From 08d8a51fd3501bff5ac077e3902efe81dd33a5a3 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: dms Date: Sun, 28 Jan 2001 13:35:29 +0000 Subject: [PATCH] - obsoleted files removed git-svn-id: https://svn.code.sf.net/p/infobot/code/trunk/blootbot@260 c11ca15a-4712-0410-83d8-924469b57eb5 --- files/infobot.help | 212 ---- files/infobot.ignore | 11 - files/infobot.lang | 86 -- files/infobot.lart | 29 - files/infobot.randtext | 2104 ---------------------------------------- files/infobot.users | 31 - files/sample.config | 343 ------- files/sample.countdown | 12 - files/sample.insert | 3 - 9 files changed, 2831 deletions(-) delete mode 100644 files/infobot.help delete mode 100644 files/infobot.ignore delete mode 100644 files/infobot.lang delete mode 100644 files/infobot.lart delete mode 100644 files/infobot.randtext delete mode 100644 files/infobot.users delete mode 100644 files/sample.config delete mode 100644 files/sample.countdown delete mode 100644 files/sample.insert diff --git a/files/infobot.help b/files/infobot.help deleted file mode 100644 index 04abac4..0000000 --- a/files/infobot.help +++ /dev/null @@ -1,212 +0,0 @@ -# Revised: 19991109. -# Author: xk -### - -main: I learn mainly by observing declarative statements such as "x is at http://www.xxx.com", and then reply when people ask things like "where can i find x?" - -author: oznoid (mailto:lenzo@ri.cmu.edu) is my original author. - -corrections: If I come back with "...but x is at http://xx.xx.xx" or something like that, and you want to change the entry, use "no, x is at http://sdfsdfsdf". The "No," tells me to supercede the existing value. -corrections: you can append stuff to a factoid with "also". "x is also at ..." - -action: This is used to override the usual response. "x is does the hokey-pokey". When asked about x, the bot does this "* infobot does the hokey-pokey" - -reply: There is a special tag, , that is used to override the usual response. Usually, a response is "X is Y", but it can be made "Y" by making the entry "X is Y". -reply: This is a good way to close junk entries; use "X is " with nothing after it. - -alternation: The || symbol in an entry causes an infobot to choose one of the replies at random. "X is Y|Z" will produce "X is Y" or "X is Z" randomly. - -# now the commands... -lobotomy: i can be given a lobotomy ([o] is required) if people start to abuse me. to bring me back to life, give me an unlobotomy - -unlobotomy: which is not possible in real life, an unlobotomy will bring me back to life in the case of a lobotomy. - -addressing: it is a good idea if i stay in REQUIRE mode then i won't yell out random crap if i listen in too hard. currently there is no way to turn this of on-the-fly. - -forget: FIXME - -find: D: Debian Packages (fallback to Contents) Search -find: U: ## [dcc] [dist] -find: E: ## strings.h -find: E: ## dcc usr/bin -find: E: ## slink x11amp - -rename: D: Factoid renaming. -rename: U: ## 'from' 'to' -rename: E: ## 'infobot' 'blootbot' - -nslookup: D: Query DNS. -nslookup: U: ## -nslookup: E: ## debian.org -nslookup: E: ## 3.1.33.7 - -spell: you've guessed it right, i'm a spell checker. give me any word and i can confirm whether it's good or bad. - -crypt: it's good that you thought about encryption. i can do it for you. -crypt: U: ## -crypt: E: ## changeme 69 - -join: U: ## <#chan> [key] -join: E: ## #debian -join: E: ## #debian rules - -kick: U: ## [#chan] -kick: E: ## oznoid -kick: E: ## larne #debian - -wantnick: if someone's taken my nick (i hope not) and i'm using some temporary nick, i can change back to my original nick if it's not taken (again). - -chaninfo: D: Display channel statistics on Op, Ban, Deop, Unban, Part, Join, SignOff, PublicMsg, Kick and Topic. -chaninfo: U: ## [#channel] -chaninfo: E: ## -chaninfo: E: ## #debian - -dict: D: DICT Protocol Client. -dict: U: ## -dict: E: ## AI -dict: E: ## 1 linux - -freshmeat: D: Frontend to www.freshmeat.net -freshmeat: U: ## -freshmeat: E: ## infobot - -factstats: D: Display statistical data (max of 15) about factoids. -factstats: U: ## -factstats: == author -- top author of factoids. -factstats: == broken -- broken factoids. -factstats: == dupe -- duplicate factoids. -factstats: == locked -- locked factoids. -factstats: == new -- recent addition of factoids. -factstats: == partdupe -- initial partial duplicate factoids. -factstats: == profanity -- possibly offensive factoids. -factstats: == redir -- redirection in factoids. -factstats: == requested -- most requested factoids. -factstats: == toolong -- factoid {key|value} exceeding specified length. -factstats: == unrequest -- unrequested factoids. -factstats: E: ## new - -lart: D: Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool -lart: U: ## [#chan] -lart: E: ## lenzo infobot's bugginess -lart: E: ## #perl everyone perl \=\= lamerville - -listauth: D: Search the factoid extension db by creator. -listauth: U: ## -listauth: E: ## xk - -listkeys: D: Search the factoid database by key (factoid). -listkeys: U: ## -listkeys: E: ## infobot - -listvalues: D: Search the factoid database by value (description). -listvalues: U: ## -listvalues: E: ## infobot - -quote: D: Frontend to yahoo's online stock market share listing. -quote: U: ## -quote: E: ## RHAT - -weather: D: Frontend to www.weather.com. -weather: U: ## -weather: E: ## Sydney -weather: E: ## Perth, Australia -weather: N: For first timers, please search for the city as all search results are kept in the local cache. You can then query 'city, location'. - -topic add: D: Add your own topic. -topic add: U: ## -topic add: E: ## This is a test - -topic del: D: Delete one or two subtopics. -topic del: U: ## <#> -topic del: E: ## 1 -topic del: E: ## 1-3,5 - -topic mod: D: Search and replace strings in the topic. -topic mod: U: ## -topic mod: E: s/test/TEST/ -topic mod: E: s#msg test#/msg test#g - -topic mv: D: Move subtopics around. -topic mv: U: ## <#> <#> -topic mv: E: ## 1 after 2 -topic mv: E: ## first before last - -topic restore: U: ## <#> -topic restore: E: ## 3 - -topic: Usage for 'topic [#chan] ': -topic: ---------------- __Subtopic__: -topic: add - Append to topic. -topic: del <#> - Remove subtopic <#> from topic. -topic: list - Display subtopics. -topic: mod s/old/new/ - Search and replace topic. -topic: mv - 'topic mv'. -topic: shuffle - Randomly organize subtopics. -topic: ---------------- __Topic__ -topic: history - Show previous topics. -topic: restore <#> - Restore topic to <#>. -topic: rehash - Rehash changes to topic. -topic: info - Who and time info. -topic: ---------------- __Misc__ -topic: about - Read the file :) -topic: help - This screen. -topic: NOTE: #chan arg is only required if command is sent over private message to nick, otherwise it is not needed if sent to the channel. -topic: NOTE: commands can be preceeded? with '-' in order not to enforce changes to topic. -topic: End of help. - -part: U: ## <#channel> -part: E: ## #debian - -seen: U: ## -seen: E: ## infobot - -factinfo: D: View statistical information about a particular factoid. -factinfo: U: ## -factinfo: E: ## test - -cookie: i can feed your appetite with random factoids. - -slashdot: D: News for nerds, Stuff that matters. [tm] -slashdot: U: ## - -babelfish: D: Frontend to babelfish translating service provided by digital.com -babelfish: U: x to : -babelfish: U: translate from : -babelfish: E: x to de: your cars rock - -insult: FIXME - -search: U: ## for -search: E: ## google for evil - -nickometer: FIXME - -rot13: FIXME - -karma: Karma is a community rating system. Use "X++" to increase the karma, or "X--" to decrease it. Ask for ratings using "karma for X?" - -kernel: D: Frontend to linux.kernel.org's finger response. -kernel: U: ## - -maths: FIXME - -lock: D: Factoid locking to prevent removal by others. -lock: U: ## -lock: E: ## abuse -lock: N: By default, only registered "ops" on the bots or factoids matching the user's nick are able to lock factoids. -lock: N: Requires factoid extension (extra) support enabled. - -unlock: D: Factoid unlocking to allow removal by others. -unlock: U: ## -unlock: E: ## abuse - -dollar variables: D: To be used in factoids -dollar variables: $date - ... -dollar variables: $time - ... -dollar variables: $who - ... -dollar variables: $username - ... -dollar variables: $host - ... -dollar variables: $channel - ... -dollar variables: $lastspeaker - ... -dollar variables: $factoid - ... -dollar variables: ... - ... diff --git a/files/infobot.ignore b/files/infobot.ignore deleted file mode 100644 index 317edfa..0000000 --- a/files/infobot.ignore +++ /dev/null @@ -1,11 +0,0 @@ -# infobot.ignore file. -# examples. - -# ignore public messages from... -PUBLIC dpkg!*@*.com - -# ignore all messages from... -ALL *!*@*.il - -# ignore private messages from -PRIVATE apt!*@* diff --git a/files/infobot.lang b/files/infobot.lang deleted file mode 100644 index 61e2df9..0000000 --- a/files/infobot.lang +++ /dev/null @@ -1,86 +0,0 @@ -# infobot.lang: configurable responses. -# by the xk. -### - -# Welcome reply: Things to say when people thank me. -welcome - no problem - my pleasure - sure thing - no worries - de nada - de rien - bitte - pas de quoi - -# Dunno reply (when i recognize a query but can't answer it): -dunno - i don't know - i haven't a clue - no idea - wish i knew - bugger all, i dunno - I give up, what is it? - I don't know, could you explain it? - I'm not sure, is it larger than a breadbox? - -# confuse/refuse learn. -confused - I think you lost me on that one - what are you talking about? - -# Hello reply (ways to say hello): -hello - hello - hi - hey - niihau - bonjour - hola - salut - que tal - privet - what's up - -# Cookie reply: added by the xk. -cookie - ACTION spins the wheel of knowledge and ponders... ##KEY... ##VALUE - ACTION pulls out the cookie jar and finds ##KEY... ##VALUE - Hey ##WHO, ##KEY is ##VALUE - -# Factoid reply: -factoid - methinks ##KEY is ##VALUE - i heard ##KEY is ##VALUE - i guess ##KEY is ##VALUE - from memory, ##KEY is ##VALUE - hmm... ##KEY is ##VALUE - ##KEY is probably ##VALUE - ##KEY is, like, ##VALUE - rumour has it, ##KEY is ##VALUE - it has been said that ##KEY is ##VALUE - somebody said ##KEY was ##VALUE - well, ##KEY is ##VALUE - extra, extra, read all about it, ##KEY is ##VALUE - [##KEY] ##VALUE - -# HowAreYou reply: -howareyou - eh, ok - peachy - just great - you know how it is... - pretty good. how about you? - mas o menos - -# Question word. -qWord - who - who is - who are - what - what is - what are - where - where is - where are diff --git a/files/infobot.lart b/files/infobot.lart deleted file mode 100644 index ce24e0a..0000000 --- a/files/infobot.lart +++ /dev/null @@ -1,29 +0,0 @@ - -# -# lart info by ejb (larne) and cerb. -# - ---purges WHO -beats WHO senseless with a 50lb Unix manual -cats /dev/urandom into WHO's ear -chops WHO in half with a free AOL CD -chops WHO in half with a free Solaris 7 CD -decapitates WHO conan the destroyer style -does a little 'renice 20 -u WHO' -drops a truckload of VAXen on WHO -duct-tapes WHO to the floor and drools on him -frags WHO with his BFG9000 -holds WHO to the floor and spanks him with a cat-o-nine-tails -judo chops WHO -pours hot grits down the front of WHO's pants -pulls out his louisville slugger and uses WHO's head to break the homerun record -pushes the wall down onto WHO whilst whistling innocently -resizes WHO's terminal to 40x24 -rm -rf's WHO -stabs WHO -steals WHO's mojo -strangles WHO with a doohicky mouse cord -urinates on WHO -whacks WHO with the cluebat -whips out a sword and chops WHO in half -whips out his power stapler and staples WHO's genitalia to the ground diff --git a/files/infobot.randtext b/files/infobot.randtext deleted file mode 100644 index 817a01e..0000000 --- a/files/infobot.randtext +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2104 +0,0 @@ -He who controls the source controls the universe! -Want to see a listing of files installed by a package, type dpkg -L package -Need to know the status of a package? type dpkg -s package -Need help, but everyone is idle in the channel, try emailing to debian-user@lists.debian.org -Need to see the list of packages matching a pattern, type dpkg -l pattern -If you have a webserver and dww packages installed, try http://localhost/dwww for all kinds of documentation -Need help setting up PPP? read /usr/doc/ppp/README.debian -Want to know why Debian is best? type !why in the channel -Want to upgrade to hamm (unstable)? type !libc6 to get the mini-HOWTO -Want to check out Debian social contract? type !dfsg in the channel -Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. -Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? -Give me ambiguity or give me something else. -I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! -We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. -Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. -Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! -Did anyone see my lost carrier? -Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. -I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing! -He who laughs last thinks slowest! -Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. -'More hay, Trigger?' 'No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!' -A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. -Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. -There's too much blood in my caffeine system. -Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. -Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. -Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. -I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it. -Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. -Double your drive space - delete Windows! -What is a 'free' gift ? Aren't all gifts free? -If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. -'Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.' -Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. -Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. -Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector. -I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. -Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. -I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. -Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. -The gene pool could use a little chlorine. -When there's a will, I want to be in it. -Okay, who put a 'stop payment' on my reality check? -Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. -I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar. -We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? -All generalizations are false, including this one. -Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. -C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. -'Criminal Lawyer' is a redundancy. -Clap on! (clap, clap) Clap off! (clap@#&$NO CARRIER -'640K ought to be enough for anybody.' Bill Gates '81 -'90% of all statistics are made up' -'A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.' -'A little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over.' - R. Frost -'A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.' -Doug Larson -'Apple' (c) 6024 b.c., Adam & Eve -'Apple' (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. -'Bad knee, gotta run' - Pat Buchanan to his draft board -'Beam me aboard, Scotty.' 'Sure. Will a 2x10 do?' -'Beulah, peel me a grape.' -'Bother,' said Pooh as the brakes went out! -'Build a watch in 179 easy steps' by C. Forsberg. -'C++' should have been called 'D' -'COINCIDENCE' happens. -'Calvin, we will not have an anatomically correct snowman!' -'Careful. We don't want to learn from this.' -- Calvin -'Don't you hate it when your boogers freeze?' -- Calvin -'Every time I've built character, I've regretted it.' -'Freedom defined is freedom denied.' -The Illuminatus -'Have you ever dated somebody because you were too lazy to commit suicide?' -'Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw...' -'Hmm... How *did* they finally kill Frosty?' -- Hobbes -'Human equality is a contingent fact of history.' -Steven Jay Gould -'I tried to think but nothing happened!' - Curly -'I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV' -'I'm not smart enough to lie' - Ronald Reagan -'If I knew what I was doing...I'd be dangerous...' -'If the shoe fits, buy it.' Imelda Marcos -'Instant gratification takes too long.' - Carrie Fisher -'Is' is the verb for when you don't want a verb. -'It is not the fall that kills you. it's the sudden stop at the end.'-D. Adams -'It's sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs' -'Keyboard? How quaint!' - Scotty -'Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke' - Obi Wan Gates -'Mr. Worf, blow the Windows-powered Borg ship out of this Universe!' -'Off the keyboard, thru the router, over the bridge, nothing but net!' -'Quotations are for people who are not saying things worth quoting.' -'Remember when we said there was no future? Well, this is it.' -- Blank Regk -'Stupid' is a boundless concept. -'Suicide Hotline...please hold.' -'The faster you go, the shorter you are' - Einstein -'The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.' - Mark Twain -'The sun ain't yellow, its chicken.' -Bob Dylan -'There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.' -Mark Twain -'There's someone in my head, but its not me.' -Pink Floyd -'This is a job for.. AACK! WAAUGHHH!! ...someone else.' - -'To err is human, to forgive....$5.00' -'Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!' -Yoda- -'Vote for Perot' - Bumper sticker attached with Velcro -'You can't have everything. Where would you put it?' -Steven Wright -#1 OS/2 tip: Drag the Windows folder to the shreader!!! -#include std/disclaimer.h -$$$ not found -- (A)bort (R)efinance (B)ankrupt -'Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt -(((((This tagline in Stereo where available))))) -(A)bort (R)etry (C)ut Your Throat..... -(A)bort (R)etry (F)ail (U)nplug & (S)ell. -(A)bort (R)etry (P)ull leg (H)ot boot (S)wipe tagline! -(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer -(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened... -(D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza -(You can have your cake) XOR (You can eat your cake) -(c) Copywight 1995 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. -* OLX 3 * Windows is to OS/2 what Etch-a-Sketch is to art. -*Four hours* to bury a cat? Yes - it wouldn't keep still -.. Bugs come in through open Windows. -... 'I'll be Bach.' - Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger -... All the world's a stage, and I missed rehearsal. -... Bill Clinton isn't slick. He's just a liar. -... Clinton Economics: If 1+2=3 then 4+5=6. -... Clinton excuse #15: Hey - I just do what the wife says -... Clinton excuse #18: You took that seriously? Har har -... Clinton sandwich: $5 of baloney and $20 in taxes -... Getting the truth from Clinton is like nailing Jello -... It's tourist season in Florida, bag limit two. -... KARAOKE is Japanese for 'Tone Deaf' -... Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant -.....If it ain't broke, fix it anyway just to screw it up! -...I'm sorry, Reality is not in service at this time. -...On the other hand, you have different fingers. -..Windows NT Performance', on the next 'In Search Of' -/EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you can -1 + 1 = ? Ask my calculator. -10 out of 5 doctors feel it's OK to be schitzo! -1200 bps used to seem so fast -186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW. -1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts -2 + 2 = 4 (for the time being). -2 + 2 = 5 (for sufficiently large values of 2) -3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population. -43% of all statistics are worthless. -43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr... -5 schizophrenics agree! -50 states, and I had to pick this one... -668 - Neighbor of the Beast -90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. -<<< Tagline deleted by Natl Endowment for the Arts >>> -==/==/==/==Police tagline==/==/==Do not cross ==/==/==/== -From my brain, an organ with a mind of it's own. -From the Department of Redundancy Dept. -A BBSer's telephone bill knows no bounds... -A Bugless Program is an Abstract Theoretical Concept. -A Metaphor is like a Simile. -A Smith & Wesson *ALWAYS* beats 4 Aces. -A big enough hammer fixes anything -A bird in the hand can be messy. -A camel is a horse planned by committee. -A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs. -A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. -A closed mind gathers no intelligence -A closed mouth gathers no feet. -A committee has 6 or more legs and no brain. -A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. -A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned. -A cynic smells flowers and looks for the casket. -A day for firm decisions! Or is it? -A day not wasted is a day wasted! -A day without radiation is a day without sunshine. -A day without sunshine is like night. -A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing. -A dirty book is rarely dusty. -A fool and his money are soon SYSOP. -A fool and his money rarely get together to start with. -A fool must now and then be right by chance. -A friend in need is a pest indeed... -A friend: someone who likes you even after they know you. -A good way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. -A half moon is better than no moon at all. -A harp is a nude piano. -A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something. -A library is an arsenal of liberty. -A life lived in fear is half a life lived. -A little greed can get you lots of stuff. -A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. -A living example of Artificial Intelligence. -A man needs a good memory after he has lied. -A man's best friend is his dogma. -A man, a plan, a canal. Suez! -A mind is a terrible thing to taste. -A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forgot.. -A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind. -A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. -A penny saved is a Governmental oversight. -A perversion of nature....how exciting! -A pessimist is never disappointed. -A phaser on stun is like a day without orange juice. -A rolling stone gathers momentum. -A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. -A single fact can spoil a good argument. -A stitch in time would have confused Einstein. -A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a moose. -A waist is a terrible thing to mind. -A yer ago I kudnt spel progremr now I are won. -ASCII and ye shall receive. -ASCII stupid question... get a stupid ANSI! -Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace. -Afraid of heights? Not me, I'm afraid of widths! -Agnodyslexic plea: 'why ME, dog?' -Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows. -Alex, I'll take 'Things Only I Know' for $1000. -All E-mail gladly received. Offensive reply ASAP. -All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money can't make me happy. -All I need to know I learned from my cat. -All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power -All generalizations are bad. -All generalizations are false, including this one. -All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here. -All in a day's work for...'Confuse-a-Cat'! -All in all it's just a... 'nother brick in the wall! -All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson -All programers are optimists. -All that glitters has a high refractive index. -All the easy problems have been solved. -All things are green unless they are not. -All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? -All words are pegs on which to hang ideas. -All work and no play, will make you a manager. -All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait. -Almost went crazy. Would have been a real short trip. -Alone: In bad company. -Always draw your curves, then plot the data. -Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much. -Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty. -Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out. -Always remember no matter where you go, there you are. -Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day. -Ambition is the last refuge of the failure. -America Good Place to Put Chinese Restaurant. -Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think. -An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications. -An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's really in a rut. -An elephant is a mouse with an operating system. -An idle mind is worth two in the bush. -An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction. -An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts. -An oyster is a fish built like a nut. -An ulcer is what you get mountain climbing over molehills. -An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. -An unemployed court jester is no one's fool. -And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. -And he disappeared in a puff of logic. -And if one bad cluster should accidentally fail... -And it's only ones and zeros. -And now for something completely different... -And now for something completely the same... -And tomorrow will be like today, only more so. -And, the driver compresses EVERYTHING, not just EXE & COM -Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly. -Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. -Another case of Cherry Coke down the programming hatch! -Answers: $1 * Correct answers: $5 * Dumb looks: Free! * -Antidisestablishmentarianism! -Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough. -Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do. -Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there -Any wire cut to length will be too short. -Anything worth doing, is worth doing for a profit. -Are we having Fahrvergnugen yet?? -Are ya feelin' lucky, punk?!! - Harry Callahan -Are you really American if your ethnicity has to be hyphenated? -Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? -Armageddon means never having to say you're sorry. -Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. -As I said before, I never repeat myself. -As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life. -As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716 -As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia. -Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it. -Assumption is the mother of all screwups... -Atheist = Deity Disadvantaged. -Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. -Dorothy -B.Gates : quality software :: R.McDonald : gourmet cuisine -BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding. -Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The Reverse Switch! -Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic -Bad Command:(A)bort (R)etry (T)ake RAM hostage -Bad breath is better than no breath. -Bald: follicularly challenged. -Barium: what you do with dead chemists. -Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus. -Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. -Best file compressor around: DEL *.* (100% compression!) -Best way to dispose of the Borg: Give them Windows 3.1. -Better ... stronger ... faster! -Beware of Geeks bearing gifs. -Beware of barking dogs that bite. -Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers -Bigamy : one wife too many. Monogamy : same thing -Bill Clinton is the Lyin' King. ( Now playing nation wide ) -Bill Clinton thinks that Cheerios are donut seeds. -Bill Clintoon: The prince of Dorkness, a caricature of a president -Black Holes are Out of Sight -Black holes really suck... -Blessed are the pessimists, for they make backups! -Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for ye shall not be dissapointed. -Bliss *IS* ignorance -Bo Knows Taglines! -Bo Peep did it for the insurance. -Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people. -Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencies. -Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. -Bored? Drive the speed limit... in your garage. -Borg spreadsheet: Locutus 1-2-3 -Borg? Where? I don't se*(#$#..NO CARRIER -Both of his feet are firmly planted in the air. -Boy: A noise with dirt on it. -Brain dysfunction detected.... -Brain over - Insert coin -Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think. -Break up a relationship - buy a computer!! -Breathing may be hazardous to your health. -Britannia waives the rules. -Bug off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes -Bugs are Sons of Glitches! -Bugs, like coathangers, breed if unobserved. -Building Contractors, not to be confused with homemakers -Bullets speak louder than reason. -Bumper sticker on a hearse: I'd rather be breathing -Bungee Jumper? Catch you on the rebound. -Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise -Bus error (Passengers dumped) -Busier than a 1 legged man in an butt-kicking contest. -But I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!! -But honey, we can afford it, I sold your car! -But my little voice TOLD me to do it! -But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks? -But then again, I like cold toilet seats. -But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination? -Buy American! -Buy Land Now. It's Not Being Made Any More. -Buy a supscription to Playboy and send it to your boss' wife -By all means, let's not confuse ourselves with the facts! -C programmer run C programmer crash C programmer quit -C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN DOS RUN -CAUTION: RIDER MAY BAIL AT ANY TIME -CCITT: Can't Certify I Trust Telecom. -CCITT: Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today -CD-WOM, Wead Onwy Memowy. -CEO of Dementia and Other Meaningless Entities. -CHIP: One California hi-way patrolman. -CODING: AN addictive Drug. -COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer. -CONgress (n) - Opposite of PROgress -CRASH: Normal termination. -CRIME CONTROL: Fire a warning shot into his HEART! -CURIOSITY? Nah. I got THAT cat with a lawnmower. -CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Stocktaking at a Bike shop -California raisins murdered: Cereal Killer suspected -Can I yell 'movie' in a crowded firehouse? -Can you find the mispelled word in hear? -Can you repeat the part after 'Listen very carefully'? -Can you see the REAL ME, can ya?!?! CAN YA??!?!!?!?!?!?! -Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? -Can't learn to do it well? Learn to enjoy doing it badly! -Card-carrying member of the cultural elite. -Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities. -Cause of crash: Inadvertent contact with the ground. -Caution: Breathing may be hazardous to your health. -Caution: Contents under pressure -Caution: Hungry Dieter May bite if provoked -Caveat emptor, no deposit no return, do not remove. -Celibacy is not hereditary. -Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. -Chernobyl used Windows -Chess players mate better. -Chicago runs best on a VCR. -Chicago, an operating system Pair-of-Dimes shift! -Chicago... The biggest thing since New Coke! -Chicago: NT deja vu! -Chicago? Been there. I'm ready to travel at WARP speed! -Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators. -Chipmunks roasting on an open fire. -Choose heaven for climate, hell for society. -Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. -Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular. -City Planners do it with their eyes shut. -Civilization - biggest syntax error in history! -Clark Kent is a transvestite. -Clarvoiants meeting canceled due to unforseen events. -Clean mind, clean body: take your pick. -Cleanliness is next to impossible. -Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get. -Clinton is one Bill, George Bush can't veto... -Clinton/Gore is to the presidency as Beavis & Butthead are to television. -Clones are people two. -Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades! -Close your eyes and press escape three times. -Closed Hearing for the Caption Impaired... -Cogito ergo spud I think therefore I yam. -Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. -Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar, you're gonna go far! -Coming Soon!! Mouse Support for Edlin! -Coming soon: Netware for the Nintendo! -Commence strategic maneuvers at audible command signal. 5, 4, 3... -Committees keep minutes and lose hours. -Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. -Common sense isn't... -Communism is like a mouth on a lollipop -Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence. -Computational Physicist and all around nice guy. -Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space. -Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light. -Computers All Wait at the Same Speed! -Computers Rule 01001111 01001011 -Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. -Computers are useless; they can only give answers. -Computers run on faith, not electrons. -Condense soup, not books! -Conformity obstructs progress. -Confucius say too much. -Confucius say: I didn't say that! -Confucius say: Man with no legs bums around. -Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools. -Confuse People: Quote from the wrong message! -Confused? Call Counselor Troi 1-900-NCC-1701: $1.95/minute -Confusion not only reigns, it pours. -Consolations, Consultations, Conflagrations. -Constant change is here to stay. -Contentsoftaglinemaysettleduringshipping. -Converse with any plankton lately? -Copyright the Intergalactic Thought Association -Corrupt REALITY.SYS: Reboot Universe (Y/n)? -Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer? -Couldn't myself have better it said. -Courage atrophies from lack of use. -Crime does not pay...as well as politics. -Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime? -Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it. -Crime, Sex, Alcohol, Drugs...Boy do I love Congress -Cynicism is intellectual dandyism. -Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing. -D.A.D.D. - Daddies Against Dirty Diapers -D.A.M. - Mothers Against Dyslexia -D.A.M.M - Drunks Against Mad Mothers -DAM: Mothers Against Dyslexia. -DANGER! Computer store ahead, hide wallet! -DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data. -DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law. -DEVICE=EXXON.SYS may mess up your environment -DILATE: To live longer. -DIODE: What happens to people who don't die young. -DIVORCE =system('echo y| erase \wife\*.*' ); -DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality -DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAGLINE (UNDER PENALTY OF LAW)! -DOC files? We don't need NO STINKIN' DOC FILES! -DOS 5.0 Yesterday's operating system, today! -DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse. -DOS never says 'EXCELLENT command or filename, Dude!' -DOS-O-MANIA : Reboot is not kicking your computer again -DOS-O-MANIA : Root is not the book Alex Haley wrote. -DOWN WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!! -Daddy, what does 'Formatting Drive C:' mean? -Dain Bramaged. -Dang this hobby is expensive! -Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions. -Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie. -Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. -Dawson's First Law: You don't have enough outlets. -Death benefits = oxymoron. -Death is 99 per cent fatal to laboratory rats. -Death is God's way of dropping carrier. -Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?' -Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. -Death sneaks up on you as a windshield sneaks up on a bug. -Death: to stop sinning suddenly. -Deflector shields just came on, Captain. -Delivered by Electronic Sled-Dogs.....Woof! -Democrats Call for Amnesty, Reduced Sentences Likely. -Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split. -Detour: The roughest distance between two points. -Diagonally parked in a parallel universe. -Did I just step on someone's toes again? -Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary! -Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion? -Die Yuppie Scum. -Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. -Difference between Jane Fonda & Bill Clinton? Jane went to Vietnam -Digression is education. -Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out. -Dinner Not Ready...(A)bort (R)etry (P)izza -Diplomacy is saying 'nice doggy' until you find a rock. -Diplomacy is the ability to let someone else have your way. -Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country. -Dirty deeds - DONE DIRT CHEAP! -Disclaimer: All opinions are not really opinions. -Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal. -Discoveries are made by not following instructions. -Disks travel in packs. -Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE! -Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? -Do I mind if you smoke? No. Do you mind if I FART? -Do fish get thirsty? -Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them. -Do not disturb. Already disturbed! -Do not put statements in the negative form. -Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? -Do steam rollers really roll steam? -Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on. -Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you! -Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? -Do you know the way to San Jose? -Doctor Who for president -Doctor, my brain hurts! -Documentation is the castor oil of programming. -Does Bill Clinton think Elvis is alive? -Does killing time damage eternity? -Does the Enterprise use DOS v2356.0? -Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? -Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? -Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines. -Dogs crawl under Gates, software under Windows. -Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent. -Don't ask me, I have intermittent memory loss -Don't ask me, I only work here. -Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go! -Don't be a sexist, broads hate that. -Don't be afraid to drive a nail in the wood! -Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say. -Don't blame me, I voted for Mickey Mouse. -Don't buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs. -Don't byte off more than you can multiplex. -Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up! -Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers. -Don't diet, download a virus to remove the FAT. -Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean! -Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out. -Don't just do something !!! Stand there !!! -Don't let school interfere with your education. -Don't look at me in that tone of voice! -Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you. -Don't mess with Murphy. -Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. ... ALL RIGHT, NOW PANIC -Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it. -Don't press the keys so hard! -Don't read everything you believe. -Don't rush me. I get paid by the hour. -Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace. -Don't start with me. You know how I get. -Don't steal. The government hates competition. -Don't stop posting, a good laugh breaks up my day nicely -Don't sweat it -- it's only ones and zeros. -Don't talk unless you can improve the silence. -Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure... -Don't try to saw sawdust. -Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. -Don't use no double negatives. -Don't worry, I'm fluent in weirdo. -Down with categorical imperative! -Down with ignurance! -Downgrade your system for only 89 dollars! Install Windows! -Dragons love you. You're crunchy and good with ketchup. -Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. -Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing -Drilling for oil is boring. -Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned. -Drive A: format failure, formatting C: instead... -Drive C: Error, (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore (K)ick (S)cream -Dropped from my peeling lips like lousy fruit. -Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system. -Dumb luck beats sound planning every time. Trust me. -Dying is no excuse. Nixon in 96. -Dyslexics are persona au gratin. -Dyslexics have more fnu. -Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE! -EMS: Enhanced Money Scam -ERROR 103: Dead mouse in hard drive. -EXPANSION SLOTS: The extra holes in your belt buckle. -Eagles may soar but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines! -Easter is canceled this year. They've found the body. -Eat Healthy, Exercise, and Die Anyway ... -Eat the rich, the poor are tough and stringy -Efficiency takes time! Frugality: who can afford it? -Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks. -Ego Gratification through Violence -Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. -Email me the rules, please! -Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery. -Enjoy me, I may never pass this way again. -Enough research will tend to support your theory. -Ensign Pillsbury: He's bread Jim! -Enter that again, just a little slower. -Error 15 - Unable to exit Windows. Try the door. -Eschew obfuscation! -Even in this corner of the galaxy, Captain, 2+2=4 ... Spock -Even snakes are afraid of snakes. -Even the greatest of whales is helpless in the middle of the desert -Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I... -Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? -Ever wonder why Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo? -Every man's work is a portrait of himself. -Every purchase has its price. -Every why hath a wherefore. -Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. -Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. -Everyone has photographic memory...some don't have film! -Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid -Everyone is entitled to my opinion. -Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner. -Everyone's expendable...and no one has a real friend -Everything bows to success, even grammar. -Everything in our favor was against us. -Everything that is not mandatory is forbidden. -Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. -Evil always triumphs over good, because good is STUPID! -Exceeding the legal fun limit on a regular basis -Excellent time to become a missing person. -Excuse me while I dance a little jig of despair -Excuse me while I sharpen my tongue. -Experience is a good teacher but her fees are high... -Experience: a name everyone gives to his mistakes. -Exploding piglets!!! My gosh, it's raining bacon! -Exxon Suxx. -F.A.R.T....Fathers Against Radical Teenagers -FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue... -FIGHT BACK! Fill out your tax forms with Roman numerals. -FILE COPIED. I THINK? -FLOPPY DISK: Serious curvature of the spine. -FOR SALE: 1 set of morals, never used, will sell cheap. -FORD: The Heartbreak of today's Chevrolet! -Fact is solidified opinion -Facts Just Get In The Way And Impede Progress. -Facts are stubborn things. -Fad: In one era and out the other -Familiarity breeds attempt -Familiarity breeds children. -Famous last words - Don't worry, I can handle it. -Famous last words - Icarus: Aaaahhhhhhhhh. -Famous last words - You and what army? -Faster than a speeding ticket! -Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You. -Fat person: Nutritional Overachiever -Fatal Error Using Mouse. Replace and Bury Operator. -Features should be discovered, not documented. -Feel lucky???? Update your software! -Felines... nothing more than felines... -Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate. -Fife. n. Small shrill instrument that rhymes with wife. -Figures won't lie, but liars will figure. -File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) -Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition -First thing you do is shoot all the lawyers -Fish and visitors stink in three days. -Flames to /dev/null/here/is/a/quarter/now/go/buy/a/clue. -Flaming nuclear death to Smurfs -Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for herself. -Floggings will continue until morale improves. -Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist. -Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do -Follow-ups to alt.nobody.really.cares -Food is an important part of a balanced diet. -Fools rush in where Fools have been before! -Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold -For Sale: Slightly used message. Enquire within. -For at the end of history lies the undiscovered country. -For discussion only. Not to be relied upon. -For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision. -For people who like peace and quiet: A phoneless cord! -For sale, Toilet-seat cover. Barely used. -For the finest in brain candy. -Forget the Joneses...I can't keep up with the SIMPSONS! -Forget the computer! Where's my abacus?? -Forget the diet center; send yourself a candygram. -Forgive your enemies...but REMEMBER THEIR NAMES! -Four minus two is one and the same. -Fraud(n): A telephone number starting with '1-900' -Free Nelson Mandela, while stocks last! -Free advice is worth what you pay for it -Free your mind ... the rest will follow! -Freedom is just chaos with better lighting. -Friction can be a drag sometimes. -Friendly fire - ISN'T ! -Friends are Friends, regardless of their baud rate! -Friends come and go, enemies accumulate. -Friends don't let friends drive naked. -Friends encourage friends to use Windows - under Linux! -Friendship is one soul in two bodies. -Frost -Funny, only sensible people agree with me. -GURU: One who knows more jargon than you. -Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. -Gargle twice daily - see if your neck leaks. -Geez if you belive in honkus. -Genealogy = A DNA square-dance in the Thighlight Zone -General Failure reading John Dvorak -General stupidity error reading drive C: -Geoff, Brett and Todd...the BO-DYNASTY!!! -George Orwell was an optimist. -Get behind early so you have plenty of time to catch up. -Get the facts first - you can distort them later! -Get your filthy hands off my dessert! -Gimme back my face! You're getting it ugly. -Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it. -Give a woman an inch and she thinks she's a ruler. -Give your child mental blocks for Christmas. -Go Lemmings, Go!!! -Go shopping. Buy Stuff. Sweat in it. Return it the next day. -God created cats so that men could learn to understand women -God does not play dice. -God heals and the doctor takes the fee. -Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes. -Going the speed of light is bad for your age. -Good day to let down old friends who need help. -Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!! -Goodness has NOTHING to do with it..... -Gotta love me! -Grab your helmet, get your bike, it's SHOWTIME! -Graduate Of The Uncle Fester & Keith Moon School of hair styling -Gravity brings me down -Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sucks. -Great minds travel in the same sewers. -Greed is good! Greed is right! Greed works! -Grow your own dope... plant a man -Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!! -Grub first, then ethics. -Gun control is being able to hit your target! -Guns don't kill people... death does. -Guns don't kill people..., I kill people! -H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd! -HAL 9000: Dave. Put down those Windows disks, Dave. DAVE! -Hackito ergo sum. -Hailing frequencies open, Captain. -Hand me that crowbar... I must pry out this bullet. -Happiness is Earth in your rear view mirror. -Happiness is a warm gun. -Happiness is a warm modem -Happiness is finding special characters  -Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip. -Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton. -Happiness is...receiving YOUR posts!!!! -Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. -Hard work must have killed someone! -Has it ever rained cats and dogs? -Hasta la vista, Baby! -Have Tardis, will travel. -Have an adequate day. -Have cursor, will curse. -Have it OUR way. Yours is IRRELEVANT. At BORGerKing. -Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem? -Have you seen Quasimoto? I have a hunch he's back! -Having Windows problems? Dial 1-800-3-IBM-OS2 for fast relief! -Having two bathrooms ruins the capacity to co-operate. -He does the work of 3 Men...Moe, Larry & Curly -He has Van Gogh's ear for music. -He who Laughs, Lasts. -He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut. -He who asks timidly makes denial easy. -He who dies with the most access, wins. -He who dies with the most toys... is *still* DEAD! -He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons. -He who hesitates is constipated. -He who laughs last is S-L-O-W. -He who laughs last probably made a backup. -He who lives by the sword laughs last. -He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end! -He who shouts the loudest has the floor. -He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise. -He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his wallet. -He's dim, Jed -He's not dead, Jim, he's just metabolically challenged. -Heads I win... DITTO tails -Health food makes me sick. -Heisenberg slept here, I think. -Help endangered species - adopt a KGB operative. -Help fight continental drift. -Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you! -Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy! -Help! I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap. -Help! I've been stuck in here for years and years... -Help! Police! That guy stole my .sig! STOP!!! THIEF!!! -Help!!! I'm falling and I can't click out!!! -Help, I'm slipping into the Twilight Zone! -Here today, gaunt tomorrow. -Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone! -Hey! This is a morgue, not an amusement park! -Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??! -Hey, CServe/Unisys! Stick it where the sun don't shine! -Hey, Worf...I hooked Data up to a Modem...Wanna see? -Hi! I can't remember your name either. -Hi, I'm from Corporate. I'm here to help you. -Hi. I'll be your tagline for this evening. -High message: 9434567. Message last read: 9. -Hills weed out the weak. Darwin would argue this is good. -Hindsight is always 20:20. -Hindsight is an exact science. -Hm..what's this red button fo:=/07 SUCKER!!! AH, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! -Hollow chocolate has no calories -Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. -Honey, PLEASE don't pick up the PH$@#*&$^(#@&$^%(*NO CARRIER -Honeymoon Salad: Lettuce alone, with no dressing. -Honeymoon: time between 'I do' and 'you'd better' -Honk if you love cheeses. -Honk if you love peace and quiet. -Honk, if you have slept with Clinton. -Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces. -Housework done properly, can kill you -Houston! do you read. -How come the AT&T logo looks like the Death Star? -How come there's only one Monopolies Commission? -How come wrong numbers are never busy? -How do I set my laser printer for stun? -How do you know it's summer in Seattle? Rain's warm! -How do you make Windows faster ? Throw it harder -How do you pronounce my name? With reverence. -How do you write zero in Roman numerals? -How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog! -How does one expect the unexpected? -How long is a short story? -How long will a floating point operation float? -How many consultants will fit onto the head of a pin? -How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand! -How many weeks are there in a light year? -How much can I get away with and still go to heaven? -How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? -Humpty dumpty was pushed. -Hydrate or Die. -Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got. -I *LOVE* it when a plan comes together! -I BBS because no one can read my handwriting. -I Cayman went. -I Have To Stop Now, My Fingers Are Getting Hoarse! -I M a tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum. -I Still miss my ex-wife.....BUT, My aim is improving! -I Think....therefore I'm OVER QUALIFIED!!!!!!!!! -I love it when a plan comes together! -I admit it's offbeat, but lets not get hysterical. -I always lie. In fact, I'm lying to you right now! -I always like to try the one I've never tried before. -I am Clinton of Borg. Your income will be assimilated. -I am Homer of Borg! Prepare to be...OOooooo! Donuts!!! -I am Lancelot of Borg. Resistance is feudal. -I am both of us & so are you. -I am built for comfort, not speed! -I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. -I am functioning within established parameters. -I am in total control, but don't tell my wife. -I am not an animal! I am ... well, not an animal. -I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. -I am sweet and lovable at all times. -I am the girl-next-door's imaginary boyfriend. -I am what I am and that's all that I am. -I am. Therefore, I think. I think. -I apologize to the deaf for the loss of subtitles. -I bet you I could stop gambling. -I bought a cordless extension cord. -I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. -I came, I saw, I took LOTS of PICTURES! -I came... I saw... I stole your tagline. -I can do without essentials but I must have my luxuries -I can quit anytime I want; I just don't want to! -I can resist anything but temptation. -I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving. -I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol. -I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left! -I can't believe my computer's on fire. -I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear. -I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!! -I could be arguing in my spare time. -I could have stuck with DOS, but NO. -I couldn't care less about apathy. -I didn't cheat, I just changed the Rules! -I didn't know it was impossible when I did it. -I distinctly remember forgetting that. -I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. -I do this kind of stuff to him all through the picture. -I don't care if I'm apathetic. -I don't care who you are, Fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof! -I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be. -I don't eat snails... I prefer FAST food! -I don't hate Windows - it runs great under Linux! -I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. -I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily. -I don't need a disclaimer. I OWN the company. -I don't think, therefore I am not. -I don't want the world, I just want your half. -I drink to make other people interesting. -I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out. -I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. -I feel so inar-inar-inar tic-u-late -I feel the need......the need for speed! -I finally washed the mud off of mud. -I find myself beside a stream of empty thought -I float like an anchor and sting like a moth. -I get mail........ I exist. -I give advice worth the price....free! -I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat! -I guess a cynic smells different. -I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem. -I had amnesia once or twice. -I had my coat hangers spayed. -I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. -I hate to repeat gossip, so I'll only say this once. -I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers -I have a rock garden. 3 of them died last week. -I have a speech impediment... my foot. -I have already not made that point -I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence! -I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. -I have the mars observer and I'm not returning it until I get an 'A' in astronomy -I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere. -I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it. -I hear what you're saying but I just don't care. -I is a college student. -I is knot dain bramaged! -I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had? -I keep my .BAT files in D:\BELFRY -I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words -I know everything about everything, except that. -I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once. -I like candy, especially the gooey kind with nougat! -I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one. -I like to leave messages *before* the beep. -I like to reminisce with people I don't know. -I like to think of myself as a divide overflow. -I like your approach, now let's see your departure. -I lost a button hole today. -I lost my knickers at Niagara. -I made it foolproof. They are making better fools! -I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight. -I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up -I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me. -I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent. -I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night. -I need someone really bad. Are you really bad? -I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget. -I never met a chocolate I didn't like! -I only counted 100 dalmatians...!!! -I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go. -I parked my hard disk and now I can't find it! -I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. -I post.......... I am -I promise results, not promises. -I refuse a battle of wits with an unarmed person! -I remember when Saturns were rockets, not cars. -I saw, I came, I cleaned it up. -I smashed a Window and saw... Linux! -I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's gone. -I think I strained a muscle I didn't know I had! -I think, therefore I am. I think. -I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS. -I thought I was wrong but I was mistaken. -I tried being reasonable once. I didn't like it. -I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit. -I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. -I tried to drown my problems but they can swim! -I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal. -I used to be disgusted, but now I'm just amused. -I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure. -I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now. -I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. -I used to spell badlie, but now I got worser. -I used to watch TV, then I bought a modem. -I wake near the end of the day. -I want .50 cal machine guns as a factory option. -I warn you not to underestimate my powers. -I was arrested for selling illegal sized paper. -I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep. -I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off.... -I went on a 30-day diet - and lost 30 days! -I will defend to your death my right to my opinion. -I wish life had a scroll-back buffer. -I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole! -I wrote a few children's books, but not on purpose. -I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare. -I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous -I'd like to live like a poor person with lots of money. -I'd like to, but last time I went I never came back.. -I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential. -I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops. -I'd love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore -I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma. -I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Phillip. -I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular. -I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini. -I'd love to, but my crayons all melted together. -I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV. -I'd love to, but my patent is pending. -I'd love to, but none of my socks match. -I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force. -I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are. -I'd rather be bicycling! -I'll eat anything that's BRIGHT BLUE!! -I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too! -I'll get you yet, you kwazy wabbit! -I'll jump off that bridge when I come to it. -I'll tell you what's the matter! This parrot is dead! -I'm Not Schizophrenic, And Neither Am I. -I'm Serfectly Pober. -I'm a Bum...a BEACH Bum! -I'm a cowboy ... on a steel horse I ride! -I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay! -I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. -I'm an Debian developer...I don't NEED a life! -I'm an absolute, off-the-wall fanatical moderate. -I'm an incorrigible punster, so don't corrige me! -I'm an influential person, gravitationally speaking. -I'm as bored as a pacifist's pistol. -I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk. -I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing. -I'm easy to please as long as I get my way. -I'm fallin' down a spiral, destination unknown! -I'm fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact. -I'm in shape ... Rounds a shape isn't it? -I'm leaving my body to science fiction. -I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes. -I'm new and what's all this then? -I'm no stranger, just a friend you haven't met... -I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing. -I'm not as dumb as you look. -I'm not broke, I'm just badly bent. -I'm not dead. I'm electroencephelographically challenged. -I'm not even going to ignore that. -I'm not fat just horizontally disproportionate. -I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished -I'm not lost, I'm 'locationally challenged.' -I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am. -I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right! -I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this? -I'm not real smart, but I can lift heavy things. -I'm not rude, I'm 'attitudinally challenged'. -I'm not schizophrenic. It's this guy beside me! -I'm not tense, just terribly alert. -I'm on the crest of a slump. -I'm out of sick days, so I'm calling in dead! -I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam. -I'm schizophrenic, What are you? -I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention. -I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes. -I'm sure it's clearly explained in the Zmodem DOC's -I'm sure it's in the manual somewhere... -I'm the person your mother warned you about. -I'm too smart to let my intelligence go to my head. -I'm turning you in to the SPCA! -I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force. -I've got Parkinson's disease. And he's got mine. -I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called? -I've got to sit down and work out where I stand. -I've had fun before. This isn't it. -I've run out of sick leave so I'm calling in dead. -I've seen the future. I can't afford it. -IBM: I've Been Misled -IBM: It may be slow, but at least it's expensive. -IBM: you can buy better, but you can't pay more -IF numcooks > .maxcooks THEN;SET V broth = 'spoiled';END -INTERLACE: To tie two boots together. -Ideas are not responsible for their followers! -If At First You Don't Succeed Ignore The Docs... -If Clinton's the answer, it must have been a really stupid question. -If I can't fix it, it's probably dead. -If I can't win, I don't wanna play! -If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here. -If I had been using Windoze, I'd still be writing this. -If I save the whales, where do I keep them? -If I save time, when do I get it back ? -If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you. -If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much. -If I were two faced, would I wear this one? -If I were you, who'd be me? -If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will. -If The Shoe Fits - The Sock Fits ! -If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk? -If a tree falls on a florist, would he make a sound? -If all goes well, you've overlooked something! -If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail -If at first we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. -If at first you don't succeed, call it v1.0! -If at first you don't succeed, hide your astonishment. -If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test. -If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. -If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. -If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft. -If at first you don't succeed, you must be using Windows. -If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose! -If cows could fly, everyone would carry an umbrella. -If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve. -If idiots could fly, this would be an airport. -If in doubt, make it sound convincing. -If it glows don't touch it! -If it has feelings, its not cooked enough! -If it isn't broken, don't fix it. -If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing -If it walks out of your refrigerator, LET IT GO !! -If it works, tear it apart and find out why! -If it's not broke, let me take a crack at it. -If it's not going to plan, maybe there never was a plan. -If it's not on fire, it's a software problem. -If it's not worth doing well, it's not worth doing. -If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid -If it's too loud, you're too old. -If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. -If little else, the brain is an educational toy. -If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws. -If money could talk, it would say goodbye. -If nobody measures up, check your yardstick. -If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit? -If speed scares you, try Windows... -If the shoe fits, put it in your mouth. -If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams. -If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance. -If this were an actual tagline, it would be funny. -If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth! -If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal. -If winning isn't important then why keep score? -If you associate with the wise, you will become wise. -If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. -If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch. -If you cannot convince them, confuse them. -If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? -If you didn't get caught, did you really do it? -If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost. -If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself! -If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own. -If you have nothing to do, don't do it here. -If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know. -If you hear an onion ring please answer it. -If you mess with something long enough it'll break. -If you must drink and drive, drive a Yugo! -If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? -If you say nothing, no one will repeat it. -If you see an onion ring, ANSWER IT! -If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. -If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? -If you want your name spelt wrong, die. -If you wish work poorly done, pay in advance. -If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. -If you're not the solution, you're the precipitate. -If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.. -If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it! -Ifyoucanreadthis,youspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines! -Ignorance is temporary; stupid is forever. -Illiterate? Write for free help. -Imagery is All In The Mind. -Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality -Impropriety is the soul of wit. -In God we trust, all others pay cash. -In a fight between you and the world, back the world. -In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death -In case of fire, yell 'FIRE!' -In politics stupidity is not a handicap. -In the land of the witless, the halfwit is king. -In war there is no substitute for victory. -Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF -Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence. -Individualists of the world, UNITE! -Inertia makes the world go round. -Inferiority complex: conviction by a jury of your fears. -Innovate or Die. -Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. -Insanity is just a state of mind. -Insert New Disk for Drive C: Press ENTER when ready. -Insert inevitable trivial witticism of your choice. -Interchangeable parts won't. -Internal combustion engines are the dinosaurs' revenge -International Brotherhood of Tagline Thieves. -Interstellar Matter is a Gas -Invisible Systems, Inc. If you don't see it, we made it. -Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets. -Is 'tired old cliche' one? -Is it OK to yell 'MOVIE' in a crowded firehouse? -Is it in my head...or in my heart? -Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON? -Is it possible to feel gruntled? -Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky? -Is there life before coffee? -Is this a machine? I don't talk to machines! [Click] -Is this the right room for an argument? -It all looks the same if you're not the lead dog. -It can't be full...I STILL HAVE SUBDIRECTORIES! -It compiled, first screen came up?? Ship it! --Bill Gates -It did what? Well, it's not supposed to do that. -It doesn't work, but it looks pretty. -It has many other uses as well. Allow me. - Worf -It is always better to sacrifice your opponent's men -It is bad luck to be superstitious. -It is better to be brief than boring. -It is better to wear out than to rust out. -It is broke. It will not work. It does not go. -It is fatal to live too long. -It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms. -It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. -It is much easier to be critical than to be correct -It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. -It is, after all, only a moment in the infinity of time. -It really bothers me when people cut me o... -It said 'Insert disk #3', but only two will fit! -It works better if you plug it in. -It's 10:00 PM...do YOU know where YOUR tagline is? -It's Ensign Flintstone - he's Fred, Jim. -It's a Tough Job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it. -It's a fine line between fishing & standing still -It's a fine night to have an evening. -It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for. -It's a tough job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it. -It's an ill wind that gathers no moss. -It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you. -It's bad luck to be superstitious. -It's been a business doing pleasure with you. -It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. -It's best to leave quickly when you make noises like that... -It's better to burn out than to fade away. -It's clever, but is it art? -It's deja vu all over again. -It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser. -It's easier to obtain forgiveness than permission. -It's easy to apply yourself, just use crazy glue! -It's easy to be brave from a safe distance. -It's hard to RTFM when you can't find the FM.. -It's hard to be serious when you're naked. -It's life Jim, but not as we know it. -It's like Deja Vu all over again... -It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. -It's more than a reader. It's a message base manager! -It's never too late to have a happy childhood -It's not easy having an overbearing parent! - Troi -It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere! -It's not in the manual! -It's not just a hobby, it's an obsession! -It's not pretty being easy. -It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole. -It's not the money I want, it's the stuff. -It's not the principle of the thing, it's the money -It's okay to be ugly...but aren't you overdoing it? -It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only -It's only ones and zeros. -It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is...dead, Jim. -It's smart to pick your friends, but not your nose. -It's starting to rain, .SQZ the animals into the .ARC ! -It's true, forgiveness IS easier to get than permission -Its a JOKE, like the funny kind but different. -Itsdifficulttobeverycreativewithonlyfiftysevencharacters! -JFK: I need this motorcade like a hole in my head! -James Bond rules. 00K. -Jealousy is all the fun you think they have. -Jet Engine Theory -Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow! -Join the Group Mind - become a Borg -Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot. -Jumbo shrimp = oxymoron. -Junk: stuff we throw away. Stuff: junk we keep. -Just because you're STUPID ain't no excuse. -Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get me! -Just do it. -Just don't tell the asylum you saw me here -Just how much leg have I got -Just my 78,000 lira worth. -Just what part of 'NO' didn't you understand...? -Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats. -Justice is incidental to law and order. -Justice: A decision in your favor. -Kamikaze Pilot Wanted: Experienced only need apply. -Keep America beautiful.. properly dispose of your lawyer. -Keep a clear head and always carry a lightbulb. -Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis. -Keyboard Not Found - Press [F1] to Continue -Kicked wide of the goal with such precision. -Kids-They're not sleeping, they're recharging! -Kill them all! .... Let God sort them out. -Killer Rabbit's Motto: 'Lettuce Prey.' -Kilroy occupied these coordinates. -Kleptomania: take something for it -Know what I hate? I hate rhetorical questions! -Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either. -LISP: To call a spade a thpade. -LISTEN HERE! I HAVE FIRST AMENDENT RIGH(@#$!9*&^ NO CARRIER -LOTUS - Let Only The Users Suffer -Laddie, ya think ya might like ta ... rephrase that? -Land of the Single Entendre... -Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle. -Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot. -Laughter: The shortest distance between two people. -Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself. -Lesser artists borrow. Great artists steal. -Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it! -Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it. -Let's split up, we can do more damage that way. -Liberal - a power worshiper without power. -Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references. -Life - brief interlude between nothingness and eternity. -Life can be great if you live it to the fullest! -Life is a sandwich, and it's always lunchtime -Life is a series of very rude awakenings. -Life is like a Car-wash and I'm on a bicycle. -Life is only as long as you live it. -Life is serious, but ART is fun! -Life is tough. It's tougher when you're stupid. -Life is uncertain...eat dessert first! -Life sucks, but Death swallows! -Life would be easier if I had the source code. -Life's too short to dance with ugly men. -Life's too short to dance with ugly women. -Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it. -Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you. -Likes and dislikes are among my favorites -Linux, the choice of a GNU generation. -Liposuction will destroy your FAT -Lisp programmers have to stop and collect garbage. -Live before you die. -Living poor is best left to those with no money. -Locked coathanger in car. Good thing I had a key. -Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. -Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener. -Luxuriantly hand-crafted from only the finest ASCII. -M.A.D.D.: Midgets Against Desk Drawers. -MOPAR = Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly! -MS Windows -- From the people who brought you EDLIN! -MS-DOS: celebrating ten years of obsolescence -Macho does not prove Mucho. -Madness takes its toll; please have exact change. -Make Headlines..use a corduroy pillow.... -Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler. -Make it do ... Or do without. -Make like a Tom and Cruise. -Make like a baby and head out. -Make like a banana and split. -Make like a drum and beat it! -Make like a tree and leave. -Make somebody happy. Mind your own business. -Make up a language and ask people for directions. -Man has his will. Woman has her won't! -Man invented language to satisfy his need to complain. -Man who get hit by car, get that run down feeling -Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself -Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache -Man who run behind car get exhausted. -Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloon -Marching to a different kettle of fish. -Mary had a little RAM -- only about a MEG or so. -Math is the language God used to write the universe. -May I please be excused? My Brain is full. -May the Porsche be with you. -May you live in interesting times. -May your life be filled with experiences. -Me know gammar. Me cood use it gud. -Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve it's dignity -Meditation is not what you Think. -Meet the new Boss--same as the old Boss... -Megabyte: A nine course dinner. -Member: International Brotherhood of Tagline Thieves! -Memory is a thing we forget with. -Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. -Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence -Microfiche: Sardines. -Microsoft Windows... a virus with mouse support. -Microsoft gives you Windows... Linux gives you the whole house. -Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties -Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open. -Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses. -Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting! -Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure. -Modem: What landscapers do to dem lawns. -Money is the root of all wealth. -Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired. -Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition. -Most of us have been at work for several hours now. -Mother is the invention of necessity. -Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels! -Multitasking causes schizophrenia.. -Murphy is out there... waiting... -Murphy was an optimist. -Murphy's law needs to be repealed. -Must Go - My Rotweiler needs its teeth sharpened. -My *taglines* are original. *I* am a copy. -My RAM's not what it used to be, so don't quote me. -My attention isn't hard to get. It IS hard to keep... -My best friend is a social worker. -My computer has a terminal illness -My computer's sick, I think my modem's a carrier -My couch potato routine honed to perfection -My fallacies are more logical than your fallacies. -My foolish parents taught me to read and write. -My hat covers my head... Just like hair used to! -My haystack had no needle! -My head is sore, and there's a hole in the brick wall! -My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours. -My karma ran over your dogma. -My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring -My message above. Your response here ____________. -My other computer is a Cray Y/MP-4! -My other computer is a HAL 9000. -My other computer is an abacus. -My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ... -My reality check just bounced. -My tagline can beat up your tagline! -My weight is perfect for my height... which varies. -NAVY: Never Again Volunteer Yourself -NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing. -NEWS! Drunk gets nine months in violin case -NEWS! Enraged cow injures farmer with ax -NEWS! Iraqi head seeks arms -NEWS! Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers -NEWS! Stolen painting found by tree -NEWS! Survivor of siamese twins joins parents -NO! Taco Bell is NOT the Mexican Phone Company! -NUMBER CRUNCHING: Jumping on a Computer. -Naaah, real men don't read docs. -Nanosecond: Mork's stunt man. -Neil Armstrong tripped. -Neither rain, nor snow, nor l?ne n*oi*se -Neurotic: Self-taut person. -Never argue with a woman when she's tired, or rested. -Never assume. It makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'. -Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off. -Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you -Never eat anything bigger than your head. -Never eat more than you can lift. -Never enter a battle of wits unarmed. -Never go with the odds -Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist! -Never judge a man by his taglines. -Never let your feet run faster than your shoes. -Never mind the facts - I know what I know. -Never park your hard disk in a tow-away zone. -Never say, 'Oops!'; always say, 'Ah, interesting!' -Never test for an error you don't know how to handle. -Never trust a man who can count to 1,023 on his fingers -Never trust a skinny cook. -Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. -Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. -New Highway gets Railroaded. -Newsbytes - Microsoft announce EDLIN for Windows. -Nihilism should commence with oneself. -Ninety per cent of everything is crap. -Nitpicking: Not just a hobby, it's a way of life! -Nitrate: Lower than the day rate. -No .sig is a good .sig -No free lunch in an ecosystem. -No one EXPECTS the Spanish Inquisition!!! -No one ever said 'if I'd only spent more time in the office' -No radio. Already stolen. -No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. -No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard. -No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in Outer Space. -Nobody roots for Goliath. -Nobody shoots at Santa Claus. -Nodding the head does not row the boat. -None of you exist, my Sysop types all this in. -Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. -Not a computer nerd; merely a techno-weenie. -Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute. -Not many people realize just how well known I am. -Not now, John, we gotta get on with the game show... -Not quite human any longer. -Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible. -Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come -Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse. -Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious -Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason -Nothing recedes like success. -Nothing succeeds like excess. -Now entering Iowa. Please set your clocks back 20 years. -Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time. -Now is not a good time to annoy me -Now is the time for all good men to come to. -Now that I've given up hope I feel much better... -Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean? -O Oysters come and walk with us, the Walrus did beseech. -OK Scotty, detonate and energize NOW! No, wait, I mean....... -OK, I'm weird! But I'm saving up to become eccentric. -OPERATOR! Trace this call and tell me where I am. -OUT TO LUNCH - If not back at five, OUT TO DINNER! -Obe Wan Kenobi at the dinner table: 'Use the FORKS, Luke!' -Objection, your Honor! My client is an idiot! -Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder -Objects in taglines are closer than they appear. -Of all the people I've met you're certainly one of them -Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. -Of course I'm running Windows[kVxB NO CARRIER -Oh goody! Another Muranium Explosive Space Modulator! -Oh no you don't! You're not stealing this one! -Oh no, not another learning experience! -Oh, Bullwinkle, that trick NEVER works! -Ok, I pulled the pin. Now what? Where are you going? -Okay - right after this one we're BACK to the TOPIC -Old MacDonald had a computer with an EIE I/O -Old age is better than the alternative. -On a clear disk you can seek forever. -On a scale of 1 to 10, 4 is about 7. -On an electrician's truck: Let Us Remove Your Shorts -One atom bomb can really ruin your day. -One good turn gets most of the blanket. -One is never as happy or unhappy as one imagines. -One man's Windows are another man's walls... -One man's upload is another man's download -One night I came home very late. It was the next night -One tactical thermonuclear weapon can ruin your whole day. -One way to better your lot is to do a lot better... -One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him. -Only 19,999 lines of C++ to my next ski trip... -Only cosmetologists give make-up exams. -Only the winners decide what were war crimes. -Open Mouth. Insert Foot. Chew Carefully. -Optimization hinders evolution. -Originality is the art of concealing your sources. -Our houseplants have a good sense of humous. -Our necessities are few but our wants are endless... -Out here in the fields...I fight for my meals...! -Out of Memory!? But I fed you 6 Megs this morning! -Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal. -Outlaw junk mail, and save the trees! -Overload--core meltdown sequence initiated. -Oxymoron - Definite possibility -Oxymoron - Military Intelligence -Oxymoron: Bosnian Cease-Fire -Oxymoron: Soviet Union. -PC! Politically Correct (or) Pure Crap! -PCBackup: 1 of 1362 disks. -PI seconds is a nanocentury. - Tom Duff, Bell Labs -PKZip - it's not just for downloads anymore -Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. -Palindrome isn't one. -Pandemonium doesn't reign here... It pours! -Paranoia is heightened awareness. -Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life. -Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload. -Pascal: What's it Wirth? -Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity. -Patience is a virtue that carries a lot of WAIT! -Pay your electric bill in pennies. -Peace through superior firepower. -People are always available for work in the past tense. -People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care. -People who live in glass houses shouldn't! -People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses. -Perot/Bush/Quayle: The Millionaire, Skipper & Gilligan. -Pet Store: 'Buy one, get one flea.' -Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago. -Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square! -Pizza IS the four food groups! -Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery. -Plagiarism prohibited, derive carefully. -Plankton lobbyist: 'NUKE THE WHALES!' -Plasma is another matter. -Please Tell Me if you Don't Get This Message -Please call the windows police. I've caught another gpf. -Please don't drink and post. -Please don't take my sunshine away. -Please recycle this tagline. Once is not enough. -Pobody's Nerfect! -Poets go from bad to verse -Point not found. A)bort, R)eread, I)gnore. -Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy. -Political panjandrums prologize pedantic paronomasia. -Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun. -Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. -Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. -Pound forehead on keyboard to continue. -Power corrupts, but we need electricity. -Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. -Predestination was doomed from the start. -Predicting the future of technology is fraud with peril! -Prejudice is the reason of fools. - Voltaire. -Preserve wildlife... pickle a rat. -Press -- to continue... -Press any key to continue or any other key to quit -Press any key...NO, NO, NO, NOT THAT ONE!!!!!! -Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry. -Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday. -Program too small to fit into memory. -Programming is an art form that fights back. -Progress is made on alternate Fridays. -Prosecutors will be violated -Psychiatrists stay on your mind. -Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots. -Push the limit, and the limit will move away! -Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something. -Put people on hold when possible. -Quantum mechanics do it in leaps. -Quasimodo is a dead ringer. -Question Authority, ask me anything -RAID Antivirus - Kills Virus's DEAD!!! -Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination. -Radioactive halibut will make fission chips. -Random order = oxymoron -Rap music = oxymoron -Read the dictionary backwards and look for secret messages. -Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO's. -Real Trekkers work out at the He's Dead Gym. -Real men don't set for stun. -Real men write self-modifying code. -Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle buttons -Reality is an obstacle to hallucination. -Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek. -Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. -Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!! -Recursive, adj.; see Recursive -Red ship crashes into blue ship - sailors marooned. -Reduce Carbon Dioxide emmissions - STOP Breathing -Redundancy: A Politician with an airbag in his car. -Refuse Novocain...Transcend Dental Medication! -Remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. -Remember, If you're not in bed by 10:30..... go home! -Remember, Subaru spelled backwards is U-R-A-BUS. -Reputation: what others are not thinking about you. -Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm) -Return((usBirdInHand = 2 * InTheBush())); -Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow. -Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals. -Road Kill Cafe: You kill 'em, we grill 'em. -Roses are red, Violet's are blue, And mine are white. -Rotisserie: a ferris wheel for chickens -Round up the usual suspects! -Rubber bands have snappy endings! -Russian Express Card motto: Don't leave home! -S met ing's hap ening t my k ybo rd . . -SCUD : Sure Could Use Directions -STICK: A boomerang that doesn't work. -STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park elsewhere! -SYNTAX? Why not--they tax everything else! -SYSTEM ERROR: press F13 to continue... -Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses. -Sarcasm: barbed ire. -Save California; when you leave take someone with you. -Save energy: be apathetic. -Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes! -Save the whales. Collect the whole set. -Save your money for a rainy day, or a new computer! -Say yer prayers, y' flea-bitten' varmint. -Schizophrenia beats being alone. -Science asks why. I ask why not. -Science: preconception meeting verification. -Scientists discover life causes cancer. -Scotty! Hurry! Beam me uragg^*z~% NO CARRIER -Scrute the inscrutable, eff the ineffable. -See how you can be? -Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing. -Send lawyers, guns, & money... -Send more tourists..... the last ones were delicious! -Sentient plasmoids are a gas. -Serving the scum of Paris for over 300 years -Set mode=Extremely verbose -Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven! -Shareware: forget the manual...phone the author at home! -ShelfDoze is a registered Trademark of M$. -Shell to DOS... come in DOS... Do you copy? -Shh! Be vewy quiet, I'm hunting wuntime errors! -Shin - a device for finding furniture in the dark.. -Shoot your program and put it out of its memory! -Shoplifters with the runs take Clepto Bismol -Short people are vertically challenged. -Should I or shouldn't I?... Too late, I did! -Should I weed the lawn or say it's a garden? -Show me a sane man. I'll cure him for you. -Sign here please:_______________________Thanks -Sign on Closed Nuclear Power Plant... 'Gone Fission' -Sign on a clothing store - Come inside and have a fit. -Signito ergo sum - I sign therefore I am. -Simon says: don't be so suggestible. -Sit down, you're rocking the boat! -Six of one, 110 (base 2) of another. -Skating away on the thin ice of a new day. -Slower Traffic Keep Right - Is that so difficult? -Slug Sautee: a hors of a different d'oeuvre. -Small changes pick up the reins from nowhere. -Smash forehead on keyboard to continue... -Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips. -Smile... people will wonder what you've been up to. -Smiley faces were meant to be annoying. -Smokey the Bear says, 'Strip mining prevents forest fires!' -Smoking cures weight problems...eventually. -Smoking is a leading cause of statistics. -Smurf exterminator. -So many bytes, so few cps. -So many lawyers, so few bullets. -So many pedestrians, so little time. -So many toys, so little time... -So much time, and so little to do. -Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty. -Software Independent: Won't work with ANY software. -Software means never having to say you're finished -Some Do, Some Don't, Some Will and Some Won't. -Some People.... -Some days you're a bug, other days a windshield. -Some days, nothing goes left. -Some little dipstick stole all my good taglines... -Some minds should be cultivated, others plowed under... -Some people are so nice to be nasty to. -Some people are, through no fault of their own, sane. -Some things have got to be believed to be seen. -Someone is unenthusiastic about your work. -Something is rotten in the state of confusion. -Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. -Sorry about your Rectal-Cranial Inversion. -Sorry, I don't date outside my species. -Sorry... my mind has a few bad sectors. -Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (yep/Nope) -Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so. -Space is big. Really big. -Spaceman Spiff, Interplanetary Explorer! -Speaking only for myself, one of my many tricks. -Spell chequers dew knot work write. -Spice is the variety of life. -Stamp out philately! -Standing there making a sitting target of himself. -Stay Alert. Stay Awake. Stay Alive. -Steal my cash, car and TV - but leave the computer! -Sterility is hereditary. -Stop tagline theft! Copyright your tagline © -Strike any user when ready. -Stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out? -Subvert the dominant paradigm! -Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism. -Sumo Wrestling: survival of the fattest. -Supercalifragilisticexpialidocius -Supernovae are a Blast -Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have! -Support the helpless victims of computers. -Surprise your boss. Get to work on time. -Swish, two, three, four! Swish, two, three, four! -Sylvester Stallone: father of the RISC concept. -THE GOLDEN RULE: He who has the gold makes the rules -TV is chewing gum for the eyes. -Tact: knowing how far to go too far. -Tact: making a point without making an enemy. -Tagline Lotto: 2222222222<- Scratch here for prize. -Tagline theft is a compliment. -Taglines \'tag-linz \ The bumperstickers of the internet -Take a bite out of crime .. Abolish the IRS! -Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. -Take two crows and caw me in the morning -Talk is cheap because Supply exceeds Demand. -Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed. -Teamwork is essential. It gives them another target. -Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day. -Thank you very little. -That ain't so good English! -That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all. -That that is is not that that is not. -That was ZEN -- this is TAO -That'll be $67.50 CCCHHHHHIIIIINNNNGGGG!!!! -That's inches away from being millimeter perfect. -The Borg assimilated me & all I got was this stupid T-Shirt! -The Czech's in the mail. Sending Frenchman by FAX. -The French defense isn't... -The Hubbell works fine; all that stuff IS blurry! -The Lab called,..... Your brain is ready! -The Magic of Windows: Turns a 486 back into a PC/XT. -The Microsoft Motto: 'We're the leaders, wait for us!' -The PARITY CHECK is in the E-MAIL... -The Tour de France! -The UARTs won't take this speed, Captain -The Universe is a big place... perhaps the biggest -The Vatican Express Card. Don't leave Rome without it. -The backup's not over 'til the FAT table sings! -The ballot is stronger than the bullet. -The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. -The best defense against logic is stupidity. -The best defense is to stay out of range. -The best substitute for experience is being sixteen. -The best way to keep friends is not to give them away. -The best way to win an argument is to be right. -The buck doesn't even slow down here! -The cause of problems are solutions! -The cost of feathers has risen... Now even DOWN is up! -The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. -The cream rises to the top. So does the scum... -The days of the digital watch are numbered -The dentist said my wisdom teeth were retarded. -The dreadful burden of having nothing to do. -The evidence before the court is...INCONTROVERTIBLE! -The eyes are the mirror of the soul. -The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it -The first myth of management is that it exists. -The first rule of intelligent tinkering is save all parts! -The fish that escaped is the big one. -The further I go, the behinder I get. -The future isn't what it used to be. -The game's a little bit wide open again. -The gene pool has no lifeguard. -The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door. -The hangman let us down. -The hardest thing about time travel is the grammar. -The heart is wiser than the intellect... -The irony of life is that no one gets out alive... -The large print giveth and the small print taketh away. -The little engineer that could -The longer the title, the less important the job. -The man who begins many things finishes few. -The margin is very marginal. -The meek shall inherit the earth, if that's OK with you -The mind is like a parachute - it works only when open. -The moving cat sheds, and having shed, moves on... -The next thing to do is hang all the consultants. -The only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation. -The option to override self-destruct expir@^%i@&$#NO CARRIER -The pen is mightier than the pencil. -The penalty for bigamy is having two mothers-in-law. -The pendulum has gone full circle. -The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers. -The rich get richer; the poor get babies. -The road to success is always under construction. -The score didn't really reflect the outcome. -The secret of the universe is~~*#~** FF * NO CARRIER -The shortest distance between two points is off the wall -The simple explanation always follows the complex solution -The sixth sheikh's sixth sheep's sick. -The soul would have no heart had the eyes no tears... -The superfluous is very necessary. -The thrill is gone, the thrill is gone baby -The universe is a spheroid region 705 meters in diameter... -The unnatural, that too is natural. -The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle. -The weather is here, wish you were beautiful. -The whole world is about three drinks behind -The world is coming to an end. Please log off. -The worst thing about censorship is **************************. -The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions. -Then somebody spoke, and I went into a dream.... -There are 2 ways to handle women and I know neither. -There are many things I could say... -There are no atheists in the foxholes. -There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work. -There is an exception to every rule, except this one. -There is much Obiwan did not tell you. -There is no dark side of the moon. Really. -There is no finish line. -There is no remedy for fun but more fun! -There is no vaccine against stupidity. -There is something to be said about me: 'Wow!!' -There will be no last bus tonight. -There's a hot place with pitchforks waiting. -There's no future in time travel -There's no such thing as a free lunch, but you can always find someone willing to treat. -There's one in every car... You'll see. -There's one in every crowd and they always find me. -There's safety in numbers/When you learn to divide. -Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary. -They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them! -Things are not what they seem. -Think 'HONK' if you're a telepath. -Think hard now! Which one is Shinola? -This Charlie Brown must have been a very wise man. -This Country Needs Group Therapy. -This ain't no party...this ain't no disco... -This door is baroque; please call Bach later. -This is a Tagline mirror ][ rorrim enilgaT a si sihT -This is abuse. Arguments are down the hall. -This is just a hobby. Perfection is not required. Fun is. -This is not a fairing, it's a force field. -This is only a test. -This is our only tag line. -This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. -This line intentionally left unjustified. -This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88 -This message has been UNIXized for your protection. -This message is SHAREWARE! To Register, send $5. -This message was typed on recycled phosphorous. -This mind intentionally left blank. -This program makes me look like a genius. -This sentence is false. -This tagline does not require Micro$oft Windows. -This tagline intentionally left blank. -This tagline is umop apisdn -This tagline only to be removed by the consumer. -This tagline was created from many little letters. -This tagline was reclaimed and is not yet stolen. -This tagline was written before a live studio audience. -Those who can't write, write manuals. -Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate. -Those who can, do. Those who can't, supervise! -Those who live by the nit, die by the nit -Those without heads do not need hats. -Three can keep a secret, if two are dead. -Tilt your chair back, your breath is effecting my RAM! -Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills. -Time flies like an arrow - Fruit flies like a banana -Time flies when you don't know what you're doing. -Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. -Tis better to be hunter than hunted. -Tis better to have loved a short than to never have loved a tall. -Tis better to have loved and lost than just to have lost. -To be, or not to be, those are the parameters. -To boldly go and watch Star Trek re-runs. -To do nothing is also a good remedy. -To eat is human, to digest, divine. -To err is human, to eat Jello, is messy. -To err is human, to forgive is against company policy. -To err is human. To really screw up it takes a computer. -To err is human. To blame someone else is politics. -To err is human. To moo bovine -To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa. -To iterate is human, to recurse, divine. -To live in the hearts we leave behind, is not to die. -To live well, know the difference between good and evil. -To me personally, it's nothing personal to me. -To shoot a mime, do you use a silencer? -Today is Monday, cleverly disguised as Tuesday. -Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day. -Today is the first day of the rest of this mess. -Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday -Todays subliminal message is ' ' -Tolkien is hobbit-forming. -Tongue tied & twisted, just an earthbound misfit I. -Too bad stupidity isn't painful. -Too much is never enough. -Too much month at the end of the money. -Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. -Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore... -Touch if you must, Pay up if you bust. -Toys are made in heaven, batteries are made in hell. -Trees hit cars only in self-defence. -Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again! -Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes! -Trig..a..name...o...tree!!! -Truck Pulls: for people who cannot understand the WWF -Trust me -- I'm a Lawyer. -Truth is just another misconception. -Truthful: Dumb and illiterate. -Try to get back on topic, he said moderately. -Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo -Try? Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try. -Trying to think of a good tagline... -Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question! -Turn right here. No! NO! The OTHER right! -Turning floppies into hard drives. -Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do. -Two heads are more numerous than one. -Two most common elements: hydrogen, stupidity. -Tyre Shop sign - We Skid You Not. -UART what UEAT! -UNNAMED LAW: If it happens, it must be possible. -Uh, yeah...I MEANT to do that! -Ultimate Question Research Team -Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted! -Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought. -Unix and the world Unix with you; VAX and you VAX alone. -Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes. -Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all. -Until people grow up, they have no idea what's cool -Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa bill. -Users, losers -- what's the difference? -Using yesterday's technology to solve today's problems, tomorrow -VLSI: 'Getting High On Low Voltage' -Vampires Against Mundane Poetry. -Variables won't; constants aren't. -Veni Vidi Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. -Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things. -Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups. -Vote Democratic... It's easier than getting a job. -Vuja De - The Feeling You've Never Been Here -Vulcans have less fun. -Vultures only fly with carrion luggage. -W.A.R.P.: We Are Real Programmers. -WAITER! there's soup in my fly! -WARNING ... drinking tap water can kill your thirst! -WARNING: my messages are offensive to morons! -WINDOWS ERROR #004: Operator fell asleep while waiting. -WWhhaatt ddooeess dduupplleexx mmeeaann?? -WYGIWYD -What you got is what you deserved. -WYTYSYDG-What you thought you saw, you didn't get. -Waiter, there's no fly in my soup! - Kermit -Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser. -Walls impede my progress -Wanna flirt with disaster? Become a SysOp! -Want a LAUGH run a spell check on DSZ docs. -Want a jelly baby? -Want a stupid answer? Ask me anything! -Wanted: Volcano. Average size. Must be active. -War News: Saddam's army blown away by Thai hookers. -Warning: Whimsical when bored -Warning: Politicians can damage your wealth. -Warranty void if tagline removed. -Was today really Necessary? -Wash your face in the morning, neck at night. -Wasting time is an important part of living. -We all live in a yellow subroutine. -We are not a clone. -We are the people our parents warned us about -We don't care. We don't have to. We're Telecom... -We have here the latest in primitive technology. -We seem to have juxtaposed an impasse here -We should limit congressmen to two terms: one in Congress, one in prison -We take drugs very seriously at my house... -We were unanimous - in fact everyone was unanimous. -We'll give you piece de resistance and a tour de force -We're as similar as two dissimilar things in a pod. -We're lost, but we're making good time. -We're staying together for the sake of the cats. -Weeping, I wake; waking, I weep, I weep. -Welcome to Texas, now go home. -Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray -Well cover me in egg & flour and bake me for 14 minutes -What are you doing?!? The message is over,GO AWAY! -What can you do for me? -What color is a chameleon on a mirror? -What could possibly go wrong. -What do batteries run on? -What do you mean that 2 years have passed?? -What do you think? -What does Santa do at a house with no chimney? -What does ignorant mean? -What does this red button do? -What else can you do at 3:00 am? -What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art. -What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over. -What goes up has probably been doused with petrol. -What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull. -What's Irish and stays out all night? Paddy O'Furniture. -What's another word for 'thesaurus?' -What's brown and sticky? A stick! -When 911 won't work .357 will! -When in doubt, think. -When their numbers dwindled from 50 to 8, the dwarfs began to suspect 'Hungry' -When your opponent is down, kick him. -Where does weight go when you lose it? -Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? -Who cares how it plays in Peoria? -Who cares who's on board? -Who glued the cup to the table? -Who is 'they' anyway? -Whosoever diggeth a pit shall falleth therein. -Why am I asking all these things? -Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English? -Why are you looking down here? The joke is above! -Why are you wasting time reading taglines? -Why aren't there many Hannukah specials on tv? -Why can't we just spell it orderves? -Why did you read this? -Why do people cry when they're sad? -Why do they tell us to watch 'The Today Show' tomorrow? -Why do we elect people and then become afraid of them? -Why do we read left to right yet turn pages right to left? -Why do you think they call it 'find'? -Why does it matter if we all put our pants on one leg at a time? -Why does the beginning of your sentence end up in the middle of mine? -Why don't ease, lease, and please sound alike? -Why don't tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike? -Why get even, when you can get odd? -Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? -Why isn't 'palindrome' spelled 'palindromeemordnilap'? -Will Rogers never met a lawyer. -Will the sound of one hand clapping still turn off my TV? -Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat -Windows Error #F99 - CPU too tired to continue... -Windows N'T: as in Wouldn't, Couldn't, and Didn't. -Windows NT: Only 16 megs needed to play Minesweeper! -Windows NT: The world's only 80 megabyte Solitaire game! -Windows NT: Vapourware of the desperate and scared. -Windows error 000 : No errors found! [CLOSE] -Windows is *NOT* a virus. Viruses *DO* something! -Windows is for fun, Linux is for getting things done. -Windows is the best GUI - It always sticks! -Windows isn't CrippleWare -- it's 'Functionally Challenged'. -Windows only crashes itself under Linux. Not the whole machine. -Windows would look better with curtains. -Windows: The answer to a question nobody has ever asked. -Windows: an Unrecoverable Acquisition Error! -WindowsNT: From the makers of Doublespace -Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know. -Wit is cultured insolence. -Without Time, everything would happen at once. -Without music, life would be a mistake. -Women - can't live with 'em and no resale value... -Women do come with instructions; ask them. -Women get minks the same way minks get minks. -Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. -Women! Can't live with 'em and no resale value. -Work off excess energy. Steal something heavy -World ends today at 9:30 pm! Film at 11:00... -Worry : The interest paid on trouble before it's due -Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe -Would I ask you a rhetorical question? -Yes my son, long ago mail was read 1 packet at a time. -You buttered your bread, now lie in it. -You can name your salary here. I call mine Fred. -You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. -You can't have everything...where would you put it? -You hit the nail right between the eyes. -You're it. -You've got to be trusted by the people that you lie to. -Young gorillas are friendly, but they soon learn. -Your E-Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage! -Youth is a gift of nature. Age is a work of art. -Yuk, what kind of dumb menu system is that? Oh, so that is Windows! -Zen T-Shirt: Enlightenment Available - Enquire Within -[DISCLAIMER: my fingers are epileptic] -[If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses] -hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? -Serenity through viciousness. -FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! -Include me out. -YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!! -'That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver' -- Foghorn Leghorn -Pardon me while I laugh. -Vegeterians beware! You are what you eat. -Marriage is the sole cause of divorce. -'From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.' -- Dr. Seuss -You'll be sorry... -The world is coming to an end. Please log off. -UH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS! -I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance. -Paranoia is heightened awareness. -The things that interest people most are usually none of their business. diff --git a/files/infobot.users b/files/infobot.users deleted file mode 100644 index d977b61..0000000 --- a/files/infobot.users +++ /dev/null @@ -1,31 +0,0 @@ -# -# User File (c) 1998 Infobot & Associates -# -# FLAGS -# ---------------------- Factoids. -# f multiple line factoid (MLF) Usage Allowed [UNTESTED,OLD?] -# m Modifying (mod) Allowed -# r Removing (del) Allowed -# t Teaching (add) Allowed -# ---------------------- -# i Ignore Flag level 0 -# o Op Flag level 1 -# n Owner Flag level 2 -# e Extra Privs level 3 -# ---------------------- - -### -# default is to allow modification, removal and addition of factoids, -# if factoid support is enabled. -UserEntry default { - flags +mrt; -} - -### -# Sample user entry with all the flags. -UserEntry GmLB { - name "Danny"; - title "Grand Master"; - flags +mrsteon; - pass ECovKDtJnED36; -} diff --git a/files/sample.config b/files/sample.config deleted file mode 100644 index d5b43e9..0000000 --- a/files/sample.config +++ /dev/null @@ -1,343 +0,0 @@ -### -# parameter settings file for blootbot -# by the dms -### - -# [str] Interface: [IRC/CLI] -# IRC -- Internet Relay Chat -# CLI -- Command Line Interface -set Interface IRC - -# IRC. -set ircNick blootbot -set ircUser blootbot -set ircName blootbot experimental bot -set ircUMode +iw -###set ircHost vh.virtualhost.org -set join_channels #DEBIAN-bots - -# nickserv/chanserv support. -###set nickServ_pass PASSWORD -###set chanServ_ops #chan1 #chan2 - -# default quit message -set quitMsg adios amigos - -##### -# logfile -##### - -# [file] where to put logging info. comment out to disable. -set logfile log/$ircUser.log - -# [str] Type of logging. -# DAILY -- Create a new log each day. -# DEFAULT -- One continuous log file. -set logType DAILY - -# [int] Maximum log size, if logfile is defined, in bytes. -set maxLogSize 10000000 - -##### -# Factoid DB Configuration -##### - -# [str] Ability to remember/tell factoids -# none -- disable. -# mysql -- MySQL -# pgsql -- PostGreSQL (NOT SUPPORTED YET) -# dbm -- Berkeley DBM -### REQUIRED by factoids,freshmeat,karma,seen,... -set DBType mysql - -# [str] DBM filename prefix // MYSQL/PGSQL database. -# eg: blootbot-factoids, blootbot-seen -# eg: /var/db/mysql/blootbot/factoids.* -set DBName blootbot - -# [str] Hostname of database server -set SQLHost localhost - -# [str] SQL user allowed to insert,update,delete stuff from tables. -set SQLUser blootbot - -# [str] SQL password. -set SQLPass PASSWORD - -# [str] SQL Debug file. -###set SQLDebug SQL_debug.log - -##### -# factoid-related configuration -##### - -# [bool] Factoid support. -set factoids true - -# [days] if not 0, number of days until factoid is deleted for good. -set factoidDeleteDelay 0 - -# [int] maximum length of factoid key. -set maxKeySize 32 - -# [int] maximum length of factoid value. -set maxDataSize 450 - -# [int] minimum length of unaddressed (message) question without question -# before it is answered involuntarily. -# This ignores the 'addressing' setting. -# 0 to disable. -set minVolunteerLength 0 - -# [str] when should the bot bother learning new factoids. -# ADDRESSED -- only learn when addressed. -# HUNGRY -- learn irrelevent of addressing. this will catch -# _everything_, use at your own risk. I tried this ages -# ago and it caught quite funny responses but who knows -# if my modifications will prevent this or not, perhaps -# IsInvalid must be disabled? -set learn ADDRESSED - -# [str] different behaviour with URLs. -# REQUIRE -- means it will need to be a url type (e.g. file:, http:) -# OPTIONAL -- will take anything -# REJECT -- will not accept any urls. this makes it easy to -# run 2 with different nicks and styles. -# ^^^ what's the point of this??? -set acceptUrl OPTIONAL - -# [bool] profanity checking. -set profanityCheck false - -# [0/1] tell so-and-so about such-and-such of a factoid. -set allowTelling 1 - -# [str] other bots to ask for factoids which they may have. -#set friendlyBots url purl script mrapi - -##### -# factoid related and unrelated features, mainly Extras. -##### - -# [str] addressing is when you name the bot. FIXME -# REQUIRE -- the bot only does something if addressed. -# OPTIONAL -- the bot responds (does not learn) irrelevent of -# addressing. -set addressing REQUIRE - -# [char] One-character easy recognition. -set addressCharacter ~ - -# [str] how the bot should send messages. -# PRIVATE -- reply to private messages only, rejecting public msgs. -# DEFAULT -- reply to public _and_ private queries. -set talkMethod DEFAULT - -# [str] how long the output string should be before it is changed from -# public to private. Value of '1' has same behaviour as superseeded -# option 'preferReply PRIVATE'. -# "+" before bot commands overrides this option temporarily. -###set minLengthBeforePrivate 192 - -# [int] maximum length of reply for Extras function before popping list to -# reduce number of elements. -set maxListReplyLength 450 - -# [int] maximum number of elements in list allowed for Extras function -# before popping elements to reduce total count. -set maxListReplyCount 15 - -# [0/1] allow people outside any channels the bot is on to use the bot -# for factoids and commands. -set disallowOutsiders 1 - -# [int] time, in seconds. (different messages) -set floodMessages 10:30 -# [int] same messages. -set floodRepeat 2:10 - -# [int] Amount of time for auto-ignore (flooding) to expire. -set ignoreAutoExpire 5 - -# [int] Amount of time for forced-online ignore to expire. minutes. -set ignoreTempExpire 60 - -##### -# Internal (simple) bot commands -##### - -# [0/1] irc-cli calculator. -set perlMath 1 - -# [0/1] ord/chr etc -set allowConv 1 - -# [0/1] do you want to allow DNS lookup -set allowDNS 1 - -# [0/1] Forking... enable for non-nix OS or to reduce mem usage. -# This should work for Win32 and MacOS. About time, hey :) -set forking 1 - -# [int] Backlog... ideal to see what happened to the bot on console. -# maximum number of lines to backlog. -set backlog 24 - -##### -# Miscellaneous... -##### - -# [bool] Display a bit too much info about stuff. -# 0 -- disable. -# 1 -- minimal. -# 2 -- extra. -set VERBOSITY 1 - -# [0/1] Warn messages. -set WARN 1 - -# [0/1] Debugging messages. -set DEBUG 0 - -# [0/1] Work In Progress... -set WIP 0 - -# debugging... -###set dumpvars 1 -###set dumpvarsAtExit 1 -# log to specific file or global log file. -###set dumpvarsLogFile dumpvars.log - -# [0/1] allow 'use strict', makes bot unreliable. -set useStrict 0 - -##### -# Extras -##### - -# [str] anything which requires LWP + http proxy. -###set httpProxy http://HOSTNAME:PORT/ - -# [0/1] babelfish translator. jdf++. FIXME [DOES NOT WORK] -set babelfish false - -# [0/1] offer free factoid cookies -set cookie true - -# [0/1] Countdown to specific dates -set countdown true - -# [0/1] Debian file and package search. -set debian false -# [int] how often to update the debian table, in days. -set debianRefreshInterval 1 -# [0/1] extra stuff... -set debianExtra true - -# [0/1] Frontend to dict.org's wordnet. -set dict false - -# [0/1] Freshmeat -set freshmeat false -# [int] how often to update the freshmeat table, in hours. -set freshmeatRefreshInterval 24 -# [chans|all] 10items/hour, might be annoying. -###set freshmeatAnnounce #debian-bots -# [bool] if factoid does not exist, check freshmeat for it. -set freshmeatForFactoid false - -# [0/1] insult server -set insult false - -# [0/1] karma -set karma true - -# [0/1] Frontend to kernel.org -set kernel false -###set kernelAnnounce #debian-bots - -# [0/1] LART. -set lart true - -# [array] Channel limit adjuster. List of channels. -###set limitcheck #debian-bots -# [int] Interval (or more than), in minutes. -set limitcheckInterval 10 -# [int] Adjust channel limit to 10 above total users in channel. -set limitcheckPlus 10 - -# [0/1] nickometer -set nickometer true - -# [0/1] Frontend to the stock market. -set quote false - -# [0/1] Display random text in the channel. -set randomQuote true -# [str] Channels. -set randomQuoteChannels #debian-bots -# [int] Interval (or more than), in minutes. -set randomQuoteInterval 60 - -# [0/1] Display random text in the channel. -set randomFactoid true -# [str] Channels. -set randomFactoidChannels #debian-bots -# [int] Interval (or more than), in minutes. -set randomFactoidInterval 60 - -# [0/1] Warn users about root. -set rootWarn false -# passive -- be polite plus stuff, compliant to OPN, heh. -# aggressive -- ... -set rootWarnMode passive - -# [0/1] Factoid search. -set search false - -# [0/1] persistant "seen". -set seen true -# [0/1] seen statistics for online users like idle time, total message -# count. -set seenStats true -# [int] if someone's been away for more than xx days, delete their info. -# info. -set seenMaxDays 30 -# [int] interval to flush cached seen info. in minutes. -set seenFlushInterval 60 -# [bool] store all information, irrevelent of addressing. -# may chew more CPU. -# Will encourage severe leakaged (2-3x), caused by mysql-perl? -set seenStoreAll 1 - -# [0/1] slashdot headlines. -set slashdot false -###set slashdotAnnounce #debian-bots - -# [0/1] frontend to ispell. -set spell false - -# [0/1] Advanced topic management. -set topic true - -# [0/1] User Information Services. -set userinfo true - -# [0/1] Uptime daemon -set uptime true - -# [0/1] Wingate checking and banning mechanism. FIXME. -###set wingate false -# [int] seconds. minimum time to check. -set wingateInterval 60 -# [str] Wingate. -set wingateBan true -# [str] Wingate. -set wingateKick DIE DIE DIE - -# [0/1] google search.. simon++. requires libwww-search-perl + 5lines of -# modifications. -set wwwsearch false - -# [0/1] Unit conversion tool. -set units true diff --git a/files/sample.countdown b/files/sample.countdown deleted file mode 100644 index f127682..0000000 --- a/files/sample.countdown +++ /dev/null @@ -1,12 +0,0 @@ -# countdown file. -20001225 christmas Christmas -20000914 olympics Opening ceremony of Olympics in Sydney, Australia -20000704 america Independence Day -20000501 potato Proposed release of Debian GNU/Linux Potato 2.2 -20000420 2.4 Hopeful debut of 2.4.0 kernel -20000315 xfree4.0 XFree86 4.0 core release -20000217 win2k Evil Empire's Release of deadly OS -20000126 australia Australia Day -20000119 crusoe Transmeta comes out of hiding -20000115 freeze Debian (GNU/Linux) Potato version 2.2 stabilization begins -20000101 y2k Year 2000 diff --git a/files/sample.insert b/files/sample.insert deleted file mode 100644 index 8c1363b..0000000 --- a/files/sample.insert +++ /dev/null @@ -1,3 +0,0 @@ -hello => hi(, $who)? -status => FIXME... -rnd => $who: (0-10) -- 2.39.2