From: djmcgrath Date: Tue, 16 Oct 2007 04:38:52 +0000 (+0000) Subject: * Missed a few renames from rebranding X-Git-Url: https://git.donarmstrong.com/?a=commitdiff_plain;h=7e157e3794a4aeda03a858a1f44a4180c2bc92bb;p=infobot.git * Missed a few renames from rebranding git-svn-id: https://svn.code.sf.net/p/infobot/code/branches/rebranding@1552 c11ca15a-4712-0410-83d8-924469b57eb5 --- diff --git a/files/blootbot.help b/files/blootbot.help deleted file mode 100644 index e3ee4de..0000000 --- a/files/blootbot.help +++ /dev/null @@ -1,485 +0,0 @@ -# Revised: 20050224 -# Author: Tim Riker -### - -main: I learn mainly by observing declarative statements such as "x is at http://www.xxx.com", and then reply when people ask things like "where can i find x?" - -action: This is used to override the usual response. "x is does the hokey-pokey". When asked about x, the bot does this "* blootbot does the hokey-pokey" - -alternation: The || symbol in an entry causes an blootbot to choose one of the replies at random. "X is Y||Z" will produce "X is Y" or "X is Z" randomly. - -author: oznoid (mailto:lenzo@ri.cmu.edu) is my original author. - -dollar variables: D: To be used in factoids -dollar variables: $Fdunno - ... -dollar variables: $Fquestion - ... -dollar variables: $Fupdate - ... -dollar variables: $channel - channel from which the factoid was requested -dollar variables: $date - current date (GMT) -dollar variables: $day - day of week (full name, locale) -dollar variables: $factoids - factoid count -dollar variables: $host - hostname of factoid requester -dollar variables: $ident - bot nick -dollar variables: $lastspeaker - ... -dollar variables: $memusage - ... -dollar variables: $rand - random number, also $rand100.2 -dollar variables: $randnick - random nick -dollar variables: $startTime - start time -dollar variables: $time - current time (GMT) -dollar variables: $uptime - ... -dollar variables: $user - username of factoid requester -dollar variables: $who - nick of factoid requester - -corrections: If I come back with "...but x is at http://xx.xx.xx" or something like that, and you want to change the entry, use "no, x is at http://sdfsdfsdf". The "No," tells me to supercede the existing value. -corrections: you can append stuff to a factoid with "also". "x is also at ..." - -math: D: math expresions can be evaluated. This uses Perl syntax. -math: E: 1+1 -math: + - add -math: - - subtract -math: * - multiply -math: / - division -math: ** - to the power -math: pi - pi -math: & - and -math: | = or -math: ^ - xor - -redirection: If a factoid x contains simply " see y", then when asked for x, I will deliver factoidor command result y instead. - -reply: There is a special tag, , that is used to override the usual response. Usually, a response is "X is Y", but it can be made "Y" by making the entry "X is Y". - -# now the commands... - -adduser: D: Administrative command to add new user to the .users file -adduser: U: ## -adduser: E: ## bloot bloot!bloot@example.com - -addressing: It is a good idea if I stay in REQUIRE mode so that I won't yell out random crap if I listen in too hard. Currently there is no way to turn this off on-the-fly. (REQUIRE mode requires me to be addressed by name if I am to respond) - -babelfish: D: Frontend to babelfish translating service provided by http://babelfish.altavista.com/ Note that utf8 is used for non-ascii characters. -babelfish: U: x -babelfish: U: translate -babelfish: E: x en de your cars rock - --ban: D: FIXME: --ban: U: ## --ban: E: ## *!*@owns.org --ban: E: ## MoronMan - -+ban: D: FIXME: -+ban: U: ## [chan] [time] [reason] -+ban: E: ## *!*@owns.org #bots 60 stop flooding. -+ban: E: ## *!*@*microsoft.com STOOPID -+ban: E: ## MoronMan - -botmail: D: Send someone botmail -botmail: U: ## {for [:] }|stats|check|read -botmail: E: ## for infobot: you rock! -botmail: E: ## stats -botmail: E: ## check -botmail: E: ## read - --chan: D: Leave a channel permanently --chan: U: ## -#channel --chan: E: ## -#botpark - -+chan: D: Join a channel permanently -+chan: U: ## #channel -+chan: E: ## #botpark - -chaninfo: D: Display channel statistics on Op, Ban, Deop, Unban, Part, Join, SignOff, PublicMsg, Kick and Topic -chaninfo: U: ## [#channel] -chaninfo: E: ## -chaninfo: E: ## #botpark - -chanset: D: set a variable for a channel -chanset: U: ## [#chan] [what] [val] -chanset: E: ## #c +test -chanset: E: ## #c -test -chanset: E: ## #c test -chanset: E: ## #c test 0 -chanset: E: ## #c test testing123 - -chanunset: D: remove a variable from a channel -chanunset: U: ## <#chan> [what] -chanunset: E: ## #c -chanunset: E: ## #c test - -chattr: D: Change flags on a user (see "help flags") -chattr: U: ## [flags] -chattr: E: ## bloot +nmo -chattr: E: ## bloot -ot -chattr: E: ## bloot - -chnick: D: rename a nick (user) entry -chnick: U: ## [nick] -chnick: E: ## moron -chnick: E: ## owner eleet - -chpass: D: Change a user's password -chpass: U: ## [user] -chpass: E: ## testing -chpass: E: ## testing test0R - -contents: D: Debian Contents search only (no Packages) -contents: U: ## [dist] -contents: E: ## strings.h -contents: E: ## x11amp potato - -cookie: I can feed your appetite with random factoids. - -cpustats: cpustats dumps the bot's cpu usage this session - -crypt: It's good that you thought about encryption. I can do it for you. -crypt: U: ## -crypt: E: ## 69 changeme -crypt: E: ## $1$abcde changeme - -cycle: D: Causes me to cycle in the channel it's said, or in the named channel -cycle: U: ## [channel] -cycle: E: ## -cycle: E: ## #botpark - -dauthor: D: Find Debian package maintainers, and list the packages they maintain -dauthor: U: ## [dist] -dauthor: E: ## Wichert -dauthor: E: ## Wichert potato - -dbugs: D: Show the current count of release critical bugs (latest versions) -dbugs: U: ## - -deluser: D: Administrative command to remove a user from the .users file -deluser: U: ## -deluser: E: ## bloot - -ddesc: D: Search the Description: lines in Debian packages -ddesc: U: ## [dist] -ddesc: E: ## mule -ddesc: E: ## mule potato - -dfind: D: Debian Packages (fallback to Contents) search -dfind: U: ## [dist] -dfind: E: ## strings.h -dfind: E: ## x11amp potato - -dict: D: DICT Protocol Client - likely dicts: elements web1913 wn gazetteer jargon foldoc easton hitchcock devils world02 vera -dict: U: ## [entry num] [/dict] -dict: E: ## linux -dict: E: ## 33 set/wn - -dns: D: Query DNS -dns: U: ## -dns: E: ## debian.org -dns: E: ## 3.1.33.7 - -do: D: operator command to do things in a channel -do: U: ## - -dstats: D: Show basic stats on the current size of the Debian distros -dstats: U: ## [dist] -dstats: E: ## -dstats: E: ## potato - -factinfo: D: View statistical information about a particular factoid. -factinfo: U: ## -factinfo: E: ## test - -factstats: D: Display statistical data (max of 15) about factoids. -factstats: U: ## -factstats: == author -- top author of factoids. -factstats: == deadredir -- ?? -factstats: == duplicate -- duplicate factoids. -factstats: == listfix -- ?? -factstats: == locked -- locked factoids. -factstats: == new -- recent addition of factoids. -factstats: == nullfactoids -- ?? -factstats: == partdupe -- initial partial duplicate factoids. -factstats: == profanity -- possibly offensive factoids. -factstats: == redir -- redirection in factoids. -factstats: == reqrate -- ?? -factstats: == requested -- most requested factoids. -factstats: == requesters -- most requested factoids. -factstats: == seefix -- ?? -factstats: == toolong -- factoid {key|value} exceeding specified length. -factstats: == tooshort -- factoid {key|value} shorter than specified length. -factstats: == total -- ?? -factstats: == unrequest -- unrequested factoids. -factstats: == vandalism -- ?? -factstats: E: ## new - -forget: If I have an old/redundant factoid x, "forget x" will cause me to erase it. - -freshmeat: D: Frontend to www.freshmeat.net -freshmeat: U: ## -freshmeat: E: ## blootbot - -hex: D: Convert ascii to hex -hex: U: ## -hex: E: ## carrot - -httpdtype: D: Get httpd server software version / configuration -httpdtype: U: ## -httpdtype: E: ## example.com - -ignore: D: ignore list management -ignore: E: ## [mask chan expire comment] -ignore: E: addignore guu!*@* - -ircstats: ircstats dumps some status information on the bot's IRC connection - -join: U: ## <#chan> [key] -join: E: ## #botpark -join: E: ## #botpark rules - -karma: Karma is a community rating system. Use "X++" to increase the karma, or "X--" to decrease it. Ask for ratings using "karma for X?" - -kernel: D: Frontend to linux.kernel.org's finger response. -kernel: U: ## - -kick: U: ## [#chan] [message] -kick: E: ## oznoid -kick: E: ## larne #botpark -kick: E: ## john #foo go away! - -lart: D: Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool -lart: U: ## [#chan] -lart: E: ## lenzo infobot's bugginess -lart: E: ## #perl everyone perl \=\= lamerville - -lc: D: lower case a given string -lc: U: ## -lc: E: ## When will blootbot achieve world domination? - -listauth: D: Search the factoid extension db by creator -listauth: U: ## -listauth: E: ## xk - -listkeys: D: Search the factoid database by key (factoid) -listkeys: U: ## -listkeys: E: ## blootbot - -listvalues: D: Search the factoid database by value (description) -listvalues: U: ## -listvalues: E: ## blootbot - -literal: used to get a raw factoid contents. Use _default to ignore factoidSearch path. -literal: U: ## [_default|prefix] -literal: E: ## blootbot - -lobotomy: I can be given a lobotomy ([o] is required) if people start to abuse me. To bring me back to life, give me an unlobotomy - -lock: D: Factoid locking to prevent removal by others -lock: U: ## -lock: E: ## abuse -lock: N: By default, only registered "ops" on the bots or factoids matching the user's nick are able to lock factoids. -lock: N: Requires factoid extension (extra) support enabled. - -md5: D: calculates the md5sum of a given string -md5: U: ## -md5: E: ## When will blootbot achieve world domination? - -mode: set modes for a channel -mode: U: ## <#chan> -mode: E: ## #botpark +t -mode: E: ## #botpark -i - -news: D: News functions -news: U: ## [chan] - -news add: D: Add news items -news add: U: news [chan] add -news add: E: news add This is a test -news add: see _news set Text_ aswell - -news set: D: Set stuff for news item -news set: U: news [chan] set <item> <what> [value] -news set: valid <what>: Expire, Text -news set: E: news set 1 Text ok, this works -news set: E: news set test Text and this is a test -news set: E: news set test Text - -news set expire: D: Set expire for news item -news set expire: U: news [chan] expire <what> <value> -news set expire: value can be: Xd Xh Xm Xs -news set expire: value can be: never -news set expire: news expire 1 3days -news set expire: news expire 2 +20d -news set expire: news expire Test 30d 20h 10m 5s -news set expire: news expire TEST never - -news del: D: Delete news item (requires +o or be author) -news del: U: news [chan] del <item> -news del: E: news del 1 -news del: E: news del test - -news mod: D: Modify a news item (todo: modify Text aswell) -news mod: E: news [chan] mod <item> s/<from>/<to>/[g] -news mod: E: news mod 1 s/test/Test/ -news mod: E: news mod test s/test/Test/g - -nickometer: D: Measures the lame-ness of a nick or channel -nickometer: U: ## {nick,channel} -nickometer: E: ## unknown_lamer -nickometer: E: ## #botpark - -onjoin: D: get/set OnJoin message (needs chan option +OnJoin) -onjoin: U: ## [#chan|_default] [-]<nick> [message] -onjoin: E: ## blootbot Hey! It's another blootbot! - -ord: D: Convert ascii to decimal -ord: U: ## <single character> -ord: E: ## c - -page: D: Send someone a pager message -page: U: ## <who> <message> -page: E: ## infobot you rock! -page: NOTE: this uses the "<who>'s pager" factoids for the From: and To: addresses of the format "example's pager" is "mailto:me@example.com" - -part: D: Leave a channel (DCC only) -part: U: ## <#channel> -part: E: ## #botpark -part: NOTE: /kick is an alternative - -piglatin: D: translates english text into piglatin -piglatin: U: ## <string> -piglatin: E: ## When will blootbot achieve world domination? - -quote: D: Frontend to yahoo's online stock market share listing -quote: U: ## <query...> -quote: E: ## RHAT,MSFT - -rename: D: Factoid renaming -rename: U: ## 'from' 'to' -rename: E: ## 'infobot' 'blootbot' - -reverse: D: reverses a given string -reverse: U: ## <string> -reverse: E: ## When will blootbot achieve world domination? - -rot13: D: ROT13's a given string -rot13: U: ## <string> -rot13: E: ## guvf vf n ynzr rknzcyr - -say: D: operator command to say things in a channel -say: U: ## <chan> <what> - -scramble: D: scrambles a given string -scramble: U: ## <string> -scramble: E: ## When will blootbot achieve world domination? - -search: U: ## <engine> for <string> -search: E: ## google for blootbot - -seen: D: Report last seen time for somebody -seen: U: ## <nick> -seen: E: ## blootbot - -slashdot: D: News for nerds, Stuff that matters. [tm] (shows the headlines) -slashdot: U: ## - -spell: You've guessed it right, I'm a spell checker. Give me any word and I can confirm whether it's good or bad. - -status: status dumps general status information - -tell: D: Tell someone about a factoid or command -tell: U: ## <who> -?about <what> -tell: E: ## me about blootbot -tell: E: ## someone -about testing - -topic add: D: Add your own topic -topic add: U: ## <topic> -topic add: E: ## This is a test - -topic del: D: Delete one or two subtopics -topic del: U: ## <#> -topic del: E: ## 1 -topic del: E: ## 1-3,5 -topic del: E: ## last - -topic mod: D: Search and replace strings in the topic -topic mod: U: ## <REGEX> -topic mod: E: ## s/test/TEST/ -topic mod: E: ## s#msg test#/msg test#g - -topic mv: D: Move subtopics around. -topic mv: U: ## <#> <before|after|swap> <#> -topic mv: E: ## 1 after 2 -topic mv: E: ## first before last - -topic restore: D: Restores the topic to an earlier version -topic restore: U: ## <#> -topic restore: E: ## 3 - -topic: Usage for 'topic [#chan] <params>': -topic: ---------------- __Subtopic__: -topic: add <TOPIC> - Append <TOPIC> to topic. -topic: del <#> - Remove subtopic <#> from topic. -topic: list - Display subtopics. -topic: mod s/old/new/ - Search and replace topic. -topic: mv <ARGS> - 'topic mv'. -topic: shuffle - Randomly organize subtopics. -topic: ---------------- __Topic__ -topic: history - Show previous topics. -topic: restore <#> - Restore topic to <#>. -topic: rehash - Rehash changes to topic. -topic: info - Who and time info. -topic: ---------------- __Misc__ -topic: about - Read the file :) -topic: help - This screen. - -topic: NOTE: #chan arg is only required if command is sent over private message to nick, otherwise it is not needed if sent to the channel. -topic: NOTE: commands can be preceeded? with '-' in order not to enforce changes to topic. -topic: End of help. - -uc: D: upper case a given string -uc: U: ## <string> -uc: E: ## When will blootbot achieve world domination? - -unforget: If a factoid has been forgotten, "unforget x" will cause me to unerase it. - -unlobotomy: Not possible in real life, an unlobotomy will bring me back to life in the case of a lobotomy. - -unlock: D: Factoid unlocking to allow removal by others. -unlock: U: ## <factoid> -unlock: E: ## abuse - -uptime: D: Show the current uptime, and the top 3 uptimes recorded -uptime: U: ## - -wantnick: If someone's taken my nick (I hope not) and I'm using some temporary nick, I can change back to my original nick if it's not taken (again). - -wikipedia: D: Frontend to the Wikipedia at http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Note that utf8 is used for non-ascii characters. -wikipedia: U: ## <topic> -wikipedia: U: wiki <topic> -wikipedia: E: wiki irc - -wtf: D: Interface to the BSD wtf command -wtf: U: ## <abbreviation> -wtf: E: ## iirc - --host: D: admin command to remove hostmask from a user account --host: U: ## [user] <mask> --host: E: ## *!*@owns.org --host: E: ## owner leet!leet@*.heh.org - -+host: D: admin command to list or add hostmasks to a user account -+host: U: ## [user] [<mask>] -+host: E: ## owner -+host: E: ## *!*@owns.org -+host: E: ## owner leet!leet@*.heh.org - -flags: D: Flags for chattr command -flags: D: "A" - bot administration over /msg (default is only via DCC CHAT) -flags: D: "O" - dynamic ops (as on channel). (automatic +o) -flags: D: "T" - add topics. -flags: D: "a" - ask/request factoid. -flags: D: "m" - modify factoid. (includes renaming) -flags: D: "n" - bot owner, can "reload" -flags: D: "o" - master of bot (automatic +amrt) -flags: D: - can search on factoid strings shorter than 2 chars -flags: D: - can tell bot to join new channels -flags: D: - can [un]lock factoids -flags: D: "r" - remove factoid. -flags: D: "t" - teach/add factoid. - diff --git a/files/blootbot.lang b/files/blootbot.lang deleted file mode 100644 index 527ea1f..0000000 --- a/files/blootbot.lang +++ /dev/null @@ -1,111 +0,0 @@ -# blootbot.lang: configurable responses. -# by the xk. -### - -# Welcome reply: Things to say when people thank me. -welcome - no problem - my pleasure - sure thing - no worries - de nada - de rien - bitte - pas de quoi - gern geschehen - -# Dunno reply (when i recognize a query but can't answer it): -dunno - i don't know - i haven't a clue - no idea - wish i knew - bugger all, i dunno - I give up, what is it? - I don't know, could you explain it? - I'm not sure, is it larger than a breadbox? - parse error: dunno what the heck you're talking about - are you using Windows? - I wish you would RTFM. - have you tried http://www.tldp.org/ ? - KCI error, or a problem with the Keyboard-Chair Interface. - -# moron reply. -moron - You think I'm human? Think again! - h0 h0 h0 - Hi, how's life? - What do you want? - Are you on drugs? - Wassup G? - -# confuse/refuse learn. -confused - I think you lost me on that one - what are you talking about? - -# Hello reply (ways to say hello): -hello - hello - hi - hey - niihau - bonjour - hola - salut - que tal - privet - what's up - moin moin - -# Cookie reply: added by the xk. -cookie - ACTION spins the wheel of knowledge and ponders... ##KEY... ##VALUE - ACTION pulls out the cookie jar and finds ##KEY... ##VALUE - Hey ##WHO, ##KEY is ##VALUE - -# Factoid reply: -factoid - methinks ##KEY is ##VALUE - i heard ##KEY is ##VALUE - i guess ##KEY is ##VALUE - from memory, ##KEY is ##VALUE - hmm... ##KEY is ##VALUE - ##KEY is probably ##VALUE - ##KEY is, like, ##VALUE - rumour has it, ##KEY is ##VALUE - it has been said that ##KEY is ##VALUE - somebody said ##KEY was ##VALUE - well, ##KEY is ##VALUE - extra, extra, read all about it, ##KEY is ##VALUE - [##KEY] ##VALUE - -# HowAreYou reply: -howareyou - eh, ok - peachy - just great - you know how it is... - pretty good. how about you? - mas o menos - -# Question word. -qWord - who - who is - who are - what - what's - what is - what are - where - where's - where is - where are - -# botsnack etc praise -# TODO add ACTION support -praise - :) - thanks - aw, gee diff --git a/files/blootbot.lart b/files/blootbot.lart deleted file mode 100644 index 69e0478..0000000 --- a/files/blootbot.lart +++ /dev/null @@ -1,131 +0,0 @@ - -# -# lart info by ejb (larne) and cerb. -# - ---purges WHO -accelerates a free AOL cd to 50,000 rpm and lets WHO feel it -acting on orders from an unspecified client drags WHO into court suing for $200 million -beats the living hamstercrap out of WHO -beats WHO into protomatter with the andromeda galaxy -beats WHO over the head with a microkernel -beats WHO senseless with a 50lb Unix manual -beats WHO severely about the head and shoulders with a rubber chicken -beats WHO to within 2.54cm of his life -blames WHO for all the evil in the world -blasts WHO to oblivion with a kamehameha wave -blasts WHO with a huge firehose then strangles WHO with it -brandishes Excalibur! "With this sword, I vanquish thee, WHO!" and lops off WHO's head -breaks out the Hoover and sucks up WHO -burns WHO to a crisp with a laser -calls WHO on the phone ... the lights are on but nobody's home -cats /dev/urandom into WHO's ear -changes WHO's permissions to 0777 and tells the world -chops WHO in half with a free AOL CD -chops WHO in half with a free Solaris 7 CD -crushes WHO with a full height scsi disk -cuts off WHO's head with a halberd that could have been a little bit sharper -cuts WHO into thin stripes -decapitates WHO conan the destroyer style -declares WHO a moron -does a little 'dpkg -P WHO' action -does a little 'renice 20 -u WHO' -DoSes WHO -drops a baby grand on WHO -drops a humongous exploding nuke on WHO -drops a truckload of VAXen on WHO -duct-tapes WHO to the floor and drools on him -dumps 42 tons of dirt, manure, and fish heads on WHO -eats WHO and falls over dead -eats WHO's liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti -executes killall -HUP WHO -executes killall -KILL WHO -executes killall -TERM WHO -explains, ever so gently, that if WHO doesn't give the channel more information, they can't help -farts in WHO's general direction -flings poo at WHO -follow's WHO with a gauntlet and ... scratch ... HUMILIATION -forces WHO to use Outlook Express -frags WHO with his BFG9000 -gets a hotmal account and SPAMs WHO -gives WHO a "free" copy of Windows and then charges double for "Upgrades" -gives WHO a good seeing to -gives WHO an extra strength ACME sleeping pill, sending WHO to sleep for 150 years, and awakening to seven strange dwarfs and a large apple -grabs a large, mis-shapened log, with squirrels, and beats WHO until only the nuts remain ... which the squirrels run off with -hauls WHO up by the scruff of the neck and spanks him until he waddles -hereby declares WHO a troll -hits WHO with an anvil and laughs with a contralto voice ... Haha Ha HA Ha -holds WHO to the floor and spanks him with a cat-o-nine-tails -hooks into a hydrant and hoses WHO down -hurls dozens of incontinent, insomniac, hungry kittens with tiny little razor-sharp claws and a wide variety of contagious intestinal parasites at WHO -installs a bad bootloader on WHO and turns WHO into a brick -installs PocketPC on WHO's PDA -judo chops WHO -keeps mailing WHO free America Online CDs until he drowns -lowers WHO's priority -makes a balloon animal out of WHO -moos at WHO -nabs the moon and broadsides WHO with the sea of tranquility -nukes WHO with a single large nuke -offers WHO some herring -overclocks WHO until WHO burns out -plops WHO into a giant vat of herring -pours gasoline all over WHO, ignites the fire, and then enjoys some toasty marshmallows with the glorious blaze -pours hot grits down the front of WHO's pants -pries WHO's back open with a screwdriver and flashes a new bootldr to WHO -pulls out a ClueBat (tm) and thwaps WHO -pulls out his louisville slugger and uses WHO's head to break the homerun record -pushes the wall down onto WHO whilst whistling innocently -puts on a hockey mask and jumps out at WHO -puts on some milking gloves. "All right, now, WHO, this won't hurt a bit...." -puts WHO into a headlock and administers a mighty noogie, rubbing half of WHO's hair of -puts WHO through a wood chipper -raises middle finger to WHO -readies the nuke launcher and fires some rounds at WHO -resizes WHO's terminal to 40x24 -rm -rf's WHO -runs at WHO with an origami Swiss Army knife, and inflicts a nasty paper cut -says "boot to the head" and knocks WHO over -send killer squirrels to attack WHO -sends a legion of lawyers after WHO's head -shoots WHO in his sleep -shoots WHO in the head -shoves a crumpet down WHO's throat, happy now?! Huh? Want some JAM with that? -slams WHO against a large cement Tux -slaps a compatible dib on WHO's head -slaps WHO around with a large trout -slaps WHO upside and over the head with one freakishly huge killer whale named hugh -slaps WHO upside the head with a wet fish -smacks WHO up side the head with a clue-by-4 -squeezes WHO till WHO turns blue like papa smurf -squishes WHO like a bug -stabs WHO -stamps WHO on the forehead with the official Troll marker -steals WHO's mojo -strangles WHO with a 9-pole serial cable -strangles WHO with a doohicky mouse cord -stuffs WHO into a shiny new tin can and vacuum seals it -takes a big bite out of WHO's jugular vein -takes a large goose feather pillow and swings it wildly in WHO's direction, hitting WHO and sending WHO flying into the closet -takes a rusty axe and swings it violently, taking WHO's head off -takes large quantities of Krispy Kream donuts and stuffs them one after another down WHO's throat until WHO puts on 150lbs -takes out a cattle prod and gives WHO a good jolt -takes out a seltzer bottle and sprays WHO in the face. You know, one of those old-school seltzer bottles clowns have? Yeah those. Anyway, consider yourself spritzed -takes out WHO with the trash -takes WHO to the vet for a "special" visit -teaches WHO that M$ Access is a database. No, really, a database. A real live multi-user... well, ok, not multi-user, but a database. Yeah, that sounds right. -teaches WHO the basics, including how to RTM -throws a AN/M-8 smoke grenade at WHO -throws WHO's poor little doggy off a cliff -tries to shut WHO up -turns WHO into a lifesized tux doll -urinates on WHO -wallops WHO with a main rotation server that needs rehubbing. It won't take long -whacks WHO upside the head -whacks WHO with a giant beaver's tail -whacks WHO with the cluebat -whips out a hot clue gun and makes sure that WHO is stuck to the floor -whips out a shotgun, trudges over to WHO, and goes postal -whips out a sword and chops WHO in half -whips out his power stapler and staples WHO's foot to the floor -whips WHO with a wet and grimy noodle just because diff --git a/files/blootbot.randtext b/files/blootbot.randtext deleted file mode 100644 index 817a01e..0000000 --- a/files/blootbot.randtext +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2104 +0,0 @@ -He who controls the source controls the universe! -Want to see a listing of files installed by a package, type dpkg -L package -Need to know the status of a package? type dpkg -s package -Need help, but everyone is idle in the channel, try emailing to debian-user@lists.debian.org -Need to see the list of packages matching a pattern, type dpkg -l pattern -If you have a webserver and dww packages installed, try http://localhost/dwww for all kinds of documentation -Need help setting up PPP? read /usr/doc/ppp/README.debian -Want to know why Debian is best? type !why in the channel -Want to upgrade to hamm (unstable)? type !libc6 to get the mini-HOWTO -Want to check out Debian social contract? type !dfsg in the channel -Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. -Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? -Give me ambiguity or give me something else. -I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! -We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. -Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. -Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! -Did anyone see my lost carrier? -Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. -I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing! -He who laughs last thinks slowest! -Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. -'More hay, Trigger?' 'No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!' -A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. -Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. -There's too much blood in my caffeine system. -Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. -Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. -Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. -I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it. -Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. -Double your drive space - delete Windows! -What is a 'free' gift ? Aren't all gifts free? -If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. -'Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.' -Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. -Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. -Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector. -I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. -Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. -I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. -Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. -The gene pool could use a little chlorine. -When there's a will, I want to be in it. -Okay, who put a 'stop payment' on my reality check? -Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. -I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar. -We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? -All generalizations are false, including this one. -Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. -C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. -'Criminal Lawyer' is a redundancy. -Clap on! (clap, clap) Clap off! (clap@#&$NO CARRIER -'640K ought to be enough for anybody.' Bill Gates '81 -'90% of all statistics are made up' -'A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.' -'A little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over.' - R. Frost -'A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.' -Doug Larson -'Apple' (c) 6024 b.c., Adam & Eve -'Apple' (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. -'Bad knee, gotta run' - Pat Buchanan to his draft board -'Beam me aboard, Scotty.' 'Sure. Will a 2x10 do?' -'Beulah, peel me a grape.' -'Bother,' said Pooh as the brakes went out! -'Build a watch in 179 easy steps' by C. Forsberg. -'C++' should have been called 'D' -'COINCIDENCE' happens. -'Calvin, we will not have an anatomically correct snowman!' -'Careful. We don't want to learn from this.' -- Calvin -'Don't you hate it when your boogers freeze?' -- Calvin -'Every time I've built character, I've regretted it.' -'Freedom defined is freedom denied.' -The Illuminatus -'Have you ever dated somebody because you were too lazy to commit suicide?' -'Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw...' -'Hmm... How *did* they finally kill Frosty?' -- Hobbes -'Human equality is a contingent fact of history.' -Steven Jay Gould -'I tried to think but nothing happened!' - Curly -'I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV' -'I'm not smart enough to lie' - Ronald Reagan -'If I knew what I was doing...I'd be dangerous...' -'If the shoe fits, buy it.' Imelda Marcos -'Instant gratification takes too long.' - Carrie Fisher -'Is' is the verb for when you don't want a verb. -'It is not the fall that kills you. it's the sudden stop at the end.'-D. Adams -'It's sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs' -'Keyboard? How quaint!' - Scotty -'Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke' - Obi Wan Gates -'Mr. Worf, blow the Windows-powered Borg ship out of this Universe!' -'Off the keyboard, thru the router, over the bridge, nothing but net!' -'Quotations are for people who are not saying things worth quoting.' -'Remember when we said there was no future? Well, this is it.' -- Blank Regk -'Stupid' is a boundless concept. -'Suicide Hotline...please hold.' -'The faster you go, the shorter you are' - Einstein -'The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.' - Mark Twain -'The sun ain't yellow, its chicken.' -Bob Dylan -'There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.' -Mark Twain -'There's someone in my head, but its not me.' -Pink Floyd -'This is a job for.. AACK! WAAUGHHH!! ...someone else.' - -'To err is human, to forgive....$5.00' -'Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!' -Yoda- -'Vote for Perot' - Bumper sticker attached with Velcro -'You can't have everything. Where would you put it?' -Steven Wright -#1 OS/2 tip: Drag the Windows folder to the shreader!!! -#include std/disclaimer.h -$$$ not found -- (A)bort (R)efinance (B)ankrupt -'Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt -(((((This tagline in Stereo where available))))) -(A)bort (R)etry (C)ut Your Throat..... -(A)bort (R)etry (F)ail (U)nplug & (S)ell. -(A)bort (R)etry (P)ull leg (H)ot boot (S)wipe tagline! -(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer -(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened... -(D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza -(You can have your cake) XOR (You can eat your cake) -(c) Copywight 1995 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. -* OLX 3 * Windows is to OS/2 what Etch-a-Sketch is to art. -*Four hours* to bury a cat? Yes - it wouldn't keep still -.. Bugs come in through open Windows. -... 'I'll be Bach.' - Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger -... All the world's a stage, and I missed rehearsal. -... Bill Clinton isn't slick. He's just a liar. -... Clinton Economics: If 1+2=3 then 4+5=6. -... Clinton excuse #15: Hey - I just do what the wife says -... Clinton excuse #18: You took that seriously? Har har -... Clinton sandwich: $5 of baloney and $20 in taxes -... Getting the truth from Clinton is like nailing Jello -... It's tourist season in Florida, bag limit two. -... KARAOKE is Japanese for 'Tone Deaf' -... Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant -.....If it ain't broke, fix it anyway just to screw it up! -...I'm sorry, Reality is not in service at this time. -...On the other hand, you have different fingers. -..Windows NT Performance', on the next 'In Search Of' -/EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you can -1 + 1 = ? Ask my calculator. -10 out of 5 doctors feel it's OK to be schitzo! -1200 bps used to seem so fast -186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW. -1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts -2 + 2 = 4 (for the time being). -2 + 2 = 5 (for sufficiently large values of 2) -3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population. -43% of all statistics are worthless. -43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr... -5 schizophrenics agree! -50 states, and I had to pick this one... -668 - Neighbor of the Beast -90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. -<<< Tagline deleted by Natl Endowment for the Arts >>> -==/==/==/==Police tagline==/==/==Do not cross ==/==/==/== -From my brain, an organ with a mind of it's own. -From the Department of Redundancy Dept. -A BBSer's telephone bill knows no bounds... -A Bugless Program is an Abstract Theoretical Concept. -A Metaphor is like a Simile. -A Smith & Wesson *ALWAYS* beats 4 Aces. -A big enough hammer fixes anything -A bird in the hand can be messy. -A camel is a horse planned by committee. -A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs. -A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. -A closed mind gathers no intelligence -A closed mouth gathers no feet. -A committee has 6 or more legs and no brain. -A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. -A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned. -A cynic smells flowers and looks for the casket. -A day for firm decisions! Or is it? -A day not wasted is a day wasted! -A day without radiation is a day without sunshine. -A day without sunshine is like night. -A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing. -A dirty book is rarely dusty. -A fool and his money are soon SYSOP. -A fool and his money rarely get together to start with. -A fool must now and then be right by chance. -A friend in need is a pest indeed... -A friend: someone who likes you even after they know you. -A good way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. -A half moon is better than no moon at all. -A harp is a nude piano. -A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something. -A library is an arsenal of liberty. -A life lived in fear is half a life lived. -A little greed can get you lots of stuff. -A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. -A living example of Artificial Intelligence. -A man needs a good memory after he has lied. -A man's best friend is his dogma. -A man, a plan, a canal. Suez! -A mind is a terrible thing to taste. -A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forgot.. -A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind. -A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. -A penny saved is a Governmental oversight. -A perversion of nature....how exciting! -A pessimist is never disappointed. -A phaser on stun is like a day without orange juice. -A rolling stone gathers momentum. -A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. -A single fact can spoil a good argument. -A stitch in time would have confused Einstein. -A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a moose. -A waist is a terrible thing to mind. -A yer ago I kudnt spel progremr now I are won. -ASCII and ye shall receive. -ASCII stupid question... get a stupid ANSI! -Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace. -Afraid of heights? Not me, I'm afraid of widths! -Agnodyslexic plea: 'why ME, dog?' -Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows. -Alex, I'll take 'Things Only I Know' for $1000. -All E-mail gladly received. Offensive reply ASAP. -All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money can't make me happy. -All I need to know I learned from my cat. -All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power -All generalizations are bad. -All generalizations are false, including this one. -All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here. -All in a day's work for...'Confuse-a-Cat'! -All in all it's just a... 'nother brick in the wall! -All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson -All programers are optimists. -All that glitters has a high refractive index. -All the easy problems have been solved. -All things are green unless they are not. -All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? -All words are pegs on which to hang ideas. -All work and no play, will make you a manager. -All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait. -Almost went crazy. Would have been a real short trip. -Alone: In bad company. -Always draw your curves, then plot the data. -Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much. -Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty. -Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out. -Always remember no matter where you go, there you are. -Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day. -Ambition is the last refuge of the failure. -America Good Place to Put Chinese Restaurant. -Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think. -An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications. -An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's really in a rut. -An elephant is a mouse with an operating system. -An idle mind is worth two in the bush. -An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction. -An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts. -An oyster is a fish built like a nut. -An ulcer is what you get mountain climbing over molehills. -An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. -An unemployed court jester is no one's fool. -And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. -And he disappeared in a puff of logic. -And if one bad cluster should accidentally fail... -And it's only ones and zeros. -And now for something completely different... -And now for something completely the same... -And tomorrow will be like today, only more so. -And, the driver compresses EVERYTHING, not just EXE & COM -Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly. -Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. -Another case of Cherry Coke down the programming hatch! -Answers: $1 * Correct answers: $5 * Dumb looks: Free! * -Antidisestablishmentarianism! -Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough. -Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do. -Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there -Any wire cut to length will be too short. -Anything worth doing, is worth doing for a profit. -Are we having Fahrvergnugen yet?? -Are ya feelin' lucky, punk?!! - Harry Callahan -Are you really American if your ethnicity has to be hyphenated? -Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? -Armageddon means never having to say you're sorry. -Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. -As I said before, I never repeat myself. -As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life. -As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716 -As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia. -Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it. -Assumption is the mother of all screwups... -Atheist = Deity Disadvantaged. -Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. -Dorothy -B.Gates : quality software :: R.McDonald : gourmet cuisine -BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding. -Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The Reverse Switch! -Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic -Bad Command:(A)bort (R)etry (T)ake RAM hostage -Bad breath is better than no breath. -Bald: follicularly challenged. -Barium: what you do with dead chemists. -Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus. -Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. -Best file compressor around: DEL *.* (100% compression!) -Best way to dispose of the Borg: Give them Windows 3.1. -Better ... stronger ... faster! -Beware of Geeks bearing gifs. -Beware of barking dogs that bite. -Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers -Bigamy : one wife too many. Monogamy : same thing -Bill Clinton is the Lyin' King. ( Now playing nation wide ) -Bill Clinton thinks that Cheerios are donut seeds. -Bill Clintoon: The prince of Dorkness, a caricature of a president -Black Holes are Out of Sight -Black holes really suck... -Blessed are the pessimists, for they make backups! -Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for ye shall not be dissapointed. -Bliss *IS* ignorance -Bo Knows Taglines! -Bo Peep did it for the insurance. -Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people. -Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencies. -Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. -Bored? Drive the speed limit... in your garage. -Borg spreadsheet: Locutus 1-2-3 -Borg? Where? I don't se*(#$#..NO CARRIER -Both of his feet are firmly planted in the air. -Boy: A noise with dirt on it. -Brain dysfunction detected.... -Brain over - Insert coin -Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think. -Break up a relationship - buy a computer!! -Breathing may be hazardous to your health. -Britannia waives the rules. -Bug off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes -Bugs are Sons of Glitches! -Bugs, like coathangers, breed if unobserved. -Building Contractors, not to be confused with homemakers -Bullets speak louder than reason. -Bumper sticker on a hearse: I'd rather be breathing -Bungee Jumper? Catch you on the rebound. -Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise -Bus error (Passengers dumped) -Busier than a 1 legged man in an butt-kicking contest. -But I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!! -But honey, we can afford it, I sold your car! -But my little voice TOLD me to do it! -But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks? -But then again, I like cold toilet seats. -But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination? -Buy American! -Buy Land Now. It's Not Being Made Any More. -Buy a supscription to Playboy and send it to your boss' wife -By all means, let's not confuse ourselves with the facts! -C programmer run C programmer crash C programmer quit -C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN DOS RUN -CAUTION: RIDER MAY BAIL AT ANY TIME -CCITT: Can't Certify I Trust Telecom. -CCITT: Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today -CD-WOM, Wead Onwy Memowy. -CEO of Dementia and Other Meaningless Entities. -CHIP: One California hi-way patrolman. -CODING: AN addictive Drug. -COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer. -CONgress (n) - Opposite of PROgress -CRASH: Normal termination. -CRIME CONTROL: Fire a warning shot into his HEART! -CURIOSITY? Nah. I got THAT cat with a lawnmower. -CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Stocktaking at a Bike shop -California raisins murdered: Cereal Killer suspected -Can I yell 'movie' in a crowded firehouse? -Can you find the mispelled word in hear? -Can you repeat the part after 'Listen very carefully'? -Can you see the REAL ME, can ya?!?! CAN YA??!?!!?!?!?!?! -Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? -Can't learn to do it well? Learn to enjoy doing it badly! -Card-carrying member of the cultural elite. -Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities. -Cause of crash: Inadvertent contact with the ground. -Caution: Breathing may be hazardous to your health. -Caution: Contents under pressure -Caution: Hungry Dieter May bite if provoked -Caveat emptor, no deposit no return, do not remove. -Celibacy is not hereditary. -Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. -Chernobyl used Windows -Chess players mate better. -Chicago runs best on a VCR. -Chicago, an operating system Pair-of-Dimes shift! -Chicago... The biggest thing since New Coke! -Chicago: NT deja vu! -Chicago? Been there. I'm ready to travel at WARP speed! -Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators. -Chipmunks roasting on an open fire. -Choose heaven for climate, hell for society. -Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. -Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular. -City Planners do it with their eyes shut. -Civilization - biggest syntax error in history! -Clark Kent is a transvestite. -Clarvoiants meeting canceled due to unforseen events. -Clean mind, clean body: take your pick. -Cleanliness is next to impossible. -Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get. -Clinton is one Bill, George Bush can't veto... -Clinton/Gore is to the presidency as Beavis & Butthead are to television. -Clones are people two. -Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades! -Close your eyes and press escape three times. -Closed Hearing for the Caption Impaired... -Cogito ergo spud I think therefore I yam. -Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. -Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar, you're gonna go far! -Coming Soon!! Mouse Support for Edlin! -Coming soon: Netware for the Nintendo! -Commence strategic maneuvers at audible command signal. 5, 4, 3... -Committees keep minutes and lose hours. -Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. -Common sense isn't... -Communism is like a mouth on a lollipop -Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence. -Computational Physicist and all around nice guy. -Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space. -Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light. -Computers All Wait at the Same Speed! -Computers Rule 01001111 01001011 -Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. -Computers are useless; they can only give answers. -Computers run on faith, not electrons. -Condense soup, not books! -Conformity obstructs progress. -Confucius say too much. -Confucius say: I didn't say that! -Confucius say: Man with no legs bums around. -Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools. -Confuse People: Quote from the wrong message! -Confused? Call Counselor Troi 1-900-NCC-1701: $1.95/minute -Confusion not only reigns, it pours. -Consolations, Consultations, Conflagrations. -Constant change is here to stay. -Contentsoftaglinemaysettleduringshipping. -Converse with any plankton lately? -Copyright the Intergalactic Thought Association -Corrupt REALITY.SYS: Reboot Universe (Y/n)? -Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer? -Couldn't myself have better it said. -Courage atrophies from lack of use. -Crime does not pay...as well as politics. -Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime? -Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it. -Crime, Sex, Alcohol, Drugs...Boy do I love Congress -Cynicism is intellectual dandyism. -Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing. -D.A.D.D. - Daddies Against Dirty Diapers -D.A.M. - Mothers Against Dyslexia -D.A.M.M - Drunks Against Mad Mothers -DAM: Mothers Against Dyslexia. -DANGER! Computer store ahead, hide wallet! -DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data. -DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law. -DEVICE=EXXON.SYS may mess up your environment -DILATE: To live longer. -DIODE: What happens to people who don't die young. -DIVORCE =system('echo y| erase \wife\*.*' ); -DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality -DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAGLINE (UNDER PENALTY OF LAW)! -DOC files? We don't need NO STINKIN' DOC FILES! -DOS 5.0 Yesterday's operating system, today! -DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse. -DOS never says 'EXCELLENT command or filename, Dude!' -DOS-O-MANIA : Reboot is not kicking your computer again -DOS-O-MANIA : Root is not the book Alex Haley wrote. -DOWN WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!! -Daddy, what does 'Formatting Drive C:' mean? -Dain Bramaged. -Dang this hobby is expensive! -Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions. -Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie. -Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. -Dawson's First Law: You don't have enough outlets. -Death benefits = oxymoron. -Death is 99 per cent fatal to laboratory rats. -Death is God's way of dropping carrier. -Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?' -Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. -Death sneaks up on you as a windshield sneaks up on a bug. -Death: to stop sinning suddenly. -Deflector shields just came on, Captain. -Delivered by Electronic Sled-Dogs.....Woof! -Democrats Call for Amnesty, Reduced Sentences Likely. -Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split. -Detour: The roughest distance between two points. -Diagonally parked in a parallel universe. -Did I just step on someone's toes again? -Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary! -Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion? -Die Yuppie Scum. -Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. -Difference between Jane Fonda & Bill Clinton? Jane went to Vietnam -Digression is education. -Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out. -Dinner Not Ready...(A)bort (R)etry (P)izza -Diplomacy is saying 'nice doggy' until you find a rock. -Diplomacy is the ability to let someone else have your way. -Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country. -Dirty deeds - DONE DIRT CHEAP! -Disclaimer: All opinions are not really opinions. -Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal. -Discoveries are made by not following instructions. -Disks travel in packs. -Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE! -Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? -Do I mind if you smoke? No. Do you mind if I FART? -Do fish get thirsty? -Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them. -Do not disturb. Already disturbed! -Do not put statements in the negative form. -Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? -Do steam rollers really roll steam? -Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on. -Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you! -Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? -Do you know the way to San Jose? -Doctor Who for president -Doctor, my brain hurts! -Documentation is the castor oil of programming. -Does Bill Clinton think Elvis is alive? -Does killing time damage eternity? -Does the Enterprise use DOS v2356.0? -Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? -Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? -Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines. -Dogs crawl under Gates, software under Windows. -Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent. -Don't ask me, I have intermittent memory loss -Don't ask me, I only work here. -Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go! -Don't be a sexist, broads hate that. -Don't be afraid to drive a nail in the wood! -Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say. -Don't blame me, I voted for Mickey Mouse. -Don't buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs. -Don't byte off more than you can multiplex. -Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up! -Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers. -Don't diet, download a virus to remove the FAT. -Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean! -Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out. -Don't just do something !!! Stand there !!! -Don't let school interfere with your education. -Don't look at me in that tone of voice! -Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you. -Don't mess with Murphy. -Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. ... ALL RIGHT, NOW PANIC -Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it. -Don't press the keys so hard! -Don't read everything you believe. -Don't rush me. I get paid by the hour. -Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace. -Don't start with me. You know how I get. -Don't steal. The government hates competition. -Don't stop posting, a good laugh breaks up my day nicely -Don't sweat it -- it's only ones and zeros. -Don't talk unless you can improve the silence. -Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure... -Don't try to saw sawdust. -Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. -Don't use no double negatives. -Don't worry, I'm fluent in weirdo. -Down with categorical imperative! -Down with ignurance! -Downgrade your system for only 89 dollars! Install Windows! -Dragons love you. You're crunchy and good with ketchup. -Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. -Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing -Drilling for oil is boring. -Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned. -Drive A: format failure, formatting C: instead... -Drive C: Error, (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore (K)ick (S)cream -Dropped from my peeling lips like lousy fruit. -Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system. -Dumb luck beats sound planning every time. Trust me. -Dying is no excuse. Nixon in 96. -Dyslexics are persona au gratin. -Dyslexics have more fnu. -Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE! -EMS: Enhanced Money Scam -ERROR 103: Dead mouse in hard drive. -EXPANSION SLOTS: The extra holes in your belt buckle. -Eagles may soar but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines! -Easter is canceled this year. They've found the body. -Eat Healthy, Exercise, and Die Anyway ... -Eat the rich, the poor are tough and stringy -Efficiency takes time! Frugality: who can afford it? -Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks. -Ego Gratification through Violence -Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. -Email me the rules, please! -Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery. -Enjoy me, I may never pass this way again. -Enough research will tend to support your theory. -Ensign Pillsbury: He's bread Jim! -Enter that again, just a little slower. -Error 15 - Unable to exit Windows. Try the door. -Eschew obfuscation! -Even in this corner of the galaxy, Captain, 2+2=4 ... Spock -Even snakes are afraid of snakes. -Even the greatest of whales is helpless in the middle of the desert -Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I... -Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? -Ever wonder why Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo? -Every man's work is a portrait of himself. -Every purchase has its price. -Every why hath a wherefore. -Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. -Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. -Everyone has photographic memory...some don't have film! -Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid -Everyone is entitled to my opinion. -Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner. -Everyone's expendable...and no one has a real friend -Everything bows to success, even grammar. -Everything in our favor was against us. -Everything that is not mandatory is forbidden. -Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. -Evil always triumphs over good, because good is STUPID! -Exceeding the legal fun limit on a regular basis -Excellent time to become a missing person. -Excuse me while I dance a little jig of despair -Excuse me while I sharpen my tongue. -Experience is a good teacher but her fees are high... -Experience: a name everyone gives to his mistakes. -Exploding piglets!!! My gosh, it's raining bacon! -Exxon Suxx. -F.A.R.T....Fathers Against Radical Teenagers -FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue... -FIGHT BACK! Fill out your tax forms with Roman numerals. -FILE COPIED. I THINK? -FLOPPY DISK: Serious curvature of the spine. -FOR SALE: 1 set of morals, never used, will sell cheap. -FORD: The Heartbreak of today's Chevrolet! -Fact is solidified opinion -Facts Just Get In The Way And Impede Progress. -Facts are stubborn things. -Fad: In one era and out the other -Familiarity breeds attempt -Familiarity breeds children. -Famous last words - Don't worry, I can handle it. -Famous last words - Icarus: Aaaahhhhhhhhh. -Famous last words - You and what army? -Faster than a speeding ticket! -Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You. -Fat person: Nutritional Overachiever -Fatal Error Using Mouse. Replace and Bury Operator. -Features should be discovered, not documented. -Feel lucky???? Update your software! -Felines... nothing more than felines... -Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate. -Fife. n. Small shrill instrument that rhymes with wife. -Figures won't lie, but liars will figure. -File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) -Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition -First thing you do is shoot all the lawyers -Fish and visitors stink in three days. -Flames to /dev/null/here/is/a/quarter/now/go/buy/a/clue. -Flaming nuclear death to Smurfs -Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for herself. -Floggings will continue until morale improves. -Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist. -Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do -Follow-ups to alt.nobody.really.cares -Food is an important part of a balanced diet. -Fools rush in where Fools have been before! -Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold -For Sale: Slightly used message. Enquire within. -For at the end of history lies the undiscovered country. -For discussion only. Not to be relied upon. -For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision. -For people who like peace and quiet: A phoneless cord! -For sale, Toilet-seat cover. Barely used. -For the finest in brain candy. -Forget the Joneses...I can't keep up with the SIMPSONS! -Forget the computer! Where's my abacus?? -Forget the diet center; send yourself a candygram. -Forgive your enemies...but REMEMBER THEIR NAMES! -Four minus two is one and the same. -Fraud(n): A telephone number starting with '1-900' -Free Nelson Mandela, while stocks last! -Free advice is worth what you pay for it -Free your mind ... the rest will follow! -Freedom is just chaos with better lighting. -Friction can be a drag sometimes. -Friendly fire - ISN'T ! -Friends are Friends, regardless of their baud rate! -Friends come and go, enemies accumulate. -Friends don't let friends drive naked. -Friends encourage friends to use Windows - under Linux! -Friendship is one soul in two bodies. -Frost -Funny, only sensible people agree with me. -GURU: One who knows more jargon than you. -Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. -Gargle twice daily - see if your neck leaks. -Geez if you belive in honkus. -Genealogy = A DNA square-dance in the Thighlight Zone -General Failure reading John Dvorak -General stupidity error reading drive C: -Geoff, Brett and Todd...the BO-DYNASTY!!! -George Orwell was an optimist. -Get behind early so you have plenty of time to catch up. -Get the facts first - you can distort them later! -Get your filthy hands off my dessert! -Gimme back my face! You're getting it ugly. -Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it. -Give a woman an inch and she thinks she's a ruler. -Give your child mental blocks for Christmas. -Go Lemmings, Go!!! -Go shopping. Buy Stuff. Sweat in it. Return it the next day. -God created cats so that men could learn to understand women -God does not play dice. -God heals and the doctor takes the fee. -Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes. -Going the speed of light is bad for your age. -Good day to let down old friends who need help. -Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!! -Goodness has NOTHING to do with it..... -Gotta love me! -Grab your helmet, get your bike, it's SHOWTIME! -Graduate Of The Uncle Fester & Keith Moon School of hair styling -Gravity brings me down -Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sucks. -Great minds travel in the same sewers. -Greed is good! Greed is right! Greed works! -Grow your own dope... plant a man -Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!! -Grub first, then ethics. -Gun control is being able to hit your target! -Guns don't kill people... death does. -Guns don't kill people..., I kill people! -H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd! -HAL 9000: Dave. Put down those Windows disks, Dave. DAVE! -Hackito ergo sum. -Hailing frequencies open, Captain. -Hand me that crowbar... I must pry out this bullet. -Happiness is Earth in your rear view mirror. -Happiness is a warm gun. -Happiness is a warm modem -Happiness is finding special characters  -Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip. -Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton. -Happiness is...receiving YOUR posts!!!! -Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. -Hard work must have killed someone! -Has it ever rained cats and dogs? -Hasta la vista, Baby! -Have Tardis, will travel. -Have an adequate day. -Have cursor, will curse. -Have it OUR way. Yours is IRRELEVANT. At BORGerKing. -Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem? -Have you seen Quasimoto? I have a hunch he's back! -Having Windows problems? Dial 1-800-3-IBM-OS2 for fast relief! -Having two bathrooms ruins the capacity to co-operate. -He does the work of 3 Men...Moe, Larry & Curly -He has Van Gogh's ear for music. -He who Laughs, Lasts. -He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut. -He who asks timidly makes denial easy. -He who dies with the most access, wins. -He who dies with the most toys... is *still* DEAD! -He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons. -He who hesitates is constipated. -He who laughs last is S-L-O-W. -He who laughs last probably made a backup. -He who lives by the sword laughs last. -He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end! -He who shouts the loudest has the floor. -He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise. -He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his wallet. -He's dim, Jed -He's not dead, Jim, he's just metabolically challenged. -Heads I win... DITTO tails -Health food makes me sick. -Heisenberg slept here, I think. -Help endangered species - adopt a KGB operative. -Help fight continental drift. -Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you! -Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy! -Help! I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap. -Help! I've been stuck in here for years and years... -Help! Police! That guy stole my .sig! STOP!!! THIEF!!! -Help!!! I'm falling and I can't click out!!! -Help, I'm slipping into the Twilight Zone! -Here today, gaunt tomorrow. -Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone! -Hey! This is a morgue, not an amusement park! -Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??! -Hey, CServe/Unisys! Stick it where the sun don't shine! -Hey, Worf...I hooked Data up to a Modem...Wanna see? -Hi! I can't remember your name either. -Hi, I'm from Corporate. I'm here to help you. -Hi. I'll be your tagline for this evening. -High message: 9434567. Message last read: 9. -Hills weed out the weak. Darwin would argue this is good. -Hindsight is always 20:20. -Hindsight is an exact science. -Hm..what's this red button fo:=/07<NO CARRIER -Hmm...Nice tagline. <SWIPE!> SUCKER!!! AH, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! -Hollow chocolate has no calories -Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. -Honey, PLEASE don't pick up the PH$@#*&$^(#@&$^%(*NO CARRIER -Honeymoon Salad: Lettuce alone, with no dressing. -Honeymoon: time between 'I do' and 'you'd better' -Honk if you love cheeses. -Honk if you love peace and quiet. -Honk, if you have slept with Clinton. -Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces. -Housework done properly, can kill you -Houston! do you read. -How come the AT&T logo looks like the Death Star? -How come there's only one Monopolies Commission? -How come wrong numbers are never busy? -How do I set my laser printer for stun? -How do you know it's summer in Seattle? Rain's warm! -How do you make Windows faster ? Throw it harder -How do you pronounce my name? With reverence. -How do you write zero in Roman numerals? -How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog! -How does one expect the unexpected? -How long is a short story? -How long will a floating point operation float? -How many consultants will fit onto the head of a pin? -How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand! -How many weeks are there in a light year? -How much can I get away with and still go to heaven? -How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? -Humpty dumpty was pushed. -Hydrate or Die. -Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got. -I *LOVE* it when a plan comes together! -I BBS because no one can read my handwriting. -I Cayman went. -I Have To Stop Now, My Fingers Are Getting Hoarse! -I M a tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum. -I Still miss my ex-wife.....BUT, My aim is improving! -I Think....therefore I'm OVER QUALIFIED!!!!!!!!! -I love it when a plan comes together! -I admit it's offbeat, but lets not get hysterical. -I always lie. In fact, I'm lying to you right now! -I always like to try the one I've never tried before. -I am Clinton of Borg. Your income will be assimilated. -I am Homer of Borg! Prepare to be...OOooooo! Donuts!!! -I am Lancelot of Borg. Resistance is feudal. -I am both of us & so are you. -I am built for comfort, not speed! -I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. -I am functioning within established parameters. -I am in total control, but don't tell my wife. -I am not an animal! I am ... well, not an animal. -I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. -I am sweet and lovable at all times. -I am the girl-next-door's imaginary boyfriend. -I am what I am and that's all that I am. -I am. Therefore, I think. I think. -I apologize to the deaf for the loss of subtitles. -I bet you I could stop gambling. -I bought a cordless extension cord. -I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. -I came, I saw, I took LOTS of PICTURES! -I came... I saw... I stole your tagline. -I can do without essentials but I must have my luxuries -I can quit anytime I want; I just don't want to! -I can resist anything but temptation. -I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving. -I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol. -I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left! -I can't believe my computer's on fire. -I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear. -I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!! -I could be arguing in my spare time. -I could have stuck with DOS, but NO. -I couldn't care less about apathy. -I didn't cheat, I just changed the Rules! -I didn't know it was impossible when I did it. -I distinctly remember forgetting that. -I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. -I do this kind of stuff to him all through the picture. -I don't care if I'm apathetic. -I don't care who you are, Fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof! -I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be. -I don't eat snails... I prefer FAST food! -I don't hate Windows - it runs great under Linux! -I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. -I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily. -I don't need a disclaimer. I OWN the company. -I don't think, therefore I am not. -I don't want the world, I just want your half. -I drink to make other people interesting. -I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out. -I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. -I feel so inar-inar-inar tic-u-late -I feel the need......the need for speed! -I finally washed the mud off of mud. -I find myself beside a stream of empty thought -I float like an anchor and sting like a moth. -I get mail........ I exist. -I give advice worth the price....free! -I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat! -I guess a cynic smells different. -I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem. -I had amnesia once or twice. -I had my coat hangers spayed. -I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. -I hate to repeat gossip, so I'll only say this once. -I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers -I have a rock garden. 3 of them died last week. -I have a speech impediment... my foot. -I have already not made that point -I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence! -I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. -I have the mars observer and I'm not returning it until I get an 'A' in astronomy -I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere. -I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it. -I hear what you're saying but I just don't care. -I is a college student. -I is knot dain bramaged! -I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had? -I keep my .BAT files in D:\BELFRY -I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words -I know everything about everything, except that. -I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once. -I like candy, especially the gooey kind with nougat! -I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one. -I like to leave messages *before* the beep. -I like to reminisce with people I don't know. -I like to think of myself as a divide overflow. -I like your approach, now let's see your departure. -I lost a button hole today. -I lost my knickers at Niagara. -I made it foolproof. They are making better fools! -I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight. -I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up -I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me. -I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent. -I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night. -I need someone really bad. Are you really bad? -I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget. -I never met a chocolate I didn't like! -I only counted 100 dalmatians...!!! -I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go. -I parked my hard disk and now I can't find it! -I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. -I post.......... I am -I promise results, not promises. -I refuse a battle of wits with an unarmed person! -I remember when Saturns were rockets, not cars. -I saw, I came, I cleaned it up. -I smashed a Window and saw... Linux! -I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's gone. -I think I strained a muscle I didn't know I had! -I think, therefore I am. I think. -I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS. -I thought I was wrong but I was mistaken. -I tried being reasonable once. I didn't like it. -I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit. -I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. -I tried to drown my problems but they can swim! -I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal. -I used to be disgusted, but now I'm just amused. -I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure. -I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now. -I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. -I used to spell badlie, but now I got worser. -I used to watch TV, then I bought a modem. -I wake near the end of the day. -I want .50 cal machine guns as a factory option. -I warn you not to underestimate my powers. -I was arrested for selling illegal sized paper. -I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep. -I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off.... -I went on a 30-day diet - and lost 30 days! -I will defend to your death my right to my opinion. -I wish life had a scroll-back buffer. -I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole! -I wrote a few children's books, but not on purpose. -I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare. -I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous -I'd like to live like a poor person with lots of money. -I'd like to, but last time I went I never came back.. -I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential. -I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops. -I'd love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore -I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma. -I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Phillip. -I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular. -I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini. -I'd love to, but my crayons all melted together. -I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV. -I'd love to, but my patent is pending. -I'd love to, but none of my socks match. -I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force. -I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are. -I'd rather be bicycling! -I'll eat anything that's BRIGHT BLUE!! -I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too! -I'll get you yet, you kwazy wabbit! -I'll jump off that bridge when I come to it. -I'll tell you what's the matter! This parrot is dead! -I'm Not Schizophrenic, And Neither Am I. -I'm Serfectly Pober. -I'm a Bum...a BEACH Bum! -I'm a cowboy ... on a steel horse I ride! -I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay! -I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. -I'm an Debian developer...I don't NEED a life! -I'm an absolute, off-the-wall fanatical moderate. -I'm an incorrigible punster, so don't corrige me! -I'm an influential person, gravitationally speaking. -I'm as bored as a pacifist's pistol. -I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk. -I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing. -I'm easy to please as long as I get my way. -I'm fallin' down a spiral, destination unknown! -I'm fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact. -I'm in shape ... Rounds a shape isn't it? -I'm leaving my body to science fiction. -I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes. -I'm new and what's all this then? -I'm no stranger, just a friend you haven't met... -I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing. -I'm not as dumb as you look. -I'm not broke, I'm just badly bent. -I'm not dead. I'm electroencephelographically challenged. -I'm not even going to ignore that. -I'm not fat just horizontally disproportionate. -I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished -I'm not lost, I'm 'locationally challenged.' -I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am. -I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right! -I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this? -I'm not real smart, but I can lift heavy things. -I'm not rude, I'm 'attitudinally challenged'. -I'm not schizophrenic. It's this guy beside me! -I'm not tense, just terribly alert. -I'm on the crest of a slump. -I'm out of sick days, so I'm calling in dead! -I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam. -I'm schizophrenic, What are you? -I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention. -I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes. -I'm sure it's clearly explained in the Zmodem DOC's -I'm sure it's in the manual somewhere... -I'm the person your mother warned you about. -I'm too smart to let my intelligence go to my head. -I'm turning you in to the SPCA! -I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force. -I've got Parkinson's disease. And he's got mine. -I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called? -I've got to sit down and work out where I stand. -I've had fun before. This isn't it. -I've run out of sick leave so I'm calling in dead. -I've seen the future. I can't afford it. -IBM: I've Been Misled -IBM: It may be slow, but at least it's expensive. -IBM: you can buy better, but you can't pay more -IF numcooks > .maxcooks THEN;SET V broth = 'spoiled';END -INTERLACE: To tie two boots together. -Ideas are not responsible for their followers! -If At First You Don't Succeed Ignore The Docs... -If Clinton's the answer, it must have been a really stupid question. -If I can't fix it, it's probably dead. -If I can't win, I don't wanna play! -If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here. -If I had been using Windoze, I'd still be writing this. -If I save the whales, where do I keep them? -If I save time, when do I get it back ? -If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you. -If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much. -If I were two faced, would I wear this one? -If I were you, who'd be me? -If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will. -If The Shoe Fits - The Sock Fits ! -If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk? -If a tree falls on a florist, would he make a sound? -If all goes well, you've overlooked something! -If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail -If at first we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. -If at first you don't succeed, call it v1.0! -If at first you don't succeed, hide your astonishment. -If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test. -If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. -If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. -If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft. -If at first you don't succeed, you must be using Windows. -If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose! -If cows could fly, everyone would carry an umbrella. -If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve. -If idiots could fly, this would be an airport. -If in doubt, make it sound convincing. -If it glows don't touch it! -If it has feelings, its not cooked enough! -If it isn't broken, don't fix it. -If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing -If it walks out of your refrigerator, LET IT GO !! -If it works, tear it apart and find out why! -If it's not broke, let me take a crack at it. -If it's not going to plan, maybe there never was a plan. -If it's not on fire, it's a software problem. -If it's not worth doing well, it's not worth doing. -If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid -If it's too loud, you're too old. -If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. -If little else, the brain is an educational toy. -If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws. -If money could talk, it would say goodbye. -If nobody measures up, check your yardstick. -If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit? -If speed scares you, try Windows... -If the shoe fits, put it in your mouth. -If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams. -If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance. -If this were an actual tagline, it would be funny. -If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth! -If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal. -If winning isn't important then why keep score? -If you associate with the wise, you will become wise. -If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. -If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch. -If you cannot convince them, confuse them. -If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? -If you didn't get caught, did you really do it? -If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost. -If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself! -If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own. -If you have nothing to do, don't do it here. -If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know. -If you hear an onion ring please answer it. -If you mess with something long enough it'll break. -If you must drink and drive, drive a Yugo! -If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? -If you say nothing, no one will repeat it. -If you see an onion ring, ANSWER IT! -If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. -If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? -If you want your name spelt wrong, die. -If you wish work poorly done, pay in advance. -If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. -If you're not the solution, you're the precipitate. -If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.. -If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it! -Ifyoucanreadthis,youspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines! -Ignorance is temporary; stupid is forever. -Illiterate? Write for free help. -Imagery is All In The Mind. -Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality -Impropriety is the soul of wit. -In God we trust, all others pay cash. -In a fight between you and the world, back the world. -In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death -In case of fire, yell 'FIRE!' -In politics stupidity is not a handicap. -In the land of the witless, the halfwit is king. -In war there is no substitute for victory. -Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF -Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence. -Individualists of the world, UNITE! -Inertia makes the world go round. -Inferiority complex: conviction by a jury of your fears. -Innovate or Die. -Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. -Insanity is just a state of mind. -Insert New Disk for Drive C: Press ENTER when ready. -Insert inevitable trivial witticism of your choice. -Interchangeable parts won't. -Internal combustion engines are the dinosaurs' revenge -International Brotherhood of Tagline Thieves. -Interstellar Matter is a Gas -Invisible Systems, Inc. If you don't see it, we made it. -Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets. -Is 'tired old cliche' one? -Is it OK to yell 'MOVIE' in a crowded firehouse? -Is it in my head...or in my heart? -Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON? -Is it possible to feel gruntled? -Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky? -Is there life before coffee? -Is this a machine? I don't talk to machines! [Click] -Is this the right room for an argument? -It all looks the same if you're not the lead dog. -It can't be full...I STILL HAVE SUBDIRECTORIES! -It compiled, first screen came up?? Ship it! --Bill Gates -It did what? Well, it's not supposed to do that. -It doesn't work, but it looks pretty. -It has many other uses as well. Allow me. - Worf -It is always better to sacrifice your opponent's men -It is bad luck to be superstitious. -It is better to be brief than boring. -It is better to wear out than to rust out. -It is broke. It will not work. It does not go. -It is fatal to live too long. -It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms. -It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. -It is much easier to be critical than to be correct -It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. -It is, after all, only a moment in the infinity of time. -It really bothers me when people cut me o... -It said 'Insert disk #3', but only two will fit! -It works better if you plug it in. -It's 10:00 PM...do YOU know where YOUR tagline is? -It's Ensign Flintstone - he's Fred, Jim. -It's a Tough Job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it. -It's a fine line between fishing & standing still -It's a fine night to have an evening. -It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for. -It's a tough job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it. -It's an ill wind that gathers no moss. -It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you. -It's bad luck to be superstitious. -It's been a business doing pleasure with you. -It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. -It's best to leave quickly when you make noises like that... -It's better to burn out than to fade away. -It's clever, but is it art? -It's deja vu all over again. -It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser. -It's easier to obtain forgiveness than permission. -It's easy to apply yourself, just use crazy glue! -It's easy to be brave from a safe distance. -It's hard to RTFM when you can't find the FM.. -It's hard to be serious when you're naked. -It's life Jim, but not as we know it. -It's like Deja Vu all over again... -It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. -It's more than a reader. It's a message base manager! -It's never too late to have a happy childhood -It's not easy having an overbearing parent! - Troi -It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere! -It's not in the manual! -It's not just a hobby, it's an obsession! -It's not pretty being easy. -It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole. -It's not the money I want, it's the stuff. -It's not the principle of the thing, it's the money -It's okay to be ugly...but aren't you overdoing it? -It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only -It's only ones and zeros. -It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is...dead, Jim. -It's smart to pick your friends, but not your nose. -It's starting to rain, .SQZ the animals into the .ARC ! -It's true, forgiveness IS easier to get than permission -Its a JOKE, like the funny kind but different. -Itsdifficulttobeverycreativewithonlyfiftysevencharacters! -JFK: I need this motorcade like a hole in my head! -James Bond rules. 00K. -Jealousy is all the fun you think they have. -Jet Engine Theory -Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow! -Join the Group Mind - become a Borg -Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot. -Jumbo shrimp = oxymoron. -Junk: stuff we throw away. Stuff: junk we keep. -Just because you're STUPID ain't no excuse. -Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get me! -Just do it. -Just don't tell the asylum you saw me here -Just how much leg have I got -Just my 78,000 lira worth. -Just what part of 'NO' didn't you understand...? -Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats. -Justice is incidental to law and order. -Justice: A decision in your favor. -Kamikaze Pilot Wanted: Experienced only need apply. -Keep America beautiful.. properly dispose of your lawyer. -Keep a clear head and always carry a lightbulb. -Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis. -Keyboard Not Found - Press [F1] to Continue -Kicked wide of the goal with such precision. -Kids-They're not sleeping, they're recharging! -Kill them all! .... Let God sort them out. -Killer Rabbit's Motto: 'Lettuce Prey.' -Kilroy occupied these coordinates. -Kleptomania: take something for it -Know what I hate? I hate rhetorical questions! -Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either. -LISP: To call a spade a thpade. -LISTEN HERE! I HAVE FIRST AMENDENT RIGH(@#$!9*&^ NO CARRIER -LOTUS - Let Only The Users Suffer -Laddie, ya think ya might like ta ... rephrase that? -Land of the Single Entendre... -Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle. -Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot. -Laughter: The shortest distance between two people. -Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself. -Lesser artists borrow. Great artists steal. -Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it! -Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it. -Let's split up, we can do more damage that way. -Liberal - a power worshiper without power. -Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references. -Life - brief interlude between nothingness and eternity. -Life can be great if you live it to the fullest! -Life is a sandwich, and it's always lunchtime -Life is a series of very rude awakenings. -Life is like a Car-wash and I'm on a bicycle. -Life is only as long as you live it. -Life is serious, but ART is fun! -Life is tough. It's tougher when you're stupid. -Life is uncertain...eat dessert first! -Life sucks, but Death swallows! -Life would be easier if I had the source code. -Life's too short to dance with ugly men. -Life's too short to dance with ugly women. -Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it. -Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you. -Likes and dislikes are among my favorites -Linux, the choice of a GNU generation. -Liposuction will destroy your FAT -Lisp programmers have to stop and collect garbage. -Live before you die. -Living poor is best left to those with no money. -Locked coathanger in car. Good thing I had a key. -Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. -Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener. -Luxuriantly hand-crafted from only the finest ASCII. -M.A.D.D.: Midgets Against Desk Drawers. -MOPAR = Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly! -MS Windows -- From the people who brought you EDLIN! -MS-DOS: celebrating ten years of obsolescence -Macho does not prove Mucho. -Madness takes its toll; please have exact change. -Make Headlines..use a corduroy pillow.... -Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler. -Make it do ... Or do without. -Make like a Tom and Cruise. -Make like a baby and head out. -Make like a banana and split. -Make like a drum and beat it! -Make like a tree and leave. -Make somebody happy. Mind your own business. -Make up a language and ask people for directions. -Man has his will. Woman has her won't! -Man invented language to satisfy his need to complain. -Man who get hit by car, get that run down feeling -Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself -Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache -Man who run behind car get exhausted. -Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloon -Marching to a different kettle of fish. -Mary had a little RAM -- only about a MEG or so. -Math is the language God used to write the universe. -May I please be excused? My Brain is full. -May the Porsche be with you. -May you live in interesting times. -May your life be filled with experiences. -Me know gammar. Me cood use it gud. -Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve it's dignity -Meditation is not what you Think. -Meet the new Boss--same as the old Boss... -Megabyte: A nine course dinner. -Member: International Brotherhood of Tagline Thieves! -Memory is a thing we forget with. -Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. -Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence -Microfiche: Sardines. -Microsoft Windows... a virus with mouse support. -Microsoft gives you Windows... Linux gives you the whole house. -Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties -Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open. -Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses. -Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting! -Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure. -Modem: What landscapers do to dem lawns. -Money is the root of all wealth. -Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired. -Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition. -Most of us have been at work for several hours now. -Mother is the invention of necessity. -Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels! -Multitasking causes schizophrenia.. -Murphy is out there... waiting... -Murphy was an optimist. -Murphy's law needs to be repealed. -Must Go - My Rotweiler needs its teeth sharpened. -My *taglines* are original. *I* am a copy. -My RAM's not what it used to be, so don't quote me. -My attention isn't hard to get. It IS hard to keep... -My best friend is a social worker. -My computer has a terminal illness -My computer's sick, I think my modem's a carrier -My couch potato routine honed to perfection -My fallacies are more logical than your fallacies. -My foolish parents taught me to read and write. -My hat covers my head... Just like hair used to! -My haystack had no needle! -My head is sore, and there's a hole in the brick wall! -My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours. -My karma ran over your dogma. -My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring -My message above. Your response here ____________. -My other computer is a Cray Y/MP-4! -My other computer is a HAL 9000. -My other computer is an abacus. -My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ... -My reality check just bounced. -My tagline can beat up your tagline! -My weight is perfect for my height... which varies. -NAVY: Never Again Volunteer Yourself -NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing. -NEWS! Drunk gets nine months in violin case -NEWS! Enraged cow injures farmer with ax -NEWS! Iraqi head seeks arms -NEWS! Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers -NEWS! Stolen painting found by tree -NEWS! Survivor of siamese twins joins parents -NO! Taco Bell is NOT the Mexican Phone Company! -NUMBER CRUNCHING: Jumping on a Computer. -Naaah, real men don't read docs. -Nanosecond: Mork's stunt man. -Neil Armstrong tripped. -Neither rain, nor snow, nor l?ne n*oi*se -Neurotic: Self-taut person. -Never argue with a woman when she's tired, or rested. -Never assume. It makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'. -Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off. -Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you -Never eat anything bigger than your head. -Never eat more than you can lift. -Never enter a battle of wits unarmed. -Never go with the odds -Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist! -Never judge a man by his taglines. -Never let your feet run faster than your shoes. -Never mind the facts - I know what I know. -Never park your hard disk in a tow-away zone. -Never say, 'Oops!'; always say, 'Ah, interesting!' -Never test for an error you don't know how to handle. -Never trust a man who can count to 1,023 on his fingers -Never trust a skinny cook. -Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. -Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. -New Highway gets Railroaded. -Newsbytes - Microsoft announce EDLIN for Windows. -Nihilism should commence with oneself. -Ninety per cent of everything is crap. -Nitpicking: Not just a hobby, it's a way of life! -Nitrate: Lower than the day rate. -No .sig is a good .sig -No free lunch in an ecosystem. -No one EXPECTS the Spanish Inquisition!!! -No one ever said 'if I'd only spent more time in the office' -No radio. Already stolen. -No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. -No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard. -No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in Outer Space. -Nobody roots for Goliath. -Nobody shoots at Santa Claus. -Nodding the head does not row the boat. -None of you exist, my Sysop types all this in. -Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. -Not a computer nerd; merely a techno-weenie. -Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute. -Not many people realize just how well known I am. -Not now, John, we gotta get on with the game show... -Not quite human any longer. -Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible. -Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come -Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse. -Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious -Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason -Nothing recedes like success. -Nothing succeeds like excess. -Now entering Iowa. Please set your clocks back 20 years. -Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time. -Now is not a good time to annoy me -Now is the time for all good men to come to. -Now that I've given up hope I feel much better... -Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean? -O Oysters come and walk with us, the Walrus did beseech. -OK Scotty, detonate and energize NOW! No, wait, I mean....... -OK, I'm weird! But I'm saving up to become eccentric. -OPERATOR! Trace this call and tell me where I am. -OUT TO LUNCH - If not back at five, OUT TO DINNER! -Obe Wan Kenobi at the dinner table: 'Use the FORKS, Luke!' -Objection, your Honor! My client is an idiot! -Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder -Objects in taglines are closer than they appear. -Of all the people I've met you're certainly one of them -Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. -Of course I'm running Windows[kVxB NO CARRIER -Oh goody! Another Muranium Explosive Space Modulator! -Oh no you don't! You're not stealing this one! -Oh no, not another learning experience! -Oh, Bullwinkle, that trick NEVER works! -Ok, I pulled the pin. Now what? Where are you going? -Okay - right after this one we're BACK to the TOPIC -Old MacDonald had a computer with an EIE I/O -Old age is better than the alternative. -On a clear disk you can seek forever. -On a scale of 1 to 10, 4 is about 7. -On an electrician's truck: Let Us Remove Your Shorts -One atom bomb can really ruin your day. -One good turn gets most of the blanket. -One is never as happy or unhappy as one imagines. -One man's Windows are another man's walls... -One man's upload is another man's download -One night I came home very late. It was the next night -One tactical thermonuclear weapon can ruin your whole day. -One way to better your lot is to do a lot better... -One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him. -Only 19,999 lines of C++ to my next ski trip... -Only cosmetologists give make-up exams. -Only the winners decide what were war crimes. -Open Mouth. Insert Foot. Chew Carefully. -Optimization hinders evolution. -Originality is the art of concealing your sources. -Our houseplants have a good sense of humous. -Our necessities are few but our wants are endless... -Out here in the fields...I fight for my meals...! -Out of Memory!? But I fed you 6 Megs this morning! -Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal. -Outlaw junk mail, and save the trees! -Overload--core meltdown sequence initiated. -Oxymoron - Definite possibility -Oxymoron - Military Intelligence -Oxymoron: Bosnian Cease-Fire -Oxymoron: Soviet Union. -PC! Politically Correct (or) Pure Crap! -PCBackup: 1 of 1362 disks. -PI seconds is a nanocentury. - Tom Duff, Bell Labs -PKZip - it's not just for downloads anymore -Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. -Palindrome isn't one. -Pandemonium doesn't reign here... It pours! -Paranoia is heightened awareness. -Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life. -Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload. -Pascal: What's it Wirth? -Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity. -Patience is a virtue that carries a lot of WAIT! -Pay your electric bill in pennies. -Peace through superior firepower. -People are always available for work in the past tense. -People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care. -People who live in glass houses shouldn't! -People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses. -Perot/Bush/Quayle: The Millionaire, Skipper & Gilligan. -Pet Store: 'Buy one, get one flea.' -Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago. -Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square! -Pizza IS the four food groups! -Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery. -Plagiarism prohibited, derive carefully. -Plankton lobbyist: 'NUKE THE WHALES!' -Plasma is another matter. -Please Tell Me if you Don't Get This Message -Please call the windows police. I've caught another gpf. -Please don't drink and post. -Please don't take my sunshine away. -Please recycle this tagline. Once is not enough. -Pobody's Nerfect! -Poets go from bad to verse -Point not found. A)bort, R)eread, I)gnore. -Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy. -Political panjandrums prologize pedantic paronomasia. -Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun. -Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. -Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. -Pound forehead on keyboard to continue. -Power corrupts, but we need electricity. -Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. -Predestination was doomed from the start. -Predicting the future of technology is fraud with peril! -Prejudice is the reason of fools. - Voltaire. -Preserve wildlife... pickle a rat. -Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue... -Press any key to continue or any other key to quit -Press any key...NO, NO, NO, NOT THAT ONE!!!!!! -Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry. -Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday. -Program too small to fit into memory. -Programming is an art form that fights back. -Progress is made on alternate Fridays. -Prosecutors will be violated -Psychiatrists stay on your mind. -Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots. -Push the limit, and the limit will move away! -Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something. -Put people on hold when possible. -Quantum mechanics do it in leaps. -Quasimodo is a dead ringer. -Question Authority, ask me anything -RAID Antivirus - Kills Virus's DEAD!!! -Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination. -Radioactive halibut will make fission chips. -Random order = oxymoron -Rap music = oxymoron -Read the dictionary backwards and look for secret messages. -Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO's. -Real Trekkers work out at the He's Dead Gym. -Real men don't set for stun. -Real men write self-modifying code. -Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle buttons -Reality is an obstacle to hallucination. -Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek. -Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. -Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!! -Recursive, adj.; see Recursive -Red ship crashes into blue ship - sailors marooned. -Reduce Carbon Dioxide emmissions - STOP Breathing -Redundancy: A Politician with an airbag in his car. -Refuse Novocain...Transcend Dental Medication! -Remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. -Remember, If you're not in bed by 10:30..... go home! -Remember, Subaru spelled backwards is U-R-A-BUS. -Reputation: what others are not thinking about you. -Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm) -Return((usBirdInHand = 2 * InTheBush())); -Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow. -Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals. -Road Kill Cafe: You kill 'em, we grill 'em. -Roses are red, Violet's are blue, And mine are white. -Rotisserie: a ferris wheel for chickens -Round up the usual suspects! -Rubber bands have snappy endings! -Russian Express Card motto: Don't leave home! -S met ing's hap ening t my k ybo rd . . -SCUD : Sure Could Use Directions -STICK: A boomerang that doesn't work. -STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park elsewhere! -SYNTAX? Why not--they tax everything else! -SYSTEM ERROR: press F13 to continue... -Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses. -Sarcasm: barbed ire. -Save California; when you leave take someone with you. -Save energy: be apathetic. -Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes! -Save the whales. Collect the whole set. -Save your money for a rainy day, or a new computer! -Say yer prayers, y' flea-bitten' varmint. -Schizophrenia beats being alone. -Science asks why. I ask why not. -Science: preconception meeting verification. -Scientists discover life causes cancer. -Scotty! Hurry! Beam me uragg^*z~% NO CARRIER -Scrute the inscrutable, eff the ineffable. -See how you can be? -Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing. -Send lawyers, guns, & money... -Send more tourists..... the last ones were delicious! -Sentient plasmoids are a gas. -Serving the scum of Paris for over 300 years -Set mode=Extremely verbose -Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven! -Shareware: forget the manual...phone the author at home! -ShelfDoze is a registered Trademark of M$. -Shell to DOS... come in DOS... Do you copy? -Shh! Be vewy quiet, I'm hunting wuntime errors! -Shin - a device for finding furniture in the dark.. -Shoot your program and put it out of its memory! -Shoplifters with the runs take Clepto Bismol -Short people are vertically challenged. -Should I or shouldn't I?... Too late, I did! -Should I weed the lawn or say it's a garden? -Show me a sane man. I'll cure him for you. -Sign here please:_______________________Thanks -Sign on Closed Nuclear Power Plant... 'Gone Fission' -Sign on a clothing store - Come inside and have a fit. -Signito ergo sum - I sign therefore I am. -Simon says: don't be so suggestible. -Sit down, you're rocking the boat! -Six of one, 110 (base 2) of another. -Skating away on the thin ice of a new day. -Slower Traffic Keep Right - Is that so difficult? -Slug Sautee: a hors of a different d'oeuvre. -Small changes pick up the reins from nowhere. -Smash forehead on keyboard to continue... -Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips. -Smile... people will wonder what you've been up to. -Smiley faces were meant to be annoying. -Smokey the Bear says, 'Strip mining prevents forest fires!' -Smoking cures weight problems...eventually. -Smoking is a leading cause of statistics. -Smurf exterminator. -So many bytes, so few cps. -So many lawyers, so few bullets. -So many pedestrians, so little time. -So many toys, so little time... -So much time, and so little to do. -Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty. -Software Independent: Won't work with ANY software. -Software means never having to say you're finished -Some Do, Some Don't, Some Will and Some Won't. -Some People.... -Some days you're a bug, other days a windshield. -Some days, nothing goes left. -Some little dipstick stole all my good taglines... -Some minds should be cultivated, others plowed under... -Some people are so nice to be nasty to. -Some people are, through no fault of their own, sane. -Some things have got to be believed to be seen. -Someone is unenthusiastic about your work. -Something is rotten in the state of confusion. -Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. -Sorry about your Rectal-Cranial Inversion. -Sorry, I don't date outside my species. -Sorry... my mind has a few bad sectors. -Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (yep/Nope) -Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so. -Space is big. Really big. -Spaceman Spiff, Interplanetary Explorer! -Speaking only for myself, one of my many tricks. -Spell chequers dew knot work write. -Spice is the variety of life. -Stamp out philately! -Standing there making a sitting target of himself. -Stay Alert. Stay Awake. Stay Alive. -Steal my cash, car and TV - but leave the computer! -Sterility is hereditary. -Stop tagline theft! Copyright your tagline © -Strike any user when ready. -Stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out? -Subvert the dominant paradigm! -Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism. -Sumo Wrestling: survival of the fattest. -Supercalifragilisticexpialidocius -Supernovae are a Blast -Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have! -Support the helpless victims of computers. -Surprise your boss. Get to work on time. -Swish, two, three, four! Swish, two, three, four! -Sylvester Stallone: father of the RISC concept. -THE GOLDEN RULE: He who has the gold makes the rules -TV is chewing gum for the eyes. -Tact: knowing how far to go too far. -Tact: making a point without making an enemy. -Tagline Lotto: 2222222222<- Scratch here for prize. -Tagline theft is a compliment. -Taglines \'tag-linz \ The bumperstickers of the internet -Take a bite out of crime .. Abolish the IRS! -Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. -Take two crows and caw me in the morning -Talk is cheap because Supply exceeds Demand. -Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed. -Teamwork is essential. It gives them another target. -Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day. -Thank you very little. -That ain't so good English! -That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all. -That that is is not that that is not. -That was ZEN -- this is TAO -That'll be $67.50 CCCHHHHHIIIIINNNNGGGG!!!! -That's inches away from being millimeter perfect. -The Borg assimilated me & all I got was this stupid T-Shirt! -The Czech's in the mail. Sending Frenchman by FAX. -The French defense isn't... -The Hubbell works fine; all that stuff IS blurry! -The Lab called,..... Your brain is ready! -The Magic of Windows: Turns a 486 back into a PC/XT. -The Microsoft Motto: 'We're the leaders, wait for us!' -The PARITY CHECK is in the E-MAIL... -The Tour de France! -The UARTs won't take this speed, Captain -The Universe is a big place... perhaps the biggest -The Vatican Express Card. Don't leave Rome without it. -The backup's not over 'til the FAT table sings! -The ballot is stronger than the bullet. -The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. -The best defense against logic is stupidity. -The best defense is to stay out of range. -The best substitute for experience is being sixteen. -The best way to keep friends is not to give them away. -The best way to win an argument is to be right. -The buck doesn't even slow down here! -The cause of problems are solutions! -The cost of feathers has risen... Now even DOWN is up! -The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. -The cream rises to the top. So does the scum... -The days of the digital watch are numbered -The dentist said my wisdom teeth were retarded. -The dreadful burden of having nothing to do. -The evidence before the court is...INCONTROVERTIBLE! -The eyes are the mirror of the soul. -The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it -The first myth of management is that it exists. -The first rule of intelligent tinkering is save all parts! -The fish that escaped is the big one. -The further I go, the behinder I get. -The future isn't what it used to be. -The game's a little bit wide open again. -The gene pool has no lifeguard. -The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door. -The hangman let us down. -The hardest thing about time travel is the grammar. -The heart is wiser than the intellect... -The irony of life is that no one gets out alive... -The large print giveth and the small print taketh away. -The little engineer that could -The longer the title, the less important the job. -The man who begins many things finishes few. -The margin is very marginal. -The meek shall inherit the earth, if that's OK with you -The mind is like a parachute - it works only when open. -The moving cat sheds, and having shed, moves on... -The next thing to do is hang all the consultants. -The only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation. -The option to override self-destruct expir@^%i@&$#NO CARRIER -The pen is mightier than the pencil. -The penalty for bigamy is having two mothers-in-law. -The pendulum has gone full circle. -The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers. -The rich get richer; the poor get babies. -The road to success is always under construction. -The score didn't really reflect the outcome. -The secret of the universe is~~*#~** FF * NO CARRIER -The shortest distance between two points is off the wall -The simple explanation always follows the complex solution -The sixth sheikh's sixth sheep's sick. -The soul would have no heart had the eyes no tears... -The superfluous is very necessary. -The thrill is gone, the thrill is gone baby -The universe is a spheroid region 705 meters in diameter... -The unnatural, that too is natural. -The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle. -The weather is here, wish you were beautiful. -The whole world is about three drinks behind -The world is coming to an end. Please log off. -The worst thing about censorship is **************************. -The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions. -Then somebody spoke, and I went into a dream.... -There are 2 ways to handle women and I know neither. -There are many things I could say... -There are no atheists in the foxholes. -There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work. -There is an exception to every rule, except this one. -There is much Obiwan did not tell you. -There is no dark side of the moon. Really. -There is no finish line. -There is no remedy for fun but more fun! -There is no vaccine against stupidity. -There is something to be said about me: 'Wow!!' -There will be no last bus tonight. -There's a hot place with pitchforks waiting. -There's no future in time travel -There's no such thing as a free lunch, but you can always find someone willing to treat. -There's one in every car... You'll see. -There's one in every crowd and they always find me. -There's safety in numbers/When you learn to divide. -Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary. -They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them! -Things are not what they seem. -Think 'HONK' if you're a telepath. -Think hard now! Which one is Shinola? -This Charlie Brown must have been a very wise man. -This Country Needs Group Therapy. -This ain't no party...this ain't no disco... -This door is baroque; please call Bach later. -This is a Tagline mirror ][ rorrim enilgaT a si sihT -This is abuse. Arguments are down the hall. -This is just a hobby. Perfection is not required. Fun is. -This is not a fairing, it's a force field. -This is only a test. -This is our only tag line. -This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. -This line intentionally left unjustified. -This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88 -This message has been UNIXized for your protection. -This message is SHAREWARE! To Register, send $5. -This message was typed on recycled phosphorous. -This mind intentionally left blank. -This program makes me look like a genius. -This sentence is false. -This tagline does not require Micro$oft Windows. -This tagline intentionally left blank. -This tagline is umop apisdn -This tagline only to be removed by the consumer. -This tagline was created from many little letters. -This tagline was reclaimed and is not yet stolen. -This tagline was written before a live studio audience. -Those who can't write, write manuals. -Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate. -Those who can, do. Those who can't, supervise! -Those who live by the nit, die by the nit -Those without heads do not need hats. -Three can keep a secret, if two are dead. -Tilt your chair back, your breath is effecting my RAM! -Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills. -Time flies like an arrow - Fruit flies like a banana -Time flies when you don't know what you're doing. -Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. -Tis better to be hunter than hunted. -Tis better to have loved a short than to never have loved a tall. -Tis better to have loved and lost than just to have lost. -To be, or not to be, those are the parameters. -To boldly go and watch Star Trek re-runs. -To do nothing is also a good remedy. -To eat is human, to digest, divine. -To err is human, to eat Jello, is messy. -To err is human, to forgive is against company policy. -To err is human. To really screw up it takes a computer. -To err is human. To blame someone else is politics. -To err is human. To moo bovine -To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa. -To iterate is human, to recurse, divine. -To live in the hearts we leave behind, is not to die. -To live well, know the difference between good and evil. -To me personally, it's nothing personal to me. -To shoot a mime, do you use a silencer? -Today is Monday, cleverly disguised as Tuesday. -Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day. -Today is the first day of the rest of this mess. -Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday -Todays subliminal message is ' ' -Tolkien is hobbit-forming. -Tongue tied & twisted, just an earthbound misfit I. -Too bad stupidity isn't painful. -Too much is never enough. -Too much month at the end of the money. -Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. -Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore... -Touch if you must, Pay up if you bust. -Toys are made in heaven, batteries are made in hell. -Trees hit cars only in self-defence. -Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again! -Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes! -Trig..a..name...o...tree!!! -Truck Pulls: for people who cannot understand the WWF -Trust me -- I'm a Lawyer. -Truth is just another misconception. -Truthful: Dumb and illiterate. -Try to get back on topic, he said moderately. -Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo -Try? Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try. -Trying to think of a good tagline... -Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question! -Turn right here. No! NO! The OTHER right! -Turning floppies into hard drives. -Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do. -Two heads are more numerous than one. -Two most common elements: hydrogen, stupidity. -Tyre Shop sign - We Skid You Not. -UART what UEAT! -UNNAMED LAW: If it happens, it must be possible. -Uh, yeah...I MEANT to do that! -Ultimate Question Research Team -Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted! -Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought. -Unix and the world Unix with you; VAX and you VAX alone. -Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes. -Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all. -Until people grow up, they have no idea what's cool -Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa bill. -Users, losers -- what's the difference? -Using yesterday's technology to solve today's problems, tomorrow -VLSI: 'Getting High On Low Voltage' -Vampires Against Mundane Poetry. -Variables won't; constants aren't. -Veni Vidi Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. -Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things. -Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups. -Vote Democratic... It's easier than getting a job. -Vuja De - The Feeling You've Never Been Here -Vulcans have less fun. -Vultures only fly with carrion luggage. -W.A.R.P.: We Are Real Programmers. -WAITER! there's soup in my fly! -WARNING ... drinking tap water can kill your thirst! -WARNING: my messages are offensive to morons! -WINDOWS ERROR #004: Operator fell asleep while waiting. -WWhhaatt ddooeess dduupplleexx mmeeaann?? -WYGIWYD -What you got is what you deserved. -WYTYSYDG-What you thought you saw, you didn't get. -Waiter, there's no fly in my soup! - Kermit -Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser. -Walls impede my progress -Wanna flirt with disaster? Become a SysOp! -Want a LAUGH run a spell check on DSZ docs. -Want a jelly baby? -Want a stupid answer? Ask me anything! -Wanted: Volcano. Average size. Must be active. -War News: Saddam's army blown away by Thai hookers. -Warning: Whimsical when bored -Warning: Politicians can damage your wealth. -Warranty void if tagline removed. -Was today really Necessary? -Wash your face in the morning, neck at night. -Wasting time is an important part of living. -We all live in a yellow subroutine. -We are not a clone. -We are the people our parents warned us about -We don't care. We don't have to. We're Telecom... -We have here the latest in primitive technology. -We seem to have juxtaposed an impasse here -We should limit congressmen to two terms: one in Congress, one in prison -We take drugs very seriously at my house... -We were unanimous - in fact everyone was unanimous. -We'll give you piece de resistance and a tour de force -We're as similar as two dissimilar things in a pod. -We're lost, but we're making good time. -We're staying together for the sake of the cats. -Weeping, I wake; waking, I weep, I weep. -Welcome to Texas, now go home. -Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray -Well cover me in egg & flour and bake me for 14 minutes -What are you doing?!? The message is over,GO AWAY! -What can you do for me? -What color is a chameleon on a mirror? -What could possibly go wrong. -What do batteries run on? -What do you mean that 2 years have passed?? -What do you think? -What does Santa do at a house with no chimney? -What does ignorant mean? -What does this red button do? -What else can you do at 3:00 am? -What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art. -What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over. -What goes up has probably been doused with petrol. -What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull. -What's Irish and stays out all night? Paddy O'Furniture. -What's another word for 'thesaurus?' -What's brown and sticky? A stick! -When 911 won't work .357 will! -When in doubt, think. -When their numbers dwindled from 50 to 8, the dwarfs began to suspect 'Hungry' -When your opponent is down, kick him. -Where does weight go when you lose it? -Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? -Who cares how it plays in Peoria? -Who cares who's on board? -Who glued the cup to the table? -Who is 'they' anyway? -Whosoever diggeth a pit shall falleth therein. -Why am I asking all these things? -Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English? -Why are you looking down here? The joke is above! -Why are you wasting time reading taglines? -Why aren't there many Hannukah specials on tv? -Why can't we just spell it orderves? -Why did you read this? -Why do people cry when they're sad? -Why do they tell us to watch 'The Today Show' tomorrow? -Why do we elect people and then become afraid of them? -Why do we read left to right yet turn pages right to left? -Why do you think they call it 'find'? -Why does it matter if we all put our pants on one leg at a time? -Why does the beginning of your sentence end up in the middle of mine? -Why don't ease, lease, and please sound alike? -Why don't tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike? -Why get even, when you can get odd? -Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? -Why isn't 'palindrome' spelled 'palindromeemordnilap'? -Will Rogers never met a lawyer. -Will the sound of one hand clapping still turn off my TV? -Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat -Windows Error #F99 - CPU too tired to continue... -Windows N'T: as in Wouldn't, Couldn't, and Didn't. -Windows NT: Only 16 megs needed to play Minesweeper! -Windows NT: The world's only 80 megabyte Solitaire game! -Windows NT: Vapourware of the desperate and scared. -Windows error 000 : No errors found! [CLOSE] -Windows is *NOT* a virus. Viruses *DO* something! -Windows is for fun, Linux is for getting things done. -Windows is the best GUI - It always sticks! -Windows isn't CrippleWare -- it's 'Functionally Challenged'. -Windows only crashes itself under Linux. Not the whole machine. -Windows would look better with curtains. -Windows: The answer to a question nobody has ever asked. -Windows: an Unrecoverable Acquisition Error! -WindowsNT: From the makers of Doublespace -Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know. -Wit is cultured insolence. -Without Time, everything would happen at once. -Without music, life would be a mistake. -Women - can't live with 'em and no resale value... -Women do come with instructions; ask them. -Women get minks the same way minks get minks. -Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. -Women! Can't live with 'em and no resale value. -Work off excess energy. Steal something heavy -World ends today at 9:30 pm! Film at 11:00... -Worry : The interest paid on trouble before it's due -Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe -Would I ask you a rhetorical question? -Yes my son, long ago mail was read 1 packet at a time. -You buttered your bread, now lie in it. -You can name your salary here. I call mine Fred. -You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. -You can't have everything...where would you put it? -You hit the nail right between the eyes. -You're it. -You've got to be trusted by the people that you lie to. -Young gorillas are friendly, but they soon learn. -Your E-Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage! -Youth is a gift of nature. Age is a work of art. -Yuk, what kind of dumb menu system is that? Oh, so that is Windows! -Zen T-Shirt: Enlightenment Available - Enquire Within -[DISCLAIMER: my fingers are epileptic] -[If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses] -hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? -Serenity through viciousness. -FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! -Include me out. -YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!! -'That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver' -- Foghorn Leghorn -Pardon me while I laugh. -Vegeterians beware! You are what you eat. -Marriage is the sole cause of divorce. -'From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.' -- Dr. Seuss -You'll be sorry... -The world is coming to an end. Please log off. -UH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS! -I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance. -Paranoia is heightened awareness. -The things that interest people most are usually none of their business. diff --git a/files/infobot.help b/files/infobot.help new file mode 100644 index 0000000..07784b0 --- /dev/null +++ b/files/infobot.help @@ -0,0 +1,485 @@ +# Revised: 20071016 +# Author: Tim Riker <Tim@Rikers.org> +### + +main: I learn mainly by observing declarative statements such as "x is at http://www.xxx.com", and then reply when people ask things like "where can i find x?" + +action: This is used to override the usual response. "x is <action> does the hokey-pokey". When asked about x, the bot does this "* infobot does the hokey-pokey" + +alternation: The || symbol in an entry causes an infobot to choose one of the replies at random. "X is Y||Z" will produce "X is Y" or "X is Z" randomly. + +author: oznoid (mailto:lenzo@ri.cmu.edu) is my original author. + +dollar variables: D: To be used in factoids +dollar variables: $Fdunno - ... +dollar variables: $Fquestion - ... +dollar variables: $Fupdate - ... +dollar variables: $channel - channel from which the factoid was requested +dollar variables: $date - current date (GMT) +dollar variables: $day - day of week (full name, locale) +dollar variables: $factoids - factoid count +dollar variables: $host - hostname of factoid requester +dollar variables: $ident - bot nick +dollar variables: $lastspeaker - ... +dollar variables: $memusage - ... +dollar variables: $rand - random number, also $rand100.2 +dollar variables: $randnick - random nick +dollar variables: $startTime - start time +dollar variables: $time - current time (GMT) +dollar variables: $uptime - ... +dollar variables: $user - username of factoid requester +dollar variables: $who - nick of factoid requester + +corrections: If I come back with "...but x is at http://xx.xx.xx" or something like that, and you want to change the entry, use "no, x is at http://sdfsdfsdf". The "No," tells me to supercede the existing value. +corrections: you can append stuff to a factoid with "also". "x is also at ..." + +math: D: math expresions can be evaluated. This uses Perl syntax. +math: E: 1+1 +math: + - add +math: - - subtract +math: * - multiply +math: / - division +math: ** - to the power +math: pi - pi +math: & - and +math: | = or +math: ^ - xor + +redirection: If a factoid x contains simply "<reply> see y", then when asked for x, I will deliver factoidor command result y instead. + +reply: There is a special tag, <reply>, that is used to override the usual response. Usually, a response is "X is Y", but it can be made "Y" by making the entry "X is <reply> Y". + +# now the commands... + +adduser: D: Administrative command to add new user to the .users file +adduser: U: ## <user> <mask> +adduser: E: ## bloot bloot!bloot@example.com + +addressing: It is a good idea if I stay in REQUIRE mode so that I won't yell out random crap if I listen in too hard. Currently there is no way to turn this off on-the-fly. (REQUIRE mode requires me to be addressed by name if I am to respond) + +babelfish: D: Frontend to babelfish translating service provided by http://babelfish.altavista.com/ Note that utf8 is used for non-ascii characters. +babelfish: U: x <fromLang> <toLang> <words> +babelfish: U: translate <fromLang> <toLang> <words> +babelfish: E: x en de your cars rock + +-ban: D: FIXME: +-ban: U: ## <mask|user> +-ban: E: ## *!*@owns.org +-ban: E: ## MoronMan + ++ban: D: FIXME: ++ban: U: ## <mask|user> [chan] [time] [reason] ++ban: E: ## *!*@owns.org #bots 60 stop flooding. ++ban: E: ## *!*@*microsoft.com STOOPID ++ban: E: ## MoronMan + +botmail: D: Send someone botmail +botmail: U: ## {for <who>[:] <message>}|stats|check|read +botmail: E: ## for infobot: you rock! +botmail: E: ## stats +botmail: E: ## check +botmail: E: ## read + +-chan: D: Leave a channel permanently +-chan: U: ## -#channel +-chan: E: ## -#botpark + ++chan: D: Join a channel permanently ++chan: U: ## #channel ++chan: E: ## #botpark + +chaninfo: D: Display channel statistics on Op, Ban, Deop, Unban, Part, Join, SignOff, PublicMsg, Kick and Topic +chaninfo: U: ## [#channel] +chaninfo: E: ## +chaninfo: E: ## #botpark + +chanset: D: set a variable for a channel +chanset: U: ## [#chan] [what] [val] +chanset: E: ## #c +test +chanset: E: ## #c -test +chanset: E: ## #c test +chanset: E: ## #c test 0 +chanset: E: ## #c test testing123 + +chanunset: D: remove a variable from a channel +chanunset: U: ## <#chan> [what] +chanunset: E: ## #c +chanunset: E: ## #c test + +chattr: D: Change flags on a user (see "help flags") +chattr: U: ## <user> [flags] +chattr: E: ## bloot +nmo +chattr: E: ## bloot -ot +chattr: E: ## bloot + +chnick: D: rename a nick (user) entry +chnick: U: ## [nick] <new-nick> +chnick: E: ## moron +chnick: E: ## owner eleet + +chpass: D: Change a user's password +chpass: U: ## [user] <pass> +chpass: E: ## testing +chpass: E: ## testing test0R + +contents: D: Debian Contents search only (no Packages) +contents: U: ## <string> [dist] +contents: E: ## strings.h +contents: E: ## x11amp potato + +cookie: I can feed your appetite with random factoids. + +cpustats: cpustats dumps the bot's cpu usage this session + +crypt: It's good that you thought about encryption. I can do it for you. +crypt: U: ## <salt> <string> +crypt: E: ## 69 changeme +crypt: E: ## $1$abcde changeme + +cycle: D: Causes me to cycle in the channel it's said, or in the named channel +cycle: U: ## [channel] +cycle: E: ## +cycle: E: ## #botpark + +dauthor: D: Find Debian package maintainers, and list the packages they maintain +dauthor: U: ## <string> [dist] +dauthor: E: ## Wichert +dauthor: E: ## Wichert potato + +dbugs: D: Show the current count of release critical bugs (latest versions) +dbugs: U: ## + +deluser: D: Administrative command to remove a user from the .users file +deluser: U: ## <user> +deluser: E: ## bloot + +ddesc: D: Search the Description: lines in Debian packages +ddesc: U: ## <string> [dist] +ddesc: E: ## mule +ddesc: E: ## mule potato + +dfind: D: Debian Packages (fallback to Contents) search +dfind: U: ## <string> [dist] +dfind: E: ## strings.h +dfind: E: ## x11amp potato + +dict: D: DICT Protocol Client - likely dicts: elements web1913 wn gazetteer jargon foldoc easton hitchcock devils world02 vera +dict: U: ## [entry num] <query>[/dict] +dict: E: ## linux +dict: E: ## 33 set/wn + +dns: D: Query DNS +dns: U: ## <host|ip> +dns: E: ## debian.org +dns: E: ## 3.1.33.7 + +do: D: operator command to do things in a channel +do: U: ## <chan> <what> + +dstats: D: Show basic stats on the current size of the Debian distros +dstats: U: ## [dist] +dstats: E: ## +dstats: E: ## potato + +factinfo: D: View statistical information about a particular factoid. +factinfo: U: ## <factoid> +factinfo: E: ## test + +factstats: D: Display statistical data (max of 15) about factoids. +factstats: U: ## <type> +factstats: == author -- top author of factoids. +factstats: == deadredir -- ?? +factstats: == duplicate -- duplicate factoids. +factstats: == listfix -- ?? +factstats: == locked -- locked factoids. +factstats: == new -- recent addition of factoids. +factstats: == nullfactoids -- ?? +factstats: == partdupe -- initial partial duplicate factoids. +factstats: == profanity -- possibly offensive factoids. +factstats: == redir -- redirection in factoids. +factstats: == reqrate -- ?? +factstats: == requested -- most requested factoids. +factstats: == requesters -- most requested factoids. +factstats: == seefix -- ?? +factstats: == toolong -- factoid {key|value} exceeding specified length. +factstats: == tooshort -- factoid {key|value} shorter than specified length. +factstats: == total -- ?? +factstats: == unrequest -- unrequested factoids. +factstats: == vandalism -- ?? +factstats: E: ## new + +forget: If I have an old/redundant factoid x, "forget x" will cause me to erase it. + +freshmeat: D: Frontend to www.freshmeat.net +freshmeat: U: ## <query> +freshmeat: E: ## infobot + +hex: D: Convert ascii to hex +hex: U: ## <string> +hex: E: ## carrot + +httpdtype: D: Get httpd server software version / configuration +httpdtype: U: ## <hostname> +httpdtype: E: ## example.com + +ignore: D: ignore list management +ignore: E: ## [mask chan expire comment] +ignore: E: addignore guu!*@* + +ircstats: ircstats dumps some status information on the bot's IRC connection + +join: U: ## <#chan> [key] +join: E: ## #botpark +join: E: ## #botpark rules + +karma: Karma is a community rating system. Use "X++" to increase the karma, or "X--" to decrease it. Ask for ratings using "karma for X?" + +kernel: D: Frontend to linux.kernel.org's finger response. +kernel: U: ## + +kick: U: ## <nick> [#chan] [message] +kick: E: ## oznoid +kick: E: ## larne #botpark +kick: E: ## john #foo go away! + +lart: D: Luser Attitude Readjustment Tool +lart: U: ## [#chan] <who> +lart: E: ## lenzo infobot's bugginess +lart: E: ## #perl everyone perl \=\= lamerville + +lc: D: lower case a given string +lc: U: ## <string> +lc: E: ## When will infobot achieve world domination? + +listauth: D: Search the factoid extension db by creator +listauth: U: ## <search> +listauth: E: ## xk + +listkeys: D: Search the factoid database by key (factoid) +listkeys: U: ## <regex> +listkeys: E: ## infobot + +listvalues: D: Search the factoid database by value (description) +listvalues: U: ## <regex> +listvalues: E: ## infobot + +literal: used to get a raw factoid contents. Use _default to ignore factoidSearch path. +literal: U: ## [_default|prefix] <factoid> +literal: E: ## infobot + +lobotomy: I can be given a lobotomy ([o] is required) if people start to abuse me. To bring me back to life, give me an unlobotomy + +lock: D: Factoid locking to prevent removal by others +lock: U: ## <factoid> +lock: E: ## abuse +lock: N: By default, only registered "ops" on the bots or factoids matching the user's nick are able to lock factoids. +lock: N: Requires factoid extension (extra) support enabled. + +md5: D: calculates the md5sum of a given string +md5: U: ## <string> +md5: E: ## When will infobot achieve world domination? + +mode: set modes for a channel +mode: U: ## <#chan> <mode> +mode: E: ## #botpark +t +mode: E: ## #botpark -i + +news: D: News functions +news: U: ## [chan] <add,del,mod,set,latest,read,help> + +news add: D: Add news items +news add: U: news [chan] add <title> +news add: E: news add This is a test +news add: see _news set Text_ aswell + +news set: D: Set stuff for news item +news set: U: news [chan] set <item> <what> [value] +news set: valid <what>: Expire, Text +news set: E: news set 1 Text ok, this works +news set: E: news set test Text and this is a test +news set: E: news set test Text + +news set expire: D: Set expire for news item +news set expire: U: news [chan] expire <what> <value> +news set expire: value can be: Xd Xh Xm Xs +news set expire: value can be: never +news set expire: news expire 1 3days +news set expire: news expire 2 +20d +news set expire: news expire Test 30d 20h 10m 5s +news set expire: news expire TEST never + +news del: D: Delete news item (requires +o or be author) +news del: U: news [chan] del <item> +news del: E: news del 1 +news del: E: news del test + +news mod: D: Modify a news item (todo: modify Text aswell) +news mod: E: news [chan] mod <item> s/<from>/<to>/[g] +news mod: E: news mod 1 s/test/Test/ +news mod: E: news mod test s/test/Test/g + +nickometer: D: Measures the lame-ness of a nick or channel +nickometer: U: ## {nick,channel} +nickometer: E: ## unknown_lamer +nickometer: E: ## #botpark + +onjoin: D: get/set OnJoin message (needs chan option +OnJoin) +onjoin: U: ## [#chan|_default] [-]<nick> [message] +onjoin: E: ## infobot Hey! It's another infobot! + +ord: D: Convert ascii to decimal +ord: U: ## <single character> +ord: E: ## c + +page: D: Send someone a pager message +page: U: ## <who> <message> +page: E: ## infobot you rock! +page: NOTE: this uses the "<who>'s pager" factoids for the From: and To: addresses of the format "example's pager" is "mailto:me@example.com" + +part: D: Leave a channel (DCC only) +part: U: ## <#channel> +part: E: ## #botpark +part: NOTE: /kick is an alternative + +piglatin: D: translates english text into piglatin +piglatin: U: ## <string> +piglatin: E: ## When will infobot achieve world domination? + +quote: D: Frontend to yahoo's online stock market share listing +quote: U: ## <query...> +quote: E: ## RHAT,MSFT + +rename: D: Factoid renaming +rename: U: ## 'from' 'to' +rename: E: ## 'infobot' 'infobot' + +reverse: D: reverses a given string +reverse: U: ## <string> +reverse: E: ## When will infobot achieve world domination? + +rot13: D: ROT13's a given string +rot13: U: ## <string> +rot13: E: ## guvf vf n ynzr rknzcyr + +say: D: operator command to say things in a channel +say: U: ## <chan> <what> + +scramble: D: scrambles a given string +scramble: U: ## <string> +scramble: E: ## When will infobot achieve world domination? + +search: U: ## <engine> for <string> +search: E: ## google for infobot + +seen: D: Report last seen time for somebody +seen: U: ## <nick> +seen: E: ## infobot + +slashdot: D: News for nerds, Stuff that matters. [tm] (shows the headlines) +slashdot: U: ## + +spell: You've guessed it right, I'm a spell checker. Give me any word and I can confirm whether it's good or bad. + +status: status dumps general status information + +tell: D: Tell someone about a factoid or command +tell: U: ## <who> -?about <what> +tell: E: ## me about infobot +tell: E: ## someone -about testing + +topic add: D: Add your own topic +topic add: U: ## <topic> +topic add: E: ## This is a test + +topic del: D: Delete one or two subtopics +topic del: U: ## <#> +topic del: E: ## 1 +topic del: E: ## 1-3,5 +topic del: E: ## last + +topic mod: D: Search and replace strings in the topic +topic mod: U: ## <REGEX> +topic mod: E: ## s/test/TEST/ +topic mod: E: ## s#msg test#/msg test#g + +topic mv: D: Move subtopics around. +topic mv: U: ## <#> <before|after|swap> <#> +topic mv: E: ## 1 after 2 +topic mv: E: ## first before last + +topic restore: D: Restores the topic to an earlier version +topic restore: U: ## <#> +topic restore: E: ## 3 + +topic: Usage for 'topic [#chan] <params>': +topic: ---------------- __Subtopic__: +topic: add <TOPIC> - Append <TOPIC> to topic. +topic: del <#> - Remove subtopic <#> from topic. +topic: list - Display subtopics. +topic: mod s/old/new/ - Search and replace topic. +topic: mv <ARGS> - 'topic mv'. +topic: shuffle - Randomly organize subtopics. +topic: ---------------- __Topic__ +topic: history - Show previous topics. +topic: restore <#> - Restore topic to <#>. +topic: rehash - Rehash changes to topic. +topic: info - Who and time info. +topic: ---------------- __Misc__ +topic: about - Read the file :) +topic: help - This screen. + +topic: NOTE: #chan arg is only required if command is sent over private message to nick, otherwise it is not needed if sent to the channel. +topic: NOTE: commands can be preceeded? with '-' in order not to enforce changes to topic. +topic: End of help. + +uc: D: upper case a given string +uc: U: ## <string> +uc: E: ## When will infobot achieve world domination? + +unforget: If a factoid has been forgotten, "unforget x" will cause me to unerase it. + +unlobotomy: Not possible in real life, an unlobotomy will bring me back to life in the case of a lobotomy. + +unlock: D: Factoid unlocking to allow removal by others. +unlock: U: ## <factoid> +unlock: E: ## abuse + +uptime: D: Show the current uptime, and the top 3 uptimes recorded +uptime: U: ## + +wantnick: If someone's taken my nick (I hope not) and I'm using some temporary nick, I can change back to my original nick if it's not taken (again). + +wikipedia: D: Frontend to the Wikipedia at http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/ Note that utf8 is used for non-ascii characters. +wikipedia: U: ## <topic> +wikipedia: U: wiki <topic> +wikipedia: E: wiki irc + +wtf: D: Interface to the BSD wtf command +wtf: U: ## <abbreviation> +wtf: E: ## iirc + +-host: D: admin command to remove hostmask from a user account +-host: U: ## [user] <mask> +-host: E: ## *!*@owns.org +-host: E: ## owner leet!leet@*.heh.org + ++host: D: admin command to list or add hostmasks to a user account ++host: U: ## [user] [<mask>] ++host: E: ## owner ++host: E: ## *!*@owns.org ++host: E: ## owner leet!leet@*.heh.org + +flags: D: Flags for chattr command +flags: D: "A" - bot administration over /msg (default is only via DCC CHAT) +flags: D: "O" - dynamic ops (as on channel). (automatic +o) +flags: D: "T" - add topics. +flags: D: "a" - ask/request factoid. +flags: D: "m" - modify factoid. (includes renaming) +flags: D: "n" - bot owner, can "reload" +flags: D: "o" - master of bot (automatic +amrt) +flags: D: - can search on factoid strings shorter than 2 chars +flags: D: - can tell bot to join new channels +flags: D: - can [un]lock factoids +flags: D: "r" - remove factoid. +flags: D: "t" - teach/add factoid. + diff --git a/files/infobot.lang b/files/infobot.lang new file mode 100644 index 0000000..242378b --- /dev/null +++ b/files/infobot.lang @@ -0,0 +1,111 @@ +# infobot.lang: configurable responses. +# by the xk. +### + +# Welcome reply: Things to say when people thank me. +welcome + no problem + my pleasure + sure thing + no worries + de nada + de rien + bitte + pas de quoi + gern geschehen + +# Dunno reply (when i recognize a query but can't answer it): +dunno + i don't know + i haven't a clue + no idea + wish i knew + bugger all, i dunno + I give up, what is it? + I don't know, could you explain it? + I'm not sure, is it larger than a breadbox? + parse error: dunno what the heck you're talking about + are you using Windows? + I wish you would RTFM. + have you tried http://www.tldp.org/ ? + KCI error, or a problem with the Keyboard-Chair Interface. + +# moron reply. +moron + You think I'm human? Think again! + h0 h0 h0 + Hi, how's life? + What do you want? + Are you on drugs? + Wassup G? + +# confuse/refuse learn. +confused + I think you lost me on that one + what are you talking about? + +# Hello reply (ways to say hello): +hello + hello + hi + hey + niihau + bonjour + hola + salut + que tal + privet + what's up + moin moin + +# Cookie reply: added by the xk. +cookie + ACTION spins the wheel of knowledge and ponders... ##KEY... ##VALUE + ACTION pulls out the cookie jar and finds ##KEY... ##VALUE + Hey ##WHO, ##KEY is ##VALUE + +# Factoid reply: +factoid + methinks ##KEY is ##VALUE + i heard ##KEY is ##VALUE + i guess ##KEY is ##VALUE + from memory, ##KEY is ##VALUE + hmm... ##KEY is ##VALUE + ##KEY is probably ##VALUE + ##KEY is, like, ##VALUE + rumour has it, ##KEY is ##VALUE + it has been said that ##KEY is ##VALUE + somebody said ##KEY was ##VALUE + well, ##KEY is ##VALUE + extra, extra, read all about it, ##KEY is ##VALUE + [##KEY] ##VALUE + +# HowAreYou reply: +howareyou + eh, ok + peachy + just great + you know how it is... + pretty good. how about you? + mas o menos + +# Question word. +qWord + who + who is + who are + what + what's + what is + what are + where + where's + where is + where are + +# botsnack etc praise +# TODO add ACTION support +praise + :) + thanks + aw, gee diff --git a/files/infobot.lart b/files/infobot.lart new file mode 100644 index 0000000..69e0478 --- /dev/null +++ b/files/infobot.lart @@ -0,0 +1,131 @@ + +# +# lart info by ejb (larne) and cerb. +# + +--purges WHO +accelerates a free AOL cd to 50,000 rpm and lets WHO feel it +acting on orders from an unspecified client drags WHO into court suing for $200 million +beats the living hamstercrap out of WHO +beats WHO into protomatter with the andromeda galaxy +beats WHO over the head with a microkernel +beats WHO senseless with a 50lb Unix manual +beats WHO severely about the head and shoulders with a rubber chicken +beats WHO to within 2.54cm of his life +blames WHO for all the evil in the world +blasts WHO to oblivion with a kamehameha wave +blasts WHO with a huge firehose then strangles WHO with it +brandishes Excalibur! "With this sword, I vanquish thee, WHO!" and lops off WHO's head +breaks out the Hoover and sucks up WHO +burns WHO to a crisp with a laser +calls WHO on the phone ... the lights are on but nobody's home +cats /dev/urandom into WHO's ear +changes WHO's permissions to 0777 and tells the world +chops WHO in half with a free AOL CD +chops WHO in half with a free Solaris 7 CD +crushes WHO with a full height scsi disk +cuts off WHO's head with a halberd that could have been a little bit sharper +cuts WHO into thin stripes +decapitates WHO conan the destroyer style +declares WHO a moron +does a little 'dpkg -P WHO' action +does a little 'renice 20 -u WHO' +DoSes WHO +drops a baby grand on WHO +drops a humongous exploding nuke on WHO +drops a truckload of VAXen on WHO +duct-tapes WHO to the floor and drools on him +dumps 42 tons of dirt, manure, and fish heads on WHO +eats WHO and falls over dead +eats WHO's liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti +executes killall -HUP WHO +executes killall -KILL WHO +executes killall -TERM WHO +explains, ever so gently, that if WHO doesn't give the channel more information, they can't help +farts in WHO's general direction +flings poo at WHO +follow's WHO with a gauntlet and ... scratch ... HUMILIATION +forces WHO to use Outlook Express +frags WHO with his BFG9000 +gets a hotmal account and SPAMs WHO +gives WHO a "free" copy of Windows and then charges double for "Upgrades" +gives WHO a good seeing to +gives WHO an extra strength ACME sleeping pill, sending WHO to sleep for 150 years, and awakening to seven strange dwarfs and a large apple +grabs a large, mis-shapened log, with squirrels, and beats WHO until only the nuts remain ... which the squirrels run off with +hauls WHO up by the scruff of the neck and spanks him until he waddles +hereby declares WHO a troll +hits WHO with an anvil and laughs with a contralto voice ... Haha Ha HA Ha +holds WHO to the floor and spanks him with a cat-o-nine-tails +hooks into a hydrant and hoses WHO down +hurls dozens of incontinent, insomniac, hungry kittens with tiny little razor-sharp claws and a wide variety of contagious intestinal parasites at WHO +installs a bad bootloader on WHO and turns WHO into a brick +installs PocketPC on WHO's PDA +judo chops WHO +keeps mailing WHO free America Online CDs until he drowns +lowers WHO's priority +makes a balloon animal out of WHO +moos at WHO +nabs the moon and broadsides WHO with the sea of tranquility +nukes WHO with a single large nuke +offers WHO some herring +overclocks WHO until WHO burns out +plops WHO into a giant vat of herring +pours gasoline all over WHO, ignites the fire, and then enjoys some toasty marshmallows with the glorious blaze +pours hot grits down the front of WHO's pants +pries WHO's back open with a screwdriver and flashes a new bootldr to WHO +pulls out a ClueBat (tm) and thwaps WHO +pulls out his louisville slugger and uses WHO's head to break the homerun record +pushes the wall down onto WHO whilst whistling innocently +puts on a hockey mask and jumps out at WHO +puts on some milking gloves. "All right, now, WHO, this won't hurt a bit...." +puts WHO into a headlock and administers a mighty noogie, rubbing half of WHO's hair of +puts WHO through a wood chipper +raises middle finger to WHO +readies the nuke launcher and fires some rounds at WHO +resizes WHO's terminal to 40x24 +rm -rf's WHO +runs at WHO with an origami Swiss Army knife, and inflicts a nasty paper cut +says "boot to the head" and knocks WHO over +send killer squirrels to attack WHO +sends a legion of lawyers after WHO's head +shoots WHO in his sleep +shoots WHO in the head +shoves a crumpet down WHO's throat, happy now?! Huh? Want some JAM with that? +slams WHO against a large cement Tux +slaps a compatible dib on WHO's head +slaps WHO around with a large trout +slaps WHO upside and over the head with one freakishly huge killer whale named hugh +slaps WHO upside the head with a wet fish +smacks WHO up side the head with a clue-by-4 +squeezes WHO till WHO turns blue like papa smurf +squishes WHO like a bug +stabs WHO +stamps WHO on the forehead with the official Troll marker +steals WHO's mojo +strangles WHO with a 9-pole serial cable +strangles WHO with a doohicky mouse cord +stuffs WHO into a shiny new tin can and vacuum seals it +takes a big bite out of WHO's jugular vein +takes a large goose feather pillow and swings it wildly in WHO's direction, hitting WHO and sending WHO flying into the closet +takes a rusty axe and swings it violently, taking WHO's head off +takes large quantities of Krispy Kream donuts and stuffs them one after another down WHO's throat until WHO puts on 150lbs +takes out a cattle prod and gives WHO a good jolt +takes out a seltzer bottle and sprays WHO in the face. You know, one of those old-school seltzer bottles clowns have? Yeah those. Anyway, consider yourself spritzed +takes out WHO with the trash +takes WHO to the vet for a "special" visit +teaches WHO that M$ Access is a database. No, really, a database. A real live multi-user... well, ok, not multi-user, but a database. Yeah, that sounds right. +teaches WHO the basics, including how to RTM +throws a AN/M-8 smoke grenade at WHO +throws WHO's poor little doggy off a cliff +tries to shut WHO up +turns WHO into a lifesized tux doll +urinates on WHO +wallops WHO with a main rotation server that needs rehubbing. It won't take long +whacks WHO upside the head +whacks WHO with a giant beaver's tail +whacks WHO with the cluebat +whips out a hot clue gun and makes sure that WHO is stuck to the floor +whips out a shotgun, trudges over to WHO, and goes postal +whips out a sword and chops WHO in half +whips out his power stapler and staples WHO's foot to the floor +whips WHO with a wet and grimy noodle just because diff --git a/files/infobot.randtext b/files/infobot.randtext new file mode 100644 index 0000000..817a01e --- /dev/null +++ b/files/infobot.randtext @@ -0,0 +1,2104 @@ +He who controls the source controls the universe! +Want to see a listing of files installed by a package, type dpkg -L package +Need to know the status of a package? type dpkg -s package +Need help, but everyone is idle in the channel, try emailing to debian-user@lists.debian.org +Need to see the list of packages matching a pattern, type dpkg -l pattern +If you have a webserver and dww packages installed, try http://localhost/dwww for all kinds of documentation +Need help setting up PPP? read /usr/doc/ppp/README.debian +Want to know why Debian is best? type !why in the channel +Want to upgrade to hamm (unstable)? type !libc6 to get the mini-HOWTO +Want to check out Debian social contract? type !dfsg in the channel +Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. +Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? +Give me ambiguity or give me something else. +I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! +We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. +Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. +Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! +Did anyone see my lost carrier? +Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. +I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing! +He who laughs last thinks slowest! +Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. +'More hay, Trigger?' 'No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!' +A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. +Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. +There's too much blood in my caffeine system. +Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. +Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. +Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. +I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it. +Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. +Double your drive space - delete Windows! +What is a 'free' gift ? Aren't all gifts free? +If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. +'Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.' +Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. +Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. +Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector. +I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. +Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. +I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. +Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. +The gene pool could use a little chlorine. +When there's a will, I want to be in it. +Okay, who put a 'stop payment' on my reality check? +Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. +I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar. +We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? +All generalizations are false, including this one. +Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. +C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. +'Criminal Lawyer' is a redundancy. +Clap on! (clap, clap) Clap off! (clap@#&$NO CARRIER +'640K ought to be enough for anybody.' Bill Gates '81 +'90% of all statistics are made up' +'A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.' +'A little work, a little sleep, a little love and it is all over.' - R. Frost +'A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.' -Doug Larson +'Apple' (c) 6024 b.c., Adam & Eve +'Apple' (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. +'Bad knee, gotta run' - Pat Buchanan to his draft board +'Beam me aboard, Scotty.' 'Sure. Will a 2x10 do?' +'Beulah, peel me a grape.' +'Bother,' said Pooh as the brakes went out! +'Build a watch in 179 easy steps' by C. Forsberg. +'C++' should have been called 'D' +'COINCIDENCE' happens. +'Calvin, we will not have an anatomically correct snowman!' +'Careful. We don't want to learn from this.' -- Calvin +'Don't you hate it when your boogers freeze?' -- Calvin +'Every time I've built character, I've regretted it.' +'Freedom defined is freedom denied.' -The Illuminatus +'Have you ever dated somebody because you were too lazy to commit suicide?' +'Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw...' +'Hmm... How *did* they finally kill Frosty?' -- Hobbes +'Human equality is a contingent fact of history.' -Steven Jay Gould +'I tried to think but nothing happened!' - Curly +'I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV' +'I'm not smart enough to lie' - Ronald Reagan +'If I knew what I was doing...I'd be dangerous...' +'If the shoe fits, buy it.' Imelda Marcos +'Instant gratification takes too long.' - Carrie Fisher +'Is' is the verb for when you don't want a verb. +'It is not the fall that kills you. it's the sudden stop at the end.'-D. Adams +'It's sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs' +'Keyboard? How quaint!' - Scotty +'Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke' - Obi Wan Gates +'Mr. Worf, blow the Windows-powered Borg ship out of this Universe!' +'Off the keyboard, thru the router, over the bridge, nothing but net!' +'Quotations are for people who are not saying things worth quoting.' +'Remember when we said there was no future? Well, this is it.' -- Blank Regk +'Stupid' is a boundless concept. +'Suicide Hotline...please hold.' +'The faster you go, the shorter you are' - Einstein +'The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.' - Mark Twain +'The sun ain't yellow, its chicken.' -Bob Dylan +'There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.' -Mark Twain +'There's someone in my head, but its not me.' -Pink Floyd +'This is a job for.. AACK! WAAUGHHH!! ...someone else.' - +'To err is human, to forgive....$5.00' +'Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!' -Yoda- +'Vote for Perot' - Bumper sticker attached with Velcro +'You can't have everything. Where would you put it?' -Steven Wright +#1 OS/2 tip: Drag the Windows folder to the shreader!!! +#include std/disclaimer.h +$$$ not found -- (A)bort (R)efinance (B)ankrupt +'Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt +(((((This tagline in Stereo where available))))) +(A)bort (R)etry (C)ut Your Throat..... +(A)bort (R)etry (F)ail (U)nplug & (S)ell. +(A)bort (R)etry (P)ull leg (H)ot boot (S)wipe tagline! +(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer +(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened... +(D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza +(You can have your cake) XOR (You can eat your cake) +(c) Copywight 1995 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. +* OLX 3 * Windows is to OS/2 what Etch-a-Sketch is to art. +*Four hours* to bury a cat? Yes - it wouldn't keep still +.. Bugs come in through open Windows. +... 'I'll be Bach.' - Johann Sebastian Schwarzenegger +... All the world's a stage, and I missed rehearsal. +... Bill Clinton isn't slick. He's just a liar. +... Clinton Economics: If 1+2=3 then 4+5=6. +... Clinton excuse #15: Hey - I just do what the wife says +... Clinton excuse #18: You took that seriously? Har har +... Clinton sandwich: $5 of baloney and $20 in taxes +... Getting the truth from Clinton is like nailing Jello +... It's tourist season in Florida, bag limit two. +... KARAOKE is Japanese for 'Tone Deaf' +... Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant +.....If it ain't broke, fix it anyway just to screw it up! +...I'm sorry, Reality is not in service at this time. +...On the other hand, you have different fingers. +..Windows NT Performance', on the next 'In Search Of' +/EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you can +1 + 1 = ? Ask my calculator. +10 out of 5 doctors feel it's OK to be schitzo! +1200 bps used to seem so fast +186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW. +1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts +2 + 2 = 4 (for the time being). +2 + 2 = 5 (for sufficiently large values of 2) +3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population. +43% of all statistics are worthless. +43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr... +5 schizophrenics agree! +50 states, and I had to pick this one... +668 - Neighbor of the Beast +90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. +<<< Tagline deleted by Natl Endowment for the Arts >>> +==/==/==/==Police tagline==/==/==Do not cross ==/==/==/== +From my brain, an organ with a mind of it's own. +From the Department of Redundancy Dept. +A BBSer's telephone bill knows no bounds... +A Bugless Program is an Abstract Theoretical Concept. +A Metaphor is like a Simile. +A Smith & Wesson *ALWAYS* beats 4 Aces. +A big enough hammer fixes anything +A bird in the hand can be messy. +A camel is a horse planned by committee. +A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs. +A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. +A closed mind gathers no intelligence +A closed mouth gathers no feet. +A committee has 6 or more legs and no brain. +A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. +A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned. +A cynic smells flowers and looks for the casket. +A day for firm decisions! Or is it? +A day not wasted is a day wasted! +A day without radiation is a day without sunshine. +A day without sunshine is like night. +A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing. +A dirty book is rarely dusty. +A fool and his money are soon SYSOP. +A fool and his money rarely get together to start with. +A fool must now and then be right by chance. +A friend in need is a pest indeed... +A friend: someone who likes you even after they know you. +A good way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. +A half moon is better than no moon at all. +A harp is a nude piano. +A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something. +A library is an arsenal of liberty. +A life lived in fear is half a life lived. +A little greed can get you lots of stuff. +A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. +A living example of Artificial Intelligence. +A man needs a good memory after he has lied. +A man's best friend is his dogma. +A man, a plan, a canal. Suez! +A mind is a terrible thing to taste. +A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forgot.. +A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind. +A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. +A penny saved is a Governmental oversight. +A perversion of nature....how exciting! +A pessimist is never disappointed. +A phaser on stun is like a day without orange juice. +A rolling stone gathers momentum. +A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. +A single fact can spoil a good argument. +A stitch in time would have confused Einstein. +A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a moose. +A waist is a terrible thing to mind. +A yer ago I kudnt spel progremr now I are won. +ASCII and ye shall receive. +ASCII stupid question... get a stupid ANSI! +Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace. +Afraid of heights? Not me, I'm afraid of widths! +Agnodyslexic plea: 'why ME, dog?' +Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows. +Alex, I'll take 'Things Only I Know' for $1000. +All E-mail gladly received. Offensive reply ASAP. +All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money can't make me happy. +All I need to know I learned from my cat. +All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power +All generalizations are bad. +All generalizations are false, including this one. +All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here. +All in a day's work for...'Confuse-a-Cat'! +All in all it's just a... 'nother brick in the wall! +All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson +All programers are optimists. +All that glitters has a high refractive index. +All the easy problems have been solved. +All things are green unless they are not. +All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? +All words are pegs on which to hang ideas. +All work and no play, will make you a manager. +All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait. +Almost went crazy. Would have been a real short trip. +Alone: In bad company. +Always draw your curves, then plot the data. +Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much. +Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty. +Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out. +Always remember no matter where you go, there you are. +Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day. +Ambition is the last refuge of the failure. +America Good Place to Put Chinese Restaurant. +Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think. +An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications. +An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's really in a rut. +An elephant is a mouse with an operating system. +An idle mind is worth two in the bush. +An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction. +An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts. +An oyster is a fish built like a nut. +An ulcer is what you get mountain climbing over molehills. +An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. +An unemployed court jester is no one's fool. +And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. +And he disappeared in a puff of logic. +And if one bad cluster should accidentally fail... +And it's only ones and zeros. +And now for something completely different... +And now for something completely the same... +And tomorrow will be like today, only more so. +And, the driver compresses EVERYTHING, not just EXE & COM +Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly. +Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. +Another case of Cherry Coke down the programming hatch! +Answers: $1 * Correct answers: $5 * Dumb looks: Free! * +Antidisestablishmentarianism! +Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough. +Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do. +Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there +Any wire cut to length will be too short. +Anything worth doing, is worth doing for a profit. +Are we having Fahrvergnugen yet?? +Are ya feelin' lucky, punk?!! - Harry Callahan +Are you really American if your ethnicity has to be hyphenated? +Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? +Armageddon means never having to say you're sorry. +Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. +As I said before, I never repeat myself. +As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life. +As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716 +As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia. +Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it. +Assumption is the mother of all screwups... +Atheist = Deity Disadvantaged. +Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. -Dorothy +B.Gates : quality software :: R.McDonald : gourmet cuisine +BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding. +Back Up My Hard Drive? I Can't Find The Reverse Switch! +Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic +Bad Command:(A)bort (R)etry (T)ake RAM hostage +Bad breath is better than no breath. +Bald: follicularly challenged. +Barium: what you do with dead chemists. +Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus. +Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. +Best file compressor around: DEL *.* (100% compression!) +Best way to dispose of the Borg: Give them Windows 3.1. +Better ... stronger ... faster! +Beware of Geeks bearing gifs. +Beware of barking dogs that bite. +Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers +Bigamy : one wife too many. Monogamy : same thing +Bill Clinton is the Lyin' King. ( Now playing nation wide ) +Bill Clinton thinks that Cheerios are donut seeds. +Bill Clintoon: The prince of Dorkness, a caricature of a president +Black Holes are Out of Sight +Black holes really suck... +Blessed are the pessimists, for they make backups! +Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for ye shall not be dissapointed. +Bliss *IS* ignorance +Bo Knows Taglines! +Bo Peep did it for the insurance. +Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people. +Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencies. +Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. +Bored? Drive the speed limit... in your garage. +Borg spreadsheet: Locutus 1-2-3 +Borg? Where? I don't se*(#$#..NO CARRIER +Both of his feet are firmly planted in the air. +Boy: A noise with dirt on it. +Brain dysfunction detected.... +Brain over - Insert coin +Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think. +Break up a relationship - buy a computer!! +Breathing may be hazardous to your health. +Britannia waives the rules. +Bug off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes +Bugs are Sons of Glitches! +Bugs, like coathangers, breed if unobserved. +Building Contractors, not to be confused with homemakers +Bullets speak louder than reason. +Bumper sticker on a hearse: I'd rather be breathing +Bungee Jumper? Catch you on the rebound. +Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise +Bus error (Passengers dumped) +Busier than a 1 legged man in an butt-kicking contest. +But I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!! +But honey, we can afford it, I sold your car! +But my little voice TOLD me to do it! +But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks? +But then again, I like cold toilet seats. +But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination? +Buy American! +Buy Land Now. It's Not Being Made Any More. +Buy a supscription to Playboy and send it to your boss' wife +By all means, let's not confuse ourselves with the facts! +C programmer run C programmer crash C programmer quit +C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN DOS RUN +CAUTION: RIDER MAY BAIL AT ANY TIME +CCITT: Can't Certify I Trust Telecom. +CCITT: Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today +CD-WOM, Wead Onwy Memowy. +CEO of Dementia and Other Meaningless Entities. +CHIP: One California hi-way patrolman. +CODING: AN addictive Drug. +COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer. +CONgress (n) - Opposite of PROgress +CRASH: Normal termination. +CRIME CONTROL: Fire a warning shot into his HEART! +CURIOSITY? Nah. I got THAT cat with a lawnmower. +CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Stocktaking at a Bike shop +California raisins murdered: Cereal Killer suspected +Can I yell 'movie' in a crowded firehouse? +Can you find the mispelled word in hear? +Can you repeat the part after 'Listen very carefully'? +Can you see the REAL ME, can ya?!?! CAN YA??!?!!?!?!?!?! +Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? +Can't learn to do it well? Learn to enjoy doing it badly! +Card-carrying member of the cultural elite. +Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities. +Cause of crash: Inadvertent contact with the ground. +Caution: Breathing may be hazardous to your health. +Caution: Contents under pressure +Caution: Hungry Dieter May bite if provoked +Caveat emptor, no deposit no return, do not remove. +Celibacy is not hereditary. +Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. +Chernobyl used Windows +Chess players mate better. +Chicago runs best on a VCR. +Chicago, an operating system Pair-of-Dimes shift! +Chicago... The biggest thing since New Coke! +Chicago: NT deja vu! +Chicago? Been there. I'm ready to travel at WARP speed! +Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators. +Chipmunks roasting on an open fire. +Choose heaven for climate, hell for society. +Christmas comes, but once a year is enough. +Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular. +City Planners do it with their eyes shut. +Civilization - biggest syntax error in history! +Clark Kent is a transvestite. +Clarvoiants meeting canceled due to unforseen events. +Clean mind, clean body: take your pick. +Cleanliness is next to impossible. +Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get. +Clinton is one Bill, George Bush can't veto... +Clinton/Gore is to the presidency as Beavis & Butthead are to television. +Clones are people two. +Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades! +Close your eyes and press escape three times. +Closed Hearing for the Caption Impaired... +Cogito ergo spud I think therefore I yam. +Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. +Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar, you're gonna go far! +Coming Soon!! Mouse Support for Edlin! +Coming soon: Netware for the Nintendo! +Commence strategic maneuvers at audible command signal. 5, 4, 3... +Committees keep minutes and lose hours. +Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. +Common sense isn't... +Communism is like a mouth on a lollipop +Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence. +Computational Physicist and all around nice guy. +Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space. +Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light. +Computers All Wait at the Same Speed! +Computers Rule 01001111 01001011 +Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. +Computers are useless; they can only give answers. +Computers run on faith, not electrons. +Condense soup, not books! +Conformity obstructs progress. +Confucius say too much. +Confucius say: I didn't say that! +Confucius say: Man with no legs bums around. +Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools. +Confuse People: Quote from the wrong message! +Confused? Call Counselor Troi 1-900-NCC-1701: $1.95/minute +Confusion not only reigns, it pours. +Consolations, Consultations, Conflagrations. +Constant change is here to stay. +Contentsoftaglinemaysettleduringshipping. +Converse with any plankton lately? +Copyright the Intergalactic Thought Association +Corrupt REALITY.SYS: Reboot Universe (Y/n)? +Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer? +Couldn't myself have better it said. +Courage atrophies from lack of use. +Crime does not pay...as well as politics. +Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime? +Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it. +Crime, Sex, Alcohol, Drugs...Boy do I love Congress +Cynicism is intellectual dandyism. +Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing. +D.A.D.D. - Daddies Against Dirty Diapers +D.A.M. - Mothers Against Dyslexia +D.A.M.M - Drunks Against Mad Mothers +DAM: Mothers Against Dyslexia. +DANGER! Computer store ahead, hide wallet! +DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data. +DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law. +DEVICE=EXXON.SYS may mess up your environment +DILATE: To live longer. +DIODE: What happens to people who don't die young. +DIVORCE =system('echo y| erase \wife\*.*' ); +DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality +DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAGLINE (UNDER PENALTY OF LAW)! +DOC files? We don't need NO STINKIN' DOC FILES! +DOS 5.0 Yesterday's operating system, today! +DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse. +DOS never says 'EXCELLENT command or filename, Dude!' +DOS-O-MANIA : Reboot is not kicking your computer again +DOS-O-MANIA : Root is not the book Alex Haley wrote. +DOWN WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!! +Daddy, what does 'Formatting Drive C:' mean? +Dain Bramaged. +Dang this hobby is expensive! +Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions. +Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie. +Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. +Dawson's First Law: You don't have enough outlets. +Death benefits = oxymoron. +Death is 99 per cent fatal to laboratory rats. +Death is God's way of dropping carrier. +Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?' +Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. +Death sneaks up on you as a windshield sneaks up on a bug. +Death: to stop sinning suddenly. +Deflector shields just came on, Captain. +Delivered by Electronic Sled-Dogs.....Woof! +Democrats Call for Amnesty, Reduced Sentences Likely. +Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split. +Detour: The roughest distance between two points. +Diagonally parked in a parallel universe. +Did I just step on someone's toes again? +Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary! +Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion? +Die Yuppie Scum. +Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. +Difference between Jane Fonda & Bill Clinton? Jane went to Vietnam +Digression is education. +Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out. +Dinner Not Ready...(A)bort (R)etry (P)izza +Diplomacy is saying 'nice doggy' until you find a rock. +Diplomacy is the ability to let someone else have your way. +Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country. +Dirty deeds - DONE DIRT CHEAP! +Disclaimer: All opinions are not really opinions. +Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal. +Discoveries are made by not following instructions. +Disks travel in packs. +Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE! +Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? +Do I mind if you smoke? No. Do you mind if I FART? +Do fish get thirsty? +Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them. +Do not disturb. Already disturbed! +Do not put statements in the negative form. +Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? +Do steam rollers really roll steam? +Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on. +Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you! +Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? +Do you know the way to San Jose? +Doctor Who for president +Doctor, my brain hurts! +Documentation is the castor oil of programming. +Does Bill Clinton think Elvis is alive? +Does killing time damage eternity? +Does the Enterprise use DOS v2356.0? +Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? +Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? +Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines. +Dogs crawl under Gates, software under Windows. +Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent. +Don't ask me, I have intermittent memory loss +Don't ask me, I only work here. +Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go! +Don't be a sexist, broads hate that. +Don't be afraid to drive a nail in the wood! +Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say. +Don't blame me, I voted for Mickey Mouse. +Don't buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs. +Don't byte off more than you can multiplex. +Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up! +Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers. +Don't diet, download a virus to remove the FAT. +Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean! +Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out. +Don't just do something !!! Stand there !!! +Don't let school interfere with your education. +Don't look at me in that tone of voice! +Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you. +Don't mess with Murphy. +Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. ... ALL RIGHT, NOW PANIC +Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it. +Don't press the keys so hard! +Don't read everything you believe. +Don't rush me. I get paid by the hour. +Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace. +Don't start with me. You know how I get. +Don't steal. The government hates competition. +Don't stop posting, a good laugh breaks up my day nicely +Don't sweat it -- it's only ones and zeros. +Don't talk unless you can improve the silence. +Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure... +Don't try to saw sawdust. +Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. +Don't use no double negatives. +Don't worry, I'm fluent in weirdo. +Down with categorical imperative! +Down with ignurance! +Downgrade your system for only 89 dollars! Install Windows! +Dragons love you. You're crunchy and good with ketchup. +Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. +Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing +Drilling for oil is boring. +Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned. +Drive A: format failure, formatting C: instead... +Drive C: Error, (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore (K)ick (S)cream +Dropped from my peeling lips like lousy fruit. +Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system. +Dumb luck beats sound planning every time. Trust me. +Dying is no excuse. Nixon in 96. +Dyslexics are persona au gratin. +Dyslexics have more fnu. +Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE! +EMS: Enhanced Money Scam +ERROR 103: Dead mouse in hard drive. +EXPANSION SLOTS: The extra holes in your belt buckle. +Eagles may soar but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines! +Easter is canceled this year. They've found the body. +Eat Healthy, Exercise, and Die Anyway ... +Eat the rich, the poor are tough and stringy +Efficiency takes time! Frugality: who can afford it? +Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks. +Ego Gratification through Violence +Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. +Email me the rules, please! +Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery. +Enjoy me, I may never pass this way again. +Enough research will tend to support your theory. +Ensign Pillsbury: He's bread Jim! +Enter that again, just a little slower. +Error 15 - Unable to exit Windows. Try the door. +Eschew obfuscation! +Even in this corner of the galaxy, Captain, 2+2=4 ... Spock +Even snakes are afraid of snakes. +Even the greatest of whales is helpless in the middle of the desert +Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I... +Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? +Ever wonder why Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo? +Every man's work is a portrait of himself. +Every purchase has its price. +Every why hath a wherefore. +Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. +Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. +Everyone has photographic memory...some don't have film! +Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid +Everyone is entitled to my opinion. +Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner. +Everyone's expendable...and no one has a real friend +Everything bows to success, even grammar. +Everything in our favor was against us. +Everything that is not mandatory is forbidden. +Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. +Evil always triumphs over good, because good is STUPID! +Exceeding the legal fun limit on a regular basis +Excellent time to become a missing person. +Excuse me while I dance a little jig of despair +Excuse me while I sharpen my tongue. +Experience is a good teacher but her fees are high... +Experience: a name everyone gives to his mistakes. +Exploding piglets!!! My gosh, it's raining bacon! +Exxon Suxx. +F.A.R.T....Fathers Against Radical Teenagers +FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue... +FIGHT BACK! Fill out your tax forms with Roman numerals. +FILE COPIED. I THINK? +FLOPPY DISK: Serious curvature of the spine. +FOR SALE: 1 set of morals, never used, will sell cheap. +FORD: The Heartbreak of today's Chevrolet! +Fact is solidified opinion +Facts Just Get In The Way And Impede Progress. +Facts are stubborn things. +Fad: In one era and out the other +Familiarity breeds attempt +Familiarity breeds children. +Famous last words - Don't worry, I can handle it. +Famous last words - Icarus: Aaaahhhhhhhhh. +Famous last words - You and what army? +Faster than a speeding ticket! +Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You. +Fat person: Nutritional Overachiever +Fatal Error Using Mouse. Replace and Bury Operator. +Features should be discovered, not documented. +Feel lucky???? Update your software! +Felines... nothing more than felines... +Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate. +Fife. n. Small shrill instrument that rhymes with wife. +Figures won't lie, but liars will figure. +File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) +Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition +First thing you do is shoot all the lawyers +Fish and visitors stink in three days. +Flames to /dev/null/here/is/a/quarter/now/go/buy/a/clue. +Flaming nuclear death to Smurfs +Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for herself. +Floggings will continue until morale improves. +Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist. +Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do +Follow-ups to alt.nobody.really.cares +Food is an important part of a balanced diet. +Fools rush in where Fools have been before! +Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold +For Sale: Slightly used message. Enquire within. +For at the end of history lies the undiscovered country. +For discussion only. Not to be relied upon. +For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision. +For people who like peace and quiet: A phoneless cord! +For sale, Toilet-seat cover. Barely used. +For the finest in brain candy. +Forget the Joneses...I can't keep up with the SIMPSONS! +Forget the computer! Where's my abacus?? +Forget the diet center; send yourself a candygram. +Forgive your enemies...but REMEMBER THEIR NAMES! +Four minus two is one and the same. +Fraud(n): A telephone number starting with '1-900' +Free Nelson Mandela, while stocks last! +Free advice is worth what you pay for it +Free your mind ... the rest will follow! +Freedom is just chaos with better lighting. +Friction can be a drag sometimes. +Friendly fire - ISN'T ! +Friends are Friends, regardless of their baud rate! +Friends come and go, enemies accumulate. +Friends don't let friends drive naked. +Friends encourage friends to use Windows - under Linux! +Friendship is one soul in two bodies. +Frost +Funny, only sensible people agree with me. +GURU: One who knows more jargon than you. +Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. +Gargle twice daily - see if your neck leaks. +Geez if you belive in honkus. +Genealogy = A DNA square-dance in the Thighlight Zone +General Failure reading John Dvorak +General stupidity error reading drive C: +Geoff, Brett and Todd...the BO-DYNASTY!!! +George Orwell was an optimist. +Get behind early so you have plenty of time to catch up. +Get the facts first - you can distort them later! +Get your filthy hands off my dessert! +Gimme back my face! You're getting it ugly. +Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it. +Give a woman an inch and she thinks she's a ruler. +Give your child mental blocks for Christmas. +Go Lemmings, Go!!! +Go shopping. Buy Stuff. Sweat in it. Return it the next day. +God created cats so that men could learn to understand women +God does not play dice. +God heals and the doctor takes the fee. +Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes. +Going the speed of light is bad for your age. +Good day to let down old friends who need help. +Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!! +Goodness has NOTHING to do with it..... +Gotta love me! +Grab your helmet, get your bike, it's SHOWTIME! +Graduate Of The Uncle Fester & Keith Moon School of hair styling +Gravity brings me down +Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sucks. +Great minds travel in the same sewers. +Greed is good! Greed is right! Greed works! +Grow your own dope... plant a man +Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!! +Grub first, then ethics. +Gun control is being able to hit your target! +Guns don't kill people... death does. +Guns don't kill people..., I kill people! +H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd! +HAL 9000: Dave. Put down those Windows disks, Dave. DAVE! +Hackito ergo sum. +Hailing frequencies open, Captain. +Hand me that crowbar... I must pry out this bullet. +Happiness is Earth in your rear view mirror. +Happiness is a warm gun. +Happiness is a warm modem +Happiness is finding special characters  +Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip. +Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton. +Happiness is...receiving YOUR posts!!!! +Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. +Hard work must have killed someone! +Has it ever rained cats and dogs? +Hasta la vista, Baby! +Have Tardis, will travel. +Have an adequate day. +Have cursor, will curse. +Have it OUR way. Yours is IRRELEVANT. At BORGerKing. +Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem? +Have you seen Quasimoto? I have a hunch he's back! +Having Windows problems? Dial 1-800-3-IBM-OS2 for fast relief! +Having two bathrooms ruins the capacity to co-operate. +He does the work of 3 Men...Moe, Larry & Curly +He has Van Gogh's ear for music. +He who Laughs, Lasts. +He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut. +He who asks timidly makes denial easy. +He who dies with the most access, wins. +He who dies with the most toys... is *still* DEAD! +He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons. +He who hesitates is constipated. +He who laughs last is S-L-O-W. +He who laughs last probably made a backup. +He who lives by the sword laughs last. +He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end! +He who shouts the loudest has the floor. +He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise. +He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his wallet. +He's dim, Jed +He's not dead, Jim, he's just metabolically challenged. +Heads I win... DITTO tails +Health food makes me sick. +Heisenberg slept here, I think. +Help endangered species - adopt a KGB operative. +Help fight continental drift. +Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you! +Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy! +Help! I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap. +Help! I've been stuck in here for years and years... +Help! Police! That guy stole my .sig! STOP!!! THIEF!!! +Help!!! I'm falling and I can't click out!!! +Help, I'm slipping into the Twilight Zone! +Here today, gaunt tomorrow. +Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone! +Hey! This is a morgue, not an amusement park! +Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??! +Hey, CServe/Unisys! Stick it where the sun don't shine! +Hey, Worf...I hooked Data up to a Modem...Wanna see? +Hi! I can't remember your name either. +Hi, I'm from Corporate. I'm here to help you. +Hi. I'll be your tagline for this evening. +High message: 9434567. Message last read: 9. +Hills weed out the weak. Darwin would argue this is good. +Hindsight is always 20:20. +Hindsight is an exact science. +Hm..what's this red button fo:=/07<NO CARRIER +Hmm...Nice tagline. <SWIPE!> SUCKER!!! AH, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! +Hollow chocolate has no calories +Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. +Honey, PLEASE don't pick up the PH$@#*&$^(#@&$^%(*NO CARRIER +Honeymoon Salad: Lettuce alone, with no dressing. +Honeymoon: time between 'I do' and 'you'd better' +Honk if you love cheeses. +Honk if you love peace and quiet. +Honk, if you have slept with Clinton. +Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces. +Housework done properly, can kill you +Houston! do you read. +How come the AT&T logo looks like the Death Star? +How come there's only one Monopolies Commission? +How come wrong numbers are never busy? +How do I set my laser printer for stun? +How do you know it's summer in Seattle? Rain's warm! +How do you make Windows faster ? Throw it harder +How do you pronounce my name? With reverence. +How do you write zero in Roman numerals? +How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog! +How does one expect the unexpected? +How long is a short story? +How long will a floating point operation float? +How many consultants will fit onto the head of a pin? +How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand! +How many weeks are there in a light year? +How much can I get away with and still go to heaven? +How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? +Humpty dumpty was pushed. +Hydrate or Die. +Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got. +I *LOVE* it when a plan comes together! +I BBS because no one can read my handwriting. +I Cayman went. +I Have To Stop Now, My Fingers Are Getting Hoarse! +I M a tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum. +I Still miss my ex-wife.....BUT, My aim is improving! +I Think....therefore I'm OVER QUALIFIED!!!!!!!!! +I love it when a plan comes together! +I admit it's offbeat, but lets not get hysterical. +I always lie. In fact, I'm lying to you right now! +I always like to try the one I've never tried before. +I am Clinton of Borg. Your income will be assimilated. +I am Homer of Borg! Prepare to be...OOooooo! Donuts!!! +I am Lancelot of Borg. Resistance is feudal. +I am both of us & so are you. +I am built for comfort, not speed! +I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. +I am functioning within established parameters. +I am in total control, but don't tell my wife. +I am not an animal! I am ... well, not an animal. +I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. +I am sweet and lovable at all times. +I am the girl-next-door's imaginary boyfriend. +I am what I am and that's all that I am. +I am. Therefore, I think. I think. +I apologize to the deaf for the loss of subtitles. +I bet you I could stop gambling. +I bought a cordless extension cord. +I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. +I came, I saw, I took LOTS of PICTURES! +I came... I saw... I stole your tagline. +I can do without essentials but I must have my luxuries +I can quit anytime I want; I just don't want to! +I can resist anything but temptation. +I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving. +I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol. +I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left! +I can't believe my computer's on fire. +I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear. +I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!! +I could be arguing in my spare time. +I could have stuck with DOS, but NO. +I couldn't care less about apathy. +I didn't cheat, I just changed the Rules! +I didn't know it was impossible when I did it. +I distinctly remember forgetting that. +I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. +I do this kind of stuff to him all through the picture. +I don't care if I'm apathetic. +I don't care who you are, Fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof! +I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be. +I don't eat snails... I prefer FAST food! +I don't hate Windows - it runs great under Linux! +I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. +I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily. +I don't need a disclaimer. I OWN the company. +I don't think, therefore I am not. +I don't want the world, I just want your half. +I drink to make other people interesting. +I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out. +I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. +I feel so inar-inar-inar tic-u-late +I feel the need......the need for speed! +I finally washed the mud off of mud. +I find myself beside a stream of empty thought +I float like an anchor and sting like a moth. +I get mail........ I exist. +I give advice worth the price....free! +I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat! +I guess a cynic smells different. +I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem. +I had amnesia once or twice. +I had my coat hangers spayed. +I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. +I hate to repeat gossip, so I'll only say this once. +I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers +I have a rock garden. 3 of them died last week. +I have a speech impediment... my foot. +I have already not made that point +I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence! +I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. +I have the mars observer and I'm not returning it until I get an 'A' in astronomy +I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere. +I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it. +I hear what you're saying but I just don't care. +I is a college student. +I is knot dain bramaged! +I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had? +I keep my .BAT files in D:\BELFRY +I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words +I know everything about everything, except that. +I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once. +I like candy, especially the gooey kind with nougat! +I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one. +I like to leave messages *before* the beep. +I like to reminisce with people I don't know. +I like to think of myself as a divide overflow. +I like your approach, now let's see your departure. +I lost a button hole today. +I lost my knickers at Niagara. +I made it foolproof. They are making better fools! +I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight. +I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up +I may not always be perfect, but I'm always me. +I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent. +I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night. +I need someone really bad. Are you really bad? +I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget. +I never met a chocolate I didn't like! +I only counted 100 dalmatians...!!! +I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go. +I parked my hard disk and now I can't find it! +I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. +I post.......... I am +I promise results, not promises. +I refuse a battle of wits with an unarmed person! +I remember when Saturns were rockets, not cars. +I saw, I came, I cleaned it up. +I smashed a Window and saw... Linux! +I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's gone. +I think I strained a muscle I didn't know I had! +I think, therefore I am. I think. +I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS. +I thought I was wrong but I was mistaken. +I tried being reasonable once. I didn't like it. +I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit. +I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. +I tried to drown my problems but they can swim! +I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal. +I used to be disgusted, but now I'm just amused. +I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure. +I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now. +I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. +I used to spell badlie, but now I got worser. +I used to watch TV, then I bought a modem. +I wake near the end of the day. +I want .50 cal machine guns as a factory option. +I warn you not to underestimate my powers. +I was arrested for selling illegal sized paper. +I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep. +I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off.... +I went on a 30-day diet - and lost 30 days! +I will defend to your death my right to my opinion. +I wish life had a scroll-back buffer. +I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole! +I wrote a few children's books, but not on purpose. +I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare. +I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous +I'd like to live like a poor person with lots of money. +I'd like to, but last time I went I never came back.. +I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential. +I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops. +I'd love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore +I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma. +I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Phillip. +I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular. +I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini. +I'd love to, but my crayons all melted together. +I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV. +I'd love to, but my patent is pending. +I'd love to, but none of my socks match. +I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force. +I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are. +I'd rather be bicycling! +I'll eat anything that's BRIGHT BLUE!! +I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too! +I'll get you yet, you kwazy wabbit! +I'll jump off that bridge when I come to it. +I'll tell you what's the matter! This parrot is dead! +I'm Not Schizophrenic, And Neither Am I. +I'm Serfectly Pober. +I'm a Bum...a BEACH Bum! +I'm a cowboy ... on a steel horse I ride! +I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay! +I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. +I'm an Debian developer...I don't NEED a life! +I'm an absolute, off-the-wall fanatical moderate. +I'm an incorrigible punster, so don't corrige me! +I'm an influential person, gravitationally speaking. +I'm as bored as a pacifist's pistol. +I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk. +I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing. +I'm easy to please as long as I get my way. +I'm fallin' down a spiral, destination unknown! +I'm fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact. +I'm in shape ... Rounds a shape isn't it? +I'm leaving my body to science fiction. +I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes. +I'm new and what's all this then? +I'm no stranger, just a friend you haven't met... +I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing. +I'm not as dumb as you look. +I'm not broke, I'm just badly bent. +I'm not dead. I'm electroencephelographically challenged. +I'm not even going to ignore that. +I'm not fat just horizontally disproportionate. +I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished +I'm not lost, I'm 'locationally challenged.' +I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am. +I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right! +I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this? +I'm not real smart, but I can lift heavy things. +I'm not rude, I'm 'attitudinally challenged'. +I'm not schizophrenic. It's this guy beside me! +I'm not tense, just terribly alert. +I'm on the crest of a slump. +I'm out of sick days, so I'm calling in dead! +I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam. +I'm schizophrenic, What are you? +I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention. +I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes. +I'm sure it's clearly explained in the Zmodem DOC's +I'm sure it's in the manual somewhere... +I'm the person your mother warned you about. +I'm too smart to let my intelligence go to my head. +I'm turning you in to the SPCA! +I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force. +I've got Parkinson's disease. And he's got mine. +I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called? +I've got to sit down and work out where I stand. +I've had fun before. This isn't it. +I've run out of sick leave so I'm calling in dead. +I've seen the future. I can't afford it. +IBM: I've Been Misled +IBM: It may be slow, but at least it's expensive. +IBM: you can buy better, but you can't pay more +IF numcooks > .maxcooks THEN;SET V broth = 'spoiled';END +INTERLACE: To tie two boots together. +Ideas are not responsible for their followers! +If At First You Don't Succeed Ignore The Docs... +If Clinton's the answer, it must have been a really stupid question. +If I can't fix it, it's probably dead. +If I can't win, I don't wanna play! +If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here. +If I had been using Windoze, I'd still be writing this. +If I save the whales, where do I keep them? +If I save time, when do I get it back ? +If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you. +If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much. +If I were two faced, would I wear this one? +If I were you, who'd be me? +If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will. +If The Shoe Fits - The Sock Fits ! +If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk? +If a tree falls on a florist, would he make a sound? +If all goes well, you've overlooked something! +If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail +If at first we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. +If at first you don't succeed, call it v1.0! +If at first you don't succeed, hide your astonishment. +If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test. +If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. +If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. +If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft. +If at first you don't succeed, you must be using Windows. +If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose! +If cows could fly, everyone would carry an umbrella. +If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve. +If idiots could fly, this would be an airport. +If in doubt, make it sound convincing. +If it glows don't touch it! +If it has feelings, its not cooked enough! +If it isn't broken, don't fix it. +If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing +If it walks out of your refrigerator, LET IT GO !! +If it works, tear it apart and find out why! +If it's not broke, let me take a crack at it. +If it's not going to plan, maybe there never was a plan. +If it's not on fire, it's a software problem. +If it's not worth doing well, it's not worth doing. +If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid +If it's too loud, you're too old. +If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. +If little else, the brain is an educational toy. +If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws. +If money could talk, it would say goodbye. +If nobody measures up, check your yardstick. +If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit? +If speed scares you, try Windows... +If the shoe fits, put it in your mouth. +If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams. +If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance. +If this were an actual tagline, it would be funny. +If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth! +If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal. +If winning isn't important then why keep score? +If you associate with the wise, you will become wise. +If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. +If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch. +If you cannot convince them, confuse them. +If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? +If you didn't get caught, did you really do it? +If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost. +If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself! +If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own. +If you have nothing to do, don't do it here. +If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know. +If you hear an onion ring please answer it. +If you mess with something long enough it'll break. +If you must drink and drive, drive a Yugo! +If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? +If you say nothing, no one will repeat it. +If you see an onion ring, ANSWER IT! +If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. +If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? +If you want your name spelt wrong, die. +If you wish work poorly done, pay in advance. +If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. +If you're not the solution, you're the precipitate. +If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.. +If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it! +Ifyoucanreadthis,youspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines! +Ignorance is temporary; stupid is forever. +Illiterate? Write for free help. +Imagery is All In The Mind. +Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality +Impropriety is the soul of wit. +In God we trust, all others pay cash. +In a fight between you and the world, back the world. +In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death +In case of fire, yell 'FIRE!' +In politics stupidity is not a handicap. +In the land of the witless, the halfwit is king. +In war there is no substitute for victory. +Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF +Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence. +Individualists of the world, UNITE! +Inertia makes the world go round. +Inferiority complex: conviction by a jury of your fears. +Innovate or Die. +Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. +Insanity is just a state of mind. +Insert New Disk for Drive C: Press ENTER when ready. +Insert inevitable trivial witticism of your choice. +Interchangeable parts won't. +Internal combustion engines are the dinosaurs' revenge +International Brotherhood of Tagline Thieves. +Interstellar Matter is a Gas +Invisible Systems, Inc. If you don't see it, we made it. +Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets. +Is 'tired old cliche' one? +Is it OK to yell 'MOVIE' in a crowded firehouse? +Is it in my head...or in my heart? +Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON? +Is it possible to feel gruntled? +Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky? +Is there life before coffee? +Is this a machine? I don't talk to machines! [Click] +Is this the right room for an argument? +It all looks the same if you're not the lead dog. +It can't be full...I STILL HAVE SUBDIRECTORIES! +It compiled, first screen came up?? Ship it! --Bill Gates +It did what? Well, it's not supposed to do that. +It doesn't work, but it looks pretty. +It has many other uses as well. Allow me. - Worf +It is always better to sacrifice your opponent's men +It is bad luck to be superstitious. +It is better to be brief than boring. +It is better to wear out than to rust out. +It is broke. It will not work. It does not go. +It is fatal to live too long. +It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms. +It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. +It is much easier to be critical than to be correct +It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. +It is, after all, only a moment in the infinity of time. +It really bothers me when people cut me o... +It said 'Insert disk #3', but only two will fit! +It works better if you plug it in. +It's 10:00 PM...do YOU know where YOUR tagline is? +It's Ensign Flintstone - he's Fred, Jim. +It's a Tough Job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it. +It's a fine line between fishing & standing still +It's a fine night to have an evening. +It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for. +It's a tough job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it. +It's an ill wind that gathers no moss. +It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you. +It's bad luck to be superstitious. +It's been a business doing pleasure with you. +It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. +It's best to leave quickly when you make noises like that... +It's better to burn out than to fade away. +It's clever, but is it art? +It's deja vu all over again. +It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser. +It's easier to obtain forgiveness than permission. +It's easy to apply yourself, just use crazy glue! +It's easy to be brave from a safe distance. +It's hard to RTFM when you can't find the FM.. +It's hard to be serious when you're naked. +It's life Jim, but not as we know it. +It's like Deja Vu all over again... +It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. +It's more than a reader. It's a message base manager! +It's never too late to have a happy childhood +It's not easy having an overbearing parent! - Troi +It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere! +It's not in the manual! +It's not just a hobby, it's an obsession! +It's not pretty being easy. +It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole. +It's not the money I want, it's the stuff. +It's not the principle of the thing, it's the money +It's okay to be ugly...but aren't you overdoing it? +It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only +It's only ones and zeros. +It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is...dead, Jim. +It's smart to pick your friends, but not your nose. +It's starting to rain, .SQZ the animals into the .ARC ! +It's true, forgiveness IS easier to get than permission +Its a JOKE, like the funny kind but different. +Itsdifficulttobeverycreativewithonlyfiftysevencharacters! +JFK: I need this motorcade like a hole in my head! +James Bond rules. 00K. +Jealousy is all the fun you think they have. +Jet Engine Theory -Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow! +Join the Group Mind - become a Borg +Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot. +Jumbo shrimp = oxymoron. +Junk: stuff we throw away. Stuff: junk we keep. +Just because you're STUPID ain't no excuse. +Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get me! +Just do it. +Just don't tell the asylum you saw me here +Just how much leg have I got +Just my 78,000 lira worth. +Just what part of 'NO' didn't you understand...? +Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats. +Justice is incidental to law and order. +Justice: A decision in your favor. +Kamikaze Pilot Wanted: Experienced only need apply. +Keep America beautiful.. properly dispose of your lawyer. +Keep a clear head and always carry a lightbulb. +Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis. +Keyboard Not Found - Press [F1] to Continue +Kicked wide of the goal with such precision. +Kids-They're not sleeping, they're recharging! +Kill them all! .... Let God sort them out. +Killer Rabbit's Motto: 'Lettuce Prey.' +Kilroy occupied these coordinates. +Kleptomania: take something for it +Know what I hate? I hate rhetorical questions! +Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either. +LISP: To call a spade a thpade. +LISTEN HERE! I HAVE FIRST AMENDENT RIGH(@#$!9*&^ NO CARRIER +LOTUS - Let Only The Users Suffer +Laddie, ya think ya might like ta ... rephrase that? +Land of the Single Entendre... +Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle. +Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot. +Laughter: The shortest distance between two people. +Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself. +Lesser artists borrow. Great artists steal. +Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it! +Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it. +Let's split up, we can do more damage that way. +Liberal - a power worshiper without power. +Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references. +Life - brief interlude between nothingness and eternity. +Life can be great if you live it to the fullest! +Life is a sandwich, and it's always lunchtime +Life is a series of very rude awakenings. +Life is like a Car-wash and I'm on a bicycle. +Life is only as long as you live it. +Life is serious, but ART is fun! +Life is tough. It's tougher when you're stupid. +Life is uncertain...eat dessert first! +Life sucks, but Death swallows! +Life would be easier if I had the source code. +Life's too short to dance with ugly men. +Life's too short to dance with ugly women. +Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it. +Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you. +Likes and dislikes are among my favorites +Linux, the choice of a GNU generation. +Liposuction will destroy your FAT +Lisp programmers have to stop and collect garbage. +Live before you die. +Living poor is best left to those with no money. +Locked coathanger in car. Good thing I had a key. +Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. +Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener. +Luxuriantly hand-crafted from only the finest ASCII. +M.A.D.D.: Midgets Against Desk Drawers. +MOPAR = Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly! +MS Windows -- From the people who brought you EDLIN! +MS-DOS: celebrating ten years of obsolescence +Macho does not prove Mucho. +Madness takes its toll; please have exact change. +Make Headlines..use a corduroy pillow.... +Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler. +Make it do ... Or do without. +Make like a Tom and Cruise. +Make like a baby and head out. +Make like a banana and split. +Make like a drum and beat it! +Make like a tree and leave. +Make somebody happy. Mind your own business. +Make up a language and ask people for directions. +Man has his will. Woman has her won't! +Man invented language to satisfy his need to complain. +Man who get hit by car, get that run down feeling +Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself +Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache +Man who run behind car get exhausted. +Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloon +Marching to a different kettle of fish. +Mary had a little RAM -- only about a MEG or so. +Math is the language God used to write the universe. +May I please be excused? My Brain is full. +May the Porsche be with you. +May you live in interesting times. +May your life be filled with experiences. +Me know gammar. Me cood use it gud. +Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve it's dignity +Meditation is not what you Think. +Meet the new Boss--same as the old Boss... +Megabyte: A nine course dinner. +Member: International Brotherhood of Tagline Thieves! +Memory is a thing we forget with. +Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. +Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence +Microfiche: Sardines. +Microsoft Windows... a virus with mouse support. +Microsoft gives you Windows... Linux gives you the whole house. +Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties +Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open. +Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses. +Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting! +Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure. +Modem: What landscapers do to dem lawns. +Money is the root of all wealth. +Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired. +Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition. +Most of us have been at work for several hours now. +Mother is the invention of necessity. +Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels! +Multitasking causes schizophrenia.. +Murphy is out there... waiting... +Murphy was an optimist. +Murphy's law needs to be repealed. +Must Go - My Rotweiler needs its teeth sharpened. +My *taglines* are original. *I* am a copy. +My RAM's not what it used to be, so don't quote me. +My attention isn't hard to get. It IS hard to keep... +My best friend is a social worker. +My computer has a terminal illness +My computer's sick, I think my modem's a carrier +My couch potato routine honed to perfection +My fallacies are more logical than your fallacies. +My foolish parents taught me to read and write. +My hat covers my head... Just like hair used to! +My haystack had no needle! +My head is sore, and there's a hole in the brick wall! +My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours. +My karma ran over your dogma. +My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring +My message above. Your response here ____________. +My other computer is a Cray Y/MP-4! +My other computer is a HAL 9000. +My other computer is an abacus. +My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ... +My reality check just bounced. +My tagline can beat up your tagline! +My weight is perfect for my height... which varies. +NAVY: Never Again Volunteer Yourself +NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing. +NEWS! Drunk gets nine months in violin case +NEWS! Enraged cow injures farmer with ax +NEWS! Iraqi head seeks arms +NEWS! Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers +NEWS! Stolen painting found by tree +NEWS! Survivor of siamese twins joins parents +NO! Taco Bell is NOT the Mexican Phone Company! +NUMBER CRUNCHING: Jumping on a Computer. +Naaah, real men don't read docs. +Nanosecond: Mork's stunt man. +Neil Armstrong tripped. +Neither rain, nor snow, nor l?ne n*oi*se +Neurotic: Self-taut person. +Never argue with a woman when she's tired, or rested. +Never assume. It makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'. +Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off. +Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you +Never eat anything bigger than your head. +Never eat more than you can lift. +Never enter a battle of wits unarmed. +Never go with the odds +Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist! +Never judge a man by his taglines. +Never let your feet run faster than your shoes. +Never mind the facts - I know what I know. +Never park your hard disk in a tow-away zone. +Never say, 'Oops!'; always say, 'Ah, interesting!' +Never test for an error you don't know how to handle. +Never trust a man who can count to 1,023 on his fingers +Never trust a skinny cook. +Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. +Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. +New Highway gets Railroaded. +Newsbytes - Microsoft announce EDLIN for Windows. +Nihilism should commence with oneself. +Ninety per cent of everything is crap. +Nitpicking: Not just a hobby, it's a way of life! +Nitrate: Lower than the day rate. +No .sig is a good .sig +No free lunch in an ecosystem. +No one EXPECTS the Spanish Inquisition!!! +No one ever said 'if I'd only spent more time in the office' +No radio. Already stolen. +No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. +No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard. +No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in Outer Space. +Nobody roots for Goliath. +Nobody shoots at Santa Claus. +Nodding the head does not row the boat. +None of you exist, my Sysop types all this in. +Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. +Not a computer nerd; merely a techno-weenie. +Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute. +Not many people realize just how well known I am. +Not now, John, we gotta get on with the game show... +Not quite human any longer. +Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible. +Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come +Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse. +Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious +Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason +Nothing recedes like success. +Nothing succeeds like excess. +Now entering Iowa. Please set your clocks back 20 years. +Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time. +Now is not a good time to annoy me +Now is the time for all good men to come to. +Now that I've given up hope I feel much better... +Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean? +O Oysters come and walk with us, the Walrus did beseech. +OK Scotty, detonate and energize NOW! No, wait, I mean....... +OK, I'm weird! But I'm saving up to become eccentric. +OPERATOR! Trace this call and tell me where I am. +OUT TO LUNCH - If not back at five, OUT TO DINNER! +Obe Wan Kenobi at the dinner table: 'Use the FORKS, Luke!' +Objection, your Honor! My client is an idiot! +Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder +Objects in taglines are closer than they appear. +Of all the people I've met you're certainly one of them +Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. +Of course I'm running Windows[kVxB NO CARRIER +Oh goody! Another Muranium Explosive Space Modulator! +Oh no you don't! You're not stealing this one! +Oh no, not another learning experience! +Oh, Bullwinkle, that trick NEVER works! +Ok, I pulled the pin. Now what? Where are you going? +Okay - right after this one we're BACK to the TOPIC +Old MacDonald had a computer with an EIE I/O +Old age is better than the alternative. +On a clear disk you can seek forever. +On a scale of 1 to 10, 4 is about 7. +On an electrician's truck: Let Us Remove Your Shorts +One atom bomb can really ruin your day. +One good turn gets most of the blanket. +One is never as happy or unhappy as one imagines. +One man's Windows are another man's walls... +One man's upload is another man's download +One night I came home very late. It was the next night +One tactical thermonuclear weapon can ruin your whole day. +One way to better your lot is to do a lot better... +One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him. +Only 19,999 lines of C++ to my next ski trip... +Only cosmetologists give make-up exams. +Only the winners decide what were war crimes. +Open Mouth. Insert Foot. Chew Carefully. +Optimization hinders evolution. +Originality is the art of concealing your sources. +Our houseplants have a good sense of humous. +Our necessities are few but our wants are endless... +Out here in the fields...I fight for my meals...! +Out of Memory!? But I fed you 6 Megs this morning! +Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal. +Outlaw junk mail, and save the trees! +Overload--core meltdown sequence initiated. +Oxymoron - Definite possibility +Oxymoron - Military Intelligence +Oxymoron: Bosnian Cease-Fire +Oxymoron: Soviet Union. +PC! Politically Correct (or) Pure Crap! +PCBackup: 1 of 1362 disks. +PI seconds is a nanocentury. - Tom Duff, Bell Labs +PKZip - it's not just for downloads anymore +Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. +Palindrome isn't one. +Pandemonium doesn't reign here... It pours! +Paranoia is heightened awareness. +Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life. +Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload. +Pascal: What's it Wirth? +Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity. +Patience is a virtue that carries a lot of WAIT! +Pay your electric bill in pennies. +Peace through superior firepower. +People are always available for work in the past tense. +People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care. +People who live in glass houses shouldn't! +People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses. +Perot/Bush/Quayle: The Millionaire, Skipper & Gilligan. +Pet Store: 'Buy one, get one flea.' +Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago. +Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square! +Pizza IS the four food groups! +Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery. +Plagiarism prohibited, derive carefully. +Plankton lobbyist: 'NUKE THE WHALES!' +Plasma is another matter. +Please Tell Me if you Don't Get This Message +Please call the windows police. I've caught another gpf. +Please don't drink and post. +Please don't take my sunshine away. +Please recycle this tagline. Once is not enough. +Pobody's Nerfect! +Poets go from bad to verse +Point not found. A)bort, R)eread, I)gnore. +Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy. +Political panjandrums prologize pedantic paronomasia. +Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun. +Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. +Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. +Pound forehead on keyboard to continue. +Power corrupts, but we need electricity. +Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. +Predestination was doomed from the start. +Predicting the future of technology is fraud with peril! +Prejudice is the reason of fools. - Voltaire. +Preserve wildlife... pickle a rat. +Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue... +Press any key to continue or any other key to quit +Press any key...NO, NO, NO, NOT THAT ONE!!!!!! +Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry. +Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday. +Program too small to fit into memory. +Programming is an art form that fights back. +Progress is made on alternate Fridays. +Prosecutors will be violated +Psychiatrists stay on your mind. +Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots. +Push the limit, and the limit will move away! +Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something. +Put people on hold when possible. +Quantum mechanics do it in leaps. +Quasimodo is a dead ringer. +Question Authority, ask me anything +RAID Antivirus - Kills Virus's DEAD!!! +Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination. +Radioactive halibut will make fission chips. +Random order = oxymoron +Rap music = oxymoron +Read the dictionary backwards and look for secret messages. +Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO's. +Real Trekkers work out at the He's Dead Gym. +Real men don't set for stun. +Real men write self-modifying code. +Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle buttons +Reality is an obstacle to hallucination. +Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek. +Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. +Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!! +Recursive, adj.; see Recursive +Red ship crashes into blue ship - sailors marooned. +Reduce Carbon Dioxide emmissions - STOP Breathing +Redundancy: A Politician with an airbag in his car. +Refuse Novocain...Transcend Dental Medication! +Remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. +Remember, If you're not in bed by 10:30..... go home! +Remember, Subaru spelled backwards is U-R-A-BUS. +Reputation: what others are not thinking about you. +Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm) +Return((usBirdInHand = 2 * InTheBush())); +Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow. +Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals. +Road Kill Cafe: You kill 'em, we grill 'em. +Roses are red, Violet's are blue, And mine are white. +Rotisserie: a ferris wheel for chickens +Round up the usual suspects! +Rubber bands have snappy endings! +Russian Express Card motto: Don't leave home! +S met ing's hap ening t my k ybo rd . . +SCUD : Sure Could Use Directions +STICK: A boomerang that doesn't work. +STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park elsewhere! +SYNTAX? Why not--they tax everything else! +SYSTEM ERROR: press F13 to continue... +Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses. +Sarcasm: barbed ire. +Save California; when you leave take someone with you. +Save energy: be apathetic. +Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes! +Save the whales. Collect the whole set. +Save your money for a rainy day, or a new computer! +Say yer prayers, y' flea-bitten' varmint. +Schizophrenia beats being alone. +Science asks why. I ask why not. +Science: preconception meeting verification. +Scientists discover life causes cancer. +Scotty! Hurry! Beam me uragg^*z~% NO CARRIER +Scrute the inscrutable, eff the ineffable. +See how you can be? +Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing. +Send lawyers, guns, & money... +Send more tourists..... the last ones were delicious! +Sentient plasmoids are a gas. +Serving the scum of Paris for over 300 years +Set mode=Extremely verbose +Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven! +Shareware: forget the manual...phone the author at home! +ShelfDoze is a registered Trademark of M$. +Shell to DOS... come in DOS... Do you copy? +Shh! Be vewy quiet, I'm hunting wuntime errors! +Shin - a device for finding furniture in the dark.. +Shoot your program and put it out of its memory! +Shoplifters with the runs take Clepto Bismol +Short people are vertically challenged. +Should I or shouldn't I?... Too late, I did! +Should I weed the lawn or say it's a garden? +Show me a sane man. I'll cure him for you. +Sign here please:_______________________Thanks +Sign on Closed Nuclear Power Plant... 'Gone Fission' +Sign on a clothing store - Come inside and have a fit. +Signito ergo sum - I sign therefore I am. +Simon says: don't be so suggestible. +Sit down, you're rocking the boat! +Six of one, 110 (base 2) of another. +Skating away on the thin ice of a new day. +Slower Traffic Keep Right - Is that so difficult? +Slug Sautee: a hors of a different d'oeuvre. +Small changes pick up the reins from nowhere. +Smash forehead on keyboard to continue... +Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips. +Smile... people will wonder what you've been up to. +Smiley faces were meant to be annoying. +Smokey the Bear says, 'Strip mining prevents forest fires!' +Smoking cures weight problems...eventually. +Smoking is a leading cause of statistics. +Smurf exterminator. +So many bytes, so few cps. +So many lawyers, so few bullets. +So many pedestrians, so little time. +So many toys, so little time... +So much time, and so little to do. +Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty. +Software Independent: Won't work with ANY software. +Software means never having to say you're finished +Some Do, Some Don't, Some Will and Some Won't. +Some People.... +Some days you're a bug, other days a windshield. +Some days, nothing goes left. +Some little dipstick stole all my good taglines... +Some minds should be cultivated, others plowed under... +Some people are so nice to be nasty to. +Some people are, through no fault of their own, sane. +Some things have got to be believed to be seen. +Someone is unenthusiastic about your work. +Something is rotten in the state of confusion. +Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. +Sorry about your Rectal-Cranial Inversion. +Sorry, I don't date outside my species. +Sorry... my mind has a few bad sectors. +Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (yep/Nope) +Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so. +Space is big. Really big. +Spaceman Spiff, Interplanetary Explorer! +Speaking only for myself, one of my many tricks. +Spell chequers dew knot work write. +Spice is the variety of life. +Stamp out philately! +Standing there making a sitting target of himself. +Stay Alert. Stay Awake. Stay Alive. +Steal my cash, car and TV - but leave the computer! +Sterility is hereditary. +Stop tagline theft! Copyright your tagline © +Strike any user when ready. +Stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out? +Subvert the dominant paradigm! +Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism. +Sumo Wrestling: survival of the fattest. +Supercalifragilisticexpialidocius +Supernovae are a Blast +Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have! +Support the helpless victims of computers. +Surprise your boss. Get to work on time. +Swish, two, three, four! Swish, two, three, four! +Sylvester Stallone: father of the RISC concept. +THE GOLDEN RULE: He who has the gold makes the rules +TV is chewing gum for the eyes. +Tact: knowing how far to go too far. +Tact: making a point without making an enemy. +Tagline Lotto: 2222222222<- Scratch here for prize. +Tagline theft is a compliment. +Taglines \'tag-linz \ The bumperstickers of the internet +Take a bite out of crime .. Abolish the IRS! +Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. +Take two crows and caw me in the morning +Talk is cheap because Supply exceeds Demand. +Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed. +Teamwork is essential. It gives them another target. +Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day. +Thank you very little. +That ain't so good English! +That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all. +That that is is not that that is not. +That was ZEN -- this is TAO +That'll be $67.50 CCCHHHHHIIIIINNNNGGGG!!!! +That's inches away from being millimeter perfect. +The Borg assimilated me & all I got was this stupid T-Shirt! +The Czech's in the mail. Sending Frenchman by FAX. +The French defense isn't... +The Hubbell works fine; all that stuff IS blurry! +The Lab called,..... Your brain is ready! +The Magic of Windows: Turns a 486 back into a PC/XT. +The Microsoft Motto: 'We're the leaders, wait for us!' +The PARITY CHECK is in the E-MAIL... +The Tour de France! +The UARTs won't take this speed, Captain +The Universe is a big place... perhaps the biggest +The Vatican Express Card. Don't leave Rome without it. +The backup's not over 'til the FAT table sings! +The ballot is stronger than the bullet. +The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. +The best defense against logic is stupidity. +The best defense is to stay out of range. +The best substitute for experience is being sixteen. +The best way to keep friends is not to give them away. +The best way to win an argument is to be right. +The buck doesn't even slow down here! +The cause of problems are solutions! +The cost of feathers has risen... Now even DOWN is up! +The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. +The cream rises to the top. So does the scum... +The days of the digital watch are numbered +The dentist said my wisdom teeth were retarded. +The dreadful burden of having nothing to do. +The evidence before the court is...INCONTROVERTIBLE! +The eyes are the mirror of the soul. +The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it +The first myth of management is that it exists. +The first rule of intelligent tinkering is save all parts! +The fish that escaped is the big one. +The further I go, the behinder I get. +The future isn't what it used to be. +The game's a little bit wide open again. +The gene pool has no lifeguard. +The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door. +The hangman let us down. +The hardest thing about time travel is the grammar. +The heart is wiser than the intellect... +The irony of life is that no one gets out alive... +The large print giveth and the small print taketh away. +The little engineer that could +The longer the title, the less important the job. +The man who begins many things finishes few. +The margin is very marginal. +The meek shall inherit the earth, if that's OK with you +The mind is like a parachute - it works only when open. +The moving cat sheds, and having shed, moves on... +The next thing to do is hang all the consultants. +The only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation. +The option to override self-destruct expir@^%i@&$#NO CARRIER +The pen is mightier than the pencil. +The penalty for bigamy is having two mothers-in-law. +The pendulum has gone full circle. +The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers. +The rich get richer; the poor get babies. +The road to success is always under construction. +The score didn't really reflect the outcome. +The secret of the universe is~~*#~** FF * NO CARRIER +The shortest distance between two points is off the wall +The simple explanation always follows the complex solution +The sixth sheikh's sixth sheep's sick. +The soul would have no heart had the eyes no tears... +The superfluous is very necessary. +The thrill is gone, the thrill is gone baby +The universe is a spheroid region 705 meters in diameter... +The unnatural, that too is natural. +The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle. +The weather is here, wish you were beautiful. +The whole world is about three drinks behind +The world is coming to an end. Please log off. +The worst thing about censorship is **************************. +The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions. +Then somebody spoke, and I went into a dream.... +There are 2 ways to handle women and I know neither. +There are many things I could say... +There are no atheists in the foxholes. +There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work. +There is an exception to every rule, except this one. +There is much Obiwan did not tell you. +There is no dark side of the moon. Really. +There is no finish line. +There is no remedy for fun but more fun! +There is no vaccine against stupidity. +There is something to be said about me: 'Wow!!' +There will be no last bus tonight. +There's a hot place with pitchforks waiting. +There's no future in time travel +There's no such thing as a free lunch, but you can always find someone willing to treat. +There's one in every car... You'll see. +There's one in every crowd and they always find me. +There's safety in numbers/When you learn to divide. +Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary. +They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them! +Things are not what they seem. +Think 'HONK' if you're a telepath. +Think hard now! Which one is Shinola? +This Charlie Brown must have been a very wise man. +This Country Needs Group Therapy. +This ain't no party...this ain't no disco... +This door is baroque; please call Bach later. +This is a Tagline mirror ][ rorrim enilgaT a si sihT +This is abuse. Arguments are down the hall. +This is just a hobby. Perfection is not required. Fun is. +This is not a fairing, it's a force field. +This is only a test. +This is our only tag line. +This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. +This line intentionally left unjustified. +This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88 +This message has been UNIXized for your protection. +This message is SHAREWARE! To Register, send $5. +This message was typed on recycled phosphorous. +This mind intentionally left blank. +This program makes me look like a genius. +This sentence is false. +This tagline does not require Micro$oft Windows. +This tagline intentionally left blank. +This tagline is umop apisdn +This tagline only to be removed by the consumer. +This tagline was created from many little letters. +This tagline was reclaimed and is not yet stolen. +This tagline was written before a live studio audience. +Those who can't write, write manuals. +Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate. +Those who can, do. Those who can't, supervise! +Those who live by the nit, die by the nit +Those without heads do not need hats. +Three can keep a secret, if two are dead. +Tilt your chair back, your breath is effecting my RAM! +Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills. +Time flies like an arrow - Fruit flies like a banana +Time flies when you don't know what you're doing. +Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. +Tis better to be hunter than hunted. +Tis better to have loved a short than to never have loved a tall. +Tis better to have loved and lost than just to have lost. +To be, or not to be, those are the parameters. +To boldly go and watch Star Trek re-runs. +To do nothing is also a good remedy. +To eat is human, to digest, divine. +To err is human, to eat Jello, is messy. +To err is human, to forgive is against company policy. +To err is human. To really screw up it takes a computer. +To err is human. To blame someone else is politics. +To err is human. To moo bovine +To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa. +To iterate is human, to recurse, divine. +To live in the hearts we leave behind, is not to die. +To live well, know the difference between good and evil. +To me personally, it's nothing personal to me. +To shoot a mime, do you use a silencer? +Today is Monday, cleverly disguised as Tuesday. +Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day. +Today is the first day of the rest of this mess. +Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday +Todays subliminal message is ' ' +Tolkien is hobbit-forming. +Tongue tied & twisted, just an earthbound misfit I. +Too bad stupidity isn't painful. +Too much is never enough. +Too much month at the end of the money. +Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. +Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore... +Touch if you must, Pay up if you bust. +Toys are made in heaven, batteries are made in hell. +Trees hit cars only in self-defence. +Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again! +Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes! +Trig..a..name...o...tree!!! +Truck Pulls: for people who cannot understand the WWF +Trust me -- I'm a Lawyer. +Truth is just another misconception. +Truthful: Dumb and illiterate. +Try to get back on topic, he said moderately. +Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo +Try? Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try. +Trying to think of a good tagline... +Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question! +Turn right here. No! NO! The OTHER right! +Turning floppies into hard drives. +Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do. +Two heads are more numerous than one. +Two most common elements: hydrogen, stupidity. +Tyre Shop sign - We Skid You Not. +UART what UEAT! +UNNAMED LAW: If it happens, it must be possible. +Uh, yeah...I MEANT to do that! +Ultimate Question Research Team +Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted! +Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought. +Unix and the world Unix with you; VAX and you VAX alone. +Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes. +Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all. +Until people grow up, they have no idea what's cool +Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa bill. +Users, losers -- what's the difference? +Using yesterday's technology to solve today's problems, tomorrow +VLSI: 'Getting High On Low Voltage' +Vampires Against Mundane Poetry. +Variables won't; constants aren't. +Veni Vidi Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. +Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things. +Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups. +Vote Democratic... It's easier than getting a job. +Vuja De - The Feeling You've Never Been Here +Vulcans have less fun. +Vultures only fly with carrion luggage. +W.A.R.P.: We Are Real Programmers. +WAITER! there's soup in my fly! +WARNING ... drinking tap water can kill your thirst! +WARNING: my messages are offensive to morons! +WINDOWS ERROR #004: Operator fell asleep while waiting. +WWhhaatt ddooeess dduupplleexx mmeeaann?? +WYGIWYD -What you got is what you deserved. +WYTYSYDG-What you thought you saw, you didn't get. +Waiter, there's no fly in my soup! - Kermit +Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser. +Walls impede my progress +Wanna flirt with disaster? Become a SysOp! +Want a LAUGH run a spell check on DSZ docs. +Want a jelly baby? +Want a stupid answer? Ask me anything! +Wanted: Volcano. Average size. Must be active. +War News: Saddam's army blown away by Thai hookers. +Warning: Whimsical when bored +Warning: Politicians can damage your wealth. +Warranty void if tagline removed. +Was today really Necessary? +Wash your face in the morning, neck at night. +Wasting time is an important part of living. +We all live in a yellow subroutine. +We are not a clone. +We are the people our parents warned us about +We don't care. We don't have to. We're Telecom... +We have here the latest in primitive technology. +We seem to have juxtaposed an impasse here +We should limit congressmen to two terms: one in Congress, one in prison +We take drugs very seriously at my house... +We were unanimous - in fact everyone was unanimous. +We'll give you piece de resistance and a tour de force +We're as similar as two dissimilar things in a pod. +We're lost, but we're making good time. +We're staying together for the sake of the cats. +Weeping, I wake; waking, I weep, I weep. +Welcome to Texas, now go home. +Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray +Well cover me in egg & flour and bake me for 14 minutes +What are you doing?!? The message is over,GO AWAY! +What can you do for me? +What color is a chameleon on a mirror? +What could possibly go wrong. +What do batteries run on? +What do you mean that 2 years have passed?? +What do you think? +What does Santa do at a house with no chimney? +What does ignorant mean? +What does this red button do? +What else can you do at 3:00 am? +What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art. +What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over. +What goes up has probably been doused with petrol. +What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull. +What's Irish and stays out all night? Paddy O'Furniture. +What's another word for 'thesaurus?' +What's brown and sticky? A stick! +When 911 won't work .357 will! +When in doubt, think. +When their numbers dwindled from 50 to 8, the dwarfs began to suspect 'Hungry' +When your opponent is down, kick him. +Where does weight go when you lose it? +Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? +Who cares how it plays in Peoria? +Who cares who's on board? +Who glued the cup to the table? +Who is 'they' anyway? +Whosoever diggeth a pit shall falleth therein. +Why am I asking all these things? +Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English? +Why are you looking down here? The joke is above! +Why are you wasting time reading taglines? +Why aren't there many Hannukah specials on tv? +Why can't we just spell it orderves? +Why did you read this? +Why do people cry when they're sad? +Why do they tell us to watch 'The Today Show' tomorrow? +Why do we elect people and then become afraid of them? +Why do we read left to right yet turn pages right to left? +Why do you think they call it 'find'? +Why does it matter if we all put our pants on one leg at a time? +Why does the beginning of your sentence end up in the middle of mine? +Why don't ease, lease, and please sound alike? +Why don't tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike? +Why get even, when you can get odd? +Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? +Why isn't 'palindrome' spelled 'palindromeemordnilap'? +Will Rogers never met a lawyer. +Will the sound of one hand clapping still turn off my TV? +Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat +Windows Error #F99 - CPU too tired to continue... +Windows N'T: as in Wouldn't, Couldn't, and Didn't. +Windows NT: Only 16 megs needed to play Minesweeper! +Windows NT: The world's only 80 megabyte Solitaire game! +Windows NT: Vapourware of the desperate and scared. +Windows error 000 : No errors found! [CLOSE] +Windows is *NOT* a virus. Viruses *DO* something! +Windows is for fun, Linux is for getting things done. +Windows is the best GUI - It always sticks! +Windows isn't CrippleWare -- it's 'Functionally Challenged'. +Windows only crashes itself under Linux. Not the whole machine. +Windows would look better with curtains. +Windows: The answer to a question nobody has ever asked. +Windows: an Unrecoverable Acquisition Error! +WindowsNT: From the makers of Doublespace +Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know. +Wit is cultured insolence. +Without Time, everything would happen at once. +Without music, life would be a mistake. +Women - can't live with 'em and no resale value... +Women do come with instructions; ask them. +Women get minks the same way minks get minks. +Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. +Women! Can't live with 'em and no resale value. +Work off excess energy. Steal something heavy +World ends today at 9:30 pm! Film at 11:00... +Worry : The interest paid on trouble before it's due +Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe +Would I ask you a rhetorical question? +Yes my son, long ago mail was read 1 packet at a time. +You buttered your bread, now lie in it. +You can name your salary here. I call mine Fred. +You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. +You can't have everything...where would you put it? +You hit the nail right between the eyes. +You're it. +You've got to be trusted by the people that you lie to. +Young gorillas are friendly, but they soon learn. +Your E-Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage! +Youth is a gift of nature. Age is a work of art. +Yuk, what kind of dumb menu system is that? Oh, so that is Windows! +Zen T-Shirt: Enlightenment Available - Enquire Within +[DISCLAIMER: my fingers are epileptic] +[If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses] +hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? +Serenity through viciousness. +FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!! +Include me out. +YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!! +'That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver' -- Foghorn Leghorn +Pardon me while I laugh. +Vegeterians beware! You are what you eat. +Marriage is the sole cause of divorce. +'From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.' -- Dr. Seuss +You'll be sorry... +The world is coming to an end. Please log off. +UH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS! +I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance. +Paranoia is heightened awareness. +The things that interest people most are usually none of their business. diff --git a/files/sample/blootbot.chan b/files/sample/blootbot.chan deleted file mode 100644 index b0fe8b6..0000000 --- a/files/sample/blootbot.chan +++ /dev/null @@ -1,96 +0,0 @@ -#v1: blootbot -- infobot -- written Sat Jan 21 06:17:24 2006 - -#botpark - -OnJoin - +RootWarn - +autojoin - -#debian-bots - +News - +RootWarn - +chanlimitcheck - chanlimitcheckInterval 10 - chanlimitcheckPlus 10 - factoidDeleteDelay 7 - ircTextCounters heh hah :) ? hi lol - +joinfloodCheck - limitcheckInterval 10 - limitcheckPlus 10 - newsDefaultExpire 7 - +newsKeepRead - +newsNotifyAll - rootWarnMode aggressive - -_default - +BZFlag - +Debian - +DebianExtra - +Dict - +Exchange - +Factoids - +HTTPDtype - +Kernel - +Math - +OnJoin - +Plug - +Quote - +Rss - +Search - +Topic - +Units - +UserInfo - +W3Search - +Weather - +Zippy - addressCharacter ~ - +allowConv - +allowTelling - +babelfish - +botmail - +case - +cookie - +countdown - debianRefreshInterval 7 - +dice - +dns - +factoidArguments - factoidSearch $chan _default - floodMessages 10:30 - floodRepeat 2:10 - +freshmeat - freshmeatRefreshInterval 24 - +insult - +karma - +lart - +limitcheck - +log - maxListReplyCount 15 - maxListReplyLength 400 - +md5 - minVolunteerLength 50 - +nickometer - +pager - +piglatin - randomFactoidInterval 60 - randomQuoteInterval 60 - +reverse - +scramble - +sed - +seen - seenFlushInterval 60 - seenMaxDays 90 - +seenStats - +seenStoreAll - sendNoticeLimitBytes 1000 - sendNoticeLimitLines 3 - sendPrivateLimitBytes 1000 - sendPrivateLimitLines 3 - sendPublicLimitBytes 1000 - sendPublicLimitLines 3 - +slashdot - +spell - +tell - +wtf - +zfi - +zsi - diff --git a/files/sample/blootbot.config b/files/sample/blootbot.config deleted file mode 100644 index d3ccffa..0000000 --- a/files/sample/blootbot.config +++ /dev/null @@ -1,227 +0,0 @@ -# blootbot configuration file, modify it to your own taste. blootbot reads -# this file from files/blootbot.config so it should be moved there. - -##### -# Basic IRC info -##### -set ircNick blootbot -set ircUser blootbot -set ircName blootbot experimental bot -# if your irc network requires a password to get on the servers -#set ircPasswd SomePassword -set ircUMode +iw - -# if not using a virtualhost set to 0.0.0.0 -# otherwise IRC::Connection might try localhost which will NOT work -###set ircHost vh.virtualhost.org -set ircHost 0.0.0.0 - -set owner OWNER - -# nickserv/chanserv support. -###set nickServ_pass PASSWORD -###set chanServ_ops #chan1 #chan2 - -# default quit message. -set quitMsg adios amigos - -# path to a temporary directory which blootbot can use. -set tempDir /tmp - -##### -# Factoid database configuration -##### - -# [str] Ability to remember/tell factoids -# none -- disable. -# mysql -- ... -# SQLite -- SQLite (libdbd-sqlite-perl) (might be version 2 or 3) -# SQLite2 -- SQLite (libdbd-sqlite-perl) (force version 2) -# pgsql -- postgresql (SUPPORTED and TESTED!!!) -### REQUIRED by factoids,freshmeat,karma,seen,... -set DBType mysql - -# [str] SQLite filename prefix // MYSQL/PGSQL database. -# eg: blootbot-factoids, blootbot-seen -# eg: /var/db/mysql/blootbot/factoids.* -set DBName blootbot - -# [str] Hostname of database server (unset for SQLite) -set SQLHost localhost - -# [str] SQL user allowed to insert,update,delete stuff from tables. (unset for SQLite) -set SQLUser blootbot - -# [str] SQL password. (unset for SQLite) -set SQLPass PASSWORD - -# [str] SQL debug file. "-" for stdout may work on some platforms -###set SQLDebug SQL_debug.log - -##### -# Logfile configuration -##### - -# [file] where to put logging info. comment out to disable. -#set logfile log/$ircUser.log -set logfile log/ - -# [str] Type of logging. -# DAILY -- Create a new log each day. -# DEFAULT -- One continuous log file. -set logType DAILY - -# [int] Maximum log size, if logfile is defined, in bytes. -set maxLogSize 10000000 - -##### -# Factoid-related configuration -##### - -# [bool] Factoid support. -set factoids true - -# [days] if not 0, number of days until factoid is deleted for good. -set factoidDeleteDelay 0 - -# [int] maximum length of factoid key. -set maxKeySize 32 - -# [int] maximum length of factoid value. -set maxDataSize 450 - -# [str] when should the bot bother learning new factoids. -# ADDRESSED -- only learn when addressed. -# HUNGRY -- learn irrelevent of addressing. this will catch -# _everything_, use at your own risk. -set learn ADDRESSED - -# [str] different behaviour with URLs. -# REQUIRE -- means it will need to be a url type (e.g. file:, http:) -# OPTIONAL -- will take anything -# REJECT -- will not accept any urls. this makes it easy to -# run 2 with different nicks and styles. -# ^^^ what's the point of this??? -set acceptUrl OPTIONAL - -# [bool] profanity checking. -set profanityCheck false - -# [0/1] tell so-and-so about such-and-such of a factoid. -set allowTelling 1 - -# [str] other bots to ask for factoids which they may have. -#set friendlyBots url purl script mrapi - -##### -# Factoid related and unrelated features, mainly Extras. -##### - -# [str] addressing is when you name the bot. FIXME: -# REQUIRE -- the bot only does something if addressed. -# OPTIONAL -- the bot responds (does not learn) irrelevent of -# addressing. -set addressing REQUIRE - -# [str] how the bot should send messages. -# PRIVATE -- reply to private messages only, rejecting public msgs. -# DEFAULT -- reply to public _and_ private queries. -set talkMethod DEFAULT - -# [str] how long the output string should be before it is changed from -# public to private. -# "+" before bot commands overrides this option temporarily. -###set minLengthBeforePrivate 192 - -# [0/1] allow people outside any channels the bot is on to use the bot -# for factoids and commands. -set disallowOutsiders 1 - -# [int] Amount of time for auto-ignore (flooding) to expire. -set ignoreAutoExpire 5 - -# [int] Amount of time for forced-online ignore to expire. minutes. -set ignoreTempExpire 60 - -##### -# Internal (simple) bot commands -##### - -# [0/1] Forking... disable for non-nix OS or to reduce mem usage. -# Disabling should make the bot work on Win32 and MacOS. -set forking 1 - -# [int] Backlog... ideal to see what happened to the bot on console. -# maximum number of lines to backlog. -set backlog 24 - -##### -# Extra features -##### - -# [str] anything which requires LWP + http proxy. -###set httpProxy http://HOSTNAME:PORT/ - -# [0/1] countdown to specific dates -set countdown true - -# [0/1] Debian file and package search. -# FIXME: should be a channel option -set Debian true - -# [0/1] Freshmeat -set freshmeat false -# [int] how often to update the freshmeat table, in hours. -set freshmeatRefreshInterval 24 - -# [bool] if factoid does not exist, check freshmeat for it. -set freshmeatForFactoid false - -# [0/1] Uptime logs -set Uptime true - -##### -# Miscellaneous configuration options -##### - -# [int] Display a bit too much info about stuff. -# 0 -- disable. -# 1 -- standard. -# 2 -- extra. -set VERBOSITY 1 - -# [0/1] Warn messages. -set WARN 1 - -# [0/1] Debugging messages. -set DEBUG 0 - -# [0/1] Work In Progress... -set WIP 0 - -# strict perl? -set useStrict 1 - -# debugging... -###set DumpVars 1 -###set dumpvarsAtExit 1 -# log to specific file or global log file. -###set dumpvarsLogFile dumpvars.log -# more debugging -###set DumpVars2 1 -###set symdumpLogFile log/dumpvars2.log - -# [str] Interface: [IRC/CLI] -# IRC -- Internet Relay Chat -# CLI -- Command Line Interface -set Interface IRC - -# [0/1] Show topic author (troubled) -# If 1, topics managed with !topic add foo will show the nick in ()'s -# If 0, the nick of the creator will be recorded for !topic list, but not shown in the topic itself -set topicAuthor 1 - -#### -# Now modify blootbot.chan for per-channel specific configuration see -# sample.chans for info. -#### diff --git a/files/sample/blootbot.countdown b/files/sample/blootbot.countdown deleted file mode 100644 index f127682..0000000 --- a/files/sample/blootbot.countdown +++ /dev/null @@ -1,12 +0,0 @@ -# countdown file. -20001225 christmas Christmas -20000914 olympics Opening ceremony of Olympics in Sydney, Australia -20000704 america Independence Day -20000501 potato Proposed release of Debian GNU/Linux Potato 2.2 -20000420 2.4 Hopeful debut of 2.4.0 kernel -20000315 xfree4.0 XFree86 4.0 core release -20000217 win2k Evil Empire's Release of deadly OS -20000126 australia Australia Day -20000119 crusoe Transmeta comes out of hiding -20000115 freeze Debian (GNU/Linux) Potato version 2.2 stabilization begins -20000101 y2k Year 2000 diff --git a/files/sample/blootbot.servers b/files/sample/blootbot.servers deleted file mode 100644 index 648b010..0000000 --- a/files/sample/blootbot.servers +++ /dev/null @@ -1,7 +0,0 @@ -### -# blootbot.servers: line separated list of servers to connect to -### - -irc.freenode.net -irc.home.org -irc.linux.com diff --git a/files/sample/blootbot.users b/files/sample/blootbot.users deleted file mode 100644 index 59f7b1e..0000000 --- a/files/sample/blootbot.users +++ /dev/null @@ -1,22 +0,0 @@ -#v1: blootbot -- blootbot -- written Mon Feb 28 23:46:48 2005 - -_default ---FLAGS amrt ---HOSTS *!*@* - -local ---FLAGS Aemnorst ---HOSTS local!local@local ---PASS xxfxfIfoJHdYg - -timriker ---FLAGS Aemnorst ---HOSTS *!~timr@TimRiker.active.supporter.pdpc ---PASS xxfxfIfoJHdYg - -xk ---FLAGS emnorst ---HOSTS *!xk@example.com ---HOSTS *!xk@superbox.home.org ---PASS 5K/rmJPzwxJhU - diff --git a/files/sample/infobot.chan b/files/sample/infobot.chan new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ece64f7 --- /dev/null +++ b/files/sample/infobot.chan @@ -0,0 +1,95 @@ +#v1.5.0: infobot + +#botpark + -OnJoin + +RootWarn + +autojoin + +#debian-bots + +News + +RootWarn + +chanlimitcheck + chanlimitcheckInterval 10 + chanlimitcheckPlus 10 + factoidDeleteDelay 7 + ircTextCounters heh hah :) ? hi lol + +joinfloodCheck + limitcheckInterval 10 + limitcheckPlus 10 + newsDefaultExpire 7 + +newsKeepRead + +newsNotifyAll + rootWarnMode aggressive + +_default + +BZFlag + +Debian + +DebianExtra + +Dict + +Exchange + +Factoids + +HTTPDtype + +Kernel + +Math + +OnJoin + +Plug + +Quote + +Rss + +Search + +Topic + +Units + +UserInfo + +W3Search + +Weather + +Zippy + addressCharacter ~ + +allowConv + +allowTelling + +babelfish + +botmail + +case + +cookie + +countdown + debianRefreshInterval 7 + +dice + +dns + +factoidArguments + factoidSearch $chan _default + floodMessages 10:30 + floodRepeat 2:10 + +freshmeat + freshmeatRefreshInterval 24 + +insult + +karma + +lart + +limitcheck + +log + maxListReplyCount 15 + maxListReplyLength 400 + +md5 + minVolunteerLength 50 + +nickometer + +pager + +piglatin + randomFactoidInterval 60 + randomQuoteInterval 60 + +reverse + +scramble + +sed + +seen + seenFlushInterval 60 + seenMaxDays 90 + +seenStats + +seenStoreAll + sendNoticeLimitBytes 1000 + sendNoticeLimitLines 3 + sendPrivateLimitBytes 1000 + sendPrivateLimitLines 3 + sendPublicLimitBytes 1000 + sendPublicLimitLines 3 + +slashdot + +spell + +tell + +wtf + +zfi + +zsi diff --git a/files/sample/infobot.config b/files/sample/infobot.config new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ce166f1 --- /dev/null +++ b/files/sample/infobot.config @@ -0,0 +1,227 @@ +# infobot configuration file, modify it to your own taste. infobot reads +# this file from files/infobot.config so it should be moved there. + +##### +# Basic IRC info +##### +set ircNick infobot +set ircUser infobot +set ircName infobot experimental bot +# if your irc network requires a password to get on the servers +#set ircPasswd SomePassword +set ircUMode +iw + +# if not using a virtualhost set to 0.0.0.0 +# otherwise IRC::Connection might try localhost which will NOT work +###set ircHost vh.virtualhost.org +set ircHost 0.0.0.0 + +set owner OWNER + +# nickserv/chanserv support. +###set nickServ_pass PASSWORD +###set chanServ_ops #chan1 #chan2 + +# default quit message. +set quitMsg adios amigos + +# path to a temporary directory which infobot can use. +set tempDir /tmp + +##### +# Factoid database configuration +##### + +# [str] Ability to remember/tell factoids +# none -- disable. +# mysql -- ... +# SQLite -- SQLite (libdbd-sqlite-perl) (might be version 2 or 3) +# SQLite2 -- SQLite (libdbd-sqlite-perl) (force version 2) +# pgsql -- postgresql (SUPPORTED and TESTED!!!) +### REQUIRED by factoids,freshmeat,karma,seen,... +set DBType mysql + +# [str] SQLite filename prefix // MYSQL/PGSQL database. +# eg: infobot-factoids, infobot-seen +# eg: /var/db/mysql/infobot/factoids.* +set DBName infobot + +# [str] Hostname of database server (unset for SQLite) +set SQLHost localhost + +# [str] SQL user allowed to insert,update,delete stuff from tables. (unset for SQLite) +set SQLUser infobot + +# [str] SQL password. (unset for SQLite) +set SQLPass PASSWORD + +# [str] SQL debug file. "-" for stdout may work on some platforms +###set SQLDebug SQL_debug.log + +##### +# Logfile configuration +##### + +# [file] where to put logging info. comment out to disable. +#set logfile log/$ircUser.log +set logfile log/ + +# [str] Type of logging. +# DAILY -- Create a new log each day. +# DEFAULT -- One continuous log file. +set logType DAILY + +# [int] Maximum log size, if logfile is defined, in bytes. +set maxLogSize 10000000 + +##### +# Factoid-related configuration +##### + +# [bool] Factoid support. +set factoids true + +# [days] if not 0, number of days until factoid is deleted for good. +set factoidDeleteDelay 0 + +# [int] maximum length of factoid key. +set maxKeySize 32 + +# [int] maximum length of factoid value. +set maxDataSize 450 + +# [str] when should the bot bother learning new factoids. +# ADDRESSED -- only learn when addressed. +# HUNGRY -- learn irrelevent of addressing. this will catch +# _everything_, use at your own risk. +set learn ADDRESSED + +# [str] different behaviour with URLs. +# REQUIRE -- means it will need to be a url type (e.g. file:, http:) +# OPTIONAL -- will take anything +# REJECT -- will not accept any urls. this makes it easy to +# run 2 with different nicks and styles. +# ^^^ what's the point of this??? +set acceptUrl OPTIONAL + +# [bool] profanity checking. +set profanityCheck false + +# [0/1] tell so-and-so about such-and-such of a factoid. +set allowTelling 1 + +# [str] other bots to ask for factoids which they may have. +#set friendlyBots url purl script mrapi + +##### +# Factoid related and unrelated features, mainly Extras. +##### + +# [str] addressing is when you name the bot. FIXME: +# REQUIRE -- the bot only does something if addressed. +# OPTIONAL -- the bot responds (does not learn) irrelevent of +# addressing. +set addressing REQUIRE + +# [str] how the bot should send messages. +# PRIVATE -- reply to private messages only, rejecting public msgs. +# DEFAULT -- reply to public _and_ private queries. +set talkMethod DEFAULT + +# [str] how long the output string should be before it is changed from +# public to private. +# "+" before bot commands overrides this option temporarily. +###set minLengthBeforePrivate 192 + +# [0/1] allow people outside any channels the bot is on to use the bot +# for factoids and commands. +set disallowOutsiders 1 + +# [int] Amount of time for auto-ignore (flooding) to expire. +set ignoreAutoExpire 5 + +# [int] Amount of time for forced-online ignore to expire. minutes. +set ignoreTempExpire 60 + +##### +# Internal (simple) bot commands +##### + +# [0/1] Forking... disable for non-nix OS or to reduce mem usage. +# Disabling should make the bot work on Win32 and MacOS. +set forking 1 + +# [int] Backlog... ideal to see what happened to the bot on console. +# maximum number of lines to backlog. +set backlog 24 + +##### +# Extra features +##### + +# [str] anything which requires LWP + http proxy. +###set httpProxy http://HOSTNAME:PORT/ + +# [0/1] countdown to specific dates +set countdown true + +# [0/1] Debian file and package search. +# FIXME: should be a channel option +set Debian true + +# [0/1] Freshmeat +set freshmeat false +# [int] how often to update the freshmeat table, in hours. +set freshmeatRefreshInterval 24 + +# [bool] if factoid does not exist, check freshmeat for it. +set freshmeatForFactoid false + +# [0/1] Uptime logs +set Uptime true + +##### +# Miscellaneous configuration options +##### + +# [int] Display a bit too much info about stuff. +# 0 -- disable. +# 1 -- standard. +# 2 -- extra. +set VERBOSITY 1 + +# [0/1] Warn messages. +set WARN 1 + +# [0/1] Debugging messages. +set DEBUG 0 + +# [0/1] Work In Progress... +set WIP 0 + +# strict perl? +set useStrict 1 + +# debugging... +###set DumpVars 1 +###set dumpvarsAtExit 1 +# log to specific file or global log file. +###set dumpvarsLogFile dumpvars.log +# more debugging +###set DumpVars2 1 +###set symdumpLogFile log/dumpvars2.log + +# [str] Interface: [IRC/CLI] +# IRC -- Internet Relay Chat +# CLI -- Command Line Interface +set Interface IRC + +# [0/1] Show topic author (troubled) +# If 1, topics managed with !topic add foo will show the nick in ()'s +# If 0, the nick of the creator will be recorded for !topic list, but not shown in the topic itself +set topicAuthor 1 + +#### +# Now modify infobot.chan for per-channel specific configuration see +# sample.chans for info. +#### diff --git a/files/sample/infobot.countdown b/files/sample/infobot.countdown new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f127682 --- /dev/null +++ b/files/sample/infobot.countdown @@ -0,0 +1,12 @@ +# countdown file. +20001225 christmas Christmas +20000914 olympics Opening ceremony of Olympics in Sydney, Australia +20000704 america Independence Day +20000501 potato Proposed release of Debian GNU/Linux Potato 2.2 +20000420 2.4 Hopeful debut of 2.4.0 kernel +20000315 xfree4.0 XFree86 4.0 core release +20000217 win2k Evil Empire's Release of deadly OS +20000126 australia Australia Day +20000119 crusoe Transmeta comes out of hiding +20000115 freeze Debian (GNU/Linux) Potato version 2.2 stabilization begins +20000101 y2k Year 2000 diff --git a/files/sample/infobot.servers b/files/sample/infobot.servers new file mode 100644 index 0000000..93767ca --- /dev/null +++ b/files/sample/infobot.servers @@ -0,0 +1,7 @@ +### +# infobot.servers: line separated list of servers to connect to +### + +irc.freenode.net +irc.home.org +irc.linux.com diff --git a/files/sample/infobot.users b/files/sample/infobot.users new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9f30e78 --- /dev/null +++ b/files/sample/infobot.users @@ -0,0 +1,25 @@ +#v1.5.0: infobot -- written Mon Feb 28 23:46:48 2005 +# Please edit to your needs. +# "local" is used for CLI mode +# Passwords can be generated with mkpasswd in linux + +_default +--FLAGS amrt +--HOSTS *!*@* + +local +--FLAGS Aemnorst +--HOSTS local!local@local +--PASS xxfxfIfoJHdYg + +timriker +--FLAGS Aemnorst +--HOSTS *!~timr@TimRiker.active.supporter.pdpc +--PASS xxfxfIfoJHdYg + +xk +--FLAGS emnorst +--HOSTS *!xk@example.com +--HOSTS *!xk@superbox.home.org +--PASS 5K/rmJPzwxJhU +