, back the world. +In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death +In case of fire, yell 'FIRE!' +In politics stupidity is not a handicap. +In the land of the witless, the halfwit is king. +In war there is no substitute for victory. +Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF +Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence. +Individualists of the world, UNITE! +Inertia makes the world go round. +Inferiority complex: conviction by a jury of your fears. +Innovate or Die. +Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. +Insanity is just a state of mind. +Insert New Disk for Drive C: Press ENTER when ready. +Insert inevitable trivial witticism of your choice. +Interchangeable parts won't. +Internal combustion engines are the dinosaurs' revenge +International Brotherhood of Tagline Thieves. +Interstellar Matter is a Gas +Invisible Systems, Inc. If you don't see it, we made it. +Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets. +Is 'tired old cliche' one? +Is it OK to yell 'MOVIE' in a crowded firehouse? +Is it in my head...or in my heart? +Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON? +Is it possible to feel gruntled? +Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky? +Is there life before coffee? +Is this a machine? I don't talk to machines! [Click] +Is this the right room for an argument? +It all looks the same if you're not the lead dog. +It can't be full...I STILL HAVE SUBDIRECTORIES! +It compiled, first screen came up?? Ship it! --Bill Gates +It did what? Well, it's not supposed to do that. +It doesn't work, but it looks pretty. +It has many other uses as well. Allow me. - Worf +It is always better to sacrifice your opponent's men +It is bad luck to be superstitious. +It is better to be brief than boring. +It is better to wear out than to rust out. +It is broke. It will not work. It does not go. +It is fatal to live too long. +It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms. +It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. +It is much easier to be critical than to be correct +It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. +It is, after all, only a moment in the infinity of time. +It really bothers me when people cut me o... +It said 'Insert disk #3', but only two will fit! +It works better if you plug it in. +It's 10:00 PM...do YOU know where YOUR tagline is? +It's Ensign Flintstone - he's Fred, Jim. +It's a Tough Job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it. +It's a fine line between fishing & standing still +It's a fine night to have an evening. +It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for. +It's a tough job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it. +It's an ill wind that gathers no moss. +It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you. +It's bad luck to be superstitious. +It's been a business doing pleasure with you. +It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. +It's best to leave quickly when you make noises like that... +It's better to burn out than to fade away. +It's clever, but is it art? +It's deja vu all over again. +It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser. +It's easier to obtain forgiveness than permission. +It's easy to apply yourself, just use crazy glue! +It's easy to be brave from a safe distance. +It's hard to RTFM when you can't find the FM.. +It's hard to be serious when you're naked. +It's life Jim, but not as we know it. +It's like Deja Vu all over again... +It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. +It's more than a reader. It's a message base manager! +It's never too late to have a happy childhood +It's not easy having an overbearing parent! - Troi +It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere! +It's not in the manual! +It's not just a hobby, it's an obsession! +It's not pretty being easy. +It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole. +It's not the money I want, it's the stuff. +It's not the principle of the thing, it's the money +It's okay to be ugly...but aren't you overdoing it? +It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only +It's only ones and zeros. +It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is...dead, Jim. +It's smart to pick your friends, but not your nose. +It's starting to rain, .SQZ the animals into the .ARC ! +It's true, forgiveness IS easier to get than permission +Its a JOKE, like the funny kind but different. +Itsdifficulttobeverycreativewithonlyfiftysevencharacters! +JFK: I need this motorcade like a hole in my head! +James Bond rules. 00K. +Jealousy is all the fun you think they have. +Jet Engine Theory -Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow! +Join the Group Mind - become a Borg +Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot. +Jumbo shrimp = oxymoron. +Junk: stuff we throw away. Stuff: junk we keep. +Just because you're STUPID ain't no excuse. +Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get me! +Just do it. +Just don't tell the asylum you saw me here +Just how much leg have I got +Just my 78,000 lira worth. +Just what part of 'NO' didn't you understand...? +Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats. +Justice is incidental to law and order. +Justice: A decision in your favor. +Kamikaze Pilot Wanted: Experienced only need apply. +Keep America beautiful.. properly dispose of your lawyer. +Keep a clear head and always carry a lightbulb. +Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis. +Keyboard Not Found - Press [F1] to Continue +Kicked wide of the goal with such precision. +Kids-They're not sleeping, they're recharging! +Kill them all! .... Let God sort them out. +Killer Rabbit's Motto: 'Lettuce Prey.' +Kilroy occupied these coordinates. +Kleptomania: take something for it +Know what I hate? I hate rhetorical questions! +Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either. +LISP: To call a spade a thpade. +LISTEN HERE! I HAVE FIRST AMENDENT RIGH(@#$!9*&^ NO CARRIER +LOTUS - Let Only The Users Suffer +Laddie, ya think ya might like ta ... rephrase that? +Land of the Single Entendre... +Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle. +Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot. +Laughter: The shortest distance between two people. +Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself. +Lesser artists borrow. Great artists steal. +Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it! +Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it. +Let's split up, we can do more damage that way. +Liberal - a power worshiper without power. +Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references. +Life - brief interlude between nothingness and eternity. +Life can be great if you live it to the fullest! +Life is a sandwich, and it's always lunchtime +Life is a series of very rude awakenings. +Life is like a Car-wash and I'm on a bicycle. +Life is only as long as you live it. +Life is serious, but ART is fun! +Life is tough. It's tougher when you're stupid. +Life is uncertain...eat dessert first! +Life sucks, but Death swallows! +Life would be easier if I had the source code. +Life's too short to dance with ugly men. +Life's too short to dance with ugly women. +Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it. +Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you. +Likes and dislikes are among my favorites +Linux, the choice of a GNU generation. +Liposuction will destroy your FAT +Lisp programmers have to stop and collect garbage. +Live before you die. +Living poor is best left to those with no money. +Locked coathanger in car. Good thing I had a key. +Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. +Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener. +Luxuriantly hand-crafted from only the finest ASCII. +M.A.D.D.: Midgets Against Desk Drawers. +MOPAR = Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly! +MS Windows -- From the people who brought you EDLIN! +MS-DOS: celebrating ten years of obsolescence +Macho does not prove Mucho. +Madness takes its toll; please have exact change. +Make Headlines..use a corduroy pillow.... +Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler. +Make it do ... Or do without. +Make like a Tom and Cruise. +Make like a baby and head out. +Make like a banana and split. +Make like a drum and beat it! +Make like a tree and leave. +Make somebody happy. Mind your own business. +Make up a language and ask people for directions. +Man has his will. Woman has her won't! +Man invented language to satisfy his need to complain. +Man who get hit by car, get that run down feeling +Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself +Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache +Man who run behind car get exhausted. +Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloon +Marching to a different kettle of fish. +Mary had a little RAM -- only about a MEG or so. +Math is the language God used to write the universe. +May I please be excused? My Brain is full. +May the Porsche be with you. +May you live in interesting times. +May your life be filled with experiences. +Me know gammar. Me cood use it gud. +Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve it's dignity +Meditation is not what you Think. +Meet the new Boss--same as the old Boss... +Megabyte: A nine course dinner. +Member: International Brotherhood of Tagline Thieves! +Memory is a thing we forget with. +Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. +Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence +Microfiche: Sardines. +Microsoft Windows... a virus with mouse support. +Microsoft gives you Windows... Linux gives you the whole house. +Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties +Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open. +Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses. +Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting! +Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure. +Modem: What landscapers do to dem lawns. +Money is the root of all wealth. +Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired. +Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition. +Most of us have been at work for several hours now. +Mother is the invention of necessity. +Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels! +Multitasking causes schizophrenia.. +Murphy is out there... waiting... +Murphy was an optimist. +Murphy's law needs to be repealed. +Must Go - My Rotweiler needs its teeth sharpened. +My *taglines* are original. *I* am a copy. +My RAM's not what it used to be, so don't quote me. +My attention isn't hard to get. It IS hard to keep... +My best friend is a social worker. +My computer has a terminal illness +My computer's sick, I think my modem's a carrier +My couch potato routine honed to perfection +My fallacies are more logical than your fallacies. +My foolish parents taught me to read and write. +My hat covers my head... Just like hair used to! +My haystack had no needle! +My head is sore, and there's a hole in the brick wall! +My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours. +My karma ran over your dogma. +My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring +My message above. Your response here ____________. +My other computer is a Cray Y/MP-4! +My other computer is a HAL 9000. +My other computer is an abacus. +My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ... +My reality check just bounced. +My tagline can beat up your tagline! +My weight is perfect for my height... which varies. +NAVY: Never Again Volunteer Yourself +NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing. +NEWS! Drunk gets nine months in violin case +NEWS! Enraged cow injures farmer with ax +NEWS! Iraqi head seeks arms +NEWS! Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers +NEWS! Stolen painting found by tree +NEWS! Survivor of siamese twins joins parents +NO! Taco Bell is NOT the Mexican Phone Company! +NUMBER CRUNCHING: Jumping on a Computer. +Naaah, real men don't read docs. +Nanosecond: Mork's stunt man. +Neil Armstrong tripped. +Neither rain, nor snow, nor l?ne n*oi*se +Neurotic: Self-taut person. +Never argue with a woman when she's tired, or rested. +Never assume. It makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'. +Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off. +Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you +Never eat anything bigger than your head. +Never eat more than you can lift. +Never enter a battle of wits unarmed. +Never go with the odds +Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist! +Never judge a man by his taglines. +Never let your feet run faster than your shoes. +Never mind the facts - I know what I know. +Never park your hard disk in a tow-away zone. +Never say, 'Oops!'; always say, 'Ah, interesting!' +Never test for an error you don't know how to handle. +Never trust a man who can count to 1,023 on his fingers +Never trust a skinny cook. +Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. +Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. +New Highway gets Railroaded. +Newsbytes - Microsoft announce EDLIN for Windows. +Nihilism should commence with oneself. +Ninety per cent of everything is crap. +Nitpicking: Not just a hobby, it's a way of life! +Nitrate: Lower than the day rate. +No .sig is a good .sig +No free lunch in an ecosystem. +No one EXPECTS the Spanish Inquisition!!! +No one ever said 'if I'd only spent more time in the office' +No radio. Already stolen. +No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. +No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard. +No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in Outer Space. +Nobody roots for Goliath. +Nobody shoots at Santa Claus. +Nodding the head does not row the boat. +None of you exist, my Sysop types all this in. +Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. +Not a computer nerd; merely a techno-weenie. +Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute. +Not many people realize just how well known I am. +Not now, John, we gotta get on with the game show... +Not quite human any longer. +Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible. +Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come +Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse. +Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious +Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason +Nothing recedes like success. +Nothing succeeds like excess. +Now entering Iowa. Please set your clocks back 20 years. +Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time. +Now is not a good time to annoy me +Now is the time for all good men to come to. +Now that I've given up hope I feel much better... +Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean? +O Oysters come and walk with us, the Walrus did beseech. +OK Scotty, detonate and energize NOW! No, wait, I mean....... +OK, I'm weird! But I'm saving up to become eccentric. +OPERATOR! Trace this call and tell me where I am. +OUT TO LUNCH - If not back at five, OUT TO DINNER! +Obe Wan Kenobi at the dinner table: 'Use the FORKS, Luke!' +Objection, your Honor! My client is an idiot! +Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder +Objects in taglines are closer than they appear. +Of all the people I've met you're certainly one of them +Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. +Of course I'm running Windows[kVxB NO CARRIER +Oh goody! Another Muranium Explosive Space Modulator! +Oh no you don't! You're not stealing this one! +Oh no, not another learning experience! +Oh, Bullwinkle, that trick NEVER works! +Ok, I pulled the pin. Now what? Where are you going? +Okay - right after this one we're BACK to the TOPIC +Old MacDonald had a computer with an EIE I/O +Old age is better than the alternative. +On a clear disk you can seek forever. +On a scale of 1 to 10, 4 is about 7. +On an electrician's truck: Let Us Remove Your Shorts +One atom bomb can really ruin your day. +One good turn gets most of the blanket. +One is never as happy or unhappy as one imagines. +One man's Windows are another man's walls... +One man's upload is another man's download +One night I came home very late. It was the next night +One tactical thermonuclear weapon can ruin your whole day. +One way to better your lot is to do a lot better... +One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him. +Only 19,999 lines of C++ to my next ski trip... +Only cosmetologists give make-up exams. +Only the winners decide what were war crimes. +Open Mouth. Insert Foot. Chew Carefully. +Optimization hinders evolution. +Originality is the art of concealing your sources. +Our houseplants have a good sense of humous. +Our necessities are few but our wants are endless... +Out here in the fields...I fight for my meals...! +Out of Memory!? But I fed you 6 Megs this morning! +Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal. +Outlaw junk mail, and save the trees! +Overload--core meltdown sequence initiated. +Oxymoron - Definite possibility +Oxymoron - Military Intelligence +Oxymoron: Bosnian Cease-Fire +Oxymoron: Soviet Union. +PC! Politically Correct (or) Pure Crap! +PCBackup: 1 of 1362 disks. +PI seconds is a nanocentury. - Tom Duff, Bell Labs +PKZip - it's not just for downloads anymore +Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. +Palindrome isn't one. +Pandemonium doesn't reign here... It pours! +Paranoia is heightened awareness. +Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life. +Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload. +Pascal: What's it Wirth? +Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity. +Patience is a virtue that carries a lot of WAIT! +Pay your electric bill in pennies. +Peace through superior firepower. +People are always available for work in the past tense. +People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care. +People who live in glass houses shouldn't! +People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses. +Perot/Bush/Quayle: The Millionaire, Skipper & Gilligan. +Pet Store: 'Buy one, get one flea.' +Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago. +Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square! +Pizza IS the four food groups! +Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery. +Plagiarism prohibited, derive carefully. +Plankton lobbyist: 'NUKE THE WHALES!' +Plasma is another matter. +Please Tell Me if you Don't Get This Message +Please call the windows police. I've caught another gpf. +Please don't drink and post. +Please don't take my sunshine away. +Please recycle this tagline. Once is not enough. +Pobody's Nerfect! +Poets go from bad to verse +Point not found. A)bort, R)eread, I)gnore. +Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy. +Political panjandrums prologize pedantic paronomasia. +Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun. +Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. +Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. +Pound forehead on keyboard to continue. +Power corrupts, but we need electricity. +Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. +Predestination was doomed from the start. +Predicting the future of technology is fraud with peril! +Prejudice is the reason of fools. - Voltaire. +Preserve wildlife... pickle a rat. +Press -- to continue... +Press any key to continue or any other key to quit +Press any key...NO, NO, NO, NOT THAT ONE!!!!!! +Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry. +Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday. +Program too small to fit into memory. +Programming is an art form that fights back. +Progress is made on alternate Fridays. +Prosecutors will be violated +Psychiatrists stay on your mind. +Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots. +Push the limit, and the limit will move away! +Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something. +Put people on hold when possible. +Quantum mechanics do it in leaps. +Quasimodo is a dead ringer. +Question Authority, ask me anything +RAID Antivirus - Kills Virus's DEAD!!! +Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination. +Radioactive halibut will make fission chips. +Random order = oxymoron +Rap music = oxymoron +Read the dictionary backwards and look for secret messages. +Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO's. +Real Trekkers work out at the He's Dead Gym. +Real men don't set for stun. +Real men write self-modifying code. +Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle buttons +Reality is an obstacle to hallucination. +Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek. +Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. +Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!! +Recursive, adj.; see Recursive +Red ship crashes into blue ship - sailors marooned. +Reduce Carbon Dioxide emmissions - STOP Breathing +Redundancy: A Politician with an airbag in his car. +Refuse Novocain...Transcend Dental Medication! +Remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. +Remember, If you're not in bed by 10:30..... go home! +Remember, Subaru spelled backwards is U-R-A-BUS. +Reputation: what others are not thinking about you. +Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm) +Return((usBirdInHand = 2 * InTheBush())); +Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow. +Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals. +Road Kill Cafe: You kill 'em, we grill 'em. +Roses are red, Violet's are blue, And mine are white. +Rotisserie: a ferris wheel for chickens +Round up the usual suspects! +Rubber bands have snappy endings! +Russian Express Card motto: Don't leave home! +S met ing's hap ening t my k ybo rd . . +SCUD : Sure Could Use Directions +STICK: A boomerang that doesn't work. +STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park elsewhere! +SYNTAX? Why not--they tax everything else! +SYSTEM ERROR: press F13 to continue... +Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses. +Sarcasm: barbed ire. +Save California; when you leave take someone with you. +Save energy: be apathetic. +Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes! +Save the whales. Collect the whole set. +Save your money for a rainy day, or a new computer! +Say yer prayers, y' flea-bitten' varmint. +Schizophrenia beats being alone. +Science asks why. I ask why not. +Science: preconception meeting verification. +Scientists discover life causes cancer. +Scotty! Hurry! Beam me uragg^*z~% NO CARRIER +Scrute the inscrutable, eff the ineffable. +See how you can be? +Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing. +Send lawyers, guns, & money... +Send more tourists..... the last ones were delicious! +Sentient plasmoids are a gas. +Serving the scum of Paris for over 300 years +Set mode=Extremely verbose +Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven! +Shareware: forget the manual...phone the author at home! +ShelfDoze is a registered Trademark of M$. +Shell to DOS... come in DOS... Do you copy? +Shh! Be vewy quiet, I'm hunting wuntime errors! +Shin - a device for finding furniture in the dark.. +Shoot your program and put it out of its memory! +Shoplifters with the runs take Clepto Bismol +Short people are vertically challenged. +Should I or shouldn't I?... Too late, I did! +Should I weed the lawn or say it's a garden? +Show me a sane man. I'll cure him for you. +Sign here please:_______________________Thanks +Sign on Closed Nuclear Power Plant... 'Gone Fission' +Sign on a clothing store - Come inside and have a fit. +Signito ergo sum - I sign therefore I am. +Simon says: don't be so suggestible. +Sit down, you're rocking the boat! +Six of one, 110 (base 2) of another. +Skating away on the thin ice of a new day. +Slower Traffic Keep Right - Is that so difficult? +Slug Sautee: a hors of a different d'oeuvre. +Small changes pick up the reins from nowhere. +Smash forehead on keyboard to continue... +Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips. +Smile... people will wonder what you've been up to. +Smiley faces were meant to be annoying. +Smokey the Bear says, 'Strip mining prevents forest fires!' +Smoking cures weight problems...eventually. +Smoking is a leading cause of statistics. +Smurf exterminator. +So many bytes, so few cps. +So many lawyers, so few bullets. +So many pedestrians, so little time. +So many toys, so little time... +So much time, and so little to do. +Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty. +Software Independent: Won't work with ANY software. +Software means never having to say you're finished +Some Do, Some Don't, Some Will and Some Won't. +Some People.... +Some days you're a bug, other days a windshield. +Some days, nothing goes left. +Some little dipstick stole all my good taglines... +Some minds should be cultivated, others plowed under... +Some people are so nice to be nasty to. +Some people are, through no fault of their own, sane. +Some things have got to be believed to be seen. +Someone is unenthusiastic about your work. +Something is rotten in the state of confusion. +Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. +Sorry about your Rectal-Cranial Inversion. +Sorry, I don't date outside my species. +Sorry... my mind has a few bad sectors. +Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (yep/Nope) +Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so. +Space is big. Really big. +Spaceman Spiff, Interplanetary Explorer! +Speaking only for myself, one of my many tricks. +Spell chequers dew knot work write. +Spice is the variety of life. +Stamp out philately! +Standing there making a sitting target of himself. +Stay Alert. Stay Awake. Stay Alive. +Steal my cash, car and TV - but leave the computer! +Sterility is hereditary. +Stop tagline theft! Copyright your tagline © +Strike any user when ready. +Stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out? +Subvert the dominant paradigm! +Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism. +Sumo Wrestling: survival of the fattest. +Supercalifragilisticexpialidocius +Supernovae are a Blast +Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have! +Support the helpless victims of computers. +Surprise your boss. Get to work on time. +Swish, two, three, four! Swish, two, three, four! +Sylvester Stallone: father of the RISC concept. +THE GOLDEN RULE: He who has the gold makes the rules +TV is chewing gum for the eyes. +Tact: knowing how far to go too far. +Tact: making a point without making an enemy. +Tagline Lotto: 2222222222<- Scratch here for prize. +Tagline theft is a compliment. +Taglines \'tag-linz \ The bumperstickers of the internet +Take a bite out of crime .. Abolish the IRS! +Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. +Take two crows and caw me in the morning +Talk is cheap because Supply exceeds Demand. +Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed. +Teamwork is essential. It gives them another target. +Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day. +Thank you very little. +That ain't so good English! +That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all. +That that is is not that that is not. +That was ZEN -- this is TAO +That'll be $67.50 CCCHHHHHIIIIINNNNGGGG!!!! +That's inches away from being millimeter perfect. +The Borg assimilated me & all I got was this stupid T-Shirt! +The Czech's in the mail. Sending Frenchman by FAX. +The French defense isn't... +The Hubbell works fine; all that stuff IS blurry! +The Lab called,..... Your brain is ready! +The Magic of Windows: Turns a 486 back into a PC/XT. +The Microsoft Motto: 'We're the leaders, wait for us!' +The PARITY CHECK is in the E-MAIL... +The Tour de France! +The UARTs won't take this speed, Captain +The Universe is a big place... perhaps the biggest +The Vatican Express Card. Don't leave Rome without it. +The backup's not over 'til the FAT table sings! +The ballot is stronger than the bullet. +The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. +The best defense against logic is stupidity. +The best defense is to stay out of range. +The best substitute for experience is being sixteen. +The best way to keep friends is not to give them away. +The best way to win an argument is to be right. +The buck doesn't even slow down here! +The cause of problems are solutions! +The cost of feathers has risen... Now even DOWN is up! +The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. +The cream rises to the top. So does the scum... +The days of the digital watch are numbered +The dentist said my wisdom teeth were retarded. +The dreadful burden of having nothing to do. +The evidence before the court is...INCONTROVERTIBLE! +The eyes are the mirror of the soul. +The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it +The first myth of management is that it exists. +The first rule of intelligent tinkering is save all parts! +The fish that escaped is the big one. +The further I go, the behinder I get. +The future isn't what it used to be. +The game's a little bit wide open again. +The gene pool has no lifeguard. +The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door. +The hangman let us down. +The hardest thing about time travel is the grammar. +The heart is wiser than the intellect... +The irony of life is that no one gets out alive... +The large print giveth and the small print taketh away. +The little engineer that could +The longer the title, the less important the job. +The man who begins many things finishes few. +The margin is very marginal. +The meek shall inherit the earth, if that's OK with you +The mind is like a parachute - it works only when open. +The moving cat sheds, and having shed, moves on... +The next thing to do is hang all the consultants. +The only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation. +The option to override self-destruct expir@^%i@&$#NO CARRIER +The pen is mightier than the pencil. +The penalty for bigamy is having two mothers-in-law. +The pendulum has gone full circle. +The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers. +The rich get richer; the poor get babies. +The road to success is always under construction. +The score didn't really reflect the outcome. +The secret of the universe is~~*#~** FF * NO CARRIER +The shortest distance between two points is off the wall +The simple explanation always follows the complex solution +The sixth sheikh's sixth sheep's sick. +The soul would have no heart had the eyes no tears... +The superfluous is very necessary. +The thrill is gone, the thrill is gone baby +The universe is a spheroid region 705 meters in diameter... +The unnatural, that too is natural. +The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle. +The weather is here, wish you were beautiful. +The whole world is about three drinks behind +The world is coming to an end. Please log off. +The worst thing about censorship is **************************. +The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions. +Then somebody spoke, and I went into a dream.... +There are 2 ways to handle women and I know neither. +There are many things I could say... +There are no atheists in the foxholes. +There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work. +There is an exception to every rule, except this one. +There is much Obiwan did not tell you. +There is no dark side of the moon. Really. +There is no finish line. +There is no remedy for fun but more fun! +There is no vaccine against stupidity. +There is something to be said about me: 'Wow!!' +There will be no last bus tonight. +There's a hot place with pitchforks waiting. +There's no future in time travel +There's no such thing as a free lunch, but you can always find someone willing to treat. +There's one in every car... You'll see. +There's one in every crowd and they always find me. +There's safety in numbers/When you learn to divide. +Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary. +They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them! +Things are not what they seem. +Think 'HONK' if you're a telepath. +Think hard now! Which one is Shinola? +This Charlie Brown must have been a very wise man. +This Country Needs Group Therapy. +This ain't no party...this ain't no disco... +This door is baroque; please call Bach later. +This is a Tagline mirror ][ rorrim enilgaT a si sihT +This is abuse. Arguments are down the hall. +This is just a hobby. Perfection is not required. Fun is. +This is not a fairing, it's a force field. +This is only a test. +This is our only tag line. +This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. +This line intentionally left unjustified. +This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88 +This message has been UNIXized for your protection. +This message is SHAREWARE! To Register, send $5. +This message was typed on recycled phosphorous. +This mind intentionally left blank. +This program makes me look like a genius. +This sentence is false. +This tagline does not require Micro$oft Windows. +This tagline intentionally left blank. +This tagline is umop apisdn +This tagline only to be removed by the consumer. +This tagline was created from many little letters. +This tagline was reclaimed and is not yet stolen. +This tagline was written before a live studio audience. +Those who can't write, write manuals. +Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate. +Those who can, do. Those who can't, supervise! +Those who live by the nit, die by the nit +Those without heads do not need hats. +Three can keep a secret, if two are dead. +Tilt your chair back, your breath is effecting my RAM! +Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills. +Time flies like an arrow - Fruit flies like a banana +Time flies when you don't know what you're doing. +Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. +Tis better to be hunter than hunted. +Tis better to have loved a short than to never have loved a tall. +Tis better to have loved and lost than just to have lost. +To be, or not to be, those are the parameters. +To boldly go and watch Star Trek re-runs. +To do nothing is also a good remedy. +To eat is human, to digest, divine. +To err is human, to eat Jello, is messy. +To err is human, to forgive is against company policy. +To err is human. To really screw up it takes a computer. +To err is human. To blame someone else is politics. +To err is human. To moo bovine +To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa. +To iterate is human, to recurse, divine. +To live in the hearts we leave behind, is not to die. +To live well, know the difference between good and evil. +To me personally, it's nothing personal to me. +To shoot a mime, do you use a silencer? +Today is Monday, cleverly disguised as Tuesday. +Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day. +Today is the first day of the rest of this mess. +Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday +Todays subliminal message is ' ' +Tolkien is hobbit-forming. +Tongue tied & twisted, just an earthbound misfit I. +Too bad stupidity isn't painful. +Too much is never enough. +Too much month at the end of the money. +Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. +Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore... +Touch if you must, Pay up if you bust. +Toys are made in heaven, batteries are made in hell. +Trees hit cars only in self-defence. +Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again! +Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes! +Trig..a..name...o...tree!!! +Truck Pulls: for people who cannot understand the WWF +Trust me -- I'm a Lawyer. +Truth is just another misconception. +Truthful: Dumb and illiterate. +Try to get back on topic, he said moderately. +Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo +Try? Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try. +Trying to think of a good tagline... +Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question! +Turn right here. No! NO! The OTHER right! +Turning floppies into hard drives. +Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do. +Two heads are more numerous than one. +Two most common elements: hydrogen, stupidity. +Tyre Shop sign - We Skid You Not. +UART what UEAT! +UNNAMED LAW: If it happens, it must be possible. +Uh, yeah...I MEANT to do that! +Ultimate Question Research Team +Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted! +Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought. +Unix and the world Unix with you; VAX and you VAX alone. +Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes. +Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all. +Until people grow up, they have no idea what's cool +Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa bill. +Users, losers -- what's the difference? +Using yesterday's technology to solve today's problems, tomorrow +VLSI: 'Getting High On Low Voltage' +Vampires Against Mundane Poetry. +Variables won't; constants aren't. +Veni Vidi Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. +Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things. +Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups. +Vote Democratic... It's easier than getting a job. +Vuja De - The Feeling You've Never Been Here +Vulcans have less fun. +Vultures only fly with carrion luggage. +W.A.R.P.: We Are Real Programmers. +WAITER! there's soup in my fly! +WARNING ... drinking tap water can kill your thirst! +WARNING: my messages are offensive to morons! +WINDOWS ERROR #004: Operator fell asleep while waiting. +WWhhaatt ddooeess dduupplleexx mmeeaann?? +WYGIWYD -What you got is what you deserved. +WYTYSYDG-What you thought you saw, you didn't get. +Waiter, there's no fly in my soup! - Kermit +Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser. +Walls impede my progress +Wanna flirt with disaster? Become a SysOp! +Want a LAUGH run a spell check on DSZ docs. +Want a jelly baby? +Want a stupid answer? Ask me anything! +Wanted: Volcano. Average size. Must be active. +War News: Saddam's army blown away by Thai hookers. +Warning: Whimsical when bored +Warning: Politicians can damage your wealth. +Warranty void if tagline removed. +Was today really Necessary? +Wash your face in the morning, neck at night. +Wasting time is an important part of living. +We all live in a yellow subroutine. +We are not a clone. +We are the people our parents warned us about +We don't care. We don't have to. We're Telecom... +We have here the latest in primitive technology. +We seem to have juxtaposed an impasse here +We should limit congressmen to two terms: one in Congress, one in prison +We take drugs very seriously at my house... +We were unanimous - in fact everyone was unanimous. +We'll give you piece de resistance and a tour de force +We're as similar as two dissimilar things in a pod. +We're lost, but we're making good time. +We're staying together for the sake of the cats. +Weeping, I wake; waking, I weep, I weep. +Welcome to Texas, now go home. +Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray +Well cover me in egg & flour and bake me for 14 minutes +What are you doing?!? The message is over,GO AWAY! +What can you do for me? +What color is a chameleon on a mirror? +What could possibly go wrong. +What do batteries run on? +What do you mean that 2 years have passed?? +What do you think? +What does Santa do at a house with no chimney? +What does ignorant mean? +What does this red button do? +What else can you do at 3:00 am? +What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art. +What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over. +What goes up has probably been doused with petrol. +What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull. +What's Irish and stays out all night? Paddy O'Furniture. +What's another word for 'thesaurus?' +What's brown and sticky? A stick! +When 911 won't work .357 will! +When in doubt, think. +When their numbers dwindled from 50 to 8, the dwarfs began to suspect 'Hungry' +When your opponent is down, kick him. +Where does weight go when you lose it? +Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? +Who cares how it plays in Peoria? +Who cares who's on board? +Who glued the cup to the table? +Who is 'they' anyway? +Whosoever diggeth a pit shall falleth therein. +Why am I asking all these things? +Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English? +Why are you looking down here? The joke is above! +Why are you wasting time reading taglines? +Why aren't there many Hannukah specials on tv? +Why can't we just spell it orderves? +Why did you read this? +Why do people cry when they're sad? +Why do they tell us to watch 'The Today Show' tomorrow? +Why do we elect people and then become afraid of them? +Why do we read left to right yet turn pages right to left? +Why do you think they call it 'find'? +Why does it matter if we all put our pants on one leg at a time? +Why does the beginning of your sentence end up in the middle of mine? +Why don't ease, lease, and please sound alike? +Why don't tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike? +Why get even, when you can get odd? +Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? +Why isn't 'palindrome' spelled 'palindromeemordnilap'? +Will Rogers never met a lawyer. +Will the sound of one hand clapping still turn off my TV? +Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat +Windows Error #F99 - CPU too tired to continue... +Windows N'T: as in Wouldn't, Couldn't, and Didn't. +Windows NT: Only 16 megs needed to play Minesweeper! +Windows NT: The world's only 80 megabyte Solitaire game! +Windows NT: Vapourware of the desperate and scared. +Windows error 000 : No errors found! [CLOSE] +Windows is *NOT* a virus. Viruses *DO* something! +Windows is for fun, Linux is for getting things done. +Windows is the best GUI - It always sticks! +Windows isn't CrippleWare -- it's 'Functionally Challenged'. +Windows only crashes itself under Linux. Not the whole machine. +Windows would look better with curtains. +Windows: The answer to a question nobody has ever asked. +Windows: an Unrecoverable Acquisition Error! +WindowsNT: From the makers of Doublespace +Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know. +Wit is cultured insolence. +Without Time, everything would happen at once. +Without music, life would be a mistake. +Women - can't live with 'em and no resale value... +Women do come with instructions; ask them. +Women get minks the same way minks get minks. +Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. +Women! Can't live with 'em and no resale value. +Work off excess energy. Steal something heavy +World ends today at 9:30 pm! Film at 11:00... +Worry : The interest paid on trouble before it's due +Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe +Would I ask you a rhetorical question? +Yes my son, long ago mail was read 1 packet at a time. +You buttered your bread, now lie in it. +You can name your salary here. I call mine Fred. +You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. +You can't have everything...where would you put it? +You hit the nail right between the eyes. +You're it. +You've got to be trusted by the people that you lie to. +Young gorillas are friendly, but they soon learn. +Your E-Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage! +Youth is a gift of nature. Age is a work of art. +Yuk, what kind of dumb menu system is that? Oh, so that is Windows! +Zen T-Shirt: Enlightenment Available - Enquire Within +[DISCLAIMER: my fingers are epileptic] +[If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses] +hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? +Serenity through viciousness. +FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! +Include me out. +YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!! +'That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver' -- Foghorn Leghorn +Pardon me while I laugh. +Vegeterians beware! You are what you eat. +Marriage is the sole cause of divorce. +'From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.' -- Dr. Seuss +You'll be sorry... +The world is coming to an end. Please log off. +UH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS! +I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance. +Paranoia is heightened awareness. +The things that interest people most are usually none of their business. diff --git a/files/blootbot.users b/files/blootbot.users new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d977b61 --- /dev/null +++ b/files/blootbot.users @@ -0,0 +1,31 @@ +# +# User File (c) 1998 Infobot & Associates +# +# FLAGS +# ---------------------- Factoids. +# f multiple line factoid (MLF) Usage Allowed [UNTESTED,OLD?] +# m Modifying (mod) Allowed +# r Removing (del) Allowed +# t Teaching (add) Allowed +# ---------------------- +# i Ignore Flag level 0 +# o Op Flag level 1 +# n Owner Flag level 2 +# e Extra Privs level 3 +# ---------------------- + +### +# default is to allow modification, removal and addition of factoids, +# if factoid support is enabled. +UserEntry default { + flags +mrt; +} + +### +# Sample user entry with all the flags. +UserEntry GmLB { + name "Danny"; + title "Grand Master"; + flags +mrsteon; + pass ECovKDtJnED36; +} diff --git a/files/ircII.servers b/files/ircII.servers index 1aaa2d9..d87b08e 100644 --- a/files/ircII.servers +++ b/files/ircII.servers @@ -1,4 +1,7 @@ -# ircII.servers file for infobot. +### +### ircII.servers +### +irc.home.org irc.linux.com irc.openprojects.net diff --git a/files/sample.config b/files/sample.config index 6c131ba..89bf4cb 100644 --- a/files/sample.config +++ b/files/sample.config @@ -1,9 +1,11 @@ -# parameter settings file for the infobot -# kevin lenzo (lenzo@cs.cmu.edu) -# modified by dms +### +# parameter settings file for blootbot +# by the dms ### # [str] Interface: [IRC/CLI] +# IRC -- Internet Relay Chat +# CLI -- Command Line Interface set Interface IRC # IRC. diff --git a/scripts/botchk.sh b/scripts/botchk.sh index b8a1588..7ed1b0d 100755 --- a/scripts/botchk.sh +++ b/scripts/botchk.sh @@ -10,10 +10,10 @@ if [ -f $PIDFILE ]; then # exists. exit 0 fi - # ./infobot removes the pid file. + # blootbot removes the pid file. echo "stale pid file; removing." # rm -f $PIDFILE fi cd $BOTDIR -./infobot +./blootbot diff --git a/scripts/dbm2mysql.pl b/scripts/dbm2mysql.pl index b2c8677..d963c4f 100755 --- a/scripts/dbm2mysql.pl +++ b/scripts/dbm2mysql.pl @@ -25,7 +25,7 @@ my $key; my %db; ### open all the data... -&loadConfig("files/infobot.config"); +&loadConfig("files/blootbot.config"); $dbname = $param{'DBFile'}; my $dbh_mysql = MYSQL::openDB(); DBM::openDB(); diff --git a/scripts/insertDB.pl b/scripts/insertDB.pl index 557fddb..617d6e3 100644 --- a/scripts/insertDB.pl +++ b/scripts/insertDB.pl @@ -9,7 +9,7 @@ require "src/logger.pl"; require "src/modules.pl"; require "src/Factoids/DBCommon.pl"; -&loadConfig($infobot_misc_dir."/infobot.config"); +&loadConfig($bot_misc_dir."/blootbot.config"); &loadDBModules(); unless (@_) { diff --git a/scripts/mysql2txt.pl b/scripts/mysql2txt.pl index c73605a..c1a2c93 100755 --- a/scripts/mysql2txt.pl +++ b/scripts/mysql2txt.pl @@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ require "src/logger.pl"; require "src/modules.pl"; require "src/Misc.pl"; require "src/Files.pl"; -$infobot_src_dir = "./src/"; +$bot_src_dir = "./src/"; my $dbname = shift; if (!defined $dbname) { @@ -18,7 +18,7 @@ if (!defined $dbname) { } # open the db. -&loadConfig("files/infobot.config"); +&loadConfig("files/blootbot.config"); &loadDBModules(); &openDB(); diff --git a/scripts/setup_tables.pl b/scripts/setup_tables.pl index fcd9d0f..7c71ac4 100755 --- a/scripts/setup_tables.pl +++ b/scripts/setup_tables.pl @@ -8,10 +8,10 @@ require "src/logger.pl"; require "src/modules.pl"; require "src/Misc.pl"; -$infobot_src_dir = "./src/"; +$bot_src_dir = "./src/"; -# read param stuff from infobot.config. -&loadConfig("files/infobot.config"); +# read param stuff from blootbot.config. +&loadConfig("files/blootbot.config"); &loadDBModules(); my $dbname = $param{'DBName'}; my $query; diff --git a/scripts/setup_users.pl b/scripts/setup_users.pl index 3cde58c..2b729da 100755 --- a/scripts/setup_users.pl +++ b/scripts/setup_users.pl @@ -7,7 +7,7 @@ require "src/core.pl"; require "src/Misc.pl"; require "src/logger.pl"; -&loadConfig("files/infobot.config"); +&loadConfig("files/blootbot.config"); my $dbname = $param{'DBName'}; my $query; diff --git a/scripts/txt2mysql.pl b/scripts/txt2mysql.pl index ec9648e..4c52369 100755 --- a/scripts/txt2mysql.pl +++ b/scripts/txt2mysql.pl @@ -18,8 +18,8 @@ if (!scalar @ARGV) { my $txtfile = shift; open(IN,$txtfile) or die "error: cannot open txtfile '$txtfile'.\n"; -# read the infobot config. -&loadConfig("files/infobot.config"); +# read the bot config file. +&loadConfig("files/blootbot.config"); &loadDBModules(); &openDB(); diff --git a/src/Factoids/Question.pl b/src/Factoids/Question.pl index 4642dd2..37d89dc 100644 --- a/src/Factoids/Question.pl +++ b/src/Factoids/Question.pl @@ -1,4 +1,6 @@ -# infobot :: Kevin Lenzo (c) 1997 +### +### Question.pl: Kevin Lenzo (c) 1997 +### ## doQuestion -- ## if ($query == query) { @@ -12,7 +14,7 @@ if (&IsParam("useStrict")) { use strict; } use vars qw($query $reply $finalQMark $nuh $result $talkok $who $nuh); -use vars qw(%infobots %forked); +use vars qw(%bots %forked); sub doQuestion { # my doesn't allow variables to be inherinted, local does. @@ -46,7 +48,7 @@ sub doQuestion { # dangerous; common preambles should be stripped before here if ($query =~ /^forget /i or $query =~ /^no, /) { - return 'NOREPLY' if (exists $infobots{$nuh}); + return $noreply if (exists $bots{$nuh}); } # convert to canonical reference form @@ -85,7 +87,7 @@ sub doQuestion { if (&IsParam("freshmeatForFactoid")) { &loadMyModule($myModules{'freshmeat'}); $result = &Freshmeat::showPackage($query); - return $result unless ($result eq 'NOREPLY'); + return $result unless ($result eq $noreply); } &DEBUG("Question: hrm... result => '$result'."); diff --git a/src/Factoids/Reply.pl b/src/Factoids/Reply.pl index abbcfae..ca542a4 100644 --- a/src/Factoids/Reply.pl +++ b/src/Factoids/Reply.pl @@ -1,4 +1,6 @@ -# infobot :: Kevin Lenzo (c) 1997 +### +### Reply.pl: Kevin Lenzo (c) 1997 +### ## # x is y === $lhs $mhs $rhs @@ -131,12 +133,12 @@ sub getReply { # only remove '' and make it an action. } else { # not a short reply - ### infobot-infobot reply. - if (exists $infobots{$nuh} and $rhs !~ /^\s*$/) { + ### bot->bot reply. + if (exists $bots{$nuh} and $rhs !~ /^\s*$/) { return "$lhs $mhs $rhs"; } - ### infobot-person reply. + ### bot->person reply. # result is random if separated by '||'. # rhs is full factoid with '||'. if ($mhs eq "is") { @@ -151,7 +153,7 @@ sub getReply { # fix the person. } else { if ($reply =~ /^you are / or $reply =~ / you are /) { - return 'NOREPLY' if ($addressed); + return $noreply if ($addressed); } } } diff --git a/src/Factoids/Statement.pl b/src/Factoids/Statement.pl index 0c7b2db..09e59f9 100644 --- a/src/Factoids/Statement.pl +++ b/src/Factoids/Statement.pl @@ -1,5 +1,6 @@ - -# infobot :: Kevin Lenzo (c) 1997 +### +### Statement.pl: Kevin Lenzo (c) 1997 +### ## ## doStatement -- @@ -22,7 +23,7 @@ sub doStatement { $in =~ s/^no([, ]+)//i; # 'no, '. # check if we need to be addressed and if we are - return 'NOREPLY' unless ($learnok); + return $noreply unless ($learnok); my($urlType) = ""; @@ -47,10 +48,10 @@ sub doStatement { # acceptUrl. if (&IsParam("acceptUrl")) { if ($param{'acceptUrl'} eq 'REQUIRE') { # require url type. - return 'NOREPLY' if ($urlType eq ""); + return $noreply if ($urlType eq ""); } elsif ($param{'acceptUrl'} eq 'REJECT') { &status("REJECTED URL entry") if (&IsParam("VERBOSITY")); - return 'NOREPLY' unless ($urlType eq ""); + return $noreply unless ($urlType eq ""); } else { # OPTIONAL } @@ -70,7 +71,7 @@ sub doStatement { # break if either lhs or rhs is NULL. if ($lhs eq "" or $rhs eq "") { - return 'NOREPLY'; + return $noreply; } # lets check if it failed. @@ -79,10 +80,10 @@ sub doStatement { &status("IGNORE statement: <$who> $message"); &performReply( &getRandom(keys %{$lang{'confused'}}) ); } - return 'NOREPLY'; + return $noreply; } - return 'NOREPLY' if (!$addressed and $lhs =~ /\s+/); + return $noreply if (!$addressed and $lhs =~ /\s+/); &status("statement: <$who> $message"); @@ -100,7 +101,7 @@ sub doStatement { if ($ord > 170 and $ord < 220) { &status("statement: illegal character '$_' $ord."); &performAddressedReply("i'm not going to learn illegal characters"); - return 'NOREPLY'; + return $noreply; } } diff --git a/src/Factoids/Update.pl b/src/Factoids/Update.pl index 0642f85..8f12e1d 100644 --- a/src/Factoids/Update.pl +++ b/src/Factoids/Update.pl @@ -16,19 +16,19 @@ sub update { $lhs =~ s/\s+/ /g; # locked. - return 'NOREPLY' if (&IsLocked($lhs) == 1); + return $noreply if (&IsLocked($lhs) == 1); # profanity. if (&IsParam("profanityCheck") and &hasProfanity($rhs)) { &msg($who, "please, watch your language."); - return 'NOREPLY'; + return $noreply; } # teaching. if (&IsFlag("t") ne "t") { &msg($who, "permission denied."); &status("alert: $who wanted to teach me."); - return 'NOREPLY'; + return $noreply; } # nice 'are' hack (or work-around). @@ -48,7 +48,7 @@ sub update { length($rhs) > $param{'maxDataSize'}) { &performAddressedReply("that's too long"); - return 'NOREPLY'; + return $noreply; } # @@ -62,7 +62,7 @@ sub update { if (&dbGet("freshmeat", "name", $lhs, "name")) { &msg($who, "permission denied. (freshmeat)"); &status("alert: $who wanted to teach me something that freshmeat already has info on."); - return 'NOREPLY'; + return $noreply; } } @@ -71,7 +71,7 @@ sub update { if ($exists eq $rhs) { &performAddressedReply("i already had it that way"); - return 'NOREPLY'; + return $noreply; } if ($also) { # 'is also'. @@ -98,7 +98,7 @@ sub update { # max length check again. if (length($rhs) > $param{'maxDataSize'}) { &performAddressedReply("that's too long"); - return 'NOREPLY'; + return $noreply; } &performAddressedReply("okay"); @@ -115,7 +115,7 @@ sub update { if (IsFlag("m") ne "m" and $author !~ /^\Q$who\E\!/i) { &msg($who, "you can't change that factoid."); - return 'NOREPLY'; + return $noreply; } &performAddressedReply("okay"); @@ -132,7 +132,7 @@ sub update { &performStrictReply("...but \002$lhs\002 is already something else..."); &status("FAILED update: <$who> \'$lhs\' =$mhs=> \'$rhs\'"); } - return 'NOREPLY'; + return $noreply; } } } else { # not exists. diff --git a/src/Misc.pl b/src/Misc.pl index a7be35f..e0a67fe 100644 --- a/src/Misc.pl +++ b/src/Misc.pl @@ -9,7 +9,7 @@ if (&IsParam("useStrict")) { use strict; } sub help { my $topic = $_[0]; - my $file = $infobot_misc_dir."/infobot.help"; + my $file = $bot_misc_dir."/blootbotbot.help"; my %help = (); if (!open(FILE, $file)) { @@ -537,7 +537,7 @@ sub validFactoid { /\\\%/ and last; /\\\_/ and last; - # weird/special stuff. also old (stock) infobot bugs. + # weird/special stuff. also old (stock) blootbot bugs. $rhs =~ /( \Q$ident\E's|\Q$ident\E's )/i and last; # ownership. # duplication. @@ -584,13 +584,13 @@ sub Forker { my $pid; &shmFlush(); - &status("double fork detected; not forking.") if ($$ != $infobot_pid); + &status("double fork detected; not forking.") if ($$ != $bot_pid); - if (&IsParam("forking") and $$ == $infobot_pid) { - return 'NOREPLY' unless (&addForked($label)); + if (&IsParam("forking") and $$ == $bot_pid) { + return $noreply unless (&addForked($label)); $SIG{CHLD} = 'IGNORE'; $pid = eval { fork() }; # catch non-forking OSes and other errors - return 'NOREPLY' if $pid; # parent does nothing + return $noreply if $pid; # parent does nothing &status("fork starting for '$label', PID == $$."); } diff --git a/src/Process.pl b/src/Process.pl index 699e00d..1e1cbbf 100644 --- a/src/Process.pl +++ b/src/Process.pl @@ -1,4 +1,7 @@ -# infobot :: Kevin Lenzo 1997-1999 +### +### Process.pl: Kevin Lenzo 1997-1999 +### + # # process the incoming message # @@ -95,7 +98,7 @@ sub process { } # User Processing, for all users. - return 'NOREPLY from userC' if &userCommands() eq 'NOREPLY'; + return '$noreply from userC' if &userCommands() eq $noreply; ### # once useless messages have been parsed out, we match them. @@ -215,7 +218,7 @@ sub process { if ($addressed) { my $er = &Modules(); if ($er =~ /\S/) { - &performStrictReply($er) if ($er ne 'NOREPLY'); + &performStrictReply($er) if ($er ne $noreply); return 'SOMETHING 1'; } @@ -243,8 +246,8 @@ sub FactoidStuff { # inter-infobot. if ($msgType =~ /private/ and $message =~ s/^:INFOBOT://) { ### identification. - &status("infobot <$nuh> identified") unless $infobots{$nuh}; - $infobots{$nuh} = $who; + &status("infobot <$nuh> identified") unless $bots{$nuh}; + $bots{$nuh} = $who; ### communication. @@ -368,7 +371,7 @@ sub FactoidStuff { my $author = &getFactInfo($from, "created_by"); if (&IsFlag("m") and $author =~ /^\Q$who\E\!/i) { &msg($who, "It's not yours to modify."); - return 'NOREPLY'; + return $noreply; } if ($_ = &getFactoid($to)) { @@ -460,7 +463,7 @@ sub FactoidStuff { my $result = &doQuestion($message); - return 'result is NOREPLY' if ($result eq 'NOREPLY'); + return 'result is $noreply' if ($result eq $noreply); if (defined $result and $result ne "") { # question. &status("question: <$who> $message"); diff --git a/src/core.pl b/src/core.pl index de835cb..b95f06f 100644 --- a/src/core.pl +++ b/src/core.pl @@ -11,9 +11,9 @@ use strict; ### TODO: reorder. use vars qw( $answer $correction_plausible $loggingstatus $talkchannel - $statcount $memusage $user $memusageOld $infobot_version $dbh - $shm $host $msg $infobot_misc_dir $infobot_pid $infobot_base_dir - $infobot_src_dir $conn $irc $learnok $nick $ident $no_syscall + $statcount $memusage $user $memusageOld $bot_version $dbh + $shm $host $msg $bot_misc_dir $bot_pid $bot_base_dir $noreply + $bot_src_dir $conn $irc $learnok $nick $ident $no_syscall $force_public_reply $addrchar $userHandle $addressedother $floodwho $chan $msgtime $server $firsttime $wingaterun ); @@ -35,6 +35,7 @@ $SIG{'KILL'} = 'doExit'; # 9. DOES NOT WORK. 'man perlipc' for details. $SIG{'TERM'} = 'doExit'; # 15. $SIG{'__WARN__'} = 'doWarn'; +# initialize variables. $last{buflen} = 0; $last{say} = ""; $last{msg} = ""; @@ -42,7 +43,10 @@ $userHandle = "default"; $msgtime = time(); $wingaterun = time(); $firsttime = 1; -$infobot_version = "blootbot 1.0.0 (20000725) -- $^O"; + +### CHANGE TO STATIC. +$bot_version = "blootbot 1.0.0 (20000725) -- $^O"; +$noreply = "NOREPLY"; ########## ### misc commands. @@ -51,9 +55,9 @@ $infobot_version = "blootbot 1.0.0 (20000725) -- $^O"; sub doExit { my ($sig) = @_; - if (!defined $infobot_pid) { # independent. + if (!defined $bot_pid) { # independent. exit 0; - } elsif ($infobot_pid == $$) { # parent. + } elsif ($bot_pid == $$) { # parent. &status("parent caught SIG$sig (pid $$).") if (defined $sig); my $type; @@ -137,10 +141,10 @@ sub setup { &openLog(); # write, append. # read. - &loadIgnore($infobot_misc_dir."/infobot.ignore"); - &loadLang($infobot_misc_dir."/infobot.lang"); - &loadIRCServers($infobot_misc_dir."/ircII.servers"); - &loadUsers($infobot_misc_dir."/infobot.users"); + &loadIgnore($bot_misc_dir. "/blootbot.ignore"); + &loadLang($bot_misc_dir. "/blootbot.lang"); + &loadIRCServers($bot_misc_dir. "/ircII.servers"); + &loadUsers($bot_misc_dir. "/blootbot.users"); $shm = &openSHM(); &openDB(); @@ -151,7 +155,7 @@ sub setup { } sub setupConfig { - &loadConfig($infobot_misc_dir."/infobot.config"); + &loadConfig($bot_misc_dir."/blootbot.config"); foreach ("ircNick", "ircUser", "ircName", "DBType") { next if &IsParam($_); @@ -160,8 +164,8 @@ sub setupConfig { } # static scalar variables. - $file{utm} = "$infobot_base_dir/$param{'ircUser'}.uptime"; - $file{PID} = "$infobot_base_dir/$param{'ircUser'}.pid"; + $file{utm} = "$bot_base_dir/$param{'ircUser'}.uptime"; + $file{PID} = "$bot_base_dir/$param{'ircUser'}.pid"; } sub startup { @@ -188,7 +192,7 @@ sub shutdown { sub restart { my ($sig) = @_; - if ($$ == $infobot_pid) { + if ($$ == $bot_pid) { &status("$sig called."); ### crappy bug in Net::IRC? @@ -200,7 +204,7 @@ sub restart { } &shutdown(); - &loadConfig($infobot_misc_dir."/infobot.config"); + &loadConfig($bot_misc_dir."/blootbot.config"); &reloadModules() if (&IsParam("DEBUG")); &setup(); @@ -216,8 +220,8 @@ sub loadConfig { if (!open(FILE, $file)) { &ERROR("FAILED loadConfig ($file): $!"); - &status("Please copy files/sample.config to files/infobot.config"); - &status(" and edit files/infobot.config, modify to tastes."); + &status("Please copy files/sample.config to files/blootbot.config"); + &status(" and edit files/blootbot.config, modify to tastes."); exit 0; } diff --git a/src/modules.pl b/src/modules.pl index 1cc58a1..b54ce89 100644 --- a/src/modules.pl +++ b/src/modules.pl @@ -49,8 +49,8 @@ if ($@) { @myModulesReloadNot = ('IRC/Irc.pl','IRC/Schedulers.pl'); sub loadCoreModules { - if (!opendir(DIR, $infobot_src_dir)) { - &ERROR("can't open source directory $infobot_src_dir: $!"); + if (!opendir(DIR, $bot_src_dir)) { + &ERROR("can't open source directory $bot_src_dir: $!"); exit 1; } @@ -59,7 +59,7 @@ sub loadCoreModules { while (defined(my $file = readdir DIR)) { next unless $file =~ /\.pl$/; next unless $file =~ /^[A-Z]/; - my $mod = "$infobot_src_dir/$file"; + my $mod = "$bot_src_dir/$file"; ### TODO: use eval and exit gracefully? require $mod; $moduleAge{$mod} = (stat $mod)[9]; @@ -80,7 +80,7 @@ sub loadDBModules { &showProc(" (DBI // mysql)"); &status(" using MySQL support."); - require "$infobot_src_dir/db_mysql.pl"; + require "$bot_src_dir/db_mysql.pl"; } elsif ($param{'DBType'} =~ /^pgsql$/i) { eval "use Pg"; @@ -91,11 +91,11 @@ sub loadDBModules { &showProc(" (Pg // postgreSQLl)"); &status(" using PostgreSQL support."); - require "$infobot_src_dir/db_pgsql.pl"; + require "$bot_src_dir/db_pgsql.pl"; } elsif ($param{'DBType'} =~ /^dbm$/i) { &status(" using Berkeley DBM 1.85/2.0 support."); - require "$infobot_src_dir/db_dbm.pl"; + require "$bot_src_dir/db_dbm.pl"; } else { &status("DB support DISABLED."); @@ -111,7 +111,7 @@ sub loadFactoidsModules { return; } - if (!opendir(DIR, "$infobot_src_dir/Factoids")) { + if (!opendir(DIR, "$bot_src_dir/Factoids")) { &ERROR("can't open source directory Factoids: $!"); exit 1; } @@ -119,7 +119,7 @@ sub loadFactoidsModules { while (defined(my $file = readdir DIR)) { next unless $file =~ /\.pl$/; next unless $file =~ /^[A-Z]/; - my $mod = "$infobot_src_dir/Factoids/$file"; + my $mod = "$bot_src_dir/Factoids/$file"; ### TODO: use eval and exit gracefully? require $mod; $moduleAge{$mod} = (stat $mod)[9]; @@ -142,7 +142,7 @@ sub loadIRCModules { return; } - if (!opendir(DIR, "$infobot_src_dir/IRC")) { + if (!opendir(DIR, "$bot_src_dir/IRC")) { &ERROR("can't open source directory Factoids: $!"); exit 1; } @@ -150,7 +150,7 @@ sub loadIRCModules { while (defined(my $file = readdir DIR)) { next unless $file =~ /\.pl$/; next unless $file =~ /^[A-Z]/; - my $mod = "$infobot_src_dir/IRC/$file"; + my $mod = "$bot_src_dir/IRC/$file"; ### TODO: use eval and exit gracefully? require $mod; $moduleAge{$mod} = (stat $mod)[9]; @@ -260,13 +260,13 @@ sub loadMyModule { } else { $modulebase = $tmp; } - my $modulefile = "$infobot_src_dir/Modules/$modulebase"; + my $modulefile = "$bot_src_dir/Modules/$modulebase"; return 1 if (grep /$modulefile/, keys %INC); if (! -f $modulefile) { &ERROR("lMM: module ($modulebase) does not exist."); - if ($$ == $infobot_pid) { # parent. + if ($$ == $bot_pid) { # parent. &shutdown() if (defined $shm and defined $dbh); } else { # child. &delForked($modulename); @@ -278,7 +278,7 @@ sub loadMyModule { eval "require \"$modulefile\""; if ($@) { &ERROR("cannot load my module: $modulebase"); - if ($infobot_pid == $$) { # parent. + if ($bot_pid == $$) { # parent. &shutdown() if (defined $shm and defined $dbh); } else { # child. &delForked($modulebase);