From 65e03aef48d57e0a59ef71e1410ba1d520034dfd Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Don Armstrong Date: Wed, 11 Oct 2017 21:20:28 -0700 Subject: [PATCH] remove offensive quotes --- signature_stuff/offensive_quotes.txt | 132 --------------------------- 1 file changed, 132 deletions(-) delete mode 100644 signature_stuff/offensive_quotes.txt diff --git a/signature_stuff/offensive_quotes.txt b/signature_stuff/offensive_quotes.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 65f1bbe..0000000 --- a/signature_stuff/offensive_quotes.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,132 +0,0 @@ - do you know how to solve a fucking error with fam and gnome2? - fucking error, hey? Have you tried viagra? -% - gelileo: read the fucking exim docs -* dondelelcaro didn't know that exim's docs contained the kamasutra as well... -% - I saw a squirrel the other day which was the size of a small cat - I think I'll contract it out as a mercenary -% -"Impotent?" the radio said. "Unable to achieve an orgasm? Hardovax -will turn disappointment into joy." Another voice, then, that of a -miserable male. "Gosh, Sally, I don't know what's been the matter with -me. I know you've notied that I'm completely flaccid of late. Gosh -everyone's noticed." A female voice, then. "Henry, what you need is a -simple pill called hardovax. And in days you'll be a real man." -"Hardovax?" Henry echoed. "Gosh, maybe I should try it." - -- Phillip K. Dick _Intergalactic Pot-Healer_ -% -[As] a fun trick [He] might instantly create the world with trillions of -fossils and fill outer space with countless photons all hinting that the -universe is old and higher life evolved from lower life, then reserve the -actual truth to a 20th-generation copy of one particular enigmatic book out -of a selection of dozens of similar but false enigmatic books. If that's the -case, then reality is so bizarre that there's no use arguing; clearly the -world would be a minefield of false evidence and logical traps. - -- Anonymous Coward /. CID: #10686935 -% -"Bus signs stopped me from fucking children" - -From http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,65772,00.html - - The panelists all agreed that the government should fund health - campaigns to educate the public about the dangers of - pornography. The campaign should combat the messages of pornography - by putting signs on buses saying sex with children is not OK, said - Layden. - -"I was gonna go fuck the neighbor boy, but the bus sign reminded me -not to," testified recovering child fucker N. Curable Sicko. "Until -now, nothing had been able to stop me from having my way with them, -not even the prospect of being sent to prison where I'd be raped -constantly. Now, with the bus signs, I'm able to control my urges." - - -- Alter Relationship /. CID: #10872139 -% -"This serenely beautiful young lady [...] was scented with some -perfume which may have been named Spring Breezes but should have been -called Justifiable Rape and sold only under doctor's prescription." - -- Robert Heinlein _Time Enough for Love_ p 214 -% -When the strain becomes TOO MUCH it's because Hitrip of California -bred it to have less stalk per ounce, more clean-queen leaf. Ask "The -Man who's Married to Mary Jane"! - -- John Brunner _Stand on Zanzibar_ p. 3 -% -Do your slax sufficiently convey your natural power--at a glance? If -you're wearing MasQ-Lines, the answer's yes. Tired of half measures, -we at MasQ-Line Crop. have put the codpiece back where it belongs, to -say to the shiggies not kidder but codder. - -- John Brunner _Stand on Zanzibar_ p. 4 -% -This is the fundamental difference between Democrats and Republicans: -Democrats believe that the answer to a problem is to decry it as a -social wrong and then waste money on easily exploited governmental -programs. Republicans believe that the answer to a problem is to -declare war on it and waste money on specific contractors in the -military industrial complex. - -- Adapted from Anonymous Coward on /. CID: #13639761 -% -Who Would Jesus Do? -% -Channel 9 had on the Dead Baby Hour. That's what I call it. I'ts an -infomercialthat shows pictures of dead babies in buckets while the -narrator talks about liberal homosexual baby killers. It's so gross -but you keep watching it because you can't believe how disgusting it -is. - -- Lola Hart in Jack Womak's _Random Acts of Senseless Violence_ -% -squid make poor wives -all those arms are good for cuddling -but no one wants -a beak job - -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_may19_2006.htm -% -the best time to skinny dip alone is dusk -your breasts and hips lolling in the water, waiting -to be the next Loch Ness monster sighting - -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_may12_2006.htm -% -when my mother died -we flew her home -where there's no law -against animatronic -taxidermy - -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_aug26_2005.htm -% -when we kiss I can hear your thoughts -so I would rather we didn't - -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_jul22_2005.htm -% -We bet him five dolars that he would drown. -A bittersweet victory. - -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_jul9_2004.htm -% -I told everyone I built my robot wife for sex -but late at night when we're alone -we mostly play battleship. - -- http://www.asofterworld.com/soft_may21_2004.htm -% -"...Yet terrible as UNIX addiction is, there are worse fates. If UNIX -is the heroin of operating systems, then VMS is barbiturate addiction, the -Mac is MDMA, and MS-DOS is sniffing glue. (Windows is filling your sinuses -with lucite and letting it set.) You owe the Oracle a twelve-step program." - --The Usenet Oracle -% -I wish seeing you naked -was as good -as wishing I could see you naked - -- a softer world #502 - http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=502 -% -In the group was a man who sought carnal knowledge of blimps. He had -been arrested three times for trying to fuck the Goodyear dirigible. -Even among his own kind he was looked on with distaste; unable to find -the species of sex partners his pathology demanded, he had grown -steadily more perverted and had taken to attacking helicopters; the -mere mention of an autogyro gave him a noticeable erection. - -- Harlan Ellison "Neon" (_Deathbird Stories_ p65) -% -Your village called. -They want their idiot back. - -- xkcd http://xkcd.com/c23.html -- 2.39.2